First Year After Ch. 02

"You knew about that?" I asked.

"Oh, god, yes. I woke as your dick expanded under my fingers, then couldn't dare move, and didn't really want to. I was already wet from my dreams when I woke, and it might even have been my scent that got you hard, without you being conscious of it. Or it could just have been morning wood, doesn't much matter, although I prefer thinking you got hard because of me. It was so cute the way you squirmed to get out from under my arm and hand. I got to touch your cock and your ass the same day? I actually thought the word 'scrumptious', and knew from that moment on that I was yours if you wanted me. I just didn't know if you did."

I had to chuckle, at her view of that event that had so mortified me.

She continued, "But at the same time, the word 'incest' did keep butting in, and at first I was afraid that if I told you how I was feeling and thinking about you, that you'd... you'd run away screaming and never see me again, and I just couldn't afford to lose you, not on top of losing Tom. So I kept my mouth shut and tried redirecting those feelings as best I could, but they kept leaking out. I kissed Duke and Kenny at midnight on New Year's Eve because I really wanted to be kissing you, but couldn't, and the wine let my passion for you go to them. That was still safer than kissing you. And then I was watching you the same night with Patti, and you both turned me on so much, and then my dreams started involving both of you. I don't know that I've ever felt so horny. Not even for your Dad when we came here, after a month apart. It even bothered me at times that I was thinking of you more than I was thinking of your Dad, but came to accept it as my way of grieving him, to put happy thoughts in front of sad ones, the way he would want. Besides, you do remind me of your Dad, quite a lot, baby."

She moved our clasped hand to my thigh, and said, "Then the day before the memorial, with Patti, what really turned both of us on was her describing how you made love to her, and her admitting that she knew about me watching you two fuck, and my describing how hot you two looked, then the turn-on just ignited both of us, and in my head at that moment, sex with her was another safer alternative to having sex with you, as much as I wanted you both. As it was happening, I imagined you were there watching us, then fucking both of us. Then, when you did show up, and fucked her mouth in front of me, I was so envious that it wasn't me. When you then kissed and hugged me, and I saw you looking down at my tits, I was sure you'd be less likely to bolt if I did come on to you. But I decided to wait until we were here, partly to make it special, but also because I needed to get back on the pill first, after being reliant on your Dad's vasectomy for so many years."

She let go of my hand and jostled my hair, then chuckled before saying, "I didn't expect you to faint at the idea, though. It is a big step in our relationship, so I am kind of glad that the idea is impactful to you, not just 'Hell yeah let's fuck!'. You talk about lines being crossed. But, Drew, I want you to understand that I've already crossed them all in my head, and I think maybe you have, too. All that's left is having the courage to actually make it real, not imagined. And I don't want to 'go back', either. I want you in my life, Patti, too, if she'll have me."

I was much calmer than I thought I'd be at the thought of sex with my Mom being a real thing and not a dream, but still felt unsettled. "Is that something you see as workable, Mom? The three of us, together, long-term? A full threesome partnership?" I asked.

"I'd love it, if we could make it work, without jealousy between us, as a specially-close family. How would Patti react to finding out that you're fucking your Mom, not just sharing her with me?"

I thought and answered, "Mom, after you and she... got it on, we talked at length that night about how it happened, and the subject of you maybe wanting to have sex with me did come up, so having it actually happen wouldn't surprise her. She doesn't think the incest taboo makes any sense, so long as everyone's an adult, consenting, coming at it as an expression of love, and precautions are taken against pregnancy. But as a long-term arrangement? We didn't actually discuss that. We've barely talked about marriage, and this is much more than that."

"Can I assume from the direction this conversation is taking, that you're already okay with the idea of making love with me tonight?" she asked.

"Yes, Mom. It still makes me a little nervous, but yes I'll be your lover, under one condition, that you understand Patti is my priority, that you're not going to try and take me away from her, any more than you'd try to take her away from me."

"Of course, sweetie. I... actually want both of you, in my life, even more than I want you in my bed, for as long as it works for the three of us. Why would I try to split you apart and risk losing you both? Now, kiss me."

And I did. Starting with the long, soft kiss that we'd gotten so used to giving each other, then increasing in intensity, adding our tongues for the first time. It was suddenly dark in the room when that first kiss finally broke, twilight had ended, and we'd forgotten to turn any of the lamps on, the only light was a small alarm clock next to the bed, and a dim glow coming from the window set in the door from one of the property's few path lights. I groped around to where I remember the lamp being over the bed, and turned it on.

"C'mon, let's get in the hot tub," she said.

"I didn't bring swim trunks," I answered.

"Me either. What makes you think I want you in there in anything but your skin, anyway?" she asked, as she got off the bed and began to disrobe, laying her clothes over her suitcase.

While I began taking my clothes off, I paid most of my attention to Mom's hot body coming into view, so I was only half undressed when she started climbing the staircase, her swaying bare ass driving my cock crazy. I was noticing more about her than the day before the memorial, when everything had happened so quickly. Mom's blonde hair, swishing side to side along the middle of her shoulder blades, as she started climbing the stairs. Her back, well muscled from Pilates and yoga classes, that I always knew she took, but hadn't considered until then how much they made her figure so luscious to me right at that moment. Narrowed waist, firm buttocks, and long, trim legs I was already imagining wrapped around me. My dick was still rock hard, and I hadn't even touched her yet.

"Hurry up, slowpoke!" she teased, as she reached the top of the stairs and gradually disappeared from view, a dim light turning on up there, and then the sound of jets turning on. I whipped off the rest of my clothes, grabbed my wine glass and followed her up.

As my middle came into view, Mom squealed from inside the tub. "Someone's excited already! I love it!"

"I can't help it, Mom. You've been making me horny, too. And with Patti back at school, it's been hard to deal with."

Mom snickered. "Oh, it's hard alright. Let me get a good look, honey. So far, I've only seen it limp, or when it's been inside Patti. Sit here on the tub's edge, I want a closeup view."

I sat on the edge, and Mom moved over to me, and just lightly grasped my cock with her wet hand, and she moved it back and forth, just taking me in with her eyes. I imagined that she was about to take me into her mouth, but she instead just let me go and sat back, and said, "Niiiice. Into the tub with you."

I lowered myself into the water, and barely whispered, "Huh?"

She giggled at me. "Honey, did you think I was going to jump right into a blowjob? Drew, we've got plenty of time, tonight, or even tomorrow, to get this right. That's another reason I waited until we were here, to give us time. Sure, you're physically excited enough for sex, but I can also see that you're still feeling really nervous. So, I want us to take it really slow, and when it's time to take it to the next level, I think we'll both know it."

"I... I don't know if my cock can withstand the wait." I said

"Okay, then jerk one off, and maybe then you can settle down."

"In front of you?" I gasped.

She smiled. "You see? This is just what I'm talking about. You're nervous about this. And if you're nervous about masturbating in front of me, it's only going to get worse, and that will spoil it. Please, Drew, relax. I want to watch, it will turn me on. Jerk off for your lover... for Tina."

Tina. Just a name. But a different name than I thought of her as. By being able to think of her as someone other than 'Mom', my nerves eased. I didn't need to be nervous about sex with Tina. Tina was hot, and Tina wanted me. And I wanted Tina, desperately. I sat back on the rim of the hot tub, my eyes locked with hers, and literally the second my hand touched my cock, I came, my first stream of cum so powerful it shot straight across the little hot tub, to land across Tina's neck and the top of her left breast above the water, and I screamed out "Tina! Fuck!".

She squealed, her hand lifting to smear my cum across her chest, as I continued shooting off, my hand stroking my shaft, coaxing out yet more. These shots just landed in the water, quickly dissolving into the swirls produced by the jets.

"Oh, GOD" I said, when I finished, sinking back into the water. "I've never cum so quick. I swear. It's just... this situation... you... me... Tina..."

"Does calling me that turn you on?" she asked.

I paused, before answering, "I think it's more that it unlocks something in me. Like it makes the turn-on okay. I can feel nervous about doing this with 'Mom', but I'm not nervous about doing it with 'Tina'? Am I making sense?"

"I think I get it, but I don't think it's actually a good idea. When I first started having these fantasies about you, it was a lot easier for me to think of the dream you as just some young stud I wanted to bang who happened to be named 'Drew', than to think of you as my son and have the word 'incest' mess me up. But thinking about it over time, I knew I had to resolve my feelings about the incest, not just hold up this mask in front of you that shielded me from it, and once I did that, the taboo of it could become part of my turn-on, but it was neither a reason to do it, or not do it. I want to have sex with who you are as a complete person, not some fantasy image of you. I'm okay if calling me 'Tina' is a turn-on to you, but I don't want you using that to construct a mask for me, either. I don't want this to be something you're going to regret, that you had to coax yourself into by pretending I'm someone other than who I am, which includes being your mom. So, you're going to have to think of me as 'Mom', too, okay? Or this duality you're constructing, of 'Mom' vs. 'Tina', it will just bite us in the ass. Do you understand?"

I paused a while, to let what Mom had just said fully sink in. Finally, I said, "Yeah, Mom, I get it. I still think that just hearing you call yourself 'Tina' helped me a lot, because it let me think of you as more than just 'Mom', which is a label that only represents part of who you are. You're also a woman, with desires, and passion, and knock-my-socks-off beauty, attributes that I never associated with you as 'Mom', but could wrap my mind around as belonging to 'Tina'. But you're right, 'Mom' and 'Tina' are not separate beings, they're each part of who you are, and I do want to make love to the totality of you, because I love you not just as my Mom, but as a woman who's sexy and enticing and hot and funny and... did I say hot? I'll do whatever I need to for what's left of my nerves to go away. I promise. Can I kiss you?"

She answered by sliding around the hot tub, and took me into her arms, our mouths capturing each other's in passion, the likes of which surprised me. What is it to the taboo that adds such spice? Mom didn't really kiss me any better than Patti did, but somehow I felt it more. I felt my energy, my soul, pouring out, into her, hers returning to me, and could not imagine in that moment that I would ever feel as loved again. I know it sounds extreme, but it was a moment, of such bliss, that I wasn't sure I would ever top it again, but prayed that I might experience it again.

I felt my Mom's hand reach between my legs again, and I was hard for her once more. Her hand was circled around my cock, but just sliding slightly over my skin, the water preventing any real friction and leaving me with this intense ticklish sensation instead. I moved one hand to cup her nearer breast, heavy and full, and lifted it above the water line, licked her areola and sucked her stiff nipple into my mouth. I slipped into the water, winding up between her legs on my knees so I could cup both of her tits, and alternate between her nipples and kiss across the skin and occasionally raise my head to kiss her deeply and long. She resumed lightly stroking my dick between us, and then she looked me in the eyes, and said, "I think we're ready. I want to fuck you, right now."

She pulled my hips towards her, lining me up with her opening and popped my cock's head inside, and then grabbed my shoulders and slid off of the seat herself and let her weight drop her forward and down, impaling herself onto my hard cock. "Oh, shit!" I yelled in surprise. Tight, silky, soft and even hotter than the tub. I wound up pushed back onto my heels, the water up to our necks, with her on my lap, with those long legs of hers already wrapped around my back. I grabbed under her ass to lift so I could get our combined weight centered over my knees, where we ground our hips together, before I lifted her up once more until only my head was inside, before letting her drop onto me again.

And like that, I was sliding back into her, beginning to actively fuck my Mom, the ultimate taboo. I didn't care that other people would think it was wrong. I certainly didn't. Not then, not ever since. I continued lifting and dropping, driving my shaft all the way into her, over and over again, the buoyancy helping me not get tired.

"Oh, fuck, Mom! You feel so good! Fuck! I love you, Tina!" I said, as I thrust her onto me, me into her, again and again, alternating with holding her up on the upstroke so I could suckle her tits, or kiss her, then thrust after thrust after thrust. The lines were crossed, forever, and she was right, I never wanted to go back to being "just" Mom and Son again. We were Drew and Tina, man and woman, son and mom, lovers and partners, all at the same time. And it was glorious, absolutely fucking glorious. The most meaningful fuck of my life, so far.

We were both getting closer to our orgasms. She grunted with every thrust of my cock, squealing, "Oh fuck" every time our pelvises slammed together. "Oh God, Drew! I'm gonna cum! Oh, shit, fuck me! Fuck me hard!" So I did my best to slam into her even harder that I already was, while vainly trying to hold off my orgasm. Water was splashing all over, even to the tiled floor around the tub. Mom shuddered against me, and I kept on slamming into her, kissing her breasts, nibbling on her nipples, her neck, her ears.

"UNNNH! Oh, I'm cumming, Mom! UNH!" I cried. I kissed her hard and my load shot into her, just as my Mom shuddered in her second release, still thrusting fast and hard using just my hips, holding her tight, her breasts pressed into my chest.. I held her close as we both came down to Earth, then settled her back onto the seat again, winding up side by side and trembling.

"Wow!" was all I could say, as we looked each other in the eye. "That was... something else!"

"I... don't have words," she said to me. "None of my fantasies prepared me for that! Where did... you... learn to...?"

"I didn't... learn, that is. That was... magic, way more than I could have imagined, and I certainly have imagined a lot. Fuck, Mom! That blows my mind! We so need a hot tub at home!" We laughed and kissed once more, still enflamed, our energy passing back and forth, and gradually calming, the water still swirling around us. We were gazing into each other's eyes, just mesmerized with each other, and I finally said, "I love you, Mom. Now and forever, I'm yours."

She chuckled, "I think Patti might have something to say about that."

I knew my answer immediately. "If I had any doubts about how Patti would react to you and me being intimate, I wouldn't have said yes. She gave me the green light a month ago, right after you and she made love on the couch, when she made me realize you were thinking about me the way I'd started thinking about you. I love Patti, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and intend to ask her to marry me over break. But I love you just as much, Mom. I want you both, in my life, in my heart, so I'm prepared to make the same promises to both of you, if each of you will accept that. She's already told me that she doesn't believe in love being reductive, that we have an infinite emotional capacity for love, and even joked about my not having enough physical capacity to keep both of you satisfied, which tells me she thinks sharing me with you is at least a possibility. So, I'm hoping she'd really be okay if I actually asked her to do that. What do you think?"

She looked me in the eyes, and said, "I don't know how it's supposed to work, sweetie, but I... I'm feeling the same way. If I can have both of you, equally partners, I want that. I can't express to you how much I want that. I tried talking your Dad into having a threesome a couple of times during our marriage, but he opposed it. I'm glad you're more open-minded. I guess it's up to Patti to decide, now."

Mom and I cuddled after that, sipping our wine and kissing, and eventually got out of the hot tub, dried each other with the provided towels, cleaned up the water splashed onto the tiles, and climbed back down the staircase, and got into sweats, so we could sit outside. It was nearly 11:00, according to the clock next to the bed. I put more wood on the fire, while Mom poured another glass of wine, finishing the first bottle and opening a second, and we sat out on the deck just relaxing, drinking wine and watching the almost-quarter-moon set out over the ocean, listening to the waves break below us, our conversation light and mirthful but not really worth repeating here, until 12, when it would officially be Dad's birthday, at least in Pacific Time.

Once midnight passed, Mom got into her suitcase and removed the travelling urn that had a third of Dad's ashes, and removed the bag and a small pair of scissors from it. We went back out onto the deck and, by starlight alone, took turns sprinkling Dad's ashes over the cliff's edge, where some would make their way to the ocean, part remaining on the cliff and rocks below, our words quiet ones of farewell and love.

We ended the semi-ceremony just holding each other on the deck, listening to the waves, and looking up at the stars, united in missing Dad, but also feeling even closer to each other after the experience in the hot tub.

I had to ask the question, "Mom, what would Dad think about what we've done tonight?"

She looked up at me, and answered, "The sex? I honestly don't know, sweetie. We never talked about incest, not once, so I don't know if he had any opinion on it, good or bad. I know he wanted me to find someone else if he passed away, but you? I'd like to think that he wanted us to be happy, even if the two of us being happy together like this never occurred to him, and that he would be smiling down on us tonight, seeing how we feel, more than what we do. But, Drew? I don't want us looking for reasons to be sorry this happened, because there would be plenty, most of them imposed by the outside world, were they to find out. We have to decide, between us and only us, whether or not this was the right thing for us to do, or for us to keep doing. I think it was and is a good thing, for me, and I hope you think so as well. You are my man, now. If I could marry you, I would. Do you understand that?"