Freyas Saga Ch. 22

Pity and fear.

She quickly added up the cost of lying as against the benefit of telling him the truth.

"Yes," she said.

"Then forgive me," he said. "I am sorry. I didn't know."

She held him there a moment longer, then let go and stepped back, out of his reach, and put her hand inside her cloak and into the pocket that held her cosh.

He turned around, unable to meet her eye.

"The war," he said, shaking his head. "It barely touched us here. We heard all the stories. I know what happened to people. And, and, um, women, specially. I'm sorry, I didn't..."

She shrugged.

"All right," she said. "You have not harmed me. Now you know."

"Yes," he said.

"I hope you have learned your lesson," she said.

Damn, why do I feel like a fraud? It was as much the war as anything else.

If there had been no war, there would be no wild. If there had been no wild, I would still be a virgin. Broken and grieving, but I would have been spared all that.

"I have," he said, nodding.

"Then, good," she said. "I am sorry to have hurt you, but..."

"I understand," he said. She was startled by how his new idea of her changed utterly his manner. He was like a chastised younger brother.

"May I say something," he said, wiping his bleeding mouth with the back of his hand and darting a glance at her.

"By way of farewell, yes," she said.

"Of course," he said, and straightened up a bit.

"I would say, only," he said, in his most formal voice, "that it is not the worst thing about the late war, that a maiden...um..."

He paused, clearly in an agony of embarrassment.

"A young woman," she said quietly.

"That a young woman could be so ill-handled as to...um..."

She saw what he was trying to say and she fought back the impulse to mock him.

"Perhaps," she said, "start the sentence again."

"Yes," he agreed. "Um."

He paused, and then launched into it.

"It is a tragedy that one so fair as yourself should be so ill-treated, as to cause you such aversion to the natural forces of love, that you are compelled to put up such defences against them."

She considered this.

Oh, for...you idiot. You are still trying to play me. She stared at him, and he withered a little.

"But if I were ugly, it wouldn't matter, since nobody would want me anyway," she said.

"That's not what I..."

"Fuck off," she said, pointing towards the street. "Just fuck off."

"Yes, miss," he mumbled, and backed away from her. Once he was out in the daylight, he ran.

Fucking Venceborn, she thought.

Ever since we came here. Every man I deal with. This one shows a shred of manners, so I give him an inch. And see what he does with it. We could have talked with him again, but not now. Now he will be ashamed to be in the same house as me.

She sighed, and waited to see if he was coming back. After a moment, she went to the entrance to the alley and looked both ways. No sign of him.

She walked on up the hill, one hand in her pocket, resting on her cosh.