Fucking a Friend Pt. 02

She shook her head, "Don't do this to me", she whispered.

"Do what?" I asked, "You brought up naked-best friends sex."

"Play the hero." She begged, "I can't do this now."

"I am not playing the hero," I answered looking at her then pulling her against me, resting my chin on her head and stroking her hair.

She instantly pulled away and stared at me like I had lost my mind, "Then what is this?"

I shrugged, "Me, being honest, I don't want you to hurt or hurt you. I am attracted to you but my marriage..."

"This can never be casual." her eyes left mine, "I know."

That admission hurt me just as much as it hurt her. "You are my best friend, Jillian, but as we've previously established there is potential to be so much more and I think we have both felt that potential."

"I know." She said very softly and that acknowledgment was cutting out a bit of both of our hearts.

I didn't trust my voice, my words, so I stayed silent and merely nodded. I started to get up but she grabbed my wrist and I looked down at her hand on my arm. Pale. Small. Deceptively fragile-looking.

"I know," she repeated, "I want you. Ever since we had sex, it has been with me. I have wanted Aaron to be you. Every man I have been with since April I have wanted to be you."

I wanted to point out that it was probably her state of mind and that trauma mixed with need and confusion that was controlling her now, but she moved into me, pressing that warm, curvy body against me until my ability to talk, much less think became impaired.

She brushed her mouth to my ear, "John?"

I let out a shaky breath, "Yeah?"

"I need best friend sex."

I made the fatal mistake of meeting her gaze. Her eyes had turned soft, solemn, as she rose up on her knees and gently touched her lips to mine. "Jillian?" I gripped her hips as my entire body reacted to that slight, almost chaste kiss. "I..."

She outlined my lips with her tongues and I groaned, sucking it into my mouth. God, I wanted to taste her. To feel her. In this moment, I didn't know if I could get enough. I was starting to wonder if I'd ever get enough when she slid her hands under the hem of my shirt and over my stomach.

She responded with wickedness as she touched me, the hunger there made me think that she couldn't get enough of me either. "Off", she demanded. Then to clarify, she edged my shirt off. When I took over the task, pulling it off, she straddled me, a knee on either side of my hips. Bending low, she licked my nipple.

I sucked in a breath, which made me realize that I was about to speak, to try to bring reason into something that was making no sense at all, but all the blood had been drained from my brain to somewhere else.

"I want you," she said against my lips, pinning me to the cabinet at my back, "God damn it, I want you. Please. John" It was as if she knew that I was going to try to use reason to back out.

I made a noise deep in my throat and kissed her long and deep. Not enough. Not nearly enough, I thought. I wanted to touch her. "Stand up."

"What?"

I went for the belt of her robe, "What do you have under here?"

"Me" she sighed, touching my cheek and then my chin.

I groaned and tugged it open. She was right. Nothing but her warm, damp, and waiting body. My hands looked dark against her pale skin and turned me on more than I already was. "Stand up," I said again, then without waiting for her, lifted her by the hips so that she was standing, still straddling me.

`I leaned in and nuzzled at her belly button then moved lower. Then lower still. Above me she made a low sound of hunger that went straight through me, then repeated it when I slid my hands up the backs of her legs and grabbed her ass, urging her a little closer so that she had no choice but to lean over me and slap her hands on the kitchen counter.

"I've been aching to do this," I said as I gently ran my thumb over her glistening folds, "ever since that day we fucked." I opened her before leaning in to stroke her with my tongue, sampling different spots and relishing in her reaction to each. A murmur here, a gasp there, my name was ripped from her throat. She was cursing and quivering within a minute, her breath choppy, her hips rocking into me, and I couldn't get enough of her reaction to me.

"You taste sinful, Jillian."

Her hips thrusted up and to me and she moaned, long and deep, "God damn it, there. Fuck, there."

I remembered that particular spot from our only previous encounter and knew I would have her swooning for me if I were to ever return to that slice of heaven. Even if I hadn't known about it or had forgotten, the way her fingers tightened in my hair would have been a big clue. I loved the sexy sounds being ripped from her throat and the way she looked above me, damp and trembling; completely gorgeous in the way a woman in the throes of passion does and I gave her exactly what she silently pleaded me for and built on her orgasm until she shattered.

Her knees collapsed and she slumped against my chest. Stroking a hand down her back, I pulled her close and kissed her neck.

"Please tell me you have a condom," she begged.

"Jillian--"

She clapped a hand on either side of my face, "Yes or no."

"Yes." I tried to explain why, like I needed to, but she cut me off.

"Damn it, for the love of God get the fucking thing out now."

I reached into my back pocket for my wallet, which wasn't exactly easy as she straddled my lap and had become involved in her own agenda, which involved the unzipping of my jeans. She freed me, then tore the packet open with her teeth, laughing when she spit out the corner of the wrapper over her shoulder. "Figured I was full of shit when said we would never fuck again?" she murmured as she sheathed me, it was slow and left me panting and sweating by the time she was done.

I nodded and gritted my teeth in response to her and watched her give me that wry smirk, that sarcastic, witty one I had come to know so well, "That is why I fucking love you John, you know me so God damn well."

She leaned into me and stroked the length of my cock, she nipped my ear and whispered, "Now," demanding the union of our bodies and being very sure of herself. I felt that hand wrap around me before she lifted herself a little and took me deep.

"Fuck," I couldn't help but moan, "yes."

"That's the idea, darling."

I choked out a laugh and closed my eyes, thunking my head back against the cabinet, hissing in a breath as she bent over me and nipped at my exposed throat. Banding my arms tight around her, I opened my eyes and met hers as we began to meet in tandem. Faster. Harder. She was moaning and whimpering for more and I gave her everything I could, everything she wanted.

Gone was her doubt. Her confusion. Her pain. I could tell. There was a loss of control on both of our parts, but hers was not reckless. She was allowing herself to feel and it freed her. So much that was lost was found and it was that escape that would allow us to become completely undone, together.

When she sucked my earlobe into her mouth and flicked it with her tongue, I knew I was about an inch from losing it. "Jill," I breathed, trying to slow her down, "Jesus, Jillian, wait..."

No good, she was too far gone, grinding on me and making those sweet noises that told me how good I was making her feel, that she was as gone as I was and I nearly went off on that knowledge alone.

"I need you, John," she murmured softly, her hands in my hair, her eyes on mine, I saw relief there, not from the pressure mounting within her, at least not yet. Relief from all that pained her. It was clear as day, "Need me back."

"I do." I responded, pulling her close and against her throat.

"No. No, I mean..."

I stroked a hand up her thigh, rasping my thumb over ground zero and she sobbed out my name and arched into me. "Come," I urged her, wanting to watch her fly before I did, "Give yourself to me, Jill."

And with a soft cry, she did.

I joined her, a kaleidoscope of colors bursting behind my eyes. For a moment, I thought I was actually having a stroke but it couldn't possibly feel this good to have one.

From the dim recesses of my mind I realized that there was an odd ache in my chest that both hurt and felt right at the same time. I knew the reason but it would wait until reason and sanity retook us both.

Jillian would open her eyes some time later. I had moved her to her bed and we'd fallen asleep. She snuggled closer and into my warmth, kissing my shoulder, and she whispered, "I wish..."

My breathing had scarcely changed because I knew the moment she was awake. I had turned away from her as she slept, so completely sound and calm, that I knew if I continued to look at her, I would lose my calm and attack her. What Jillian needed was sleep and God knows she hadn't done that in days. Maybe even weeks.

"Wish what," I murmured, my voice low and curious, when she said nothing, I ran my fingers behind me and against the smooth skin of her thigh and finally she sighed.

"I kind of wish that this was real," she sighed as I rolled over to look at her, "That you were here and safeguarding me from myself and my past."

Propping myself up on an elbow, I looked into her eyes which were wide and beginning to water, "But I am here. I am always here when you need me."

"I know," she nodded, "I had the most restful nap. Sleep. Whatever you want to call it. Its been so long since that happened." Her eyes turned inward and towards the ceiling in the deepest of thought and contemplation, "The last time I can remember sleeping that well was after we were together the first time. Even though you had gone home, so much of my damage was gone."

I touched her temple with my lips, "So I have a calming effect on you. That's good to know and makes me feel good."

That wasn't a question but she answered it as one anyways, "Yes."

"Everything has changed and life has become more complicated." she looked down at the mattress, avoiding my gaze, "We have become complicated."

"There are always choices, Jill." My mouth moved along her throat and made her shiver, her goose flesh cool against my touch.

"Like?" She asked, clutching at me.

"Like getting help. Turning away from the complications, the changes, that are keeping you from being happy." I spoke, slightly regretting some of my word choices, "Truly happy."

I felt her breath catch in her throat, "If I did that, you'd regret it," she said in breathless despair, "I'd regret it."

"How so?" I asked, taking her hand in mine and kissing it softly.

She wanted to avoid this conversation. Where it would ultimately lead to. I knew it's path. As painful as the relevation of it would be to admit; it didn't change the absolute truth of it, "The moment we kissed, we both knew that there would be regret. We could disguise it. Hide it. Work around it somehow, but the truth of that moment has lingered between us."

I lifted her chin so that she could see my face. My sincerity. "You have used sex to cope with loss and being alone. I was the last person you wanted to use. We both know this."

I smiled into those large, brown eyes and continued, "I have to be honest, too." I nodded slowly and casually, "I have wanted to fuck you months after we met. I shouldn't want that. I know it's morally wrong. That is completely on me. "

Jillian's jaw began to gape open, it was as if I had spoken a revelation to her. Something that she didn't know.

The problem is, I knew her. Knew how she thought and she realized that too. It's a reason our friendship had started and endured, even beyond the first time we fucked.

Jillian nodded her head once, silently accepting this truth, even though we both knew it wasn't truly needed. The flood gates had now opened. There were tears and conversation, an openness I had never seen in her and one that she confided hadn't existed even before the tragedy that took her husband.

I looked at those bangs, hanging just above her eyes move as she shifted in the bed to mirror me. If either of us had moved just a fraction of an inch, the friction would have consumed us again.

"This isn't a romantic love we share," I spoke, "At least I don't think it is." She agreed as I continued, "There is an undeniable attraction though and it is very powerful. I have had you twice and that longing to be with you still lingers. That said, I can try to shut that off and go back to being how we were. It won't change that we fucked. Twice."

"I don't mind being used by you as you deal with this." I chuckled, "It beats seeing you distraught and upset after your one night stands."

She stroked my cheek, "Thats the thing. I don't want to use you as a crutch. If I had known that I could have fucked you, then I wouldn't have looked elsewhere."

I grabbed her hand and held it in mine, "No. You wouldn't. The conflict of fucking me, your married best friend, would have torn you apart. The fact you hang out with my wife, she loves your daughter just as much as I do, and that we all get along so well would have weighed on you."

"I have seen it since we fucked that first time," I continued, "You don't come around her as often, don't hang out with her. You don't want to hurt her."

"Or you." she whispered, her face becoming pale and saddened, "Hurting you, losing you is the last thing I want. To be honest, I don't think I could handle it."

"Am I really that important?" I teased, knowing the answer as she nodded the moment I spoke my last syllable.

"Then we have really created a situation here," we both chuckled as I spoke the most obvious of truths between us.

"For you to get help, I need to stop this. Stop us. Walk away."

"You don't want to," she pleaded, longing in her voice and she shrunk away from me.

"I don't." I frowned, "It is what is best for you. Its what you need to face this completely and become a whole person again."

"You don't know what I want, God damn it." her voice and mannerisms quickly darkened.

"I think I do." I answered and instinctively reached for her and pulled her closer, "But wants and needs are completely different things, Jill."

A truer statement had never been spoken.

She tried to resist my touch but gave in as she slid the foot closer to me in the bed. I pushed the issue between us in a more intimate direction, unconsciously teasing my tongue against her skin and I could see it's unsettling effect on her.

"Damn it," she sighed, giving in almost instantaneously, "Its you, mother fucker, I want you."

She arched up against me as my hands ran over her body. "I need you in my life, John." Wrapping her legs around my hips, she pulled our bodies together, locking eyes with me, "Sex has become a surprising want now."

"Agreed." I responded to her.

I sensed confusion drift away as she confidently opened her mouth and I used that to my advantage, kissing her hungrily, pulling closer as my body covered hers. The sheet was tangled between us, not hiding a thing, unlike what we would have to do from this moment on.

I yanked the sheet away and then I was on her, my warm skin in place of the cool cotton.

Her eyes slid shut as my lips moved over hers. She'd already learned I love to kiss and to explore. She moaned to me that she loved to let me. It made her feel wanted. Cherished. Sexy. I had seen all of her before, every inch yet now I found myself discovering something new about her, about us, after talking with her. I kissed her knee, ran my tongue over the curve of her breast, then lower until I had touched the length of her hip with complete appreciation. It sent tingles through her and I lapped up every bit of goose flesh I could as I explored. "I felt her fingers run through my hair, tightening there as she brought my mouth back to hers, "Again?" she pleaded.

"Yes," I breathed against her lips, "And then again. As it turns out, I need you too.