From Darker Places than I Want to Feel Ch. 02

Here is chapter two of a story I first posted on Literotica in 2013; it explores the budding relationship between a college professor and a young woman who has lived a life full of challenges because 'she took the road less traveled.' If you haven't figured it out from the first chapter, this story is more a romance than a roll in the hay. If you're looking for a flash in the pants, look elsewhere. If you're looking for interesting characters, challenged by difficult situations, then read on.

I thought, perhaps, readers might enjoy revisiting this story so I decided to repost it here. As always, characters in this account involved in sexual activity are above the age of eighteen and those of you under the age of consent are discouraged from reading this story due to adult language, situations, and content.

Thanks for reading and check out my bio page for more details about my work and me.

Don't forget to leave a comment when you're finished, feedback is the lifeblood of any writer.

So now, enjoy From Darker Places than I Want To Feel - chapter 2.

Reading books and the second meeting.

Ryan glanced at the wall clock; it was nearly one o'clock and time for his next class. He gathered up a pile of graded papers and reports off his desk and tossed them into his brief case. He went back to his computer, closed the article he was reading on his USB drive, and pulled it out of the machine. He needed his PowerPoint slides for the next lecture. Looking around to make sure he had everything, he opened his office door to find Sarah reaching forward to knock on it.

"Hi."

"Oh, hello. I'm just heading to class."

She slipped past him and walked over to sit on a chair across the room. "Okay."

He caught a faint whiff of her perfume mixed with the delicate fragrance of her shampoo as she walked by.

"I'll be back in an hour or so. There are drinks in the mini fridge if you're thirsty." He pulled a stack of papers from a shelf in the back of the room and handed them to her. "Can you sort these alphabetically and stack them on my desk?" She nodded. "Thanks." He dashed out the door and down the hallway.

Sarah sat her purse and a shopping bag down on the chair and thumbed through the stack of papers. From the looks of it they were already graded so she assumed he wanted them sorted to make data entry easier. Twenty minutes later she had them piled neatly on his desk.

She looked around the room. It wasn't what she imagined a college professor's office would look like. The walls were lined with bookshelves, which she expected, but the bookshelves weren't always filled with books. Some were stuffed with stacks and stacks of papers, some in folders but many were not. In front of one of the bookshelves there were boxes of wires and cables labeled miscellaneous computer parts. Along the far wall, a mounted deer head with huge antlers hung staring off into space and looking like it was wondering how it ended up mounted on a wooden plaque. Along the other side of a metal cabinet, a stand of what looked like medieval swords and pikes were placed in the corner. She smirked. No, this was not what she expected a college professor's office to look like.

She stood in the middle of the disorder and shook her head. She sighed a bit then set about to bring some order out of the chaos he called his office. She was in the middle of organizing the second bookshelf when someone knocked on the open office door.

She turned and smiled. "Hello."

A pleasant looking woman who looked to be about Sarah's age smiled back then poked her head around the half opened door. "Is Professor Sullivan in?"

"No, he's in class. I think he'll be back in a while if you'd like to come back."

The young woman frowned a bit and then looked at Sarah suspiciously. "Who are you?" The woman stared at Sarah for a moment longer.

Sarah was beginning to feel uncomfortable but she extended her hand anyway. "I'm Sarah, a friend of Ryan's. I'm just helping him out a little."

The woman ignored her hand. Her eyes narrowed as if she saw something she didn't expect. "I haven't seen you before. You're not a student here are you?"

"Nope, just a friend." Sarah turned back to continue straightening a pile of folders.

"I don't believe Professor Sullivan would like it if you were in his office rooting around in his files. Some of them are personal research files I might add, not for just anyone to go sniffing through."

Sarah's eyes narrowed. "You must have rooted through them yourself if you know what they are then, huh?"

"I am the second assistant to the secretary for the sociology department," she said with her nose pointed rather high, "It's my job to know what the professors are researching. I think it's time you leave Professor Sullivan's office before I call security."

"I think Professor Sullivan can decide for himself who can be in his office and who can not, Miss Cavanaugh." Ryan stood directly behind the young woman in the hallway; his arms were filled with a new stack of papers and folders.

"Oh, P-Professor Sullivan, I didn't see you. I-I was just trying to find out why this PERSON was in your office. I-I mean it's obvious that she isn't a student here, in fact, I'm not even sure she's a woman." Miss Cavanaugh turned her beady eyes towards Sarah. "You aren't a woman are you? You're just play-acting aren't you?"

Ryan saw the murderous look in Sarah's eyes and he stepped quickly between her and Miss Cavanaugh. "I see. Tell me something, Miss Cavanaugh. I noticed that you're wearing a Christian cross around your neck. Do you consider yourself a good Christian?"

The young woman's hand moved quickly to touch her necklace gently. "Of course, First Bap..."

"I don't need to know the denomination, Miss Cavanaugh, it's not important," Ryan said interrupting. "I wonder, didn't Jesus say to all who would listen, to judge not lest you be judged?"

"Well, yes he did, but I wasn't..."

"Wasn't what? Wasn't judging? It sure seemed that way to me. I'm a little concerned Miss Cavanaugh. For someone who presents herself as a model student intent on doing social work as a career, you seemed to be awfully quick to unfairly judge others. Sarah is my friend. If you judge her then you're judging me. Do you accept the responsibility to judge? Or is it that you really just want to feel superior to anyone by condemning something or someone you couldn't possibly understand? From my perspective you're behaving like a selfish little child who pretends to be a good Christian when in fact you're nothing more than one of the Pharisees that Jesus denounced."

Ryan shoved his office door closed, slamming it in the face of Miss Cavanaugh.

"Ohhh!" She squealed and stomped her foot, then she stormed off down the hallway.

"Serves her right, the little twit."

Sarah fought to hide the smirk that was growing on her face as she stood in front of the bookshelf she had been organizing. She glanced over to watch Ryan sit behind his desk. She'd heard it all before, the superior tone, and the hurtful words. She looked at Ryan with a sense of melancholy and sweetness wrapped into one expression. Then she turned back to the bookshelf and finished restacking his books and papers.

His office fell silent for a while; Sarah didn't want to talk about the obvious. She was glad that Ryan didn't want to talk about it either. She played the whole scene over in her head again. That was the first time that anyone outside of her sister had ever stood up for her in front of another. She glanced at him again. He was busy typing on his computer. She wondered if he knew the significance of what he just did. Probably not. She assumed that people like Ryan have never lived under the sneer of others who enjoyed looking down their noses at anyone different from them.

She turned back to thumb through several more shelves of books until she came across a book by Henry Melville. She picked it up and studied the jacket cover. She felt the weight of it; it was heavy. She looked inside; the print was small.

"Can I borrow a book to read?"

"Sure, which one?"

"Moby Dick."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Absolutely, just bring it back when you've finished it."

A tiny smile slipped across Sarah's face as she slipped the book into her shopping bag and replaced the bag on the back of the chair. "I've just been sorting through things trying to straighten up."

"I see that, thank you." He continued clicking keys on the computer keyboard.

Sarah paused a moment and watched him work. "Is there something you'd rather that I be doing?"

Ryan stopped his typing with a flourish. "And send. There, now what did you say?"

"Oh, sorry. Is there something you want me to do?"

"Yes. Come and sit here." Ryan stood and gestured towards the seat at the computer. Sarah slipped past him and sat somewhat uncomfortably in his seat at the desk.

He leaned over her shoulder and took control of the mouse. He was so close to her. For a brief moment she wanted to kiss him, but she resisted the urge. The timing was wrong. As he leaned forward to look closely at the computer monitor she could smell the shampoo in his hair. It was a masculine smell and she liked it. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair and tickle his ears. A smile was all she could manage, as her mind raced through a dozen naughty things she wanted to do, but didn't.

"I want you to do this data entry for me. Here, I opened up the grade book program to the correct section." He glanced back at her to see if she was paying attention. She smiled and nodded so he continued. "Just match the name and their grade to the name there on the grade sheet. Enter the number and repeat."

She entered several numbers and pressed 'Enter', flipping over the graded sheets of paper as she entered the student's score.

"That's it. Easy and boring at the same time." He moved around the desk to sit on a small couch under the deer head that Sarah noticed earlier. "I'll be over here grading the next batch if you need me."

She took a big breath then let it out slowly. She didn't want to breathe while he was so close as if breathing would break the spell. She smiled then looked up from her pile of papers and nodded towards the deer head. "Did you shoot Bambi?"

"Huh?" Ryan looked up to follow her glance up and chuckled. "Oh, no, it's a stage prop from the theatre department. They used it last year in a play and I liked it so much they said it would be safer in my office then in their storage. So they let me keep it until they need it again."

"Have you ever hunted?"

"Yes, when I was younger. Mostly birds though. There weren't many deer around where I was when I was a kid."

"Where was that?" The keys on the keyboard clicked furiously as Sarah returned to her data entry.

"Nebraska."

"Nebraska! I've never met anyone from Nebraska."

"Well now you can cross that one off your list."

The office grew quiet once again as Ryan sorted through papers that needed his attention while Sarah worked quickly on his computer. She glanced several more times at Ryan between the grades she entered. This was nice. She felt needed, it was something that she wasn't used to but something that she knew she wanted. It wasn't earth shattering, entering grades on a computer. But it was something and it felt good. As simple as it was she felt like it was something worthwhile.

She glanced at the clock on the computer. "It's nearly three o'clock, I've got to head home to meet the boys at three-thirty when they get home from school."

"I bet Anna really appreciates you being there for Bobby and Michael."

She closed the window on the computer and stood up from the desk. "It's the least I can do for free-loading off her for now."

"Are you looking for a job?"

"Yeah, but there aren't a lot of jobs that let me be off when I need to be home for the boys. I'll keep looking. I'm bound to find something sooner or later." She picked up her bag from the chair and turned to Ryan at the office door. "See you tomorrow?"

"You're always welcome. Hey, are you free this Friday?"

"I can be, why?"

"I noticed that there was a new exhibit at the art museum. Want to go?"

"I'd like that. When?"

"How about I pick you up at your apartment at one o'clock? We can be back to your place by three thirty to meet the boys."

"Okay. Bye." She closed the door gently and walked off down the hallway towards the bus stop. She glanced over her shoulder to see if Miss Cavanaugh was lurking nearby but she wasn't around. She knew girls like Cavanaugh well enough to know that what happened was only the first skirmish. She would have to keep an eye out for her if she wanted to hang out with Ryan at the university and that was something she was really beginning to like.

At one o'clock Ryan pulled up in front of Sarah's apartment building. He pushed a button and the passenger window rolled down. "Are you ready?"

"Yup." She bounded across the sidewalk and stood next to his car with a flounce and a huge smile on her face.

He leaned across and opened the passenger door and she slipped into the seat.

"Here," she handed back the book she borrowed on Monday.

"Did you read it?"

"Yes."

"All of it?"

"Yes-s-s." She drew the word out as if exasperated that he would ever doubt her word. "There were boring parts but it was pretty good."

"Melville isn't an easy read neither is Joyce."

"I know. When I was in high school, Melville was on the required reading list. But I was too stupid to appreciate the gift I was getting at the time."

Ryan leaned over and lifted his hand to cradle her chin. He tilted her head up to look into her eyes. "You, Sarah, were never stupid, naïve maybe but never stupid."

"Whatever," she said turning her head away and trying to put on a bluff.

"Do you want to read another?"

She glanced sideways at him. "What do you have?"

"Huxley or Orwell."

"Animal Farm or Brave New World?"

"Brave New World," he said, handing it to her.

"Thanks." She stuffed the book into her bag with a smile on her face that told the world that he was forgiven forever doubting her word. "What's the exhibit we're going to see?"

Ryan's eyes twinkled with excitement as he pulled away from the curb and turned his car towards downtown at the stop sign ahead. "There's a touring show on early 20th century painters called 'The Fauves'. It's some pretty wild stuff and I thought you might like it. It's the main attraction this month but the general collection is worth seeing too if you haven't been there in a while."

"I've never been there."

"What? They never took you to the museum when you were in school?"

"Nope. I guess they didn't think it was all that important. You know, art was my favorite subject all through school, even high school. I took it as an elective every semester. I got good grades too." She glanced at Ryan who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing's funny, I am just happy."

"Why?"

"Because I get to take you to the museum for the first time."

She smiled subtly and her cheeks blushed as she turned to look out the passenger window at the houses passing by.

Twenty minutes later, Ryan pulled into the museum parking lot.

"Does it cost anything to enter?"

"Not a dime, which makes it doubly disappointing to hear that you never went here when you were a kid."

She shrugged and wrapped her arm around Ryan's and they walked up the steps to the museum entrance. Inside a group of volunteers handed them a brochure. As they passed by the donation box Ryan dropped in a five dollar bill.

"If it's free, why did you put that in there?"

"Nothing's free, they're just trying to survive off of donations and museums cost a lot to keep open."

She snorted and glanced at the lobby. "Five bucks isn't enough to keep this place alive."

"Maybe, but every little bit helps. Besides it'll probably pay for the brochure you're holding so at least I can help that way. Let's go off to the Egyptian exhibit first." He pointed off to the right.

She led the way through a side entrance off the main lobby. "Oh, cool, mummies!"

They walked for nearly an hour weaving from Egyptian antiquities to Victorian furniture & glassware. Sarah was like a kid in a candy shop. She was incredibly curious and full of questions. What Ryan didn't know or couldn't decipher from the description placards they asked a nearby museum guide for the answers.

As they reentered the lobby Ryan noticed a lobby display banner announcing a special exhibit that focused on the art of children of incarcerated parents. "Let's go in there next."

Sarah shrugged with a smile. "Okay."

They walked into the first room and looked at paintings and drawings that depicted life at home while their parents were gone. One particular painting showed a room surrounded by prison bars. Sarah studied it for a long time. Ryan moved on to other drawings and then returned to stand by her side.

"Do you like it?"

She sighed. "No, not really. It just reminded me of my life before I moved in with my sister."

"How so?"

"When I was living on the street I sometimes felt like I was living inside a cage with invisible bars that kept me from reaching out to really touch someone. My sister was my only connection to the real world and I rarely saw her."

Ryan was silent for a moment. He looked at Sarah standing there staring intently at a drawing that she didn't like and connecting with the artist at a level he could never attain. Living in a cage with invisible bars. He thought about that, trying to imagine what that kind of life was like. It made him think about the second time they met months ago on a beautiful fall day. It was an Indian summer sort of day when nature retreats for a moment from its desire to march relentlessly towards winter and gives the world a respite from the cold winds ahead.

Sarah was wearing a pretty summer dress in yellow with a bright floral design. It was a far cry from the baggy pants and ragged shirt she wore the first time they met. She carried a light sweater over her shoulders with the sleeves tied loosely at her neck. She finished the look with a pair of brown leather sandals. Ryan wore blue jeans, a khaki shirt, and running shoes. He smiled awkwardly as she walked up to him leading her two nephews into the park.

They met near the park swings where Sarah turned the boys loose, and then they wandered towards a bench on the far side beneath a huge old oak tree.

Sarah brushed some leaves off the bench and sat near the middle so that she wouldn't be too far from Ryan. She smiled and patted the bench, indicating where he should sit. "Before we start, I want to ask a question. It's been burning a hole in my brain every since our first conversation."

Ryan sat down and moved to face her directly. "Okay."

"Why? Why write about this? Why write about something that no one else cares about? Why write about throwaway people like me?"

At the mention of the word throwaway, Ryan's broad smile disappeared and was replaced by a serious frown. "Well, first of all, you are not a throwaway person, you never have been and you never will be. There are people in this world who love you and care about you. Calling yourself a 'throw-away-person' really makes me angry so please don't ever say that again. You're a beautiful human being, Sarah. Yes, you're troubled, you're angry, and you're confused. I get that. But you're also incredibly brave."

"Brave?" She scoffed.

"Yes, brave. You've decided to make a change in your life that most people would never do for fear of what others might think or do. That's courageous and that's why I ask these questions. Because I want to understand someone who chooses to fly in the face of everything to chart your own course, to find your own way in the world, regardless of what others might say or do. You are amazing. Sarah Daniels. It fascinates me to know someone like you."