Fuck The DC Universe Ch. 03

It had to have been a dream. Had to have been. The black hairs he found on his pillow the next morning—the lingering scent—just coincidences. A submissive Asian teenage girl in black leather bondage gear who had admitted to him in the afterglow that she'd only ever done it before with her blonde best friend, who was also Batgirl—clearly a wet dream.

Batgirl-on-Batgirl action. Booster would've loved that. He thought Fire and Ice were dating too. Then again, if anything could make a girl a lesbian, it'd be Guy Gardner. Hadn't he hooked up with both of them? Compared to that, Ted getting with Zatanna and Batgirl in the same day seemed plausible...

Ted sat up in bed. He thought he smelled something. Not that weird leather smell you got with the Bats—this was more—beefy. Drawing his BB gun from his nightstand, he slid from wall to wall over to the kitchen, where the smell was strongest. Poking his head out did not seem like SWAT protocol, but he didn't have a mirror handy.

His kitchen was not meant for more than one, maybe two people in it. It was a stripe of linoleum between two counters, one holding the sink and dishwasher, the other with the refrigerator and stove. There was a woman in-between them, reflecting the dim early morning light as she chopped up potatoes, carrots, and bits of celery with a sharpened finger. Because she was metal. A silvery robot like the T-1000, only a girl, like the T-1000 in that third Terminator movie they made for some reason.

And she was a good-looking girl. Tall, leggy, and—'bosomy'. If Ted thought of the metal skin as a jumpsuit, then it fitted her lush body like it was in love with it. She had the pleasant, unprepossessing features of a homecoming queen, framed by a wealth of sheeny hair. There was an innocent sensuality that just hung about her: almost unnoticed until a few moments passed, and then it drew the eye past the shock of her argent body.

"Ted?" she called, looking up sharply. Ted ducked his head back around the corner. "Is that you?"

"...no?" Ted tried.

"I let myself in. Hope you don't mind. I notice you don't have any real breakfast foods, so I thought I'd fix you something. I hope you don't mind, but I made beef stew. I'm good at that. With other stuff, I'm never really sure of whether it'll kill people or not. But this should be fine. I used the same recipe with Dr. Magnus and he liked it very much."

Ted suddenly felt a bit foolish, hiding around the corner with a gun in his hand. "Are you a creepy cyborg lady here to kill me?"

"No! I'll only kill you with kindness!"

Ted tried again. "Is kindness a supervillain name?"

"That would be a pretty poor name for a supervillain."

"It'd be ironic..." Ted argued, before ditching the gun and coming out into the open. "Hey, no offense, but what are you doing here? Did I leave the front door open, because you're the second person—"

"It was closed," she interrupted. "I turned my finger into a key!"

"Uh-huh." Ted got a whiff of the stew as she opened his crock pot to dump the chopped produce in. "I'm sorry if we've met before, but I don't recognize you covered in silver—wait, are you Bulleteer?"

"That wannabe? No way!" Turning her hand into a wire whisk, she stirred the stew. "I'm Platinum, of the Metal Men! But you can call me Tina."

"The Metal Men?"

"Robotic guardians of the Earth? Invented by Dr. Magnus? Powered by responsometers?"

Ted shook his head.

"We have a movie! Wonder Woman doesn't have a movie, you know!" Tina sighed. "We met briefly at the biorobotry conference in Zurich. You probably don't recognize me—I was a chair."

Ted snapped his fingers. "Best seat in the house!"

"Yes! You gave that talk on xenobiology in cybernetic circuitry—it was very moving. Tin couldn't stop crying for a week."

Ted nodded briefly. "Uh, thanks. It was really more of a technical—exercise."

Tina flicked her hand in the air. "Oh, I know. Tin cries about everything. We've had to replace five rusty eyes just this year. Anyway, I was in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop by, see how you're doing with that weird human body of yours. It hasn't spontaneously decided to kill you, has it?"

Ted shook his head. "Just some heartburn."

"Oh, good! You really are a darling man. A superhero who named himself after a beetle. The world wouldn't be the same without you."

"Thanks." Ted stepped into the kitchen, trying not to look her over too carefully. Easy, when she reflected his gaze. "Though, beetles are actually great survivors. I mean, by comparison, bats are—that smells great, Tina."

"Thank you!"

"I had a bit of a weird day yesterday," he explained. "So sorry if I'm not coming off too well. I suppose a woman—breaking into my house to fix me breakfast isn't too strange. Because for a minute there, I thought you were going to have sex with me."

"Oh, we can do that too!" she said chipperly. "The stew won't be ready for another twenty minutes. Would you like my ass now, Ted?"

"You... have an ass?" Ted asked hesitantly.

When he first came in, Platinum had had on—sorta—a sort of delineated one-piece swimsuit in a concession to modesty. Ted supposed she was naked either way; like one of those sleazy comic books where everyone was obviously drawn nude, but they colored their bodies blue so it looked like they were wearing the world's tightest spandex. But now, Platinum changed her body so she was clearly naked, sexualized, her breasts unbound with erect nipples and her ass divided into two separate globes, with a tight little bud in-between them. As she looked over her shoulder with her eyebrows lifted questioningly, she thrust out her valentine-shaped ass for him to feed his cock into. And he was rapidly becoming painfully hard.

"Uh..." Ted said. "No offense, but—you're made of metal."

"Yes, platinum! Hence my name! Platinum!"

"Yes, I get that—"

"Tina, for short! That nickname is mostly formed by shortening the word 'platinum'!"

"Yeah, I'm following you there, but I'm made of—mostly water. Some snacks... I don't think I could get hard enough to... penetrate you. Maybe if I were still a teenager..."

Platinum smiled knowingly. "It's alright. Platinum is one of the more ductile, malleable metals. Gold is a bit softer than me, but that'd be like penetrating Silly Putty!" She frowned. "You haven't done that, have you?"

"No!"

"Alright then! Please, insert yourself into my ass. I'll do everything I can to make it comfortable for you!"

"Okay," Ted said, "just let me get a condom."

"Teddy!" Tina cried, exasperated. "I'm a robot. You don't have to worry about that. Although I will have to use your sink to wash myself out after, so it doesn't start to smell."

"Uh-huh," Ted nodded. He resolved to stop thinking about that, or anything else for that matter.

With Tina still monitoring the crock pot, Ted came up behind her and placed his hands on her ass cheeks, spreading them apart. Her 'flesh' was soft to the touch—he could dent it slightly by exerting enough pressure, like she was thick clay. She was cool as well, but his thumbs, deep in the curve of her ass, detected warmth. Ted guessed it was her inner nanomotors hard at work, powering her. God, the workmanship was incredible. How he would love to get inside her...

Then Tina shook her ass a little, and he remembered that's what he was supposed to do. Her anus looked far too small for the entrance of his prick, but she seemed to know what she was doing. Digging his cock out of his pants, Ted settled the tip at her ass crack—

"Hold on," Tina said quickly, then concentrated. Her anus suddenly expanded in diameter, dilating. "I think that should work better. I gave myself the equivalent of a two-finger penetration and some rimming."

"Oh. Okay. I usually need a magazine before I do that, but okay."

Ted thrust forward as Tina pushed her ass back. His cock bent a little, not going in, but then Tina's asshole fluttered again, relaxing, and he found himself slipping into her. She was still almost impossibly tight, her ass resisting him like a clenched fist, but he cranked away, shoving, prying like he had a crowbar instead of penis. And slowly but surely, his cockhead disappeared up her ass.

"Oh my!" Tina exhaled. "That feels too good! Hold on a moment, let me downgrade my sensitivity perceptors. I don't want to come too quickly. There, done."

His hands now saddled on Tina's thighs, Ted forged ahead, getting the head of his cock inside her. That was the hardest part. His shaft followed easily, gliding in after the widest part of his prick. Ted watched in amazement as the whole of his cock was buried, right to the hilt. His balls jammed against Tina's crotch, his belly pressed tight against her cheeks, and he held the deepset penetration, letting her asshole clamp snugly around his fat cock.

"Oh fuck!" Tina bit her lip, leaving gentle indentations with her teeth. "You're so big—Dr. Magnus is the sweetest, most wonderful man in the world—you're a close second—but he doesn't have a great big cock like you! Downgrading sensitivity perceptors again..."

Platinum lowered her head, thrust her ass out, actually pushing Ted back until he hit the other counter. She squirmed, rubbing her butt in a circle against his flesh. He had to gird his hands on her hips and push forward with all his strength to get some breathing room. Then, holding her still, Ted pulled out until only the tip of his dick was still inside her. He paused to reach around her and grip her breasts, feeling her ductile nipples and twisting them like wrenches on lugnuts. Tina crooned.

"Downgrading sensitivity perceptors—downgrading sensitivity perceptors...!"

Ted slammed his rod home again.

"Oh shit!" Tina whimpered, whined, overjoyed at having her ass full of cock again. "Oh shit!" She reached between her legs and found his balls nestled against her thighs. Her hand melted on them, covering his entire sack with her chilled metal. The sensation electrified Ted. He repeated his earlier stroke, ramming himself into her again and again. Friction smooth, slippery, fluid—fit tight, warm, welcoming—pleasure unbearable. He hauled her ass up for a better angle and then drove himself into her with total abandon. As a robot, he didn't have to worry about hurting her, and he was now quite sure he couldn't harm himself inside her either.

"Downgrading sensitivity perceptors!" Tina chanted, then screamed as he plunged into her once more. "Please, Ted—oh please—I can't take them any lower! You'll make me-!"

Ted felt his cock swelling inside her. "You won't have to worry about it much longer."

Tina babbled as he plowed into her, her minimized sensitivity perceptors still overwhelmed with ecstasy. "Detecting enlargement of the glans—rush of blood to genitalia—testicle growth of forty percent—increased heart rate, increased blood pressure—muscles of pelvic floor, vas deferens, seminal vesicles, and prostate gland contracting... sperm and semen entering the urethra... oh yes! Shoot your ejaculate in me! Fill me with your statistically average five milliliters of semen!"

Ted fell back against his counter, gripping Tina by the hipbones and hauling her atop his groin, pulling her asshole down on his cock like a hand into a glove. He huffed and puffed as his cock spurted, pouring into her bowels. Tina detected sizable quantities of ejaculate splashing inside her and initiated her orgasm program. It flowed ecstatically until Ted's balls had been drained. Then he gave up the ghost, lowering Tina to the ground, drawing out of her, and then dropping his bare butt to the kitchen floor. His semen-wet cock swayed, down but not out.

"That ejaculation was not statistically average," Platinum reported.

"Sue me," Ted retorted happily.

"I found that experience very stimulating. I believe I will replay our encounter many times in the future. But for now—may I gather a wider range of stimuli for the sake of variety?"