For the Love of Lana Ch. 03

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Pars001
Pars001
2,198 Followers

Johnathon awoke the next morning checking on the workers he hired more and started another building. Damn it! It was going to get really, really crowded in a hurry next week. He had just gotten out of bed when he thought he saw an apparition? What the hell? Great that's all he needed, hmmm who have I killed with a soul lately he thought. When nothing came to mind he shrugged it off starting on his morning routine again 'til it ran through the house again. This time he was just annoyed, so doing nothing he waited 'til it came again then he reached out and grabbed it.

After all there were no ghos ... that's when it slipped out of his grasped and laughed a familiar laugh, then slipped through the wall at the same place. Ok, ok, it had to be a trick there were no spirits no one had the power to bring others back from death and once you were gone that was it. Wasn't it?

A laughing came from behind him, "Tsk, tsk Johnny, you know there are always exceptions to every rule!"

Without thinking Johnathon whirled and pointed a finger at the apparition, "I thought I told you to never call me that Trin..." Falling to his knees Jonathon was face to face with the ghost or spirit of Trina Timmings.

Tears were streaming down his face, she was still as beautiful as he remembered her, bowing his head he began to beg her forgiveness."Please forgive me Trina, it should have been me not you."

"Johnny Timmings! If I had corporeal form I would smack you around this building! I told you never regret that night, you obviously don't remember do you?" Trina stated. Johnathon only shook his head no. "Though at the time I was stronger than you, though not much, I was dying. Mother and father didn't even know of it, though at the time you did, oh my dear brother, you tried for a hundred years, but you weren't strong enough.

Now it would be nothing, done in a few minutes but not then, I was happy to do what I did, please, I am here to let you know it is almost time. When it is time you will recognize the sign, then and only then can you reveal what happened that night and let Lana and Gregor remember, ALL OF IT brother! Or I might have to smack you a lot harder than I ever have and believe me there are ways!"

With that, the vision of Trina faded Jonathon could only blink, finally after all these centuries he could be free? Sighing, yeah right, all I had to do was survive the next week right! Easy enough, there were only fifteen clans out there to try and hold him down while they tried to pry in where no one could.

Pars001
Pars001
2,198 Followers
12
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ScifiantScifiantover 6 years ago
Aaaassrrrrrgggggghhhhhh

That cry of anguish came from me tearing my hair out in frustration with your spelling and grammar errors, most of which I can live with - albeit barely. You persist with substituting "rouge" (which is red in French) for "rogue". Obviously it won't be picked up by a spelling or grammar checker, which is why you need an editor or ghost writer!!!

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

Pretty much what others have said... get an editor... trying to make heads or tails of sentences is extremely distracting... and spoils enjoyment of the story... im curious... if proximity to vampires nullifies a mages power... how did a mage kill 3k of them...

you also seem to lose your train of thought at times and write lines that you forget to follow up on... it's not a bad story... but it could be so much better... you really need another set of eyes on this one...

-jaye-

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Try a little

The plot line isn't half bad, but the language? My god! You need an editor really bad. Horrible use (or lack of it) of punctuation. Bad sentence structure. If the story was slightly less interesting, I wouldn't tire my brain trying to make sense what each line or each paragraph means.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Good stuff

Not sure what the other's are looking for but I find this series entertaining, What else does one want from a story??

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago

Horrible! I don't think so but if you can do better?

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