Free at Last Ch. 01

"You have to get surgery?" He sat down in a chair.

"They don't know. I'm not healing as well as they'd hoped. Thanks to SOMEONE." He glared at the nurse who flipped him off while she flipped through a magazine, not even looking up from the article.

"Is she allowed to do that!" He gesutred with a motionless hand. He sighed and shook his head.

"Ana, sweety. It's about time for your story yeah? Why don't you run off I want to talk to Nikolai." Clark said. Nikolai gave a curious glare at him while Ana ran off.

"So?" He said when they were alone.

"I love my daughter more than anything. I don't want her getting hurt. I see how you act around other people, if you ever treat her like that..." Clark said.

"Shes a child, even I'm not that much of a dick." Nikolai spat at him.

"Right." Clark said like he wasn't sure. Nikolai rolled his eyes and looked anywhere but at Clark.

"I should go, I have work to do." Clark stood and began leaving. Nikolai watched him leave silently.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"So you really believe your boyfriend leaving you had nothing to do with your attempt?" Henstridge asked.

"He wasn't that great." Nikolai shrugged.

"You said the other day that he left you because you weren't.... what word did you use.... 'pure' enough. What did you mean by that?" Henstridge asked.

"Nothing." Nikolai felt his heart ache. Henstridge stared at him a moment before putting down the pen and clipboard.

"You made so much progress before. I don't want us to be going backwards here." She said.

"Can we just change the subject please?" Nikolai sighed. His arms hung limp in his lap, elbows resting on the arms of the wheelchair.

"Okay, can we talk about your foster family again?" Henstridge asked.

"Sure. Whatever." Nikolai shrugged.

"Did your brothers and sisters get along with you?" She asked, picking up her clipboard again.

"I guess, we weren't best friends but they weren't mean or anything." Henstridge nodded and wrote something down.

"And your foster parents? We already talked about your foster father trying to change you to perfect his image, what about your foster mother?"

"She was just with my Foster dad for his money, she didn't care about any of her kids." Nikolai shrugged.

"That must have been tough. Going through two families who didn't really love you."

"I survived. I made something of myself. I got a job and a home. Supported myself. Got and kept a boyfriend. Tons of people have families that don't love them. And they get by just fine." Nikolai said. Henstridge nodded and thought for a moment.

"Then what made you do it? You don't seem to broken over your complex childhood. Or your boyfriend leaving you. It's got to be why he left you then." Henstridge said.

"I said I didn't want to talk about it." Henstridge stared at him silently while he sulked.

"Then I don't see the point of this. You wont talk to me about what is causing you all this pain. If you don't talk then I cant help you." She threw her arms up.

"Then why am I here."

"We are going in circles here Nikolai." She stood and walked over to him.

"I don't want to be here." He was almost shouting now.

"Then leave. Why don't you want help? Don't you want to be happy?" She yelled at him. Tears fell from his eyes and he felt his cheeks flush at the embarrassment of crying in front of her. She stared at him silently, waiting for an answer. He sobbed quietly to himself for a moment before nodding. She sighed and sat back down. She waited patiently while he choked and sobbed until the tears stopped falling.

"He left me because I had sex with someone else." Nikolai whispered.

"You cheated on him." Henstridge said. Nikolai shook his head and tried to keep the tears back.

"What do you mean you had sex with someone else? That's cheating." She said. Nikolai almost began sobbing again. He lifted his useless arm and wiped tears away with a limp hand.

"I didn't want to." He sobbed. Henstridge thought for a moment before it dawned on her.

"You were raped." She said. He lost it then and began sobbing uncontrolably. The sobs fell over his body in waves. He felt embarrassed and weak for crying in front of this woman. He couldn't breathe and was gasping for air between sobs.

"Nikolai you need to calm down. You lost a lot of blood remember? You cant get out of breath like this." She knelt in front of him. She paged for an nurse who came in immediately. She wheeled him back to his room where he tried to fight off the helping hands. Eventually they managed to get an oxygen mask over his face as he was just about to pass out. He yanked at the restraints around his wrists and feet until the last moment of wakefulness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He woke up the next morning and his arms throbbed like nothing before. He looekd at the bandages and saw the red lines the indicated his cuts.

"You tore your stitches." The nurse said as she fiddled with his pain medicine. "You have surgery schedueled for later." She said. Nikolai said nothing and only looked at his arms, held down by the restraints. He yanked at the one keeping his right arm down but it did no good. He relaxed and sat there.

"Hi Nikky!" Ana came strolling in with Monty in tow. He didn't feel like talking to the little girl today and just closed his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Ana asked, as the nurse left. Nikolai sighed.

'Maybe if I don't say anything she'll just go away.' He thought.

"Are you sick? Monty will make you better." he opened his eyes to see her frowning with worry. She put Monty down next to his head and stroked his hair. This little girl who hardly knew him treated him better then almost anyone ever had. Tears came to his eyes and he let her pet him gently. She hugged him and 'Shh'd him like a little girl playing with her doll.

"Ana." Clark walked in. Nikolai attempted to wipe away the tears that stained his face but was only met with jerk of restraints around his wrists. He growled audibly and fought with the restraints some more.

"Could we get these fucking things off?" he shouted at the nurse. Who walked in from the nurses station.

"No. Not after last night." She shook her head. He began cursing at her in fluent Russian.

"I don't know what you just said, honey. But you better knock it off or I WILL sedate you." She pointed a finger in his face. He glared at her as she left and gave one last tug of his restraints, before looking down at his lap. Embarrassed.

"What are you doing here? I thought you worked a lot or something." Nikolai asked, without looking up.

"I do, but I have a few days off and like to spend it here with my daughter." Clark explained. Nikolai nodded in understanding.

"i'm sorry about that." Nikolai said quietly.

"What did she mean 'not after last night'?" Clark asked.

"Nothing, I just got pissed off." Nikolai shrugged.

"Yeah, cuz that's unusual." Clark laughed. Nikolai glared at him before giving in and smiling. Clark, Nikolai, and Ana continued to talk for a little while before the nurse came in, telling Nikolai they had to sedate him and prep him for surgery. He shrugged and let them do whatever they wanted. He found that he was quickly becoming less concerned about what happened to him. He felt like a moody teenager most of the time. Just thinking that everything.....sucked.