Garfield and Jennifer Kline

"Don't take this wrong! Not good at love making. No damn good at love making!" I'd raised my voice to an unseemly level. Well, I was pissed. I tried to calm myself. "And you never told me any of this why?" I said. "You'd have thought that a wife of many years would have been decent enough to give her old man a chance. But, oh no, not my Jennifer; she just decided to get her jollies elsewhere. Hell who am I kidding; she didn't tell me because she'd just as soon have a hundred different cocks doing her than waste time training an inept sexual buffoon like me."

"Actually, Garfield, You aren't really all that bad. I overstated myself just now. Not great, but on occasion you could really light my fire. And, yes, I understand that hearing this isn't making me any points here. But, this is our big meet up, Garfield. When we leave here some things will have been settled. Maybe some really big things. I do not want our—history—we have hanging over our heads. I want it all out there—settled. But, that said, there were a couple of things that happened at the same time, I mean back then, eight years ago now. It was kind of a perfect storm of confluences," said Jennifer.

"Garfield, to give it to you straight, I did try not to stray when we were first married. I was able to keep my legs closed—except to you—for two years. But, I was frustrated and looking for a way to be unfrustrated. Diane was the one who convinced me to go into the business. She made the case that it was better than having what she called emotional affairs. Fuck, but don't get involved with any of the clients was her motto. And, I hasten to add, she advised me to make damn sure that I treated you as good or better than I ever had. Put another way, she told me I could fuck for money—a lot of it—but that I had to make damn sure that you were happy, taken care of first. That little matter was to be first and foremost.

"And, I am here to proclaim the truth that that is exactly what I did. Well, until lately. Diane, it seems, got to feeling kinda guilty for talking me into cheating on you. She decided to do something, something radical. She felt responsible, so she took what were—I guess you'd say—pretty draconian measures to get it done.

"She'd talked to me a lot about my actions early on. But, alas, I hadn't listened to her. I figured that I had you wrapped around my little finger and that I could do pretty much anything I wanted to you. Well, so she outted me, more to shake me up than to drive you away," said Jennifer.

"Really," I said. "Well, I don't know, but she—and you—sure as hell shook me up! Drove me right out of our marriage. Thanks one fucking helluva lot!"

"Hmm, maybe," she said. "But, I'm still bullish on our chances to get us to get back together and for the both of us to be happy. You especially, I mean even with what would be your lot as a willing but well-loved cuckold," she said.

I looked at her with what had to be a neutral expression. I had very, and I mean very, mixed emotions. On the one hand I wanted for this meeting to start the process of getting us back together, but her words condemning me for being essentially useless in bed, would not go away, would probably never go away.

Too, I had a real problem with sitting home on any given night waiting for her to get in from her liaison. The odd thing was that I was pretty sure that I would not actually be jealous of her johns. I'd given that a lot of thought. An affair with an emotional attachment would have killed our marriage instantaneously. But nameless, faceless, one night stands peopled by men who had to pay for it to get it somehow made the cut.

"A well-loved cuckold?" I said.

"Yes, and please do not imagine that I am insulting you or putting you down. We were married a long time; you absolutely should know that being my cuckold will in no way change that fact," she said. I nodded, but I was not convinced of her sincerity.

At that moment I knew what I was going to do. I would present it to her casually, even sweetly; but there would be no compromise. If she really loved me, as god knows that I had loved and did love her; then, we would make it. For sure we'd make it. And, I had to believe that in the long run, and maybe even the short run; she'd actually become a one-man woman and wife. I was smiling. She gave a funny look wondering, no doubt, what I was smiling about.

"You're smiling," she said. "Can I count that as good thing?" I ignored her question. I had to stay focused.

"Jennifer—I'm—I'm willing to try. I won't kid you. I might last a day. Or I might last a lifetime with this—situation. But, I am willing to try. But, that said, I do have a couple of requests," I said.

"Okay?" she said.

"Never in our house, no matter how much money some john might offer you," I said. I paused and looked her in the eye.

And..."

"Yes, well, you might not like this one. But it's gotta be. Okay? I'm giving up a lot," I said.

"Yes, you are, and I do appreciate how you must be feeling. So whatever it is..."

"I want half the money," I said. Her eyes got big. She started to say something, stopped, started again.

"Uh—okay. I think I understand. You're saying it can't be all me getting and you giving. That about right?" she said.

"That's exactly right. What you said a little while ago about me being no good in bed. That I'd even proven myself untrainable is how you put it." She looked away. I think she knew she'd said too much with that one. "I intend to do better, Jennifer. I want you to like me for what I am and for what I got and for what I can do. And yeah, I know it ain't all that much right at this moment. But, never fear, I intend to do a little research on the subject, you know, on the side," I said.

"Research? On the side?" she said.

"Yes, well, with other women. I won't be making any money at it. Well, I don't think I will, but if I ever do, I will be splitting it even up with you too, like you will with me. So, if these little things I'm asking for are okay by you, well then, we have a deal," I said.

"Wait, wait. You want me to share my future earnings with you? Fifty-fity? You want to be—with—other women? You mean..." she was becoming concerned, or confused, or something.

"Well, almost. I mean I will probably be doing some fucking on the side. You know, like you, learning all I can. Well, I mean if I can find me some women who don't mind a little dick and are willing to teach me some stuff; you know, so that I can be a better lover to you," I said.

"Uh—okay," she said. I'd caught her flat footed. She seemed unsure of herself. "And half my earnings?"

"Yes. Well, yes," I said. "I deserve it. It was me that did all of the suffering and losing out. Frankly, dear, you owe me—big time."

"Well—okay. I mean I see where you're coming from. I have to admit that it's hard to argue the point," she said. I smiled.

"Anyway, yes, the money. And, not just your future earnings, as you said, but all of your earnings. The money you've made since the beginning, as well as your future earnings. You know, seven years' worth, or, actually eight years now," I said. "And again, plus half of anything you make from now on."

"But—but..." she started.

"We're married aren't we?" I said. "Isn't a couple who are married supposed to share and share alike?"

"Well, yes, but..."

"How much is it, Jennifer. How much have you made over the last eight years being a prostitute?" I said. She stared at me.

"I'm not exactly sure. There've been investments. I'm not exactly sure.

"Look, Garfield. I will make your life wonderful. Sexually, you will lack for nothing. You want a chunk of money to have fun with, no problem. But half of everything I've worked for? Jesus, Garfield..."

"How much do you have in your special account and your investments, Jenn? If you love me, you will not deny me what I sacrificed for. And, I did sacrifice Jennifer. I sacrificed a lot," I said. She nodded.

"You're right. You did. I won't be stingy with you, Garfield, but not half of everything. That's just too much. Maybe twenty-five percent, and that's a lot believe me.

"And the other women you were talking about? Well, I guess I can't be a hypocrite and deny you what I've been enjoying for so long. So, okay with that too. But the same codicil holds for you as for me; none of your fluff in the house; it's neutral territory, like you said," she said.

"Of course it's neutral territory," I said. "But as for giving me only twenty-five percent, that won't fly. Either half or none. It's not only fair it's generous, I mean my asking for only half. I should get it all, Jennifer. Since every last dime of it was gotten at my expense and behind my back. My humiliation alone is worth the getting of it all.

She was shaking her head no. "Look, I worked, I earned..." she started.

"You see how it is, Jennifer? Your cheating has gotten us down in the dirt here. We are now arguing over money that you should never have gotten in the first place, certainly not from letting other men fuck you behind my back. Are you getting it, dear heart? Are you getting it?

"Garfield..."

"Keep your dirty money, Jennifer. Spend it on dirty things. Just don't bring any of it, or, yourself around here anymore. We're done," I said.

"What! Huh! I thought!"

"No, Jennifer, you didn't think. If you had agreed to share your ill-gotten booty fifty-fifty; we might have had a chance. I maybe could have seen that at least at heart that you were being straight with me. But, you haven't been and you're not.

"I should tell you, Jennifer, I had no intention of ever touching any of your wealth. I never would have taken so much as a penny of it. You clearly don't remember my burning twenty-five grand in front of your eyes. The money was and is meaningless to me. Us, me and you, our marriage, my marriage, my woman: those are the things that mattered to me, not your goddamn cash! Your money, Jennifer, is less than nothing to me other than as a symbol of how corrupt you've become.

"Tonight you offered me tokenism. That tells me exactly where your head is at, and where we'd be as a couple if I accepted your positions on these matters. So have yourself a ball, Jennifer, just not with me." I got up and strode out, not walked, strode. She made no attempt to follow me.

******

I was back at the Castellano. Travis was still tending bar there after all of these years. But, he was a bit older now, early thirties. At any rate, I was free. I didn't care if she came in anymore. She was nothing to me anymore. The way I knew that for sure was because of the fact that I didn't hate her. I didn't like her for sure; but, I didn't hate her for what she'd done and how she'd treated me. Put another way, I just didn't give a good goddamn!

"Well, Travis, how's it been around here lately," I said.

"Good, I guess. Sorry about you and your old lady," he said. He looked away.

"Travis?" I said. I could sense that he wanted to say something.

"It's none of my business," he said.

"Travis, come on, give it to me,' I said.

"Your wife, Jennifer. I was here when you met her. I knew her. She'd been doing men here off and on for about a year. Even I'd had her. I should have warned you..." he started. I stared at him.

"You had her? How much did it cost you?" I said.

"No-no, it wasn't like that, not then for sure. She wasn't a prostie. She just liked cock. Almost any cock. Like I said, I did her once. It was maybe six months before you met her."

"Well, don't sweat it. She actually started to tell me about her men, when we first started up together, but I was in love and I stopped her. Told her it was all water under the bridge or words to that effect. I guess maybe I shoulda listened, but even if I had..."

"Yeah, well she was a beauty. Actually, she still is," said Travis.

"Why? You seen her in here lately?' I said.

"Yeah, recently. In fact, like—now." He nodded toward the doorway. I turned to see what he was talking about. She was there all right, and dressed to kill. Figured she was there to cruise or meet somebody. I just snickered. Well this would be the test.

She hadn't seen me yet, and it had been a while, maybe six months, since I'd last set eyes on her. I could have slipped out. But, keeping to my resolve not to let her dictate my life, I turned back and resumed my talk with Travis. Then, she saw me.

"In coming, she's headed over here," he said. I took another swig, and no, it wasn't to buoy my courage. Well, that's the story I'd tell in a court of law.

"Hello, Garfield," she said. "Fancy meeting you here." I didn't turn around.

"Too good to talk to me?" she said.

"As a matter of fact," I said.

"Yeah, well maybe you're not exactly all that yourself," she said.

"Oh, I'm well aware of my shortcomings—no pun intended," I said. "But, one of 'em ain't being willing to talk to a wife who's been shitting all over me for years and dares to expect me to be okay with it. So pardon the fuck outta me if I find your company distasteful," I said.

"Whatever, asshole," she said, and she stormed out. Good, I thought, now maybe she wouldn't be coming around my favorite watering hole anymore. Okay, well, and you had to know that that would not be the case.

She'd gone, and I was talking to Travis about maybe going to the game on Saturday, now that it was college football season again. He stopped talking and he stopped wiping dry the glass in his hand and he stared, toward the door. I turned to look. There she was again, not but minutes removed from her first appearance on this particular autumn evening. Now, she was doing the striding.

"You're going to talk to me, and now butthead, and that's final," she said. "Come on." She turned and headed for a table near the back.

"You better go talk to her, big guy, I don't need no trouble in here tonight, and I smell it brewing with her in the mood she's obviously in," said Travis. I snickered, but I picked up my drink and headed for the table she'd marked out for us.

I plopped into the chair across from her. "Okay, butthead is here. Whaddya want, Jennifer?" I said. For a long moment she stared at me.

"The question is what do you want?' she said. "You said you didn't care about the money, at least you didn't the last time we talked."

"What do I want? I want peace. I want to be away from a whoring wife. I want to be left alone to try and put the ruins of my life back together. Do you want me to write it all down for you?" I said. She seemed to sag back into her seat.

"That's not what I meant. What I meant was what would it take to get you back. To being my husband again," she said. I looked at her like she was crazy.

"Impossible," I said. "And why, after all you said about me, would you want me back. You makes no sense."

"Because I'm a woman, and I'm in love with you, and I can't get over you. And bet on it, big guy, nothing's impossible. Difficult yes, but not impossible," she said.

"Again, why do you want me back, Jennifer? Whatever it is I got has apparently never been enough for you. I doubt if you need my money, not with the fabulous career you've got," I said. "You say you want me back because you love me. The very definition of love is the willingness of two people to sacrifice for each other. But you insist on living in a manner that is killing your partner's heart—my heart Jennifer!"

"Okay, I deserved that. But, to answer your question, again: I want you back for the same reason I always have, I love you. Can't escape it, can't get over it. Tried, but can't," she said. She started to smile, no doubt at the comical expression on my face.

"Love me? You love cock. And, mine ain't exactly star quality, but even if it were, you'd still be cheating on me in a fortnight," I said. She shook her head from side to side. The smile was gone.

"Would've been true before, but not now," she said. "I want you back, and your price will be paid, and paid now."

"Make me an offer," I said. She hesitated.

"All of my money," she said.

"Not enough," I said. She looked me askance. She nodded.

"And, I give up the life," she said. Now, she had my attention. Now, I was nodding. I'd begun to nod subconsciously, but now I realized it.

"Hmm, interesting," I said.

"Interesting? That's all you've got to say?" she said.

"Hmm, yes, interesting. Sounds to me like you are willing to let me dictate the terms of this little—treaty," I said.

"I was—am," she said. "I just want peace too. And, I want to be happy, not just thrilled by a big cock. I've discovered, and that only recently, the truth of that.'

"Oh, and how exactly did that one-hundred-and-eighty degree turnabout happen," I said.

"Diane, met a man. Gilbert Hennessey, if it matters. He's a lumberjack of all things. They got married. She gave up the life. She's been on my case to give it up too. And, I don't know, but seeing her all happy and everything. Well, it made me want the same thing for myself. Anyway, so here I am," she said.

"Really," was my brilliant reply.

"Yes, and if you agree, she's going to be my maid of honor at the renewal of our vows," she said.

******

EPILOG

Well, we did renew our vows. And Diane and her husband were prominent at that renewal. And that was eleven years ago, and things have worked out right nicely thank you very much.

Oh, and the money? I turned out to be almost half a million dollars, mostly from investments, but a huge chunk of the seed money for the investments was made on her back. We took the bucks and bought a small ranch in Arizona. We're cowboy and cowgirl now. Dance every Saturday night at the Lone Star. Oh, and she did train me, and that includes how to do the Texas two-step too. Helluva thing.