Ghost

Thanks are due, as always, to my editors, Girlinthemoon, Hal, Pixel the Cat, GeorgeAnderson and Olddave1951. Harddaysknight is my mentor and gives me critical advice. SBrooks103x also gives me a pre-post read. I have an awesome team of kind and gracious editors who keep me from looking stupid (any more than I do). Thanks guys, I love you. For those of you who know how regulated aircraft maintenance is, please allow me to take liberties with the facts. I know it isn't really like this.

This is a repost of a story that is no longer on the site. If you have read it, thank you. If not, I hope you enjoy. Randi

*****

It's easy to disappear when you have money. It's very difficult to find someone who doesn't want to be found, especially if you don't have money and they do. I know because I was a ghost. I left an electronic track every now and again, just to keep things interesting. I'd been a ghost for five years. I wasn't the spirit kind of ghost, I was the kind that's flesh and blood, all right, impossible to find unless I wanted to be found. The ghost's name is Caine Stockman.

I'm an aircraft engine mechanic. Once I was the owner of a multi-million dollar business that repaired and maintained helicopter engines for the US military. When I disappeared, all the assets and cash were gone and the business was belly up.

A good mechanic can get a job at nearly any small airport in the country. I had to learn piston engines, but I had plenty of time. You show up at an airport and there's always a plane or two that's grounded. If you talk to the owner and find out how much it was going to cost to repair it, they are usually happy to talk price and pay cash for something good and cheap. Word spreads and I had all the work I wanted. I didn't spend my money I stashed it away; I just spent what I earned. That kept me from making splashes that might be noticed. I didn't pay taxes, didn't have a bank account, Facebook or Twitter and my cell phones were pre-paid throwaways.

I couldn't rent a car because I didn't have a credit card, but I didn't bother anyway. I owned a motor home. It was in the name of a guy that died 20 years ago. I rented it from his wife. She'd never talk; I put her two kids through college after her husband died while he was working for me. She kept up the license and taxes and I lived in it. I also had a little scooter. It was classified as a bicycle so it didn't require a license. When I got to where I wanted to be, I parked the motor home in a park and rode the scooter. I stayed in warm places so I didn't have to worry about weather.

This is why I became a ghost. The answer is simple. I used to have a family. They might still have been looking for me. I didn't want them to find me.

Back when I had a family and a company, I took a chance. I was offered a contract to work overseas. My wife, Gwen, my two daughters, Allicent and Marisol, who were sixteen and thirteen at the time, and I sat around the kitchen table and talked it over. It meant a lot of money. I figured that by the time I had been working the contract 18 months, we'd have enough to retire. Hell, I already had enough to retire. This was fuck you money. I'd be gone three months at a time and then home for a month. Everyone agreed that they could live without me for 18 months and then we'd be together all the time, permanently. It took eight months for the events to transpire that led to my ghosthood.

Gwen got lonely. There was no one there at night for her to snuggle up to. Her bed felt empty. She was emotionally unfulfilled. Apparently, the girls felt it, too. Not the empty bed, but all the rest of the bullshit I heard when I found out, and I found out. Fortunately for them, there was a football coach at the school where she worked as a secretary who also felt emotionally unfulfilled. He knew it was only a fling. His wife didn't know he was unfulfilled. She didn't understand him. He was a high school hero and he needed more than she could provide. They were very careful. They took all sorts of precautions because she loved and respected me. I just wasn't there and she had needs. There would be no repercussions; she respected me too much for that. Gwen didn't love him, she loved only me, but I wasn't there. They always used condoms, so there was no danger of pregnancy or STDs. Apparently, my daughters needed help with strength and conditioning. Gwen needed a cock and the two just happened to be wrapped up in one neat package.

It was also utter bullshit. I found out almost as soon as it started. One of my friends just happened to mention that he saw Gwen and the dickwad having dinner at an out of the way restaurant in a neighboring town. Of course, the first thing I did was get evidence. The PI had an easy job. He caught them at the local Holiday Inn. I authorized him to bug the house and our phones. Nothing ever happened at the house, but the Holiday Inn was a different story. I had pictures and video evidence and I was ready. He did tell me that Gwen had ended the relationship, but at that point, I didn't give a damn. I made all my financial arrangements and flown home. She wept and vowed her eternal love and devotion. The girls cried and told me how much they loved me. I was their father, but their mother had explained it all to them. She had needs and it didn't mean anything. It was heartbreaking to hear a sixteen and a thirteen year old girl spin out the narrative that their mother had spoon=fed them. They were very sincere and backed her play to the hilt. That was what hurt me more than anything. My daughters were my pride and joy. I had been the center of their universe and my little princesses were on the highest pedestals in that universe. We had been inseparable. We did everything together. If I went to the grocery store, they wanted to go. They had been so proud of me that they showed me off to their girlfriends and they were never too big to hug Daddy or embarrassed for me to put my arm around them in public. For them to justify their mother's actions in any way was inconceivable to me. I couldn't get my mind around it. I knew Gwen had twisted them up, but this pain was almost more than I could stand. Of course, it was just sex, Gwen assured me. She loved only me and we would spend the rest of our lives together. I agreed that it was only sex, it didn't mean anything, that I was glad she had been so discreet and congratulated the girls on having such a mature attitude. I told them I would just take a little walk and clear my head.

I walked around the block and called a cab. It took me to the bank and I completed everything I had set up. I then caught another cab to the hangar and took the Bell Ranger. I headed southwest and my phone started ringing. I let it go to voicemail. I must have received more than a hundred calls and texts in the next eight hours. I saved them all to investigate later. By the time I landed in Texarkana, I had a buyer set up for the chopper, and Lilly met me with the motor home. The next time I stopped was in El Paso. I listened to all the voice mails and read all the texts.

They were curious at first, wondering where I was and what was taking so long. They wanted to go out to eat with me and celebrate my return. They grew concerned and then angry. The anger gave way to sorrow, then desperation and, finally, panic. They pleaded for me to call and just talk. They knew I must be upset. They would come and get me, wherever I was. It didn't matter what it took, they were going to make it up to me.

Then my parents and Gwen's got involved. I found out the depths of their complicity, too. They had known all along and they understood. I needed to just swallow my pride and accept that Gwen loved only me. I couldn't expect her to just sit around and wait for me. My girls needed me and I was just throwing away a wonderful life.

Well, it had been nice, but that was then. This was now, and I knew just how big the castle in the sky was, the one I had built in my own mind. I cried like a baby, I cursed like a sailor. I decided to drink myself into oblivion. That lasted until the first time I woke up feeling like a dried cow turd. It wasn't the first time I'd woken up with a hangover after a drunken night, but it was definitely a new low. I decided this couldn't continue, so instead of getting up to crawl to the bar for a little 'hair of the dog,' I went back to sleep. I slept for 16 hours; when I woke it felt like a big, dark thing that had been weighing on my mind had vanished and left me strangely calm and more rested than I'd been in 20 years.

It felt good, and I went to the diner and got breakfast. When I got back to the motor home, I went to the store and got a ream of paper. I had my laptop and I wrote letters to my former family. I laid out for them what I'd done. I told them I wished them luck with their new life. They couldn't keep the house. I'd taken out a home equity loan, and on Gwen's salary; they could never make the payments. They would have no insurance unless she could get the girls on her policy at school. The leases on the cars wouldn't be paid, and unless Gwen could keep up, they'd soon be in default. They had ten days to get the utilities into Gwen's name and then they'd be turned off. I was gone and I wasn't coming back. Her lover's wife would be receiving a copy of all the evidence I had collected before the day was over, as would the school board members and parents at school. I never wanted to see them again.

My loving parents received their own set of letters. I wished them luck in their declining years and hoped they could console themselves with the fact that they still had a slut daughter-in-law and two faithless granddaughters with whom they could commiserate. I also included letters detailing their involvement to their pastor, Dad's brothers and Mom's sister. They were all religious folks and I knew some fancy dancing wouldn't get them out of that hot water.

I put the letters in boxes and dropped them at FedEx for overnight delivery. That brought on a fresh set of calls and texts. At first I was a cold, unfeeling bastard who deserved everything that had happened. As the reality of their situation set in, the tone changed again to pleading and protestations of undying love and devotion. Everything would be okay if only I could forgive them and give them a chance to make it up to me. I kept track for a week and then dropped the phone in an irrigation canal in southern New Mexico.

That was five years past and I was working on a plane in Mesa, Arizona. I heard a car pull up outside the hangar and after a bit the door opened. I was lying half inside the engine compartment and I felt a tug on my pants leg. I wiggled out and there was a young couple standing and looking up at me. The young lady looked vaguely familiar.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

The young lady cleared her throat. "Dad," she said. "Don't you know who I am?"

It was Allicent! I didn't say anything; I just climbed down the ladder and went to wash my hands. They stood outside the restroom and waited. When I was done, I walked past them and outside to my bike. She came running out as I pulled away, and she was calling something, but I never caught it. I was taking down the awning on the motor home when a black BMW pulled up. She got out of the passenger door and the young man got out of the driver's side.

He started this time. "Mr. Stockman, you don't know me. My name is Andrew Waters. I'm Allicent's fiancé. We've been looking for you for a long time. Your family has been looking for you for five years."

I stopped rolling up the awning. "Why?" I asked. "I thought I made myself clear."

"You did, sir," he said, "quite clear. The problem is, I want very much to marry your daughter. When I learned the story of what happened I broke up with her. I felt like my heart had been torn out. I couldn't believe she had been a part of something so despicable and I wanted nothing to do with her. She didn't give up. She's really a very remarkable girl, sir. I think you'd like her if you got to know her. She asked me what it would take for her to get back to the place where we were before. I realized that what she had done to you was what kept me from accepting her back. She told me that she had been wishing for years that she could go back and change what had happened. That's impossible sir, but I told her she could straighten out what was going to happen in the future. I want to marry her and I want your blessing. I want to have children with her and I want them to have a grandfather. I want their grandfather to love our children and for them to love him. So, Allie is here to make that happen. If I leave her here, will you promise me that you'll give her a chance?"

I looked over at her. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was wringing her hands. She looked like she was about to pass out.

"How long were you planning to leave her?" I asked.

"At least a week," he said. "I was hoping for more like a month. I have business to attend to in South America. Can I leave her with you?"

I looked at her. She was beautiful. She reminded me so much of her mother. I felt the ground open under my feet and all those feelings of pain and anger came bubbling to the surface. I had put a bandage on that wound and now it was being torn off, leaving me raw and bleeding again. Her mother, she looked like her mother. God, how I hated that woman. Please, God, how I loved her. I didn't want to love her, and everything about Allison just exposed me to the world as a fraud and a liar. Worst of all, I lied to myself every day for five years. I couldn't go through this again! I opened my mouth to say no and she took two steps toward me, falling on her knees at my feet. Her arms wrapped around my legs and she pressed her cheek against my thigh.

"Please, Daddy, I'm begging you," she sobbed. "Don't throw me away. I was sixteen years old. I was stupid and I'm so sorry. I've been living in hell ever since you left. Please don't punish me anymore. I've never stopped loving you. I'm so sorry and so sad and so full of remorse. Please, don't destroy me. You're the only one who can help me. I know what kind of man you are. I'm sorry I didn't know that all along. If you let me, I'll spend the rest of your life loving you and showing you how much I love you."

She clung to me, weeping softly, and I looked at Andrew. He raised one eyebrow in question and I nodded. I reached down and pulled Allie up. "Give your fiancé something to remember for a month," I told her, pushing her toward him.

She threw herself into his arms, sobbing and laughing at the same time, giving him a kiss that made my toes curl. He held her tightly for a long moment and then disengaged. He took two suitcases and a bag out of the trunk, put them down and turned to me. "Take good care of her, sir," he said. "I'll be in touch."

She ran back to me and threw her arms around me. We watched together as the BMW drove away and she looked up at me hopefully. "Come on," I told her. "We need to get this awning back up."

We worked together, and having something to do kind of kept the awkwardness at bay. By the time we got the utilities hooked back up and everything squared away, it was dinnertime.

That gave us something else to do, and we talked about dinner and cooking. I had a pork tenderloin in the refrigerator and we sliced it up, breaded it and fried it. Allie peeled potatoes and mashed them and I made gravy in the skillet where I fried the tenderloin. We had corn on the cob to go with it and I gave her a beer. She said she didn't like beer, but I thought we could use the tension relief. We sat together on the sofa while we ate and talked about her life.

She was going to college. She had done a program in high school that paid for her first two years at a community college. She was getting ready to graduate and transfer her next semester. I asked her where she wanted to go and she told me she was going to one of the state board of regents' schools. She wanted to go to a small private school but even with scholarships and grants, she couldn't swing it.

I felt very guilty about that, but we'd see how it went. We had ice cream with chocolate syrup for dessert and she was just like the little girl I remembered, except a little pensive. She had the same cute little giggle, and she had grown up to be a gorgeous young woman. I asked her if she wanted to watch something on TV but she said she just wanted to talk to me.

"I have so many things I want to tell you," she said. "I've been wanting to tell you for years. I'm so sorry, Dad. I know it's my fault but I've needed you so bad."

She cried a little bit and I pulled her over against me. She leaned against me and curled her legs up like she did when she was little. I knew none of this had been her fault, she was just caught up in the explosion. I had my princess back and it felt really, really good. I had to ask about Marisol.

"She's okay," Allie said. "She misses you as much as I do. We were wrong, Dad. We know that now. I wish I had just thrown a fit when Mom started hanging out around that asshole. I should have tried to stop her. I should have told you. I know that now, but I was confused and stupid and she made it all sound so reasonable. It would just be while you were gone and then everything would be happy again, except it wasn't. I think Mari would come and stay with you in a minute if you would let her. She kind of hates Mom. She feels like... we both feel like she manipulated us. I know we should have done better, but we weren't thinking right. Do you think you'll ever want to talk to Mari, Dad?"

"Maybe," I said. "We'll see. Let's just figure you and me out and then we'll worry about other stuff. How did you find me, Allie?"

"I didn't," she said. "Andrew did. He's kind of rich, Dad. His uncle is some kind of government spook. He hired lots of detectives. He would hire some and then fire them when they couldn't find you. It took us two years. The last company had men hanging out around airfields, hoping to get some word about you. We found some people you'd worked for and they gave us other people until, here I am."

"Yes, here you are," I looked down at her all curled up against me. "I've missed you, Allie. I feel cheated. I feel like all the best years of my life got cut out with a dull knife and I'm just left with only the bleeding pieces."

She began to cry again. "I know, Daddy. I feel the same way. The difference is I was helping hold the knife. I just feel so good being with you like this. I'm a Christian, Daddy. I became one when I was seventeen and I've been praying for four years that I'd find you someday and you'd let me be your daughter again. I promise that if you do, you'll never regret it. Will you?"

I squeezed her tight. "Yes, baby. We just need to get connected again. I always figured you just hated me and had no respect for me. I never thought you'd want me again."

She looked horrified. "My God, Daddy, no! That's not true at all. I always loved you. You were always my hero." She sobbed a little. "I can't imagine how hurt you must have been. It wasn't until I met Andrew that I realized what Mom had done to you. I started thinking about what I would feel like if he did to me what Mom did to you, what we all did to you."

"Okay, baby, I get it," I told her.

"No, Dad, I need to say this. I have literally been living in hell for five years. After you left, I knew it was partially my fault. It was mostly Mom's, but it was partly mine. I felt so bad about myself and I hated her. We had nothing. We barely ate, we got our clothes at the thrift store, we lived in crappy, dump apartments and we cried every day. The worst part was knowing we were getting exactly what we deserved."

I was feeling awful now. All that rage and anger and pain that had driven me was gone. I began to realize what a huge mistake I had made. I never gave my girls a chance. They had just been children and I'd treated them like they were as guilty as Gwen was. It still rankled that they had taken her side and supported her, but they were just kids. I still felt like I was justified in what I did, but it all now seemed futile and hollow. "I'm sorry, Allie, I just didn't feel like the three of you left me many options," I told her.