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Cosmi had intended to be stern but she was still vulnerable to turbocharged orgasms. These are all I will waive, she thought. She braced herself again. Carrot and stick, she thought. It's my only chance.
"Look, you've been sucking-up all my fun, all my booze and drugs. Tell you what -- I'll set up a delivery schedule just for you, okay? I'll expense it in my books as consulting fees. You can have that closet. Anything that's in there is yours. Leaf, liquid, powder, batteries, whatever. Just leave my bar and kitchen and stashes alone. You got that?"
JoJo's head grotesquely disappeared inside Marc's. Cosmi shuddered while the ghosts silently conferred.
"Uhh, yeah, okay." JoJo's head re-emerged. "And, uhh, we're, like, really, really sorry to bother ya. But y'know we gotta stay here with you, or else-"
"Or else nothing," Marc's translucent face interrupted. "Okay, we'll quit trying to improve your love life. We're pretty good with love but I guess we haven't done so well with the 'life' part of things, huh?" His outline rippled with embarrassment.
"Then we have a truce?" Cosmi's voice negotiated the symbolic shoals. "Name your poisons."
"Yes, truce," both ghosts echoed in unison. "And we'd like..."
Cosmi keyed their alcohol and drug orders into her phone. Finally, a resolution. She could go on with life.
But she would still consult some mediums and mages to see if there was maybe a Final Solution to the Marc & JoJo Problem. Her well-trained executive mind was relentless in its search for the best options.
She made a note to send herself a Valentine's Day card. Some things, you just have to do yourself.
Author's note: This farce by Hypoxia is copyright (c) 2015 and is dedicated to Thorne Smith, creator of TOPPER's ghostly drunks. Yeah, I know it's weak. Your non-destructive comments are welcome. If you like this VALENTINE'S DAY STORY CONTEST 2015 entry, join the 1%ers and VOTE! .
- COMMENTS
fanfareabout 9 years agoH, i hope your problems, if not resolved, have least become manageable.
i certainly do remember reading Thorne Smith. i think i have read most of his books, anyway the ones i cold find.
just ignore twits like analmousie.
of course your story is not the same frequency of the spectrum as the original stories.
You and Smith grew up in, were molded by two entirely different societies. Two very different world views and pools of knowledge.
However your story really made me laugh. Well crafted and cleverly imagineered. Very different from most of the tediously repetitious rewritings of hollywood bland.
Considering all your body of work that i have read so far, i am of the opinion who are certainly capable of creating your own quirky funny version of "The Night Life of the Gods". i hope your inspiration provides you the opportunity.
"We must not fear failing. Failure is the opportunity to try new things. Realize a deeper understanding of ourselves.
Failing to try, is always an automatic failure."
Hypoxiaabout 9 years agoAuthorThis worthless fluff originated when, in a Story Ideas discussion, I mentioned Thorne Smith's alcoholic Jazz-Age fiction. Turning conservative banker Cosmo Topper into Cosmi Jones, and making Marion and George Kerby multiple-drug-abusing JoJo and Marc, just seemed logical. This is not a very good adaptation, I'll admit. My excuse: I'm dealing with very severe family medical crises right now and my writing focus slipped a bit.
I'm not planning any sequels -- unless there's popular demand, of course. If so, I'll re-read TOPPER and try to steal better ideas. I *do* have an idea for resurrecting another Thorne Smith classic, THE NIGHT LIFE OF THE GODS: an inventor brings to life the statues of Roman gods in NYC's Met Museum of Art. My take won't be limited to Roman deities. Orgiastic hilarity ensues.
Category: I posted this in Erotic Couplings because I don't think it fits elsewhere. The ghosts are funny so it's not Erotic Horror; they're neither Inhuman nor SciFi-Fantasy creatures, really, just ghosts, and only the two of them. There's ALMOST incest, but not quite. So here it is in EC. Enjoy.
