Forever

"You shouldn't be sorry. You are the only person who's ever loved me and I love you too." Jen brushed her lips against mine once more but I could feel her hesitation. I held her back a bit.

"I know you love me but you aren't in love with me. It's okay. I don't want you to do something because you want to make me happy. Having you here with me makes me happy enough." I kissed her forehead and sighed.

"No, Liv, I really do love you. I never loved anyone before you and I never found anyone after. I didn't know the difference but I think I really am in love with you." She forced her lips against me once more and this time I could feel her passion. Maybe she did love me.

"Jen, I don't want to hurt you. What if you realize you don't love me? I can't lose you as a friend." I told her as I pushed her back for a third time. I had prayed for her kisses for years and now in one day I had pushed her away three times.

"You could never lose me. I love you." She grinned and wrapped her arms around me. She hugged my body tightly and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Jenna, I..." I didn't know what to say. I rested my back against the door and I waited for something to happen. I prayed for a sudden moment of clarity when I would have the answers I needed. But that moment never came. I stood hugging Jen for at least ten minutes before she stood back and looked at me.

"Are we going to bed, or what?" She asked with a warm smile. It was almost like nothing had happened. I nodded and we went to my room. We changed in silence, we had been naked in front of each other hundreds of times and this one was no different. I crawled into bed and Jen was close behind after she fixed a bed for the puppy in the corner of the room. I turned out the lights and I lay in the dark silently. I still had no idea what Jen wanted from me.

"Liv?" Jenna asked a few minutes later. I assume it was a few minutes later but in reality I was so consumed in my own thoughts that it could've been hours.

"Yeah." I croaked out. I was horrified she would take it all back.

"I'm not sorry I kissed you. I'm sorry if you are mad but I'm not sorry that I kissed you." she whispered to me as she reached out for me in the dark. She grabbed my waist softly and turned me towards her. "Are you upset with me? I really just want to know what you're thinking."

"I don't know, Jen. I just don't know what to say. I am so scared that you are wrong about how you feel." Tears fell from the corners of my eyes and I waited for a response.

Jenna kissed at the tears that fell, making me cry more. "It's okay. I understand that you aren't sure but you will be eventually. Let's go to sleep, now. We can deal with this tomorrow."

During the next week Jen put herself through a gauntlet to prove herself to me. The first day she ordered me a bouquet of sunflowers, my favorite flowers. The second day she took me to my favorite little restaurant, where she insisted on paying. And the other five days she spent trying to convince me that she knew me better than anyone, which I didn't doubt. What I was unsure of was her feeling towards me but every time she felt my hesitation she would kiss me. Now matter where we were she would plant one on me. It didn't matter if we were alone in my house or in the middle of a crowded store. On the night of the seventh day we were sitting on my couch watching one of my favorite movies, a sappy chick flick, when I got the heavy feeling that everything between us was a lie. Okay, so she knew my favorite movie and flower and desserts but did that mean she was ready? Would I be okay if she wasn't?

"What is it?" she asked when she felt me stiffen behind her, she was lying in my lap.

"I don't think I can do this, Jen." I tried to speak clearly but my voice trembled.

"What are you talking about? You love this movie." The look on her face broke my heart. She looked hurt and lost but mostly hurt.

"I don't mean the movie. I mean this. Us." My words seemed to cut into her. Her facial expression changed to something I had never seen before. She looked betrayed.

"Why don't you believe that I really love you? I don't know how else to prove it. I don't know what else to do for you to believe me?" Jen stood sharply from the couch and turned her back to me.

I hung my head in my hands. "You don't get it do you, Jenna?"

"Get what, damn it?" She yelled as she turned back around to face me. The pain in her voice killed me inside.

"I'm not the one that has to believe it. You are. I will always love you, Jen. No matter what. But you have to be sure because we can't just go back to the way we were before." I looked down at the ground in front of me and I didn't move. Jen walked back over to me and grabbed my face in her hands.

"I don't want to go back. I want this." She pulled me up to her and she kissed me again but this kiss was different from all the others. She didn't pull away from me after a moment. She pressed harder against me and I kissed back. When she finally let me go, she laughed. "You are a pretty good kisser when you put a little effort into it."

That was all the invitation that I needed. I felt it. The moment of clarity. I finally felt that she cared as much as I did. I don't know how to explain it but it was there. Her love was finally there. I grabbed her and kissed her again. This time I licked at her lips and she opened her mouth to my wandering tongue. I had never kissed anyone the way I was kissing Jenna. I was in no hurry. We had forever. I explored her mouth slowly and soon her tongue made it's way into my mouth and we began kissing in earnest. We eventually get short of breath and I reluctantly had to relinquish my hold of her mouth.

"You want to go to bed?" I asked with a devilish smile. Jen's face took an immediate turn for the worse and my heart sank in my chest. Maybe she didn't feel the same way after all. She would make out with me but she wouldn't go to bed with me.

"It's only 10 o'clock." she mumbled softly. I decided to give her one more chance, thinking that maybe she was just a little unsure of my intentions.

I leaned up close to her and whispered into her ear. "That's the point, beautiful." Jen froze and I watched as she looked horrified at the thought of sleeping with me. I grabbed her and kissed her forehead. "It's okay." I let her go and made my way upstairs. First I changed out of my jeans and top then I changed my soaked panties. Kissing Jen was hot to say the least. I pulled on an old concert t-shirt and crawled into bed. I stared out the window and thought about what would've happened if Jen had gone with me to bed. I thought about peeling the clothes off of her gorgeous form. I imagined kissing every inch of her immaculate body. I dreamed of touching her everywhere I could get my hands. But in the end I shrugged the thoughts away and focused on the fact that I was alone in my bed. Alone.

"Can I talk to you?" I heard Jen say from the door way. I stayed silent, hoping that she would think that I was sleeping. But she knew better. "Liv, please talk to me."

"Yeah."

"I know you are upset..."

"Upset? Why would I be upset? You don't want to sleep with me. Why would that upset me?" I complained without turning to face her. I knew I shouldn't be so mad at her but I couldn't help it. I had wanted her for years and when I was finally within reach she shot me down.

"Liv, it's not that I don't want to. It's just that I don't... I have never..." her voice trailed off and I turned around to see what had happened to her. Tears were streaming down her face and I shot up and hugged her. No matter how angry I was, I loved her.

"It's alright, Jenna. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I will wait until you're ready." I kissed her head but she forced me to look at her while she struggled to control her sobs.

"It's not that I don't want to. It's just that I haven't been with anyone since..." it finally dawned on me. She hadn't been with anyone since her stepfather had raped her. I felt like a monster for being angry at her.

"Oh baby. I'm sorry. I had no idea." I fluttered kissed all over her cheek and forehead begging her to forgive me.

"I want to be with you but I don't know what to do." She eventually confessed. I smiled and pulled her down into the bed with me. We made our way under the covers and began kissing like we had been earlier. She was the sweetest thing I had ever tasted. We made out like a couple of teenagers for hours before finally Jen moved away slightly. "Can I touch you?" she asked sheepishly. My heart soared and I pulled off my shirt leaving me in only a bra and panties. My hands cradled her head softly as we kissed again, this time with her hands gingerly placed on my chest, over my bra. She really didn't know what to do but that made no difference. Having her touch me was like my dream come true. And although it might disappoint the interested reader, all we did that night was kiss. She felt me up a bit over my bra but I didn't push her any farther. I would have to take another road with her and it didn't involve ravaging her at my first whim. It would take a finer touch. It would take some planning but in the end all I had was time.

The next night I put my plan in motion. After we returned for work I had a large meal set at the table. We dined while making small talk. We spoke of stories of our past and plans for our future. I no longer doubted the sincerity of her feelings. If she was sure then I would be too. After dinner I sent her to take a bath, alone, while I got our room ready. My room was no longer mine, it was ours. Everything I had was ours and vise versa. She even said that that damned dog was ours, although I would've preferred if she retained full ownership, but I eventually came around to it and I grew to care deeply for that mutt. But continuing. While Jen bathed, I filled the room with candles. So many candles that I lost count. There were dozens of small candles on every surface that I could fit them. (Except the bed. Bedding and flames make me nervous.) Next came the music. I put on some soft music, more for atmosphere than for actual listening. I stripped out of my clothes next and changed into a matching red lace bra, panties and garter set but I modestly hid them under a silk robe. I waited while Jen bathed and although it only took her about 20 minutes it felt like an eternity to me. But when she finally emerged in only a robe and a flimsy towel in her head I smiled. She was gorgeous, even with no makeup. Her hair was a mess when the towel tumbled from her head. She stood in shock as she watched me move closer to her. I wrapped my arm around her waist and I pulled her close to me.

"I want this to be perfect for you." I whispered to her before I kissed her softly. There was no urgency in that kiss. No hurry, no rush. Just love. I wanted her memory of that night to have no ties with anything negative. I wanted her to remember our first time together as perfect.

"I don't deserve you." she murmured as we continued to kiss.

"You're right, you deserve much more." I replied while leading her to the bed. I instructed her to lie on her stomach and she agreed reluctantly, she was beyond nervous. I retrieved some body oils from the night stand and (after removing the robe) I made a painstakingly slow job of rubbing it into her body all over. She was still nervous about being in front of me completely naked but I whispered soft things into her ear as my hands worked slowly and skillfully along her body. After maybe an hour of rubbing I sat up in the bed languidly. The rest of the night would depend on her. "What do you want to happen next?" I asked. "If you want this to continue then tell me and I will show you a little surprise but if you want to stop we can do that too. I love you no matter which you choose."

She reached for the blanket and covered herself while she sat and looked at me for a moment, obviously contemplating her choices. A sly smile crossed her lips. It made my panties wet. "What kind of surprise?"

I stood back and toyed with the belt that tied my robe together. "Do you really want to continue? We don't have to." she nodded but I got serious. "Are you sure? We have forever to do this."

"Tonight is perfect. Now show me what's under that robe." I didn't need more invitation than that, I pulled off my robe and did a quick spin in my red lace outfit. "You are gorgeous." She said as her eyes went wide. "But you still look a bit over dressed."

"Do you want to do the honors?" I asked. She nodded and I crawled into the bed next to her. We kissed passionately and her hands found their way to the clasp of my bra sheepishly. The harder we kissed the more sure she was of her self. Her fingers fumbled at my bra, she obviously had no experience removing another woman's bra. But I loved it. I loved how inexperienced she was. I loved knowing that I had forever to teach her.

"Oh god, I love you, Liv." She said when she finally unsnapped my bra. I had to suppress the tears that tried to fall from my eyes. I had dreamed of that moment for so long. I had dreamed of touching her and of having her want to touch me. I had dreamed of those words.

Jen pushed me back a bit and peeled the bra off of my body. She paused and stared at me for a minute. She seemed to hesitate but I waited.

"I don't know." she whispered. My heart sank and I felt like crying but I didn't. I sat back and smiled.

"Don't worry about it. We don't have to do this." I said gently as I took her hands in mine. I kissed her fingers.

"No. I do want to do this. I just don't know... what to do." she confessed. I almost laughed but I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"How about this, you let me take care of you then you can see what you're comfortable with? If you want me to stop just say so." She gave me a nod and I eased her back into the bed. I slipped out of the red clothing. I crawled into the bed over her and kissed her gently. I leaned down slightly so that she could feel my breasts touching hers. My hard nipples rubbing into her flesh. I kissed and sucked gently at her neck. She pressed me hard onto her but I remained gentle. I knew how careful I had to be. I couldn't do anything to scare her.

I found my way to her fleshy breasts and I kissed them slowly. Making a painstaking job of furthering her arousal. She moaned loudly as I licked around her nipple and she gave a sharp intake of breath when I finally closed my mouth around it. I had never been so happy in all my life. No one had ever made my heart flutter the way Jenna did.

I kissed lower, around her flat yet yielding stomach. She breathed erratically and lifted her hips, trying to increase our contact. I took the opportunity and slid my arms under her small frame. Essentially hugging her. I licked and kissed at her soft skin until she was panting. I nuzzled my face on her stomach after one final kiss.

"You doing okay, Jen?" I asked softly. I needed her to control things, no matter how bad I wanted to.

"I'm good." She said slightly out of breath.

I continued my work, moving slowly. Inch by inch, I moved my way to her hips until only my tongue was moving on her. She tangled her fingers into my hair and pulled me tightly to her body. My arms were still wrapped around her body, not at her waist. I bit at her slightly exposed hip bone and she laughed briefly. Her laughing stopped when I moved my head between her thighs. I let go of my hold on her body and raked my fingernails along the insides of her legs, kissing and licking as I went. When I finally reached her pussy, it was dripping sweet syrupy fluids onto my bed. I had succeeded in my task to arouse her.

"You good, baby?" I asked one final time. Jen answered me by lifting her hips and pressing her wet sex towards me. I took that as my cue and began kissing her most private of areas. Her fingers were in my hair once again and she tried guiding me. But I was the one with the experience and it was my job to please her. I grabbed her hands in mine and held them on either side of her on the bed. I wasn't pinning her, I was holding her hands. Our fingers were locked together gently, there was nothing controlling about it.

I licked the length of her slit before concentrating on her clit, not having my hands put me at a deficit but I was managing just fine. I knew when Jen was getting close to orgasm. Her hold on my hands tightened, leaving my knuckles white and starved for blood. Her hips started to move with my mouth, grinding on me. Then suddenly her back arched, she squeezed my hands tightly, and moaned a slur of words I didn't understand. Her body went rigid but I kept on the course, sucking her clit into my mouth while running my tongue along it. When her body finally relaxed and her breathing came in short gasps I crawled back up her body and laid next to her, still holding her hands.

"You okay?" I asked as I kissed along her neck as she continued trying to regulate her breaths.

I got a weary nod from her and I smiled. "I love you." she murmured.

"I love you too, beautiful." I continued to kiss along her neck and shoulders until she was completely relaxed. She then let go of my hands and held onto my neck, trying to guide me to her mouth. Our lips met, this time with a totally different context. It was sweet and gentle and I felt I could live that moment over everyday for the rest of my life. With some luck maybe I would. I knew she could taste herself on my mouth and tongue.

"I want to do something for you." Jen told me as soon as I resumed my work on her shoulder. I kissed her lips once more and silenced her.

I went back to kissing her neck, more licking actually. My hands were working freely around her body, touching and rubbing everywhere I could get my hands. I reached between her legs and slowly rubbed up and down her still moist pussy. She moaned and pulled my head to her mouth. Then she kissed me passionately while I dipped my middle finger into her. She gasped into my mouth as I started moving my hand in and out of her, slowly fucking her. I used the heel of my hand to rub her clit as my hand continued to move in her. She tried her best to continue kissing me but at some points she could do little more then moan. But I didn't mind.

"Oh god." she moaned after a few minuted of having my hand buried in her. "I'm gonna come... right there... please don't stop..."

I moved my hand a little faster and I rubbed against her a little harder. She lolled her head back and I used the opportunity to kiss and suck on her exposed neck while her pussy convulsed around my fingers. She hugged my neck tightly as I continued to lick and suck on her neck. She lay panting under me, when I finally rolled over onto my back next to her. I slowly yet meticulously licked my fingers clean.

"Are you still okay?" I asked as I rolled over onto my side to face my gorgeous friend.

"I think so." she replied with a smile. She reached over and kissed me one final time before cuddling up next to me. She placed her head on my collar and made circles around my nipple, absentmindedly. I snaked one of my arms under her head and the other over her back onto her ass. I kneaded her flesh gently as we cuddled together.

"Hey, Liv?" she asked when I had almost fallen asleep. I kept my eyes closed but I answered.

"What's up, baby?" I asked in return.

"When did you know?"

"Know what?" I couldn't stop myself from rubbing her ass as we spoke, causing Jen to wiggle a bit.

"When did you know how you felt about me?"

The question caught me a bit by surprise but I tried to think of an answer. "You mean when did I know that I was in love with you?" I asked to make sure we were on the same page. Jen nodded onto my shoulder. "Well, I knew in college. I always loved you but I knew that I was in love with you a few weeks before we graduated. You couldn't sleep one night and when you got into my bed I realized how worried I was about you and how much I loved you. That night I realized that I had probably been in love with you since you walked into my dorm-room."