Footsteps

{I hear the footsteps coming now, I am writing this in longhand, going as quickly as I can.

It's like a echo, the sounds of shoes on cement in the bleak and barren hallway outside. Nothing in time, the click is off step and then together for a moment, random. Odd that I notice that so completely at a time like this.

I wrote down the rest of the story earlier, I had plenty of time to do that. There could have been more time but I told the lawyer to give it up. Unlike most attorneys, he didn't mind very well and kept right on trying, even though I refused to sign anything.

Power of attorney, in my best interests, he told me. I told him to leave me alone.

The outcome? It was going to just be the same, I am sure of that. There comes a time when enough is enough. I am ready. I really have been ready for quite a long time.}

+++

I want the dreams to end.

They say I killed some people, but I don't think so. Someone else must have, all I did was dream.

I want the dreams to end.

+++

"Ready?" The jailer I had befriended asked me. I glanced at the clock across the hallway, it was 10 minutes to midnight.

The clock makes a clicking sound when each minute passes. Sometimes I sat and counted, I got pretty close.

I have done that thousands of times.

"Yes." I answered quietly.

"This it?" He asked, taking the single sheet of paper from my hand. Then he retrieved the stub of a pencil.

"Thanks for not causing me any trouble, I wasn't supposed to give you that."

I just nodded, stood there.

"I have to do this, sorry." He told me, slipping the set of handcuffs on.

I just nodded again. I swear I saw the trace of a tear in his eye as he steered me toward the cell door. I wondered why?

"I want you to know I am sorry as hell about this, Jack." He told me.

I just nodded. The man knew my story. The echo of footsteps began again, the clock on the wall clicked.

Nine minutes to midnight.

Earlier I handed the rest of my story to the jailer, the last part came to me in a dream, just like I wrote it. Would the scene play out in truth?

I don't know.

I just want the dreams to end.

+++

The jailer sat down at his computer. He reread what Jack Spencer had written. He really did like the man, although there was no doubt in his mind the man was crazy as a loon.

+++

By Jack Spencer

This story is about Jack Spencer. That is me, but somehow it doesn't seem like it is me.

Jack Spencer wasn't a jock in high school, he wasn't a nerd either. The very best description of him was that he was there. Barely 5'8" and 150 pounds, no one really paid any attention at all to him.

By the time he reached his second year in college he was 5' 8" tall and 160 pounds, not a lot had really changed. The extra ten pounds was solid muscle, though. Jack spent a lot of time in the gym, trying to bulk up, trying to be something he simply was not blessed with naturally.

Nothing much happened except that he really did get himself in solid shape.

There had been a few dates in high school and again in college, none of them led to much of anything. His very first kiss came when he was 19, that was when his date stood on tiptoe and gave him a peck right on the lips. Then she giggled and went inside.

Now, several years later, Jack didn't even remember the girl's name, but he did remember that moment.

Earlier when he had danced with her, Jack had kept the palm of his right hand turned downwards like his Grandmother had taught him, his forearm barely brushing her so as to not offend the lady.

The girl had actually pressed against him, Jack had been acutely aware of the feeling of her body moving so close to his.

She was very warm.

He felt somewhat flustered, glancing quickly around. But no one was paying any attention at all.

It was the very first time, always before he had left the careful 3 to 6 inches between himself and anyone he was dancing with.

The sensation of her made his head swim, he really liked it. She was short, much shorter than he was. This caused his leg to touch her, touch her sex through her clothing. He could feel that, he felt his body flush, begin to sweat.

She just smiled and said nothing.

After that, he was less careful about how he held the women when he danced, not a single one of them acted like they minded that.

With his hand on their waists, he could feel their flesh through the clothing, that was marvelous. Some, not all of course, would firmly press their upper bodies against his, a few of them he knew very well had nothing at all on under their blouses.

Some even pressed their loins to him, while they talked like nothing was happening. Jack, being hopelessly bashful, missed all of the clues.

His mind swirled into fantasy when he danced with girls like that.

Those became fantasy for self relief, by the time Jack was 23 he still had not engaged in actual sex.

A good portion of the reason for that was the overly conservative upbringing, mixed with his natural shyness and lack of aggression.

His grandmother had raised him in the older years of his youth, she was a very conservative lady.

That terrible day when everything normal in Jack's life was ripped apart was burned into his mind. It was the last time he saw his father, the man he worshipped.

Dad knew everything and could do anything. Jack learned from him to ride a bike, how to fish and hunt. Those times were wonderful, and he always did his very best to excel in his schoolwork, so that his Dad could read the report card, pat Jack on the head and hug him.

His Mother was also loving and kind, Jack was a very happy young man until that day just short of his 14th birthday.

"You lying motherfucking BITCH!" Jack heard his father scream that morning. He sat up in bed, terrified. He had never heard his father yell or swear like that, not one time.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen!" He heard his Mother wail.

"With that lowlife black bastard, of all people! You KNOW how I feel about that!"

"Please, Donny. Jack will hear you!" She pleaded.

The voices got more subdued, but Jack could hear them. He was on his bed, terrified, weeping.

He sat and listened to the argument, then the crying and begging. Finally there was the slam of the front door, his Father was gone.

For some time after, his Mother was a basket case. She was constantly drunk, to the point where she did nothing except sit around and cry. Jack felt complete helplessness, not knowing what was wrong or what to do.

Then one day he was delivered to his Grandmother's house, told to go into the bedroom.

Jack listened at the door as his Mother and Grandmother spoke. The tone in his Grandmother's voice was stern. He learned that day that his Father had caught his Mother with a man, it was something that up until that moment he never really understood. He also learned that day that that the man he worshipped as his Father was not.

The man he worshipped, the man he knew as his Father no longer wanted him.

His Mother did come to visit, those days became less and less until finally one day his Grandmother sat him down and told him quietly that his Mother was never going to come again.

At the funeral, there was only Jack and his Grandmother.

+++

Jack became cautious around women after that, even though his hormones raged. His body told him one thing but his mind told him quite another.

There had not even been any necking and petting sessions in his car or anywhere, the opportunity did not present itself.

Jack saw to that, he was careful about that.

Then the dancing. He could do that, and still be safe. All it took for Jack to escape was for the song to end.

Then he met Sandy Dillard. He spotted her coming out of a tiny little cafe with two other women. Something about her made his entire body flush. She wasn't one of those model type beauties, in fact she looked a bit soft in her crisscross top and short skirt, her midriff bare. She also wore heels, those seemed just a little bit too high for what would be normal every day wear, very likely her attempt to be a real five feet tall.

The long and flowing red hair swept over her shoulders, she had several books in one arm and a huge purse over her shoulder.

When she turned to say something to one of the other women, somehow her heel caught and the shoe folded, down she went. Jack was by her side in just a few quick steps, he helped her up, then reached down to gather her things.

"Are you all right?" He asked, but she didn't answer him.

"Oh, damn! I just bought these!" She had the shoe in her hand. Jack took it and looked at it, but no way could he fix it so he handed it back.

She peered at him for a moment, that was when Jack realized how thick her glasses were. They were round, gold wire frames and small lenses, it gave her a really different look. Her eyes were huge, green behind the lenses.

"You are cute!" She smiled, causing Jack's face to turn pink. One of the other women giggled.

"God, he is shy, too!" She smiled, saying that to no one in particular. Then she reached out and put her hand on Jack's bicep, gave it a small squeeze.

"Thank you for helping me, sweetie. Wow! You really have great arms!" That smile flashed across her face, Jack stood there tongue tied.

They just stood and looked at each other for several long moments.

"Well, come on." She said finally, reaching down to take his hand.

"God, Sandy!" One of the other women broke out laughing. Jack had no idea at all of what to do, there was no song to end and allow him to escape.

"Yea, what are you doing?" The other one said, they both were finding whatever was happening hilarious.

"I am picking this guy up! He is cute! Hey, what's your name, honey?" She asked.

"Uhh...I am Jack. Jack Spencer."

"Well, come on, Jack. I want to share a Chocolate soda with you, you like Chocolate sodas, don't you? I'm Sandy." She tugged on his hand and Jack went meekly along with her.

"Bye, Sandy!" One of the other women said, still laughing.

"She did it again!" He heard the other one say, but that went right over Jack's head.

Jack really had no idea at all how it happened, but less than two hours later Sandy had him pressed back onto her bed, her hands eagerly stroking him. The resistance he normally portrayed faded, he became helpless before this woman's advances.

His mind was once again telling him no, his body resisted and won.

Sandy's body was soft yet firm with youth, her breasts were freckled above where she obviously wore a bikini top in the sunlight. The white area of skin below came barely to the top of her matching sparse red pubic hair, the upper edges of her nipples were darkened where the sun had peeked inside her tops.

Jack Spencer learned about sex that afternoon, it was amazing and he couldn't get enough of it. He found the bump at the top of her vagina, it was easily the size of his thumb. From her instant reaction when he discovered that with his fingertips, he knew he had something figured out so he played with that a lot.

At one point, after quite a bit of encouragement, she got Jack to wrap his lips around that while she sucked gently on the end of his penis. Then she started to thrash, he had a hell of a time staying on it.

The idea had at first seemed gross to him, but once he started he realized he really liked that.

Finally she was gasping for breath, and she told him, "Stop for a minute!", scooting away from him.

For a moment he thought he had done something wrong.

"God, you would think you haven't had sex for months!" She said with a grin.

"I never have...before." He told her.

Sandy just looked at him.

"Really? A virgin? Well, I'll be damned!" Then she giggled, piled on top of him.

"I am going to keep you!" She told him.

Sandy meant that, too. They were married just four short months later.

The first few months were a bit of a struggle financially, then Jack's Grandmother Martha passed away. She died of natural causes, quietly in her sleep one night with not a speck of warning.

She had doted on Jack, he doted right back on her as his substitute Mother. Then there were the long talks, Martha delighted in offering Jack her wealth of experience about things in the world.

Even so, he was surprised to find out that she not only left him the house and property he had helped her care for over the years, but also all of her stock in a produce canning company his Grandfather had worked for. She bypassed her two brothers she had that Jack had met just one time, and the remaining living Daughter that Jack knew only from photos.

Jack really didn't remember his Grandpa, but he knew the man had carefully purchased the stock each and every payday.

That turned out to be a lot of money. Of course the Daughter did show up demanding everything, she was a much younger and harsher sounding version of her Mother.

But his Grandmother had placed everything in a life estate, it could not be broken. In the last few years of his Grandmother's life, Jack knew of just three telephone calls from her daughter.

All three were asking to borrow money.

+++

Jack bought a nice little bungalow for himself and Sandy, it had two spare bedrooms, a neat garage where he could keep his weights, even a big back yard. There was a row of overly tall Poplar trees, some beautiful Rhododendron plants that were in full bloom when they first saw the place.

It was perfect, there was even room for a garden out back. Life with Sandy was wonderful, she had a huge circle of friends that quickly became their friends.

She kept a perfect house, in some ways a bit too perfect because Jack could not set down a newspaper on the floor. She would jump up and grab it, fold it and put it neatly away.

The one thing that Sandy refused to do was go with him on his Fall hunting trips. Jack had gone with his Father every fall, without fail for year after year. First as a very young child and unarmed, then at age 10 he was handed the rifle and carefully taught to use it. He had been barely 12 when he dropped his first Buck, a big 5 point. He had taken one every year since.

When his Father had simply driven away that terrible day, he left behind his own old model 94 Winchester. The rifle was very old, but no one could tell by looking, it appeared brand new. Jack also had his own Marlin .30-.30, but he oiled that one down and locked it on the gun rack, preferring to use the open sight Winchester.

Somehow that was more sporting than using the scope. Somehow with that tool in his hands, it was like when he was back in the happy times.

Now it was just Jack and his best buddy, Darin, on the week to ten day trips. They had grown up together, Darin had gotten his first Buck the year after Jack did. Darin and Jack also worked out together, sometimes they used the weights at his house but more often they were down at the gym.

Darin was very close to Jack's size and build, so close they could easily share clothing. Even their shoes fit each other.

Sandy just stayed home during his annual trips, she didn't seem to mind those at all. She had one very close friend named Sara Anderson, and it was a chance for them to hang out together and do girl things, they had been close friends since the first grade.

Jack really didn't like Sara all that much, for one thing she was always showing up with some new boyfriend, for another she nearly always dressed far too much like a slut.

But she was Sandy's friend, what could he say?

Sandy really seemed to enjoy the time for just being with Sara, she told him they shopped or went to the park, a beach once, just having fun.

One thing Jack had noticed about Sara, she never wore underwear. She was completely careless about that, too. The first few times he saw her bend over to reach for something and her bare breast was completely in view he was embarrassed, but over a couple of years he actually got used to that and paid little attention. It was just the way Sara was, and since she was not married and had taken no vows, what could he say?

Sandy dressed attractively, but she was always covered. Except for when she sunbathed, her outfits were very tiny. But he knew she had always done that, so it really didn't upset him much.

Jack knew she was deliriously happy with him, just like he was with her.

The first time he saw the rest of Sara was when she sat down on the floor with Sandy, looking at some magazines. Jack was sitting in his chair watching TV. Darin was sitting across from him, they had just finished doing some weights.

"Don't the guys look great all sweaty and pumped up like that?" Sandy grinned at Sara.

"Yea, it makes me hot!" She said, looking directly at Jack when she said that.

He glanced over and Sara's ankles were crossed, skirt tugged up high over her knees, she could not possibly be more exposed.

"Sara! Good grief! You are kind of hanging out there." Jack told her, blushing.

"It's just my pussy, you have seen one of those before, haven't you?" She looked up at him and laughed, making no move to cover up.

Both Sandy and Sara just roared about that, then went right back to the magazines. Darin sat there in surprise.

That was a bit too much for Jack, he got up and went out into the garage and lifted some more weights. Sara was just plain crazy, he decided.

He was mildly irritated with Darin that time, he stayed in the house.

Then Darin even dated Sara a couple of times, but he confided in Jack that he almost couldn't take her anywhere public, she was always flashing everyone in sight and it made him uncomfortable.

"That first date I was going to take her to the old drive in movie? We didn't even get there, she is just way too easy for my taste." Darin told him.

That Jack could understand, there was something very wrong with her, but she and Sandy were such good friends he tolerated it.

He saw her dozens of times like that, she acted like she didn't even care. But he did tolerate Sara, even though he didn't understand her complete lack of modesty. He wasn't entirely positive but he thought Sara was the one that had been there the day he met Sandy. She was probably the one that mentioned, "She did it again!" as they walked away laughing.

Jack thought about that comment. Sandy had been so very young, experimenting with life.

Jack knew damn good and well that Sandy had some experiences before they met, but he never brought it up. Sandy was his now, that was all that mattered.

In the back of his mind he didn't trust Sara at all, but as long as Sandy wasn't doing anything, it wasn't his problem. Sara was just Sara, Sandy was his and she never showed any signs at all of doing anything that might upset him. There were no odd phone calls, no sign of any secrets. Most of the time she didn't even log off of her email box, just left it there up on the screen.

Jack had no reason at all to ever be even slightly suspicious. So even with Sara being a blatant exhibitionist, that was just Sara. Sandy and he were just fine with each other. Even the rare times she danced with friends at parties, she never cuddled up, never did or allowed any touching at all. She only did that with Jack.

Once he asked Sandy about Sara's exhibitionism, she just shrugged and acted like it didn't matter to her either. She had known Sara since they were kids, and was just used to her.

At one point Jack asked Sandy about having children, she hesitated but then told him that they could try. After a year of trying, they went to see a Doctor. Jack's sperm count was very normal, and the Doctor told them that Sandy was perfectly normal also.

It was few months later when Jack was looking for a tool, he found the little round packet, with the pills right up to date.

That was their very first fight, she finally admitted that she didn't want children, it would cause her to lose her figure and make her breasts "all soft and gooey."