From Ashes the Phoenix Rises

When they enter the hall I hear them talking, laughing. They go up the north stairs to the second floor. They are going to his office! The bitch! Why? Why are they going there? I try not to answer that question. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe the way I feel. I sit in my chair, staring out the window at the empty campus. I feel weak, betrayed.

Without thinking I leave my office and follow James and the blonde bitch upstairs. Why am I doing this? Am I going to just walk in on them? Spoil their little Friday afternoon delight? I don’t know. But I am pulled toward his office. I want to know.

James’ office is one of three down a side hallway. It is out of the way. These offices were built into an old classroom. James is in the middle office. A psychology professor I don’t know is in one of the other offices. He is gone today. The third office is empty. There is a waiting area outside the three offices. When I enter it I can hear them talking behind the closed door to James’ office. They are laughing. She is saying “No. Not today.” No what, I ask myself. What is she saying no to. I know the answer.

I can’t hear everything they are saying. I want to know what they are doing. I am filled with resentment. She can do nothing for him that I can’t do.....and much better. I proved that. I go into the empty office, hoping to hear better. I close the door behind me, softly. I don’t want to disturb them. Yes. I can hear them better here. When they remodeled the old classroom into offices the walls were not built to ceiling, so there is an opening above the top of the wall. I can hear clearly.

“You know what I want,” James says. “Please.” He kisses her, I can hear that.

“No,” the blonde moans softly. “ Not now. Not here. I want the first time to be different.”

So, they’ve never had sex. My spirits are lifted. James is with her not because she is better, just from curiosity. The way of a man.

“There’s no one here,” James reasons. “They’ve all gone home. We’re alone. There’s no one here. Come on. Please. Just a taste.”

“I can’t be quite during sex. Someone will hear.”

“No they won’t. Everyone is gone. Please. Can’t you feel me?”

The blonde moans. “Yes,” she whispers. “I can feel you. It feels magnificent.”

“Then lets do it. Just a little. Just let me put it in a little.”

“You can’t do that,” she laughs. “You would put it in all the way. If you ever got that close, you would fuck me and you know it. And I want it different the first time.”

I wish I could see. I wish I could see what they are doing. I take off my shoes and climb up on the desk against the wall. Maybe I can see over the top of the wall. But they might see me looking. I would be so embarrassed. Then I notice a separation in the cheap paneling used to cover the wall. I press my eye against the separation. Yes! I can see them! Clearly! James is leaning against his desk holding the blonde close to him. Her arms are around his neck. His hands are rubbing her ass. The ice returns to my stomach, the cold water to my veins. I feel hurt again. Rejected.

The separation is just above the desk top. I can sit on the desk and watch. There is no way they can see me watching. My first impulse to leave. To not watch this betrayal of my affections. If Jake were here this would not be happening. I would be with him, happy. Its his fault that I feel this way. He will be sorry.

James’ hands move up her body, cupping her breasts. She tries to push away but he is too strong. I don’t think she is resisting very much. James hands disappear beneath her sweater. She pushes back again, away from him. But he holds her. I can see his hands working underneath the blonde’s sweater. Damn!. He’s unhooking her bra. If he does that, she is through. She will be his meat just as I was that night. While he is working on her bra, he kisses her, his tongue is in her mouth, stifling her objections. I remember the feel of his lips against mine, the masculine sensuality of his tongue. She is experiencing that.

James gets the bra unhooked. It didn’t take him long. He’s experienced at removing ladies’ bras. Still under the sweater, James moves his hands to her unprotected breasts. I see her swoon. He is squeezing them. She is losing the battle, just as I did. Do men ever loose in their struggle for sex?

Smoothly, James pulls the sweater up over the blonde’s head and her arms. The bra falls to the floor. She is standing there with her breasts showing. They are nice, I admit to myself. Damn! I wanted her to have ugly tits. But she doesn’t. They are full, soft-looking, with hard nipples. James captures one of them and sucks on the protruding nipple. The blond moans, loudly. I feel my own passion rising as I watch him suck her tits, first one and then the other. The chill of resentment is replaced by warm, pulsating blood. I feel flushed. My pussy is responding to the scene. It is full of electricity. My wetness begins.

“Please don’t,” the blonde pleads. “Please don’t. Not here. Not now. I’m not through with my period yet. Wait a day or two. We can do it then, at my house. I will give it all to you, then.”

“Please!,” James pleads. “I need it now. See?” James unzips his pants and pulls out his hardening cock. It is long, thick. I remember it in my mouth, my pussy. Looking at it increases my passion. How can she resist that thing? How? I could not. Jake must never leave town again.

The blonde looks at the hard cock, its bulging head sticking out from a sheath of foreskin. “God! Its so big!” she groans. “So big!” She grabs the shaft and pumps it. She can’t take her eyes off the long cock. She swallows.

“Don’t you want that?” James asks.

“Yes,” she whispers. “I want it.”

What sane woman wouldn’t, I think. I rub my aching pussy with one hand. It feels good, so good.

“Let me do it,” James demands. He wants it, bad. I recognize the lustful tone of his voice. The softness, the pleading is gone. Soon he will take what he wants. I remember how badly he wanted it that night, how he took me forcefully, driven by his desire for sex. All he needed was an invitation from Jake. What I wanted didn’t matter. Both of them were driven by a madness, a madness that brought them together, against me. He was rough, hard. They both were. They took me so roughly, so often my pussy was sore for days and my jaw muscles throbbed.

“No, baby. I can’t. I’m not ready.” She shouldn’t call him baby, I think. She doesn’t have that right. He isn’t her baby, and she isn’t his. But it doesn’t matter what she calls him, or how much she pleads. James has passed the line. He will get sex from her now. He will take it. She might as well give in. I know this is true. He did the same thing to me. And so did Jake.

James whirls the blonde around and shoves her down on his desk on her back. He bends her over and sucks her tits, like a starving animal. She moans from passion and whimpers from his roughness. She kicks her legs as he pins her down. He is biting her nipples. I know his style and recognize the pain on her face. I have been there myself. His cock is hard, I can see it standing erect. He tugs at her panties, trying to pull them down so he can enter her pussy.

“No! Don’t!” the blonde pleads. “I’m not through with my period.”

In frustration, James pulls himself off the blonde. Irritation shows on his face. The blonde sobs: “I’m sorry. Its not my fault.”

“I know,” James says. “But its bad getting this way and then not getting any pussy. I’ve got to have something.”

The blond stands, her tits clearly visible. They are pretty, I think. No wonder James likes to suck on them. But he liked sucking on my, too. And mine look just as good, even better. She throws her arms around James’ neck and kisses him, holding her naked breasts against his chest. “I’m sorry,” she whimpers, “I’m sorry.”

James grabs her by her shoulders and pushes her down. “No!,” the blonde says. “Not the first time.” James pushes harder until she slides down him to her knees. Oh, No! she’s going to suck his cock! She’s going to give him a blow job. The bitch.

“Its so big,” she says. “I can’t take it all.” James grabs his cock and rubs the head of it on the blonde’s face, across her lips. She closes her eyes. She knows what he wants, what is expected. For some reason she is reluctant. I would not be reluctant, will not be if I ever get the chance again.. He will not have had to force me down to his cock, even though that would be exciting. So masculine, so forceful. He’s a taker. But he will not have to force me much. I will suck it willingly, greedily. I will show him what a real blow job is. If I were in the blonde’s place now, I would already have his cock in my mouth, licking on it, licking his balls. I would make him happy, satisfy him, even during my period.

James grabs her by the hair pulling her face toward his cock. The blonde grabs the shaft with one hand. She opens her mouth wide and James shoves the head of his cock past her lips. Slowly she begins to suck. She moves her head back and forth letting his cock fuck her mouth. She breaths deeply taking half his cock down her throat. James becomes animated, forcing his cock in and out of her mouth. I see his balls slapping against her chin.

My pussy is really wet now. I put my hand inside my jeans. My fingers seek out my throbbing pussy. I shove one finger inside me and finger fuck myself. I am so hot, watching James fuck this blonde in her mouth. I want his cock in my mouth. I should be on my knees giving him pleasure, not her. I have done him before. I know what he likes. Why didn’t he come to me if he wanted his cock sucked. I would have done it. I would have given him anything he wanted. But not now, not after he picked her over me. I feel devastated, but I keep fucking myself. I am so anger at him, at her, but watching them makes me hot.

The blonde is giving in to James’ passions. She is taking over. No longer does he have to force her. She sucks his cock likes she likes it. She licks the length of it, sucks the head, pumps his long cock with her hand while she licks his balls. He is getting close and she knows it. She looks up at him smiling. He is ready to cum. She is waiting for it.

Suddenly James’ body grows tense. The blond sucks his cock deep into her throat. James’ body heaves, convulses. The blonde is looking up at him, watching his body jerk. James gasps and screams softly. He is cuming. The blonde holds on to his cock, keeping it in her mouth. She closes her eyes. She is taking his cum in her mouth. James grabs her head pulling it tighter into his crotch. There is no need. The blonde is keeping it in her mouth, sucking him dry, swallowing it all.

My finger is moving in and out of my pussy rapidly. I feel an orgasm building. I close my eyes. I hold my breath. I don’t want them to hear me. Finally, the waves come forcefully. I am cuming. It is wonderful. For a moment, my anger for the two of them leave me. I am lost in waves of ecstasy.

When I open my eyes again the blonde is sucking James’ cock in and out of her mouth. She is licking the head. She smiles as his cock grows limp. She has done him and done him well. I recognize the look of satisfaction on her face. I have felt that same sense of achievement with James, the one time he fucked me, or the many times he fucked me that one night.

James pulls her up to him and kisses her. She is still squeezing his cock. “I want your pussy,” he says. “Next time,” she says smiling. “Next time.”

I leave my hiding place before they come out. I don’t want them to catch me. I hurry back to my office, filled with a mixture of relief from my orgasm and resentment toward James and the blonde. Why am I feeling this way? James is not the love of my life. Jake is. Why am I angry at him for letting the blonde suck his cock? He has a right to that pleasure. He’s going to fuck her soon anyway. I know this. She said he could. Why should it matter to me? I am just so horny, so horny. I want to be fucked. I want to feel a man’s body against mine. I want a cock in my hand, my mouth, my pussy. I want to fuck James. But I can’t. The blonde will do that for him.

I sit in my office for almost an hour, trying to sort out my feelings. I try working on my computer. But I can’t focus. I must get past this emotion that I should not be feeling. What is my way out? I am fixed on my love for Jake. This I know. It is my anchor, my one certainty. The other....my feelings of betrayal.... my resentment....just because James finds another woman to suck his cock, whirls around in my mind, making me nauseous, sending me into deep chills of lostness, self-doubt. And then quickly I fall into a fever of anger. Back and forth from chills to fever. Duplicity is what I feel. What a fool I am. I give myself to him in a most wanton way, and what does he do, betrays me.

I stare at my computer screen. My back is to my office door. Suddenly I feel someone’s presence. I turn. James is standing there, in the door, smiling at me. I am so startled. My stomach draws into a knot. Why is he here? He left with the blonde. Is he here to ask my forgiveness? I haven’t spoken to him in weeks, and suddenly he is standing at my door.

“Hi,” he says. I can hardly speak. I feel silly, paralyzed. “I saw your door open. Why are you here so late?”

I clear my throat. I must speak. I can’t reveal how I am feeling. “Just catching up on some things before I go home. Why are you still here?” Ha! As if I didn’t already know.

“Same reason,” James says. “Just some unfinished business.” Unfinished business!! Oh sure. Like getting your cock sucked. For you that’s always unfinished business. You want that business all the time.

“Is Jake coming by tonight?” he asks.

“No. No. He isn’t. He’s out of town. Washington I think.” I feel flushed. I hope my face is not red. The image of the blonde, on her knees, James’ cock in her mouth forms quickly in my mind and then vanishes.

“That guy is never around,” James says. “Doesn’t he know it’s dangerous to leave a sexy woman like you alone?” James smiles. You say that, but you don’t mean it, I think to myself. If you did a brunette would have sucked your cock today, not a blonde.

James comes into my office. I feel him near me. My knees grow weak and I am still sitting down. I think I will stand, but I may not have the strength. “Listen,” he says. “When he gets back give me a call. Tell him we need to get together. I haven’t seen him in a long time.”

“I will,” I answer weakly. Together? What does he mean ‘We need to get together?’ Does he mean the three of us, or just he and Jake. If he means the three of us, why doesn’t he say so to me?

“I’m not doing anything tonight,” James says. “Want to have dinner?”

“No. No, I can’t. I’m busy. But thanks anyway.” What a stupid answer. Stupid! Stupid! He gives me an invitation and I turn him down. Stupid!

“Okay,” James says smiling. He turns and leaves. I can’t believe it! I can’t believe what I just did! I hate the blonde for doing what I want to do, but then I act like a stupid school girl when he asks me out. Now the blonde will really have him. I could have given him what he likes most of all and I turn him down. I know he wanted sex from me again. I just know it! And I turn him down. I am so disgusted with myself. Now I have to spend the entire weekend alone, alone and horny, while the blonde gets his big cock. I want to cry. So I do. And then I go home to an empty house, an empty bed. Nothing there for me but my vibrator. Even that doesn’t interest me this Friday night. I fall asleep feeling alone, so alone.