Fish Out Of Water Ch. 02

He didn’t.
...

He was so tentative I wanted to hug him, “Can I maybe see you again Mia? I could meet you in London the next time I’m there...?”
“And why would you want to meet me again Max? Didn’t we explore everything you asked for on the phone?”
He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, “We did. You did everything I could ever have imagined. And more. I loved it. And... I... I don’t know what to say...”
“Can I try to answer for you Max?”
“You’ve read my mind perfectly so far tonight Mia so be my guest!”
I laughed as he grinned sleepily up at me, “You loved it so much you’re already thinking about it again. Only this time you want to go even further. You’re thinking about being spanked with a paddle or a flogger, of being taken harder, deeper, longer.”
His eyes shone bright as his cock began to stir.
“The thing is Max, tonight was perfect. It was exactly what you wanted. What you needed. If we met again, it wouldn’t feel the same, we’d just be trying to push boundaries that aren’t there. You don’t need more, you just need exactly what you had. And if you explained what you want to your wife, I’m certain she could give you exactly what I did.”
Max scowled as I stood and slipped into my coat,
“You’ve never met my wife!”
I laughed as I placed my toys back into my bag, “No I haven’t Max, but I’ve met a lot of other wives and trust me, women are a lot more open to this sort of experience than you’d think. They may not want you to do it to them but turnaround is fair play!”
He grinned then sobered as I took a final glance around the room, my hand poised on the door handle,
“So that’s a definite no to seeing you again? There’s nothing I can say to convince you?”

I shook my head, “Definitely a onetime only deal Max. But I loved it, loved giving you one night of being the dirty boy. Thank you for trusting me to take care of you. You’ll never truly know what that meant to me.”
“If this is all we ever have then I just want to say thank you. For being you and for giving me the best experience of my life. From the very second I first laid eyes on you, I knew you would change me, and you did. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”
I blew him a kiss and grinned, pulling the door closed behind me. Nothing in all my years of debauchery and pain had ever made me feel as enlightened as the few hours that had just passed. I hadn’t reached the levels of orgasm that I knew I could, but feeling Max shatter around me; I felt bigger and brighter than I’d ever previously felt. More satiated, more complete. As if on some cosmic level, I was finally accomplishing what I was meant to do.
Warm and calm and safe I turned to him , his body weak on the generic hotel bed. His breath calmed and I gazed once more on the firm yet hairy chest, leading down to the slackened cock that had once brought me hours of pleasure . His now unbound wrists sat heavy against his sides and I prayed that the lotion I’d massaged in would cover the marks I’d wrought. Despite everything, I wanted him to enjoy this night, and never have to explain himself; at least not until he was ready. I blew him a kiss, brave in my knowledge that he was unable to focus on me.
I walked, my legs wobbly, knowing intrinsically that I was walking away from my destiny, that on some level, this man held the key to Kate, had the ability to wrench me apart from the persona I had so unwittingly become. I yearned to stay, to kiss his welts, to sooth his aches. To lavish his aching body with my mouth, my hands, my weeping body. Yet he’d never allowed it and despite my wants, I would never make another yield to me on such a level.
“Never take more than they request Kate. Never push for more than they can give.” Jules’ words echoed in my ears as I slowly moved towards the door, Max’s body lurching slowly towards sleep, “You are not the end Kate, you are merely the means. You give them what they need but not necessarily what they want. And the sooner you realise that, the saner you will be. You can’t hold yourself accountable”
I stared back, drinking Max in, remembering the times we’d wrapped around each other, so deeply entwined you couldn’t tell one from the other. His body buried so deep inside me, I couldn’t breathe from the sensation of fullness. And I recalled the times he’d sent me away, fearful his flatmate would find me there, unwilling to explain my presence. How he’d laughed as his friends had refereed to me as his girlfriend, how he’d pleaded with them to never tell his one true love about his shameful secret.
His little faerie of a girl may have ignited him then, but I had truly set him on fire tonight. No shame, no fear. He asked and I had answered. He may have felt ashamed of me then, and maybe, his angst had set me headlong onto the path I strode now, but nonetheless, together Max and I had shared something deeply fulfilling tonight, something that had undoubtedly changed us both.
I would never be that delicate softly spoken wisp of a girl again and I doubted Max would be able to meekly plead softly for what he wanted. We had both changed beyond merit, the years since we parted making us strangers to the people we once were but bringing us closer to the ones we should be.
That he would never know it was me who gave him absolution, gave him the absolute pleasure he desired, well it stung. I’m not so proud to concede I wanted his praise. But on another level, I was able to finally give him what he needed, however ashamed or confused he was back them. Max may never have thanked me, knowing me as Kate, the girl he threw away, but I knew.
Holding myself taller than ever, I turned to him ,naked, resplendent and almost asleep on the bed.
“Just remember Max.. if you don’t ask... you’ll never get. God bless.”
As the door hit the frame, I could have sworn I heard him say “Thank you Kate.”
...

Sarah cried as I packed; begged me to stay a little longer, promised to take some more leave from work. Even Elvis seemed to beg, his delightfully squashed face looking even more determined than usual. I smiled, petting him and hugging her, promising to return soon. I repeated my new mantra “I am not running away... I am not running away.” But I was. I’d fled here at the behest of Jules, the only person I trusted, and found another person who loved me with the same intensity, Sarah. I wouldn’t leave it so long again, especially now she knew the whole story.
The morning after Max, I’d crept home and she was awake, pottering around in her robe like an anxious mother hen. One look at my tear streaked face and she was in full on warrior mode, determined to break whoever had made me cry. Never cross a trained Army Nurse who fences for relaxation. I had a brief vision of her piercing Max with her foil, her robe fluttering in the breeze. My brave warrior, my friend. After an age of calming her, I’d foolishly removed my coat and the real fun had begun. Her shock at my attire was almost comical and had I had the energy, I would have laughed. As it was I simply sagged beside her on her whiter than white sofa and sighed. Exhausted and bereft, I told her the truth.
...
Every sordid, splendid juicy detail; not just of Max, but of my life. She didn’t even blink and I swear; she seemed to be enjoying it. Even when I changed into my suburban hell pyjamas, she sat, still, asking me the kind of questions that made me feel I was standing before a Hague Committee. I answered each one determined to not fear her responses.
So I was some kind of freak, a sexual animal, hell bent of pushing the boundaries. Sarah watched me and didn’t seem to care. She never once questioned the things I’d done, never questioned my actions. She asked me how I’d gotten into this life and as I explained she’d smiled, accepting my words as true. I didn’t know what I needed but I knew I could give others what they desired, even if it left me wanting. Sarah had hugged me, her soft voice urging me to find my own peace and that was it. No anger, no vitriol, just acceptance. If anyone knew what it meant to sacrifice oneself to give another happiness it was her, and for the first time in years, I felt acceptance.
Sitting on the overnight train to London, I felt the relief slowly embellish my skin. Back to Jules, back to the world I knew, yet Sarah’s acceptance and belief in me held me close. She didn’t find me broken or strange, and her bright-eyed gaze as I’d detailed some of my more extreme activities made me think she wasn’t as vanilla as I’d originally thought. No matter what came next, I had the skill and drive to make my partners yield to me, to give them the end result for which they yearned. Pain, passion, shame, absolution, pleasure, all of which She could give.
And whilst She was the absolute, I was still me; Max had shown me that. I didn’t have to draw blood, or urge screams out into the air. I could still bring pleasure even at my lowest setting. He had shown me that I was still capable of feeling.
...

“I think maybe you’re done Kate... maybe you’ve seen and done enough. I could be wrong but if what you’ve told me is true, maybe you’re ready to get out of this life. You cared about him, wanted him to be happy. You didn’t even break his skin! Shit Kate, you still love him! This life isn’t for you! I hate to say it; hate to let you go but I’m not insane. If you can feel what you did, feel anything ... then fuck! Maybe there’s even hope for me?!”
I stared at Jules, hating him for saying it but knowing he was right. It wasn’t about pain or control or domination anymore. It was about something more for me, namely acceptance. Of belonging. I couldn’t keep chasing the next thrill, the next buzz; I’d be running forever. My evening with Max had proved that I was capable of emotion, of love. Maybe I was capable of being vanilla after all, of fitting in to the daylight hours, of being generic. I didn’t know because I’d never tried before. Content to lurk in the twilight hours and dole out my patented dark passion with aplomb, regardless of the vacumn it created in me. Jules hugged me, promising me he’d always be there for me but urging me to try a different path. We both cried, my tears foreign to me as I promised him I’d try.
And Max...

He never made contact, never came down to London to see me. Not that that he would have found me, even if he’d looked for Kate.
I’d like to think I gave him what he wanted, made him brave enough to ask his wife to take him as I had.
We’ll see.
...

Monday I start work at his Office, as his new Office Manager; as me. Fate, as strong as Mother Nature in her worldly ways has offered me something I could never have imagined. Well fate and Totaljobs.com, thanks to Sarah. It seems the sea air agreed with me after all. Sea air, a best friend and the unwavering love of a bullish French bulldog. I can’t include Max just yet, I have no idea how he’ll react to my re-emergence into his life and as much as She wouldn’t care, I do and he has a wife and child to consider. I don’t even really want Max, not as a lover, although I’d be lying through my teeth if I said I didn’t yearn to ride him like a show pony.
His words, our talks, those moments melded from weeks ago and years since. The remembrance of who I used to be; the girl I suppressed for too long. Being around Max, she floats to the surface and finally I feel that Kate is the powerful force, that She is no longer my guide. Whatever comes next I have to believe that I can handle it. If he wants me in his life, sexually or not, I can take it. I can prevail, no-one will ever rule me again. I can give and I can take and ultimately, whatever occurs is mine to decide. My pleasure is now on, my own.
Sarah was over the moon to have a flat mate and Elvis welcomed me with a myriad of effusive sniffs.
Maybe I can be vanilla, maybe I can’t. Perhaps control is part of my make-up and I’ll never be able to escape that part of me.
But I should try. And if I can’t, I know of at least one man who’ll be open to my style of punishment. If I chose to seek him out. Maybe I will, or maybe I’ll try something different.
Yesterday I went shopping with Sarah. She looks amazing in PVC and girl can weld a whip. Unsurprisingly she was nowhere near as shocked by our excursion as you’d imagine. Seeing her wide eyed admiration of her leather-clad form sent me headlong into a melee of memories, of Jules teaching me how to dress, how to stand. Of how beautiful I felt, how strong, how potent. Jules spent weeks yelling me into line but Sarah is instinctive. A confident woman, strong and proud in her own skin. Not needing a man in the least but honest enough to admit her own needs. After everything she has been through, she deserves to control her own life, to sate her own desires. And as someone who has made a very fine living from doling out pain and pleasure, I am the last person to steer her off course. She looks orgasmic and I tell her, frequently and with conviction. Those hill runs have turned her body into a work of art.
And bitch brought her own talc.
Baton passed.