Getting to Know Me

My thoughts on sexuality, porn, and what makes a man

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Some people subscribe to the belief that women are degraded in porn; these people think porn is sexist. In my opinion this is bullshit.* Some people enjoy being used when it comes to sex; I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Being submissive sexually, being more concerned with your partner's pleasure than your own, getting off on pleasing your partner and preferring it to receiving pleasure doesn't make you somehow less worthy of respect, less of a man (a wimp or a sissy) or less of a woman (objectified, not a person with thoughts and feelings but rather just an object to be used and discarded). I am submissive in that way and I completely reject the belief that being that way makes me less of a man.

In a similar vien, some people think that a man allowing himself to be pegged is a wimp, is a faggot... is, again, less of a man. To me that seems like gender stereotyping bullshit. If I'm with a woman and she has always fantasized about pegging (whether she knows the term or not) and she finally gets to a point where she trusts me enough to share her shameful - how she feels, of course, not how she should feel - fantasies with me, this belief system says that I'm supposed to deny her that fantasy? That I'm supposed to put my ego above her sexual desires? Seriously, that would make me more of a man? I say fuck that; I think it makes me a hell of a lot more of a man to encourage her to continue to trust me, to be supportive of her sexual fantasies, to encourage her to explore any sexual fantasies that she may have and to foster her sexuality. To me there's nothing more masculine than pleasing your partner. Wanting to please your partner, sexually or otherwise, being willing to put their happiness above your own, that's what makes a real man. (That and a pair of testicles.) Although I suppose that's kind of a sexist way to phrase it. That's what makes a real man, or real woman? A mature adult? You know what I mean, I hope.

(Of course, I need a sexually dominant girlfriend, I don't want a girlfriend who would be submissive in that way; we should have complementary roles rather than overlapping. But she should be willing to do it, just as I would be willing to play a dominant role with her should she want to be submissive from time to time, even though I prefer the submissive role for myself.)

Now, it's true that because I enjoy pleasing I guess I'm not exactly putting her pleasure ahead of my own because her pleasure IS my pleasure. But that's a bit of a philosophical discussion that I won't get into right now. And in my example, it's not like being strap-on fucked would be some completely selfless act on my part either; that's one of my fantasies right behind being used by a group of big black men while she watches, or watching while she's used by a group of big black men. I will be writing almost exclusively about that kind of thing by the way, so if that doesn't appeal to you then you probably won't want to read anything of mine aside from this essay (and, you may be realizing by now, perhaps not even that). But I really do enjoy exploring sexuality and fantasies; if you have any scenarios you want me to write about please feel free to suggest it. I can't promise I'll write about it (to this point I have been far from prolific), but I can promise that I'll be more than happy to hear your ideas, and I'll give it an honest listen. But I digress...

My point: However I would, with very few exceptions, be willing to do anything sexually for her that she desires; I simply mention those specific things because they are what turn me on more than anything else, so of course that's where my mind goes.

Honestly, I kind of resent the arrogant attitude that being treated like that sexually is somehow dehumanizing, I resent the attitude that says people shouldn't be treated that way. I mean, it is kind of degrading... but that's the point. At least, part of it.

To me there's nothing better than making someone you care about feel good; emotionally, physically, sexually. I want to be the best boyfriend (fiancee/husband) ever. I want to be the best boyfriend I can possibly be; part of that is selfish - that's how I want to be able to think of myself, as a great boyfriend - and part selfless - I want the woman I care about to be happy. Just about the sexiest thing I can think of is to be in a relationship strong enough that my woman (gf, fiancee, wife; saying "woman" sounds kind of misogynistic but it covers all my bases) would feel completely, 100% comfortable telling me all her dirtiest, darkest fantasies; stuff that she may find embarrassing but that she knows I would never judge her for because all I want is to make her happy. If it's something that she likes, then it's something that I'm more than happy to provide for her, presuming I am able. I might find it strange, it might not be something that I would've thought of, or suspected she would enjoy, but I wouldn't judge her for it; I want to know her and be able to make her feel happy, comfortable, secure with who she is. If I can't do that, I will consider myself a failure as a boyfriend.

* - I'm not necessarily saying that porn isn't sexist, I'm merely saying that it isn't sexist for that reason