First Summer: Sleeping Over

I knew the locals had already pinned me as effectively belonging to Greg. So that kept most of them at bay, but the competitive spirit in me told me that when we sat together I was a very poor second in attracting the attention of less knowledgeable outsiders. That's not to say I was looking for anything on the side other than some recognition of my own desirability. It was funny watching a guy get brushed gently off by Kate and then looking across to me wondering if it was too late to have a go at what I'm sure he considered to be the second best option.

I was lucky that I was confident enough to observe all this in a detached analytical manner and with the knowledge that there are some things you just shouldn't try competing against.

I couldn't detect the presence of a permanent boyfriend. Indeed I rather got the impression Greg was in one her higher levels of male friendship. Only a few males were dealt with in as tactile a way as he and I were. She clearly enjoyed male attention, company and sexual favours, but only on her own terms.

There was another aspect to Kate that I detected in all of this. It wasn't something I could put my finger on, but I just felt that to a certain extent what she presented to the world was a front. Not a manipulative one; rather one that hid a deeper hurt or loss. If I was right about that I sensed she wasn't readily going to admit me to any insight of what that was; I actually doubted anyone would know of it.

I also got to see something of her mother. In one aspect Greg was clearly right. She was very much her mother's daughter. You could see in her mother a shadow of the same stunning beauty Kate now was. While time had not been kind to her, I thought Greg had been a little harsh in his judgment. She was still attractive, still one who wore bikinis not that different from those Kate wore. But you could see how a full figure had become somewhat more solid and how gravity, cellulite and childbearing had degraded the quality of her looks. In one respect Greg's words rang true. Kate might presently have the advantage over me in the dreamboat stakes, but I thought my mother was better looking than hers; at least to my eyes. There was also a sadness about Kate's mother that disturbed me.

Naturally Greg got to follow all this as I related to him what I'd been up to each day while he was at work. When I felt the groundwork with Kate had gone far enough I decided to tackle him directly on the issue that had been bothering me.

"Greg I want you to know I'm completely relaxed about your friendship with Kate. What I saw that day down the beach was a lovely interaction between friends and I don't want to feel you need be deprived of that. It was a silly moment of insecurity on my part. Now I know how you feel about me there's no reason for me to worry any more. I don't know what more I can do to make Kate feel as though she can be relaxed and normal with you, but if there is something let me know. Maybe you should be the one to take the lead and demonstrate to her that I'm not concerned by how you two interact even in front of me"

We were sitting side by side on the beach as we spoke and Greg leaned in to me and gave me a kiss.

"What was that for?"

"For being such a lovely person"

"Well I have always deeply regretted how I carried on that day. I know these things can be very hard to undo and I can see what a good friend Kate is to you."

"I'm sure it will sort itself out with a little time, but I think what you've done and said will make it that much easier"

"Greg, I've really come to like Kate. I think she's a delightful person, even though I think she's hiding some deeply buried pain there. You hinted before that you'd seen a different aspect to her. What made you only go out together once?"

"I invited her to our year 10 formal. At that time we were in different groups at school and she sat on the table with my group. One of the girls who was a friend of mine had a very longstanding boyfriend there from outside the school and they were sitting opposite. Kate spent the whole night talking intensely to him as if she was trying to crack on to him. I couldn't even get her away to have a dance and the other girl was certainly not going to leave the table while Kate was there with her boyfriend.

I'm not sure why she behaved like that. Personally I'd always thought the guy was a bit of a jerk and my friend could do better; but you just don't do that to a date, especially one who was meant to be a friend. Of course I wondered if I had done something wrong. The only thing I could think of was that I'd put a hand on her thigh while we were sitting alongside each other and maybe she thought I was wanting to feel her up. Still, since I never actually touched anything inappropriate, I thought it a bit of an overreaction.

I suppose I've never admitted to you just how insanely shy I was about initiating physical contact with girls. Fact is for many years I could go out with them many times without so much as putting an arm around them or kissing them goodnight. In retrospect they probably thought I was a little weird, but I just took a while to work out what was normal. Crazy of me I know, but at the time a hand on the top of her thigh seemed less forward to me than one around her back. So I certainly wasn't intending to feel her up, even if she didn't know that.

Anyway, I did still really value Kate's company as a friend, but I realised she was a high risk proposition for anything more.

You obviously think about these things and as I watched her over the years I've come to suspect that she might have been traumatised by something in her parent's divorce. I've even wondered if her father behaved inappropriately to her - although that was just a wild guess so you shouldn't make anything of it.

You may have noticed how protective her mother is of her while still being a rather sad case herself"

Wow, that was quite a story. Still it seemed Greg had detected in her much the same pain as I had. I wasn't sure I'd rush to any conclusion about her father, but it did make me reflect on how lucky both Greg and I were with our families.

"When did you lose your shyness?"

"It wouldn't be far wrong to answer 'the day I meet you'. As I admitted to you before even if I didn't give you all the embarrassing details, I thought it was incredibly bold of me to even have kissed you that day. To have set out to touch you more intimately was inconceivable. The day just sort of worked out as it did by a series of accidents"

I shuffled my body up next to him as closely as I could. I wondered if I could ever admit to him they may not entirely have been accidents.

"Have I corrupted you?"

"Karen, you've made life perfect for me. I'd say I'm probably the one who's corrupted you except that would suggest we're doing something wrong and I certainly don't think of it like that. You've taught me is more how I'd put it"

Greg did as I suggested and took the initiative in instigating a more relaxed relationship with Kate again. As a result, it wasn't long before the three of us would be hanging out together. But my personal friendship with Kate also continued to blossom. I'd never really had someone I would tag as a BFF before; or at least not since primary school anyway. But to my surprise Kate rapidly became that.

Because she was such an awesome female, it wasn't at first apparent to me why I'd get that privilege. I'm perfectly happy to admit my lack of female friends lies entirely in my own personality - boring, reserved and shy at least in a group context.

But I came to realise there were factors that isolated Kate too. Put bluntly, my reading was that girls found her too hard to compete with and were unwilling to be the perpetual Cinderella alongside her. And she was well aware that guys just wanted to get into her pants; something she was willing to let selected ones do on her terms, but she knew was no basis for a friendship. It was almost as though Greg was the only guy she knew truly interested in her without wanting to take her to bed, which was why she held him so close as a friend. Ironically I suspected he might also have been the only guy she wanted but knew she couldn't get.

As we talked over the weeks she also dropped a hint of why I had been so readily accepted. While I tried to hide it when she told me, I was incredibly chuffed when she said that Greg had acquired a glowing confidence since he started going out with me; adding for good effect that she thought I unbelievably good for him.

I was dying to get her perspective on the year 10 formal that had made Greg so wary of romantic entanglement with her. And yet it was more than sensitivity that held me back. The last thing I wanted to find out and have both Greg and Kate discover was that it was all a monumental misunderstanding; that their romantic estrangement was based on a false premise. I didn't really think that was right anyway; I could clearly see Kate's style of love life would be a big turn off to Greg. But it was still not a place I wanted to go.

I in turn found myself opening up to her. Letting Greg know how important that first day had been was cathartic. But it still carried an excitement for me that I missed sharing with someone who wasn't there. Let's face it; I really wanted to boast about it to someone. For some things mothers will do - but not for this.

And so eventually I got to tell Kate; about how I was a virgin, about how I'd been scared of having sex for the first time, about how good a lover Greg has been and even a bit about how I'd brought about the eventually seduction. But above all I got to let out to someone what a fantastic special memorable experience it had been. Only Greg's secret remained that; his own loss of virginity that day.

Of course some of you might be thinking "was I crazy" telling my boyfriend's own BFF what a great lover he was. But it really just shows how much I'd grown to trust both Greg and Kate; helped along by the knowledge that come University term it was me he was returning to classes with.

Kate shared her own experiences with me too; in a way that almost made me feel guilty about telling her how special the first day with Greg has been. She'd lost her virginity at 16; a painful, unromantic and not particularly pleasurable experience with a guy a few years older. She lamented how few guys seemed to know where a clit was or what to with it and how often they completely overestimated their own ability as lovers; it was usually up to her to find her own pleasure in an encounter. I would have liked to have been able to contribute to her laments about the opposite sex, but simply didn't have the background to do it.

At yet in some ways I wondered if Kate was also being a bit tough in her judgements. Greg is an incredibly thoughtful and fast learning lover. But even so, unless he's going to finger me to a climax, the only way I'm usually able to get there is by being on top so I can control the way my clit comes up against his pubis. Greg's always tries to duplicate the movement when he's on top, but I fully understand he can't really feel what I'm feeling, so there no immediate feedback on whether its working; if my bum's on a pillow so I get a better angle with my hips or there's some other factor making it work better or heightening my arousal than so much the better. But him on top is not a reliable way for me to get there.

It really just comes down to the fact that penetration, while incredibly important to the feeling of sharing sex, isn't of itself isn't what gets most girls there. Greg and I have both tried for the G Spot thing and while I think I might have activated the zone, I can't say it's got me there yet.

I was tempted to ask Kate to do a more forensic analysis of what a dud lover was since I had nothing to compare against. Kate was no shrinking violet. I'm sure she could put herself on top and find her own stimulation whenever she wanted; so unless the guy ignored the need for foreplay, resisted her attempts to get on top and just completely looked after his own pleasure I had trouble picturing how these things panned out. Much as it might have been instructive for me, I hesitated with the question and the moment passed.

As was always the case with Kate, any downer in spirit was momentary. With a change of topic she was back to her normal uplifting self.