Forgiveness

Finally about 10:15PM, after having ignored more than a half dozen calls, he answered. "Rob Jacobs."

"Rob, it's Carl. I just called to be sure you knew we were good enough friends that I wouldn't hold you to that deadline. We can make a deal as soon as you're ready."

"Thanks Carl, I appreciate that but Deston has decided to buy in the park but thanks for your call.

**

That call from Carl Selworth had been his only break as he had come from his meeting with Tessa on a real downer. He was convinced that he could not return to a marriage with what she had done and it made him sad.

**

Sally assured him that the interim agreement would hold just fine and that she and Rick Jammison could handle anything that came up so Rob left for LA to get his new career started and to find a place to live.

It had been several days since he had closed the deal on the industrial park land and he had heard rumors that Carl was in trouble but, at that point, they were just rumors.

He tried to reach Sarah but was unable to and she had not returned his calls.

He did get calls from Ted and Sandra Adams, Tessa's parents, who clearly had been told everything and they were so sorry and hoped he could see his way clear to rebuilding the marriage with their older daughter. He tried not to raise any false hopes but he did, with sincerity, offer to stay in touch with them.

**

He spent the next 3 months getting to know his people and his job. It took a little adjustment as he had owned and operated his own business for so long, but John Sydenham the CEO and his right hand man, Al Billing, were really great to work with and he adjusted well.

He missed Tessa most in the evening when he was on his own. She called frequently but he ignored most of her communications. She had finally stopped leaving messages after a concerted attempt to reach him when he had her served with the divorce petition.

Every now and then he did answer and as long as she didn't start on about him throwing their marriage away or how it was "just sex" or even, it was "lousy sex", he would remain on the line and they would discuss neutral things.

It was during one of these calls when he was in a particularly bad mood that he asked how she and Carl were getting along. Tessa was hurt that he would even ask such a thing but finally got around to telling him that she had not seen Carl since that day when he had come to their door but from all local news reports, he was bankrupt. He had lost everything he and Sarah had and he was currently in jail as it was discovered that he had taken money from the company trust account.

She had no idea where Sarah was.

**

Rob began at once to try to track Sarah down. By this time he was firmly ensconced as Vice President of Operations and had made a few staff changes that left him with a working team in whom he had confidence. He left them to it and flew back to Atlanta.

**

April had not seen Tessa so excited.

When Rob called to say he'd like to drop in, her spirits soared.

Later that afternoon he did indeed drop in and kissed both April and Tessa on the cheek as he said hello. Tessa had long since learned what were "neutral" topics and which would set him off, so the conversation was light . . . up until he asked about Sarah Selworth.

Tessa became agitated and asked why he needed to know.

Without hesitation Rob told them of his call to her before he dumped Carl's land deal and now he needed to know if there was anything he could do to help her.

They weren't able to help, so after a little more conversation during which Tessa once again asked for a chance to earn his trust and forgiveness, he asked,

"What do you have in mind Tessa?"

"I can see you're committed to Deston and living in LA now and that you're not likely to move back here in the near future, so let me come and live with you in LA. Let me show you, day after day and minute after minute, how sorry I am for what I did and how much I love you. I guarantee you will see that I mean it and that there is nothing I wouldn't do for you to earn your forgiveness and your trust."

Rob's face took on a pained expression. "Tessa, I can and have prepared myself to face you today and to control the images of you and Carl that float through my mind now and then, but having you there with me, day in and day out, would subject me to them every minute of every day. I don't want that."

"You're saying that you don't love me anymore, that you don't care, even a little?"

"Tessa, I love you so much that it still hurts to remember your blatant disregard for our marriage vows and, given how little they meant to you, puts any promises you make now, seriously in doubt."

Tessa couldn't hold back the tears any longer and not having anything more to add, he left, once more kissing each goodbye.

**

After a call back to Deston's security chief, Ken Travers, Rob made a few enquiries at two motor vehicle license departments and soon found himself on a flight to Flint, Michigan and from there he took a rental car to Buckton where he found the Moonstar Café. He went there for supper.

After speaking briefly with the hostess, he was seated near the back of the dining room and moments later, as promised, he saw his waitress, Sarah, headed for him. He rose and hugged and kissed her in greeting.

She too had filed for divorce when she discovered Carl had liquidated all of their holdings, including a small trust of hers, left by her great aunt, and had lost it all.

After they had talked for almost an hour, she asked if he would take her home where she would get them some coffee and, as he had asked for them, she could show him what documents she still had.

**

Although excited to see Rob, Sarah had been devastated by the turn of events when Carl's land deal went bad and hadn't worked up the courage to call him as he had asked and she was now embarrassed.

Rob was so solicitous of her and so charming, that in a short time her fantasies were coming back to her mind.

After a pleasant evening during which he told her he may be able to salvage some of her lost assets, he kissed her chastely and said goodnight, promising to meet her for supper the next day.

**

Rondex Corp. valued their relationship with Deston, particularly given that they had an exclusive contract to do their marketing and promotions. They were already looking for a larger facility and their contract with Deston would be up for renewal in 7 months. Just as important was that Deston had already announced plans to expand just after their new facility started construction.

It made good business sense to listen to Deston's new VP of Operations as he suggested he had a perfect site for Rondex to consider and after hearing him out, agreed to pursue the deal.

**

"Sarah, it's only a loan. It will enable you to pay off the liens against the option you still hold from the divorce settlement. As soon as you do that, I have a buyer for the land. With the loan, you will be able to exercise your option then resell to Rondex. After all debts are paid, including me, and all withholdings are taken care of, you will have about $350,000 to $400,000 left.

The courts have given you the assets, including the option, free and clear of any claim from Carl as he is now a convicted felon. The money will be all yours.

I knowingly and deliberately stuck it to Carl but I spoke to you first to try to avoid hurting you in the process. You have been hurt and I'm asking for the chance to make it as right as I can. Please let me loan you the money."

**

Rob's buzzer rang that distinctive tone that says the downstairs security desk is calling.

"Tessa Jacobs to see you Mr. Jacobs. Shall I admit her?"

**

"Thank you for seeing me." Tessa said, as she came in the door. "I wasn't sure you would."

"Depending on what you want, I cannot see why I wouldn't." Rob replied. "What brings you to LA?"

Tessa's face took on an expression that was hard to describe but looked a little like she was terrified.

"I have done a terribly selfish thing without looking first at what was really important Rob. You deserved better than that of me. I want another chance. I want to stop this divorce and try to rebuild our marriage. I want you to take me back. I promise you won't regret it. You have no idea how much I would do to regain your love and your trust."

Although he was pretty sure this was what was coming he stood silent for a while before he spoke.

"I'm not the guy for you Tessa!"

"What do you mean? Of course you are! I was just too stupid and selfish to keep that in mind."

"Tessa, you need to find someone who means so much to you that you wouldn't stray, someone who is more important to you than an exciting roll in the hay with an asshole like Carl."

"I had someone like that. I was just too stupid to realize it. Now that I'm faced with the consequences of what I've done, I know I would do anything . . . anything for another chance. I'll never make that mistake again."

"Tessa, I'm not about to subject myself to living with you again and wondering what you're doing when we're apart. I would probably end up making you miserable as well."

"You still won't forgive me?"

"I'm not as angry and hurt as I once was but it still flares up now and then. I sometimes wonder if you would be with Carl now if his land deal had been successful and he wasn't in jail. I can't have a life with someone I feel that way about."

** several days later

"Mr. Jacobs, there's a Ms Conroy asking to speak with you."

Rob strained to recall the name, a place or event but couldn't and asked his secretary to inquire what it was about.

"She has asked me to say she used to be Sarah Selworth."

"Put her on please!"

"Sarah, how are you?"

"I'm fine Rob, thanks to you. The lawyers have finished the deal, Uncle Sam and the State of Georgia have taken their pieces and Mr. James tells me I have about $435,000 left over and I'd love it if I could start spending it by taking you to dinner."

"Definitely! I'll call you as soon as I know when I'll be in Atlanta."

"Well actually . . . I'm . . . I'm here in Los Angeles and I was hoping you might be free some evening soon."

**

As she emerged from the hotel elevator into the lobby later that day, Rob realized he had forgotten how beautiful Sarah was.

She moved smoothly into his arms, they kissed, again chastely, and exchanged complimentary greetings.

They enjoyed dinner and talked about the land deal and the ups and downs of the process and Rob delighted in how excited she was. He had put her in touch with his broker to set up investments that would pay her a reasonable salary and hopefully let her avoid returning to waiting on tables in Michigan.

True to her word, Sarah picked up the tab for dinner but only after agreeing to let Rob take her to the lounge where he would reciprocate and they could talk and . . . maybe dance.

**

When reality meets fantasy, reality rarely wins, or even ties . . . but for Sarah, dancing with Rob and being in his arms was, in actuality, even better than she imagined. The only way this evening was going to get any better for her would be to have him come to her room and spend the night.

Before much of the evening had passed, the invitation, although unspoken, was obvious to both.

When they had returned to their table Rob said gently, "Sarah, if things are still the same when my divorce is final, wild horses wouldn't keep me away but, until it is, please indulge me. I take pride in keeping my promises and I will keep my wedding vows until I am formally released."

Sarah's expression was hard to read but in truth it was a mix of admiration for his principles, disappointment that he would not be sharing her bed that night and excitement at the indication that someday . . . he might.

**

Sarah's divorce was quite quick in resolution as it involved a convicted, incarcerated felon. Rob had to contend with Tessa's lawyer who, at her request was delaying things hoping to avoid the divorce altogether.

Over the following weeks Rob met with Tessa and, occasionally her lawyer, a number of times and although he still felt the anger generated by her betrayal, it was nowhere near as intense and he found he could relatively calmly talk with her.

For her part, Tessa had learned what comments would trigger his anger and pain and focused on delivering the message that she had acted stupidly and selfishly, that she had hurt him more than it was possible to imagine and that the current relationship was making her pay a high price for her foolishness, that she would, given the opportunity, work for the rest of her life to demonstrate her love for him and regain his forgiveness, his love and his trust.

She called him periodically and now and then she came to LA to meet with him and make her plea. Each time she did, he would calmly explain that he was not going to put himself in a position of being reminded on a moment by moment basis how terrible her betrayal made him feel and she would acknowledge his pain and although she had learned not to say it, her face clearly demonstrated how much pain she was in herself.

**

Finally all the legal delaying tactics ran out of steam and the petition for divorce in the matter of Jacobs v. Jacobs was granted.

**

"I just happened to be passing by and thought I'd stop in and see how you are doing." Sarah began. "And if you believe that, I'll give you a really good deal and sell you the Brooklyn Bridge.

I see your divorce has been granted. I am sorry for all the pain you have been through Rob. On the other hand, I'd like to see you. How's chances of dinner?"

**

There was no doubt in Rob's mind that he was going to end up in bed with Sarah. The initial "hints" had long since become blatant invitations and although he was excited about it, Rob was wary that he not jump into any sort of an exclusive or, God forbid, a permanent relationship.

As they held each other tightly on the dance floor, Sarah was thrilled and would have married him on the spot, she was sure. He, however, had made it clear he was very happy to be with her and hoped they would see more of each other, but he was not yet ready for anything more than that.

**

Making love . . . that's what Sarah knew it to be. Rob's well toned body might have been a turn on by itself but he was so gentle sometimes and forceful and urgent at other times, making the whole experience so wonderful for her.

He had begun before they had even left the dance floor with his gentle stroking. He kissed her softly in the elevator on the way up to her room. He held her in his arms and kissed her passionately when they were in the door and it seemed to Sarah an interminable time before they were finally naked in her bed.

It all served only to heighten her arousal. She climaxed the moment his lips met her very wet pussy and came once more as he entered her. Sarah had never experienced such feelings.

They made love several times that night. Due to his self imposed avoidance of sex until his divorce was final, he didn't last long the first time he entered her, but Sarah could only remember the forcefulness of her own orgasm and the look of incredible bliss on his face as he finally came.

Late the next morning as she lay beside him, watching him sleep, some unwanted thoughts came to her mind. She could not help but compare him with Carl and realized how crude Carl had been and how wonderful Rob really was. She could not help but wonder how Tessa could have thrown away a man like this.

**

Sarah stayed in LA for about a month during which she and Rob spent almost every night together, except for a business trip he had to make to San Antonio. Near the end of the month it was clear to them both that Rob needed some personal space and although it pained her to do so, she decided to go back home to her parents in Michigan.

He took her to the airport and after promising to stay in touch, said goodbye.

**

They spoke on the telephone a few times but Sarah soon realized that Rob was not where she was, in terms of a relationship between them, and the calls tapered off.

After a few weeks, Rob began dating some of the available women he had met in LA avoiding any "office" relationships. He soon began to appreciate the dating scene and enjoyed it to the fullest.

After about 3 months during which he had spoken to Sarah only twice, he began to wonder what he was going to do about his personal life and that line of thought made him realize there was something he wanted . . . no, . . . needed to do and, as soon as he could make the arrangements, he was headed to Atlanta.

**

Tessa was wary!

Rob had come to town before and had called asking to see her at other times too, but she hadn't managed to make any headway in convincing him to allow her back into his life.

The substantial settlement she received from the divorce made her, by most people's standards, quite wealthy and she had been using some of those resources to keep track of her ex-husband, knowing full well she would give it all up if she could only have him forgive her and take her back.

She was heart-broken when she found that Sarah and Rob were practically living together in Los Angeles and began to feel some of the pain Rob must have felt over her betrayal.

She was encouraged when she learned Sarah had gone back to Michigan and even more so when it appeared she was staying there.

Rob had stayed in touch with her family and had called occasionally but this time he had asked her out to lunch.

This time there was something different about him. He seemed more relaxed and he had that wonderfully exciting smile she remembered from when she first met him.

Tessa began to get excited.

After a lot of getting caught up on the news on both sides, Rob finally said, "Tessa there's something I've come to tell you."

Her heart leapt!

"You may not even be interested. It may not mean anything to you any more, but it does to me. Tessa . . . if it makes any difference to you at all, I want you to know that I have forgiven you. Whatever hurt you caused, I'm over it and I want you to know that I sincerely wish you every happiness. I hope you have a great life."

His manner was soft and gentle, as he so often was, but his words drove a dagger into her heart, as she recognized she was never going to get him back. She said, "This is it isn't it Rob? You're never going to give me another chance are you?"

His look confirmed her worst fears and with tears streaming down her cheeks she said, "You haven't really forgiven me at all Rob. If you had, you would let me back into your life and let me spend our time together making you happy and making you forget how much I hurt you."

"But I have forgiven you Tessa. I remember only a faint sadness and I am no longer angry and I no longer want to hurt you. I really do want nothing but happiness for you."

Tessa rose and walked away, devastated at the turn of events, leaving Rob confused and both of them wondering, "What does forgiveness mean?"