Fitbutt, right, I know, the name is making you think this is some sort of fitness machine or exercise regimen designed to make those flabby ass-cheeks of yours firmer, stronger, more alluring, like one of those commercials on at midnight on the far reaches of the television channels, the six-pack abs, some sort of "buns of steel" thing.
No, this is way better than that. WAY better.
How many of you out there like sex?
How many of you out there would like even BETTER sex? Maybe more often? Maybe more intensely?
I thought so.
This brand-spanking new series of butt-plugs is amazing, and I speak from beta-version experience. I've been one lucky tester. I know leaks aren't held in high regard these days, but I can't help telling you in advance about this new high-tech line of products.
I managed to get my hands on a copy of the press release for the new Fitbutt series, which I append below. I got some inside knowledge into the company, a couple folks who originally worked for Fitbit but for their own (maybe even kinky) reasons, took their expertise a different direction, with no less impact. For all I know, they ran off with the high-tech supplier list and insider details of the Fitbit contracts to use for their own purposes. My source, one managerial level below the founders, is nameless, for obvious reasons, but he is totally reliable, and the product series is due out the very beginning of April.
I have tried every model, from the entry-level Alpha to their pull-out-all-the-stops, fully loaded Buzzbomb, and I can pretty much guarantee these things will blow your mind. Not to mention a whole pile of sexually frenzied anal nerves. Amazing!
Okay, picture a Fitbit with all its nauseating health-tracking data technology but hitched to your anus, that lovely little exit opening that is capable of providing so much auxiliary entertainment in the sexual department. If you like a nice hard cock up your ass, you will love this little beast. Even if that's not your thing, and -- male, female, whatever -- you just enjoy those tingly little erotic feelings that emanate from your posterior opening and want to magnify the intensity of your orgasms, this is is your baby.
Let's start with the Fitbutt (FB) basic garden-variety butt-plug. The base model features go into every Fitbutt, so you got your temperature, heart-rate, and anal pressure sensors built-in. More features get added as you go. The top of the line Buzzbomb is astonishing. If I could wear one and then master the fine art of sucking my own penis, I would never leave the house!
As a natural geek-guy I love the ability to track data, gather me some benchmark levels, do the data analytics (and in this case I really do mean "analytics") and then plot a course of training that will make me better. My girlfriend can attest to how much my stamina, energy and overall sexual ability has improved by practice with this FB thing.
For those of you who get a naughty little thrill by wearing plugs out and about in public during the day, just enjoying the sheer transgressiveness of it all, I might caution you not to select the Hummer model just because you are going to get a little more attention than you may want, but there is no reason not to use the Alpha, or better, the Alpha-Plus as your daily plugger.
Yowser says check it out!
Here's the press release:
SAN FRANCISCO -- April 1, 2017. Fitbutt, an innovative company devoted to the burgeoning health and personal pleasure market, today introduced a new range of products, with an impressive assortment of features. Fitbutt produces a variety of consumer devices that enhance sensual pleasure, establish sexual data benchmarks, and generate an impressively heightened sexual climax.
Fitbutt Alpha, the World's First Smart Butt-Plug
Fitbutt's Alpha goes way beyond the normal anal insertion device (known by many as a "butt-plug") that many people, gay and straight, solo or partnered, have come to enjoy. The Alpha does everything a normal butt-plug does (provide pleasurable feelings to the hyper-sensitive anal area, stretches and tones rectal wall muscles, adds to sexual stimuli developed elsewhere in the body) but accomplishes this by incorporating the same miniaturized innovative technology used for fitness and health wearable devices. The Alpha allows users to heighten their personal pleasure, improve their sexual life and create orgasms of astonishing intensity.
Available in three size ranges (Small, Medium, and Large). constructed of the highest quality silicone, the Alpha includes the most advanced and durable wearable technologies that can be synced to a remote computer, tablet or android device with Wi-Fi (802.11b/g). Temperature, heart-rate and anal sphincter pressure sensors allow the intensity of sexual experience to be measured and recorded. Raw data can be exported to MS Excel and most popular statistical programs, producing an "anal diary" of information to enhance your sexual life.
The Alpha-Plus has all the features of an Alpha and adds a GPS unit to track location, so users can pinpoint geospatially their daily, weekly, monthly sexual experiences over time.
Fitbutt Hummer, the Sound of Sex
Fitbutt's Hummer adds a miniaturized sound-generating piezo tweeter that produces a satisfying humming orgasmic tone in linear proportion to sphincter pressure on the main sensor. Male models have a range of 150 Hz (a low grunt of pleasure) up to 400 Hz (a frantic tenor note of climax.) Female models range from 400 Hz to a high soprano orgasm-shattering 650 Hz. More anal pressure produces a higher frequency and volume of sound.
If bought and used in a pair with a partner, the two Hummers can be set to produce notes with a major third interval, making for an unusually melodic sexual engagement. Beta-testers report an extraordinary duet experience.
Want a vibrator with your Smart Butt-plug? The Buzzbomb has all the standard features of the Alpha Plus but replaces the Hummer's tweeter with a powerful multi-variable vibrator actuated by the Alpha's built-in pressure sensor. The harder you clamp down, the higher the Hertz, and we mean Hertz not Hurts! The Buzzbomb can be personalized when synced to your remote device to set appropriate vibratory ranges for maximum enjoyment. In testing some males reported that the quantity of their semen ejaculate "doubled." One tester reported his "prostate needed two days to recover." If you are the type who likes to go out with a bang, you could do no worse than employ a Buzzbomb.
Batteries included in all models.