Gabriella Ch. 05

"Simon?"

He didn't respond and his eyes remained empty.

Now was the time she needed to be brave and tell him exactly how she felt. She had never put her feelings out there for anyone to walk all over. But she wanted him to know that he had changed her. That she was glad he was in her life. The only person she could count on. The first person who mattered in her life and made her feel like she wasn't a useless waste of space. Regardless of the countless arguments and mini-cold wars between them, she loved him. A simple truth that she played over and over in her head. She loved him.

"Simon. I know that you feel bad sometimes after we have sex. So this might not be the best time to tell you. But I want you to know this—"

"Don't," he snapped.

"Don't what?"

"Don't say whatever it is you're about to say." He stood up, buttoned his shirt and walked around the desk to pick up the papers strewn all over the floor.

Ella lifted her legs and spun around on the desk to face him again. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to hear it." He slammed a stack down on the desk before picking up the rest.

"You don't know what I'm going to say." It was now or never. "I wanted to tell you that—"

"I do know what—"

"—I'm in love with you."

Simon opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. He shuffled and reshuffled the papers.

Ella bit her lip, wondering what he was thinking. She had never said those words to anyone before. But she'd seen enough movies and read enough books to know that the normal response was 'I love you too'. Had she made a mistake?

When the papers were finally in order, he placed them in a neat pile at the edge of his desk. "You should probably go home," he said.

The push and pull of their relationship was getting old. He had to know there was more. He had to know. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

"Like what?"

"Be truthful with me again. Like you were about Nolan. Tell me that you love me too."

He shook his head. "This isn't love, Gabriella. It's a sick, dark obsession fueled by sexual chemistry. But it's not love."

"I don't believe you." His face was emotionless.

"I don't care." His eyes bore into hers. "I'm in love with Patricia."

"Yeah, but you could love me too." Her heart was hammering inside her chest.

"But I don't. Not like that." His cold words settled in the air. There was no understanding or sympathy behind them, just a matter of fact air.

"You are fucking lying to me! You can have any of those other girls who are dying to screw you. Hell, the female teachers too. But you chose me."

He remained silent as she melted.

"I love you. And you love me too," she said, while he shook his head. "You do!" Her voice cracked as her eyes burned. She didn't want to cry. Not this time. Once again she had given everything and he relinquished nothing. "If it wasn't love, then why did you continue to come back to me? And don't you dare say it was sex, because—"

"But that's what it was Gabriella, and nothing more."

She shook her head, refusing to look at him.

"And that's all it ever has been. I'm sorry, but I never led you to believe it was more."

Her whole body burned from within. She lifted her damp hair from the back of her neck, hoping to cool down. She had not misread all those signs for a year. He was scared, she understood that, but he had to give her something. He had to let her know that she wasn't in this battle alone.

"So you're telling me that from the very first time until now, that the only reason you kept coming back to me...the only reason you laughed with me or held me was because of sex? Is that what you're saying?"

He placed his hands in his pockets and nodded. "Yeah."

She was hoping she'd feel numb, but she didn't. She felt stupid. Angry. Stupid for putting her feelings out there, and angry that she had given into him instead of sticking to her original plan. What was so hard about checking up on him and then leaving?

Ella stared at the door. The expression broken heart didn't seem to apply to her. To imply that a heart was broken, meant that there were pieces, shards that were still there but shattered. Ella felt nothing inside. She couldn't even feel it beating. Hollow, like the Tin Man. That movie kept her company many afternoons when she was a kid.

She used to debate who had it worse. Dorothy's was the easiest. Home didn't mean shit, and Oz was much better than the farm where no one cared about her. The Scarecrow—well, sometimes ignorance was bliss. The Cowardly Lion, courage wasn't always just standing up to people. It came in many forms.

But no heart? How were you supposed to have compassion for anyone or anything? What was the point of living if you couldn't share that with someone? And although she had kept hers guarded for years, something she learned from her mother, she now understood why protecting it was vital. To not let someone trample over it and toss it aside like garbage. She had offered Simon her heart and short of that, there was nothing she could do.

Actually...there was something she could do.

She slid off the desk and pulled her dress back on. She found her phone on the couch and dialed the last missed call.

As it rang, she stared Simon in the face.

"Hey, Nolan," she said when he answered. "Thank you for calling earlier, I just couldn't get to the phone." Simon's eyes narrowed. "But I've been doing some thinking about what we talked about and I'd love to be your girlfriend. Well, I know you were asleep so we can talk about it tomorrow. Goodnight."

Ella snapped her phone shut and grabbed her coat. Simon didn't utter a word as she left his office. She had finally gotten the message.

*

Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Chapter 6 is on the way. And the usual thanks to my dynamic duo, Kaia and August...thanks so much for your guidance and support.

Soular