Frank and Shayleen Ch. 02

"So you did fuck him."

"I did not! But I guess that I did lie at that. I told you that I pushed him away when he started pushing me down to my knees. That was the lie. What really happened was that he pushed me to my knees and I took his cock in my mouth. That was when I came to my senses and broke away from him. I didn't think you needed to know that. I thought that what I'd told you was bad enough and I didn't need to tell any more. You didn't need to think any worse of me than you were all ready going to.

"But the baby is yours Frank. Doubt it or wonder about it all you want, but it is yours and I want you to be the baby's full time father as much as you want to be the full time father, but right now it is not looking too good for you Frank. I am not going to go on living the way we have been living. If you are not going to try and work with me to get by my stupid move then we need to end things. I'm well aware that it is all my fault and I understand your need to punish me for what I did, but I am not going to allow that punishment to last for the rest of my life.

"Since my colossal blunder with Travon you have been big on offering me choices, but now I'm giving you one. Shit or get off the pot Frank. Either work with me to try and save what we had or flat out tell me that you are not going to. I'll give you until this time tomorrow to decide what you are going to do. If you are not going to work with me I'll be packed and out of here within twenty-four hours and I'll see a lawyer the next day. I won't be a bitch about visitation, but your desire to be a full time father will take a hit. I'd think hard on it if I were you."

As she walked out of the room I was thinking "You should have known better Frank. You knew that Shay was no soft cream puff. You should have known you could only push her so far before she would get her back up."

I wasn't really ready to let her off the hook, but it looked as if I wasn't going to be able to push it for as long as I had intended. But I still had a problem and a major one to my mind. If I caved too quickly to her ultimatum it could give her the idea that it was all she needed to do to get her way from now on. I couldn't have that. More to the point, I would not allow that.

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I spent a good part of the next day thinking on the situation and what to do. There was no doubt in my mind that the baby was mine. I just kept throwing my doubt in her face to upset her and piss her off. And I did love her. Christ! I'd loved her when she didn't even know who I was when we were in school. There was never any intent in my mind to leave Shay. The hard line I was taking with her was strictly to make her suffer; to give me some satisfaction. Payback for the mental pain she had caused me.

Because she wasn't seeing things from where I was sitting she didn't see our problem the way I saw it. As far as she was concerned what she started out to do was wrong, but then she didn't do it so no harm, no foul, get over it and let's move on. It would have been no harm, no foul if I hadn't learned of it, but I did learn of it and learning of it hurt. I hurt worse than Shay would let herself accept. By the time I locked the doors after that last employee had gone home I had a game plan. Whether or not it was a good one only time would tell.

Shay was home and had dinner ready when I got home. We sat down to eat and it was a silent meal except for Shay asking me to pass the green beans. When we were done eating she got up, went to the sink, rinsed her dish and put it in the dishwasher. Then she leaned against the counter, looked at me and said:

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What did you decide?"

"I haven't. For me to decide to try and make things work I need to decide whether it is even possible for things to ever work out. There are a lot of 'what ifs' and unanswered questions. Then there are attitudes that need to be dealt with and trust issues that need to be addressed.'

"Attitudes? Trust issues? I don't understand."

"Sure you do. Your attitude has been that you didn't actually do it so no harm, no foul, get over it and move on. That attitude is totally unacceptable to me. Then there is the issue of trust. Can I trust you not to do it again? If you think there is no way that I will ever find out will you once again try to see what a black man is like? You can say that there is no way that you will ever do it, but could I trust that you wouldn't? You travel at least once a month for three or four days doing audits. What will it do to me sitting here at home and wondering if you are behaving or being curious? And don't even tell me that I don't have to worry about it. Before I even proposed you knew how insecure I was because of what I went through with Glenda and Gloria. Now it is what I went through with Glenda, Gloria and you."

"You aren't being fair frank. I didn't do it. I came to my senses and I didn't do it."

"You see Shayleen? That is the problem. To you it is only important that you didn't do it. I don't see it that way. The way I see it is that you willingly went with Travon to his room with the intention of cheating on me. So what you say; I didn't go through with it. When you walked into his apartment and the door closed behind you did you say, "Sorry Travon; I can't go through with this. I love my husband and I can't do this to him" and then turn and leave? No you didn't. When he undressed did you say, "No Travon; I can't do this." No you didn't. When you were half undressed did you suddenly stop and say you couldn't do it, get dressed and leave. No you didn't. You didn't even stop when you had his cock in your hand and were stroking it. You didn't even stop when you opened your mouth and wrapped the lips that I used to love to kiss around his dick. You didn't stop until after you had sucked his cock for a minute or two.

"To me you cheated on me when you went into his room with the intent to fuck him. That is the sticking point Shayleen. You weren't drunk and out of it or anything like that; you willingly and with intent went to his room with him and took him into your body. I know that I'm belaboring the point, but that is the point. You willingly did what you did and can I bring myself to believe that you won't do it again?

"That is the roadblock Shayleen. That is what is keeping me from attempting to try and salvage our relationship. The fear that if the opportunity offers itself again you will do it. So you tell me Shayleen; how do I get my trust in you back? Just saying that you won't do it again because you love me and don't want to lose me ain't going to get it. You loved me and didn't want to lose me when you willingly went with Travon, but it didn't stop you until you had all ready gone way too far, at least in my estimation, so how are you going to save this marriage Shayleen?

"Giving me twenty-four hours to shit or get off the pot isn't going to get us anywhere. It isn't me Shayleen; it is you. You made this mess so the question has to be what are you going to do to make me want to try and move forward with you? How are you going to make me believe that it will even be possible for things between us to work out?

"Make no mistake here Shayleen; I do love you and I have wanted you since high school. I never even remotely considered that we could ever be together so having you marry me was the equivalent of dying and going to Heaven, but I can only be hurt so many times before I just flat give up. Glenda, Gloria, and you and Travon have done it Shayleen. I've been pushed to the edge and the next step will send me into the abyss. How are you going to make me believe that you won't cause me to take that last step?

"Telling me to shit or get off the pot won't do it Shayleen. You are going to have to find someway to extend your hand to me in such a way that I will trust you enough to take it and let you pull me back from where I'm standing on the edge. I know that isn't the answer that you were looking for, but it is the best that I can offer. You, you Shayleen, have to make me believe that the marriage can be made to work again. You have to give me a reason to get up off the pot."

I stood up and started for the garage to see if I could find something to keep my hands busy, but before I got to the door Shayleen said:

"Where are you going? We are not done here."

I turned and leaned on the door and looked at her.

"You want a reason? How's this for one. When I told you about Todd you promised me that you would never leave me and that I was stuck with you for life. You promised! Is your word no good? How about your promise to keep me for better or worse when we said our vows? What I did was about as worse as it can get, but you promised. I know what you are going to say to that. You are going to throw my promise to hold only unto you in my face, but so what. So I'm not a good person. But you are and I have two promises from you and I'm holding you to them Frank. You told me that I was stuck with you for life and I'm god-damned well going to hold you to that promise.

"I'll make you a promise now" and she placed her hand on her swollen belly and said:

"I swear on my baby's life that I will never cheat on you and that I will be the best wife and mother you could ever hope for for the rest of our lives. So help me God!"

I believed her.

And now, eight years and three kids later I'm glad that I did.