Forced to Change Ch. 37

Chapter 37

I passed the turnoff to the Blue Ridge Mountains on my drive up I-75. I knew exactly where I was going. I knew what I had to do. Not that my plans included a hope of getting Katie back, no matter how much I wanted her, needed her, loved her. The plan was simple. Find and kill. Jorge Riaz. Paul Donnelly Sr. Once they were dead, I could do what I wanted from the moment Katie cut me into pieces with her outburst that she could never forgive me.

Yes, I killed her father. It wasn't what she was thinking, but I killed him all the same. Her father had been dying from lung cancer. He'd been moved to the hospice wing of the hospital the night before I killed him. After Katie left, I sat in her place at her father's side and had a conversation with the last man Carter had ordered me to kill.

In light of the recent discoveries about Paul Donnelly's involvement in the kidnappings I had to question the kill. At the time it was the right thing to do. Even then I didn't do it because Carter had ordered him dead. I killed Kenneth Rollins to end his pain. I felt justified, okay with it because all the information I had at the time told me he'd set up the kidnappings.

***

"You promise me. Promise you'll take care of her," Kenneth said.

"I will." I stared into his eyes. His face was hollow, as if he'd skipped many meals. The cancer had eaten away his body. It was like staring at the daughter when I rescued her, only this time there was no Joe at my back watching me.

I could answer this prayer, the plea of 'please kill me.' I stuck the needle into the spot where the IV had been on his right arm. His eyelids fluttered and then closed for the last time.

"She doesn't need to see this. She can't watch me die," he whispered.

Carter had tasked me with killing him a year ago, and I was finally making good on my agreement, although I didn't expect to be paid for it. Then there was the conversation, her pleading with him to stop, him saying that he was doing it because he loved her. I'd put cameras on her room within 24 hours. I still thought what I over heard was him raping her. The man I'd gotten to know in the last few months would never do such a thing to his daughter. Still, I had a conversation that lead to only one conclusion.

"God forgive me. I gave my daughter to a monster. He told me 'You can have her back or she can die in Cantana. It's up to you.' The doctors said I had so little time left. I just wanted her home. What else could I do?"

Always Cantana. When it came out that Lana Rios had been involved, it all made sense. Even though he'd been cleared by the police, he hadn't been cleared by me.

Lana Rios was silently rotting in prison, not confirming or denying a single thing. She'd been offered the world, by my group and even the feds, to give up Jorge Riaz. She hadn't spoken a word since her capture.

Kenneth's lung cancer was too advanced for anything else to be done for him. Kathryn had been running herself down. To her own detriment she stayed in his hospital room, night and day, spending every waking moment of her life by his side. She was a dutiful daughter who was losing her last parent, and I'd walked into the room wanting to help her the only way I knew how.

The strangest part was the relationship I'd developed with Kenneth Rollins. It was there at the edge, I felt as if I knew him. A memory that refused to form clearly. We'd had late night talks that made me reevaluate my life and question my own moral compass. But with his last words, I didn't care about right and wrong. I wanted to hurt him for hurting her. I'd made a promise, though.

I'd almost ruled him out as being someone who could do what I'd overheard. I'd convinced myself he had nothing to do with what happened in Cantana, but with his deathbed confession I couldn't deny it any longer. All the information I had told me what he'd done. He'd been double-crossed by Jorge Riaz. Kenneth expected to get paid. He could have done it for Kathryn, sure. She was set to go off to an expensive school and he couldn't afford her tuition. Then Jorge hadn't come through on his end. He'd kept Kathryn instead of their original agreement.

I wanted to know this and I didn't want it. I didn't want to know his involvement even as I sat running down scenario after scenario of what he'd done. He probably confessed to Donnelly and Donnelly said he'd help. That was how we got hired. Donnelly had the money. Donnelly didn't care if she came back alive, though, probably because she'd gotten his son killed.

That made sense too. Carter's 'She's probably dead. Right?" was reasonable, easy to understand in the aftermath. Of course Donnelly didn't care if she died. Why would he want a constant reminder of the person who got his son killed? But Kenneth was weak, weaker than I'd ever suspected.

The needle was in my hand sticking into his arm. It was done. He was as good as dead. He just hadn't taken his last breath. I'd befriended this man because I wanted to understand him and his daughter better. We talked so many nights and he knew exactly who I was, what I'd done. He knew I'd rescued Kathryn. He thought I was an angel of mercy, someone there to end his pain in a way that his daughter never needed to know about. I wouldn't tell her because I'd promised him I'd never tell her what he asked me to do.

"How so?" I asked as I broke the needle in two and pocketed the only evidence of my help. "What did you do?"

His dementia was taking control. His words made little sense.

"You must promise me. She can never know the truth."

"She'll never know." I promised Kathryn would never know what a bastard he was as I watched him die.

"You'll protect her," he whispered.

"Yes," I answered.

"Then she'll be safe from him. Finally."

"Don't worry. He'll never hurt her again." It was a promise I had no idea how to keep.

***

As I drove I wanted to believe that Katie would, could forgive me. Would it matter that her father had begged me to do it? Did it matter that I thought her father had raped her? Would it matter that I had every reason in that final moment for killing Kenneth Rollins? I saw it as the kindness I couldn't give Katie.

I regretted killing her father now, as the highway sped past my rain-beaten windshield. Even knowing what I thought her father had done to her, I regretted killing him. It hurt her so much when she found out it was my hand. I'd removed the last person she trusted and loved from her life. Did it matter that death was knocking at his door? No, not to her. I knew I deserved her hatred, no matter what I'd thought Kenneth had done.

The wipers whispered the wrongness of my deed. The Georgia/Tennessee state line was moments away. I knew how to fix everything.

At the time of his death I'd assumed Kenneth meant Jorge Riaz. I considered that maybe Donnelly was the 'he' Kenneth made me promise to protect Katie from, not Jorge. Maybe Katie wasn't the 'she' that needed protecting.

It didn't really matter, though I knew how to fix everything. I'd kill the monsters for Katie. Jorge Riaz. Paul Donnelly Sr. Then I would kill the biggest monster of all when it was done.