Fuck Me Maybe Ch. 01

Ethan sat alone in the corner of a crowded bar in downtown Toronto, sipping a beer he really needed. Work was getting more and more stressful every day, and Ethan found that a beer or two in the evening really calmed him down. Unfortunately for Ethan, his family had a history of alcoholism, which he was very afraid he would continue.

His solution to this problem was the party bar he currently sat in. Just off the lobby of a popular hotel, it was loud, busy, and overpriced. Even so, he would leave every night feeling more relaxed than when he came in. Rather than downing a six-pack in front of his TV at home, Ethan would go to the bar, pay $6 for a beer and avoiding drinking in excess. He knew that it wasn't a perfect solution- no, really he should just find a better way to handle his stress- but he was content. He could relax and enjoy his vice in moderation.

And so Ethan found himself at the bottom of his second, and what he thought to be his last beer of the evening. He swirled the last of it in his glass, drank it and set the glass down on the bar. He sat for a few minutes at the bar looking at some of the girls in the bar, trying to decide whether he was too old to be here. He was 28, but most of the bar's patrons were barely 20.

"Half your age, plus 7... so 21. I'm allowed to date women over 21."He couldn't remember where he first heard it, but it was Ethan's general rule that you could date someone younger than you only if they are at least half your age, plus 7. He began trying to source the rule when the bartender interrupted with a fresh beer.

"Hey, buddy, the girl at the other end of the bar says this one's on her. And she asked me to give you this."

The bartender left the glass and a napkin with Ethan, who was not hiding his surprise very well. The napkin had a note scribbled neatly in pink on it.

"Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here's my number,
So call me maybe?"

Ethan could do nothing more than stare at it. For one thing, he couldn't believe that someone was actually using that stupid song to hit on him, not to mention his surprise someone here was hitting on him at all. Finally, he realized the most bizarre thing: there wasn't even a phone number on the note!

He looked up and toward the other end of the bar to see who this girl- at least, he hoped it was a girl- was. After a few moments, he locked eyes with a pretty brunette. He held up the note as if to ask "Was this you?"

She simply winked to confirm. Ethan thought he recognized her from somewhere, but he couldn't place her. He took a swig from his beer, then started to make his way towards her. As the moments passed, the feeling that he recognized her only got stronger. When he finally reached her, she smiled at him. Still very much confused, Ethan simply said: "Hi."

"Hi yourself," the brunette replied. "You looked like you could use a refill."

"Actually, I had planned for that last one to be- well, my last one." He was suddenly nervous, struggling with words.

"Oh really? I'm sorry, I didn't know. Did you have somewhere you need to be?"

"No, no. I just hadn't really planned on drinking tonight. Drinking much tonight, that is." Stupid! Why the hell was he so nervous? And now he was starting to hear that damn song in his head.

"I threw a wish in a well,
Don't ask me I'll never tell..."

"See, to me, you're just making it seem like you needed it even more than I thought. You seem kind of on-edge."

"I looked to you as it fell,
And now you're in my way..."

"Not really, just had a long day at work."

"I'd trade my soul for a wish,
Pennies and dimes for a kiss..."

"Ah. I know how that can be. What do you do?"

"I wasn't looking for this,
But now you're in my way..."

"I work for a graphic design firm. I've just had some difficult projects this week."

"Your stare was holdin'
Ripped jeans, skin was showing..."

"Why don't you sit down and talk to me for a bit? What's your name?

"Hot night, wind was blowin'
Where you think you're goin' baby?"

"Ethan. And you are?" She looked at him with a small amount of surprise. And then everything came together. The napkin, the song, the feeling like he recognized her.

"Holy shit. You're Carly Rae Jepsen." He was kicking himself over and over again in his head for not putting it together sooner.

"She's a damn pop star and you didn't even realize it? What the hell's the matter with you? I bet you sat on the bus next to Adele last week and just thought she was some fat chick!"

"Nice to meet you, Ethan. So I take it you're not a fan?"

"No, no, no! I just didn't recognize you at first. Sorry, it's been a long week, I'm a little tired." Actually, Ethan wasn't much of a fan. He had kind of liked "Call Me Maybe" when it first blew up, but it had gotten a little old for him. Beyond that, he knew nothing about her.

"Then you are a fan?" She said with a smirk.

"Of course! I love your stuff!" He wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to lie about being a fan. Why couldn't he just say he hadn't heard much of her work? It's not like she could be offended.

"Oh cool! What's your favorite song?" She still had a smirk on her face.

"Oh. Well, I mean, it's kind of hard to pick a favorite." Ethan couldn't believe the clichés coming out of his mouth.

"Sure. Well, which album do you like best?" She could see right through him. Unfortunately, Ethan was too flustered to pick up on that fact.

"The, uh, latest one. I like it a lot." He suddenly felt the urge to drink the beer she had bought him. All of it. Maybe even another after that.

"So are you in town for the concert, then?" Carly was actually enjoying Ethan's nervousness.

"Oh yeah, super excited. Bought my tickets weeks ago..." Ethan trailed off when he finally noticed Carly's smile. That's when he realized she was just playing along. "There isn't a concert, is there?"

"Nope." She was still smiling. Well that was a plus at least.

"And I guess you can tell I'm not really a huge fan."

"It wasn't really obvious, but, yeah." Ethan was starting to feel very silly.

"And you probably think I'm a gigantic idiot right about now."

"Oh, sweetie, not agiganticidiot..." And then the dejection really sank in.

"Just a regular-sized idiot then?"

"Well I'll say this: if you are an idiot, you're a cute one. And I hope, for your sake, you're not regular-sized." She winked.

"Holy shit! Is she flirting with me?"Ethan took a moment too long before answering her.

"Listen, I have to go use the little girls' room. Try to think of a decent comeback while I'm gone."

Ethan was left dumbfounded. He had just met Carly Rae Jepsen. He had flirted- well, no, she did the flirting. But still, she was into him! This was a once-in-a-lifetime chance.

"OK, I have to come up with a comeback for that 'regular-sized' joke. I have to be clever if I want to keep talking to her. Talking to her. Maybe it could go further? Oh who am I kidding, she can have any guy she wants. Best I can do is continue the conversation. Could I make a joke about her boobs? No, that's stupid. Girls don't like guys talking about their boobs. Although, they are nice boobs. Very nice. I wonder if there's any nude pictures of her out there? I might have to look later-"

"Hey, buddy. That girl from before wanted me to give you something else." Ethan's thoughts were interrupted once again by the bartender. He handed Ethan another napkin, this one with something folded up inside. He opened it up and found out a room key for the hotel. Behind the key was another note:

"Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here's my room key,
So fuck me, maybe?"

Ethan almost dropped the note when he read the last line. He stared for far too long before coming to his senses. He noticed some more writing on the napkin:

"Room 612.
P.S. I guess we'll see if you're "regular-sized.'"

Beneath that was a lipstick mark. She signed it with a kiss. He headed out of the bar and towards the hotel lobby.

"Well Ethan,"he thought."This is going to be an interesting night."

To be continued...