From Loathing to Love

We rested for a while with Edmund's penis still inside me, then with something like an effort of will, I pushed him off me and got out of bed. Edmund gave a groan and seemed to go into a post-love-making doze.

The bedclothes were in a tangled mess and the lower sheet was stained with the discharges of our lovemaking. With Edmund still occupying the bed, I could do nothing about repairing the disarray, so I went off for a shower.

I was at peace and very happy and found myself singing old love songs as I showered, and afterwards as I prepared breakfast. I don't think I had ever felt so serene as I did just then.

I heard Edmund begin his shower, and he sounded to be in very buoyant spirits as I heard him whistling as he showered.

He came bursting into the kitchen with, "Good morning, my lovely mother. Did you have a good night?"

I laughed and responded, "Hello my beautiful son, and yes, I had a remarkably good night, thank you, and a rather lovely awakening."

He returned my laugh and we sat down to breakfast.

Perhaps it was the very ordinariness of this domestic breakfast scene that threw into contrast the passion we had experienced during the night and when we awoke. Whatever the case, a more sober and solemn mood crept over me. I knew we had to talk, and not in the heat of erotic craving, but calmly.

As we finished breakfast I said, "Darling, we have to talk."

"I know," he said, and he too seemed to have taken on a more sombre frame of mind.

Anticipating what I was about to say, Edmund said, "Look, mother, I think we might use a shortcut. Don't talk to me about incest, age differences or what people might think, let's get down to the real issues."

"Which are?" I cut in.

"Whether you can love me, not only as your son, but as a man you can give yourself to?" he continued.

I paused in thought at that point. I accepted that we had already engaged in a powerful act of commitment, but it was not possible to ignore the dramatic change in our relationship. True, we might already have passed a decisive point, but we still had to come to terms with what had happened. Whatever might now transpire, we could never return to the same mother-son relationship as it had been.

I spoke out bluntly. "Edmund, I never thought I would ever engage in sexual intercourse with any man until quite recently. Now that I have, I must tell you that I believe myself to be a one-man woman. If you want me to give myself to you sexually, you must understand that for me it will be permanent, and not just a passing fancy."

"Mother, that doesn't properly answer my question, so let me put it more directly. Will you allow me to become your lover? And since you used the word, let me add, "Permanently?"

I was frightened. There were too many battles going on inside me and he was perceptive enough to see this, so he changed tack.

"Mother, why did you resolve never to have sexual relations with men?"

Whatever the outcome of this talk, I no longer had the strength or desire to lie to him again. I told him the truth of my being raped and his birth.

We were still sitting at the kitchen table, he opposite me. He sat, staring at me, his face ashen and contorted with grief. I thought he might turn from me, repelled by the vision of my being taken repeatedly by God knows what men or how many. He might be sickened by the fact that one of those men was his father.

I saw tears start to course down his cheeks, and starting to sob myself, I said, "I'm so sorry, darling, so dreadfully sorry."

He rose and came round the table to me, and kneeling before me, he buried his face in my breasts. "Oh mother, mother, why didn't you tell me before? I would have comforted you. I would have tried to be a better son…I would have understood when you asked me to be gentle with you."

"Don't darling," I sobbed. "Out of that awful night came something I have been able to love, and I've never wished for a better or more gentle son and now lover."

We wept together, I purging the last hateful memories of the violation against me, and beginning to once more bask in the new found dimension to my love for Edmund. His next words subdued me once again.

As we recovered Edmund said, "Mother, I don't think we can go on living together without being lovers. Not after last night, it was almost too beautiful."

"This is the heart of the matter," I thought. "We continue as lovers or we part." I knew I had to be sure he made a free choice, and understood what that choice might mean. If he stayed initially, then later left me, perhaps for some younger woman, one he could marry and live openly with in sexual love, how would I bear the loss?

He was still kneeling before me, his head against my breasts. "Edmund, I tell you the truth of how I feel. I want you to stay. I want you to be my lover, but I'm so afraid you'll tire of me. You might begin to regret staying with me and begin to dislike or even hate me. There is one other thing you must take into account; I may have become pregnant last night, and that is a responsibility I take upon myself, but if you stay, it will be your responsibility as well.

We were still and silent for a long time, then he said, "Neither of us can guarantee how we will be some time in the future, but right now I say I want to stay with you and be your lover. I will share the responsibility for any child we may have, and my best intention is to stay with you and be faithful. I shall always do my best to be gentle with you physically and try never to hurt your feelings. I can't say more than that, except that I love you passionately."

It was enough. I raised his head and said, "Kiss me, my love."

Our lips touched and opened as we explored each other's mouths. I whispered to him, "Take me to bed and love me."

He stood and then picking me up in his arms, he carried me to the bedroom. The few clothes we were wearing were speedily discarded, and as he lay on the bed, I for the first time, investigated his penis.

I had seen it and touched it when he was little, but now its size and shape fascinated me. I touched its crown, running my fingers over it, pulling back the foreskin and touching the little slit from which his semen would eject. I ran my hand down the shaft, and the vision of a lovely spear entering me and causing me pain and ecstacy, came into my mind.

I had heard about women giving men oral sex as well as the reverse, so I experimentally kissed, then licked the crown. I tasted the little droplets of his precum. He began to emit low cries, and emboldened I took his shaft into my mouth. His cries intensified and I heard him saying, "Lovely, mother, so lovely."

I knew some women let their man ejaculate into their mouth, but love him as I did, I was not ready for that just then. I think he knew this, and moved me over onto my back at the edge of the bed. I thought he was going to give me oral sex as he had during the night, but instead he simply bent and kissed my vagina saying, "This will be my sacred place."

He moved to take hold of my breasts and kissed each nipple saying, "These will be my twin temples."

He finally kissed me on the lips with the words; "This will always be the sign of my love."

As if in some holy ritual, he entered my womanhood with his manhood. He lay still in me as we looked into each other's eyes. Then, "This will always be the fulfillment of our love." As he said this, he began to move in me and quickly I felt him pouring himself into me.

The end of his ejaculation was also the end of what I felt to be, and can only describe as, "our marriage ceremony." What followed was our wedding day and night, to be followed in turn by our honeymoon – a honeymoon that does not seem to have ended.

Our libidos have proved much more commanding than either of us anticipated, and our coupling is frequent and fulfilling. In Edmund, I have both a son and a lover, so I am able to give both a mother's love to him, and the love of a woman for a man. Sometimes he calls me "mother," at other times "Alice," depending on the mood and situation.

We have been lovers for three years now. Perhaps I should point out that a very fertile woman and a man eminently capable of fertilising her seem to unite in sexual love at least once every day. Now what might you conjecture has been the outcome?