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I didn't blame her, after all based on Kris' retelling of the story it sounded like she was the victim in a lot of this, though not fully blameless.
"Now that my public shaming is over, can we get on with the game and maybe give someone else a chance to embarrass themselves?" Kris desperately suggested.
It was my deal; I shuffled the cards while I made mental notes of Kris' story. It would be perfect for my next article. And yet the night was still young, I had bled chips throughout Kris' retelling but still had plenty for the game. I dealt the cards and mentally braced myself for more.
- COMMENTS
Sucker4Boobiesover 8 years agoI really enjoyed the set-up and exposition style you used in this story. Looking forward to reading more!
Anonymousover 8 years agoThis is a really small point, but the way you introduced the girls' names at the start of the story was rather cliche. Like, it seemed like a rather forced way to shoe-horn their names in. And it was made even worse by the fact that you later actually gave them all their own proper introductions. It would've been so much better to give us their names for the first time when the main character was receiving them, then it would have been much more fluid.
Of course, I found the rest of the story great, otherwise I'd have so much more to complain about, right? So yeah, keep it up, because I'm definitely going to enjoy seeing where this story goes.
suzukimafuyuover 8 years agoI've read longer, I've read a few things with more detail, but there's just something about the balance between what you've written and what you manage to evoke in the imagination of the reader that just makes this story work better than just about anything I've ever read here. Between this one, and it's sequel (as of reviewing, only a chapter 2) you've managed to write something that I'd almost call a little light on the smut, but managed to get me going even more than most other stories I've read. I'm really enjoying these, for more than just smut, but plot. This little world you've built is both interesting (and one I wouldn't mind living in in the least... would totally have a yellow bracelet on as soon as I was legal...)
I wish I was a bit better at giving critical reviews, as I know writers (generally) love that sort of feedback to improve... but honestly, as far as I'm concerned, you've got both a style, and the technical skill with the written word to back it up in a way that just makes me want to keep reading. Keep up the great work, I'll be checking back regularly for more!
Anonymousover 8 years agoBeautifully written. It puts a lot of the sex scenes and just overall plots on Literotica to shame. I'll definitely be reading your other stories.
