tagReviews & EssaysGetting It Off My Chest

Getting It Off My Chest


a.k.a A Rant from Dirtyjoe

* Note to all: opinions expressed in this rant are just that, opinions. I have added a little humor to lighten the subjects. However; if hot topics upset you then please do not read this rant!


Hey peeps, my name is Dirtyjoe and today I am going to splash some of the opinions I have, and others I have heard over the years, down on "paper". Yes, I know, this isn't paper. It is text on the screen. Welcome to the age of technology I guess. But I assure you when I created my first draft it was done the old fashion way!

Speaking of old fashion, what the hell does that mean? How old is old fashion? When did you precisely have to be born to have the things you grew up with be old fashion? Hell some kids today would tell ya Playstation 1 is old fashion. It must make me feel old, I remember the first pong game. We were enthralled watching the single white dot dance across the screen. Am I showing my age yet? I guess it could be worse; I could be so old fashion that I could remember when color television was first introduced. Sorry wasn't there for that. I was there in a time when I was my parents' channel changer though. I was also around before cable and satellite TV. I was my dad's antenna! I would stand there with a piece of tin foil in my hand just so they could watch the hockey game!

Back in the day I remember all the commercials claiming their products to be "new & improved". Funny thing is some of those same products still make the same claim. How can they, as producers of a product, make such shitty products to begin with? Really, how improved can you make something, say soap? I think when they say "new & improved" it just means they changed the fucking box it is in to make it look more appealing. It would be nice to see a company, just once, say their product is just perfect the way it is. Hey, there is a slogan for someone. Our (insert product here) is not "new & improved", our (product again) is "Just Perfect!" I don't think you will see that happen though.

I am going to move on to a topic a little more suitable for Literotica now. The same time I was growing up (in the Nixon era...), porn was just starting to become big. Movies like; Deep Throat, Behind the Green Door, Debbie Does Dallas and one of my favorite porns of all time The Devil In Miss Jones were all the rage. Heck they used to play them in theatres! Now what my problem with today's stroke films is, where is the bloody story? How come ninety percent of the movies now a day go right for the double penetration or the big shot in the face to the girl? The older ones used to have some real story lines, character development and a bit of humor to them. Now I am not saying porn was perfect back then. Heck no, have you seen the bushes on the chicks in the old porn? It is yucky, unless of course you are into that thing. Today's porn rises above the older ones in many aspects. The technology is far superior, they have way better camera angles now and movies are not so grainy, like the porn of the seventies and early eighties. I guess I just miss the classic style of porn movies.

Speaking of back then, I remember playing with my catholic friends. I had a lot of friends that were catholic. They were good people, living good catholic lives. In fact they were some of the nicest people around. Until you mention the word "homosexual" or "lesbian" that is. Just the mere mention of those words would bring a stare so hard you thought you had killed someone. Now myself, I can see why they would get weary about this "lifestyle" (I will be covering the lifestyle issue later on) back in those days. Since they were kids, since there parents' parents were kids, they were taught to believe homosexuality was a sin. Yes folks it is a sin for a woman to lick another woman's vagina, a sin for a man to suck another man's cock. I just hope I don't choke to hard on that last statement.....cough, cough! Maybe it is because they never had the information that we have today. They had TV and newspapers but in today's times anyone who can point and click has a plethora of information available to them. I wonder if they would hold on to their same beliefs if they knew how many ministers, the same preachers who would preach hell fire and damnation if you were homosexual I mind you, were busy raping little boys and girls.

And how much would they believe if they knew the Vatican knew about these crimes against children yet swept it under the proverbial rug? Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying Catholicism is a bad religion. I think most religions are just fine. Most show a way to living a better life. Maybe I just wish a woman would have written all those stories in the bible. Actually how do we know they weren't supposed to but man, being physically stronger back in those times, wouldn't let it happen? Man has always tried to keep dominance over women. And they do it by writing, or saying the "book" was written this way. It is in our courts and in our governments. For a free society, a society where church and state are to be separate, a society where you are supposed to have freedom of religion, I find it hilarious right on our money it says "In God We Trust". No mention of Allah there, no mention of the Dali Lama there, just God. Shouldn't it say, "In a higher power we trust"? In court you are told to "swear on the bible". If church and state are to be separate why not just ask, "Hey man, you gonna tell the truth or what?"

Anyway back to women writing the stories in the bible or Koran. Do you honestly think if a woman wrote the Koran she would be walking behind her man? Do you think she would be thought of as less than a man? That shit does not even pass the litmus test! You know men wrote it because everything gets blamed on women. Jesus was tempted by a woman. Sol's wife turned to salt because she looked back. And of course the first one, Eve giving us original sin by biting that frickin' apple. I have a hard time believing women fucked up that much through time. Did all of a sudden their whole being change, their whole essence change? Let's look at who fucks things up most of the time. Yep, it is men. I could sit here and list all the bad things men have done but we would be here for the rest of time. So think now, how is it women fucked all those real important things back then yet man still continues to be the fuck up today? Do you think God wants all the war and hate we have in this world? Why do we have war? It boils down to the age old issue of who has the bigger cock. Men having to be dominating in what ever area they hold. I have the fastest car. I have the best job. I have the most money. We are stronger than you so we are gonna come in and take what we want. We might as well be back in caveman times and just have a Neanderthal clobber us over the head. So once again, when our leaders are starting or helping in war they are basically saying, "Everybody look how big my cock is!" That is why I feel if women had been aloud to decipher the bible or even write all the stories, the world we live in wouldn't be so messed up today!

Talking about messed up thinking, let us now look at homosexuality. No, I am not here to say it is wrong or that it's a sin. But it is hard enough for a guy to score with a chick on a good day and now we have to compete with women! How fair is that? We lose every time. I mean, you know if it came down to oral sex, there is no way a man is going to do a better job than a woman. They know their bodies' guys, we don't stand a chance. How about if it came down to regular activities? Most guys would be left in the cold. In a general sense guys would be out drinking beer and farting with their buddies, and women would be out shopping for shoes. Oh please don't hate me women, ya know I love you. I am just talking generalities.

And the whole gay marriage thing, say it isn't so! Let us look at some of the reasons straight people get married, shall we? They love each other, money, they are involved in an arranged marriage, they do it for tax purposes (yes I have seen it people!), or they do it the old fashion way (yes back to old fashion) they get themselves knocked up!

Now let us look at why homosexual couples "want" to get married. Ummmmmmmm, I can only think of one. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!! Oh my God stop the presses, the world is going to end! Marrying two people that love each other, that is outright preposterous. Thank heavens the government has been trying to stop that all these years. Nothing like stopping two people in love be totally bonded, all the while you are out there blowing the shit out of a foreign country. And so gay marriage for me? I say fill your boots. It isn't going to make two squirts of piss difference to my life. However, (yes there is always a catch) the homosexual community can not force churches to allow them to marry there. That goes against the whole freedom of religion thing and religions being allowed to preach what they want.

Now, and this one really freaks straight people out, what is the next step after marriage? That's right it is baby time! But since it isn't possible for two members of the same sex to conceive, scientists just haven't figured that one out...YET, we are left with adoption. We can't let the sicko's adopt can we? Imagine the horror of a gay couple raising their child up to be homosexual. Because the life they have lived wasn't hard enough for them. I bet if you asked any homosexual if they actually had a choice what would they have chosen? My bet would be to not live a life being pestered and outcasted from ignorant people.

And imagine actually putting a child in a home where they are truly wanted. What a ghastly thought that is! Straight parents are sooooo much better to have. It isn't like they just made a mistake while having unprotected sex. I wonder why so many children are out there waiting to be adopted. Must be those homos' fault!

I believe if you are good citizens with strong character, whether you are homosexual or straight, and you want to raise (and raise is a strong word, any jackass in a straight relationship can make a baby) a child beyond a doubt then you should be allowed.

I can see the gay people cheering now. They must think I am right in their corner. Perhaps I am a gay rights activist myself? Guess what...........WRONG!!!!!!!

It is hard enough for a "religious" person, who has been taught over centuries, to automatically accept what you do. And even when some "hard liners" might think about changing their mind on the issue, what does the "homosexual community" do? Ya throw that fucking disgusting thing you call a celebration (Gay Pride Parades) in our face. How can you expect "normal" people to buy into the whole "it's not a choice, I was born this way" crap when you do this? You have made these parades a big part of your showcase, which makes some people think that homosexuality is a lifestyle and not a choice. Those parades are not only sickening and crude; I have witnessed a few (Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver and San Francisco) and thought some of the participants should have been thrown in jail. These parades were nothing short of a 1920's carnival freak show! But unlike those sad freaks, who usually didn't have a choice to participate, you do! How many "straight" parades have you seen where there are mostly naked people engaging in blatant sex acts? Are they having sex during the Gay Pride Parades? Probably not but the actions by the partakers sure make it seem like they do. The homosexual community screams out for equal rights, to be treated in the same fashion. I agree that they should. But the repulsive spectacles must stop.

If I was to do some of the things I have seen during these parades, on any given day in public, I would be put in the hoosegow. You want to be part of the public? Then act accordingly. We don't need to see obvious sex acts in public. I don't care if you are "straight", "gay", or from another planet, I just don't want to see it. If you are proud to be with the one you love, feel free to express yourself. But do it with some couth; hold hands, cuddle, even steal a passionate kiss from time to time. If you have a thing for wild sex and like the thought of maybe getting caught, I can deal with that too. Pick a spot you might get caught, I am not talking about oral on the subway at rush hour, a spot where the whole world doesn't have to be witness. Places like the beach, on top of an apartment, your car, a drive-in movie (do they still have those or am I being old fashioned again?), or whatever else your heart desires. Just keep it where it belongs, private.

Anyway those are just some opinions leaking from my twisted mind. If you want to read more rants let me know! If you just want hot sex stories (to stroke or rub too) or maybe an erotic thriller, then look up my profile. I am trying to write something for each category on the board. I hope you enjoyed!

P.S. You don't have to agree with a bloody thing I wrote here (ain't it beautiful!) Hell I'm not sure I do myself! It's just gobbley gook from my brain.

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