Ghostly Love

Her first year of college would have been terrible but Renata appeared that first week and comforted the homesick girl. She had chosen a college well away from home to get the full 'college' experience and now she was lonely for all that was familiar her whole life. Renata was the one comfort she could count on.

She made friends, some of these were genuine and not based on her looks. No one knew the Stacey of old with her braces and glasses and chubby looks. Now they only saw the pretty girl whose personality drew them like magnets. With Renata's coaching she began to enjoy college life and she began to date some of the college men she met. As in high school no one seemed right. By her first spring she resented the men and boys who touched her and thought perhaps there was something wrong with her but Renata assured her there wasn't, to be patient.

Stacey decided to concentrate on her studies, after all she was at college to get a degree so she could go out in the world and get a decent job to support herself. It was her sophomore year that she met Melanie who had a similar experience with the men and boys on campus that she shared with Stacey one night over chem lab studies. Stacey hated chemistry and Melanie was a whiz at it so they teamed up and Stacey was passing with flying colors. She helped Melanie with advanced calculus with the same devotion that Melanie helped her with chemistry and they both were happy with the arrangement.

"Stacey, have you ever felt an attraction for someone you shouldn't be attracted to?" Melanie asked her one night as they studied late.

Stacey looked up from her books where she was trying to remember things for the following day's exam and considered Melanie's question. Shrugging she shook her head "I don't think I have..."

"I'm so sick of guys pawing over me thinking they are going to get laid" she sighed exasperated.

Stacey grinned, with that she could agree! "I know what you mean, it's like they think we are there for their convenience."

"I've just about given up on men" Melanie said.

Stacey frowned and asked "are you going to become a nun?"

Melanie laughed and said "no, I don't think so, I think I might like to jump the fence."

Stacey looked at her puzzled and asked "jump the fence?" not sure what that meant.

Melanie grinned at her friend's naiveté "you know, go over to the other side?"

Stacey shook her head still not understanding.

"Date women" Melanie said in exasperation at Stacey's obtuseness.

Stacey's eyes opened wide. Of course, that made sense! As the reality of what Melanie said sank in on her consciousness she realized that that was what was wrong with the whole dating scene for her. The men she thought she was attracted to just did nothing for her. Maybe this was the answer!

"Are you shocked?" Melanie asked worried.

Stacey shook her head and said "I don't think you are wrong."

"I'm not?" Melanie was surprised at Stacey's answer.

Stacey shook her head and said "no, if men aren't doing 'it' for you, why not try women?"

"I'm surprised you are that open minded about it" Melanie answered.

"Me too" Stacey answered with a little laugh.

They discussed the possibilities back and forth but as they were essentially done studying for the night it didn't interfere with their tests for the next day. Both of them discussed various women on campus that might do 'it' for them. They really weren't thinking about sex but rather women they could be attracted to who might even return that attraction. The thought of actual sex with a woman was the farthest thing from their minds at this point in the beginning of their discovery.

Stacey had an ace up her sleeve though that Melanie couldn't understand. She had Renata to talk to. While living in a dorm with a stranger each year Stacey's newest roommate spent more time getting laid with the frat boys than studying so Stacey frequently had her dorm room to herself and could talk to her ghostly friend.

"Renata" she whispered hoping she would appear. She looked around and saw nothing. Rarely did her ghostly friend appear on command when Stacey wanted it but rather when she needed it. Stacey's interpretation of need and Renata's apparently differed. It was weeks before Renata appeared and Stacey was relieved to finally see her. She had come to depend on Renata but at the same time she resented that she couldn't see her any time she wanted to.

"Hi there" Renata greeted her appearing one late night after a long night of studying and conversation with Melanie.

Melanie had gone ahead and met someone and had been sharing with Stacey the delights of 'making out' with a woman versus a man. She hadn't gone 'all the way' but she was rapidly heading towards it.

"Renata, thank goodness, I thought you had left me forever" Stacey greeted her with a smile. She would have gone to hug her but it was a little difficult when she wasn't totally there. She had accidentally walked through her once and the feeling against her body was something she didn't care to repeat. It she didn't know that she had that sixth sense, she would have been frightened by the icy cold fingers that went through her own solid body at the touch of Renata's.

"I've told you, I'm with you always" Renata responded with a smile at Stacey's enthusiasm.

"I need to talk to you, I have been talking with my friend Melanie" she halted for a moment unsure how much her friend knew, but then she knew everything didn't she? "You know Melanie?" at Renata's nod Stacey went on to describe the many conversations that they had had regarding dating women and while Melanie had gone ahead with it Stacey hadn't the nerve.

"Do you feel comfortable with that idea?" Renata asked soothingly.

"I don't know but I know I'm intrigued by the idea" Stacey said thoughtfully. "I know dating men hasn't appealed in a long time, I resent the feeling that they are taking over my body when they grope me, that they are in 'control.'"

"Perhaps you need to find a man that while physically appealing needs a dominant woman" Renata advised.

"You know I thought of that, I actually did and then I realized that a man like that actually would lose my respect somewhere along the way."

"You have thought about this a lot haven't you?" Renata asked cautiously.

Stacey nodded. Next to her studies this whole complicated mess that people called dating occupied too much of her time. With that thought she looked at Renata and asked "are you disgusted?"

Renata gave her a look that Stacey didn't understand as she shook her head "no, I'm not disgusted at all, who am I to judge? If this is what you want my friend, I support you 100%."

"Have you ever been with a woman?" Stacey boldly asked her friend.

Renata laughed and spreading her hands asked "like this?"

Stacey joined in her laughter, how would a ghost make love when there was no physical anything to hold onto. It wasn't until a long time later that Stacey realized that Renata hadn't actually answered this particular question.

The thought of being with a woman occupied a lot of Stacey's mind that sophomore year in college. She watched and listened as Melanie had first one lover and then a few more. She heard her lament that women were as catty and insecure as men but she never once complained about their touch. In fact she sung their praises to the heavens how glorious it was. Stacey stuck to the tried and true and still dated men but she found no one that 'tripped her trigger' as Renata so quaintly put it.

Halfway during her junior year in college Stacey met Yolanda. She was a foreign exchange student from South America and fun to be around. Her shaved black hair on the sides with the tail of hair down the back should have given Stacey a clue of Yolanda's sexual proclivities but Stacey was still naive where those things were concerned. Melanie finally had to give her a heads up regarding that since Yolanda was now dating one of Melanie's exes. It didn't bother Stacey as she had a few gay friends now thanks to Melanie. It was at one party though that Stacey realized where her own road was leading her. She was dancing with Roland, one of the big frat brothers on campus and enjoying herself immensely when a song came on that he couldn't dance to. Normally Stacey would have joined him for a beer as they sat out but Melanie and friends got up to dance and Stacey stayed to enjoy the dance with them. Yolanda had broken up recently with her current lover and she began to dance with Stacey.

"I love this American music" she said with her beautiful accent.

Stacey nodded, too out of breath to carry on a conversation but she gave Yolanda a smile not realizing that Yolanda took it as a 'come hither' smile and would act on it.

As the music played, the beer flowed and Stacey enjoyed herself with her friends both men and women. It was with great surprise though that she found herself out on the porch in a corner alone with Yolanda.

"Ja know" she said with her delightful accent "I've been watchin you for a long time."

"You have?" Stacey responded dumbly. She wasn't drunk by any stretch of the imagination but she was feeling no pain.

Yolanda nodded as she leaned in to kiss the surprised Stacey on the lips. When she felt no resistance she moved in for more. She felt no resistance though because Stacey was shocked. While she had thought about this type of interaction she had always thought she would be the one to initialize it. She didn't realize she had with her smile earlier. She didn't resist though and Yolanda took that as acceptance. She deepened the kiss and began to caress Stacey. Stacey could honestly say she didn't feel threatened by it, not at all like when the men she had dated had tried something. She didn't feel overwhelmed or like she couldn't breathe.

"Ju like?" Yolanda breathed when they came up for air.

Stacey nodded dumbly not sure of what she could say. She enjoyed the feel of Yolanda's lips on hers, her body against hers. She wasn't sure how far she wanted this to go though. Fortunately Yolanda must have sensed that Stacey was a novice and backed off.

"We go on a date ja?" Yolanda asked but Stacey wasn't sure she was asking so much as telling.

Stacey nodded and left it at that. It gave her a lot to think about in the coming nights. Something had been turned on though as her body apparently liked the idea of going on a date with Yolanda. She frequently found herself as horny as her roommate these days. She started having very sensual dreams. She seriously considered buying some toys to fill the emptiness her crotch was experiencing. She frequently found herself rubbing her clit but it wasn't nearly satisfying, she knew she was missing something.

"You do that a lot?" Stacey heard the amused voice of Renata who had appeared after months of being absent.

She looked up at her coolly dressed friend, she always wore the same leather pants, the cool anklet boots, and the cross over blue satiny blouse over her big breasts. She grinned sheepishly, at least Renata had allowed her to finish before she made her presence known, that thought though had Stacey wondering how often Renata watched her or how much she saw. She shrugged nonchalantly "now and then, I need some relief" she said almost defensively.

Renata smiled a knowing smile and said "you've met someone that inspires you?"

Stacey looked at her friend or rather through her and nodded "I think so."

Renata had a look on her face that Stacey couldn't define and said "are you going to allow her to go all the way?"

"Who says it's a 'her'?" she asked rudely, again almost defensively.

Renata smiled knowingly and sat down on the end of the bed. Stacey scooted her feet up to make room for her friend. "You've been wondering about girls for a long time now, you've met someone that gets your juices flowing, it's only natural that you think about going 'all the way' with her."

Stacey looked down at her drawn up legs. She felt a little ashamed to be talking to Renata about this but then she could say or do anything with Renata as had been proven to her time and again.

Renata sighed loudly to get Stacey's attention "its okay, you know I don't judge you. It's natural, don't let it bother you."

Stacey started to tell her about Yolanda when suddenly Renata disappeared. She heard a key in the lock and barely had time to pull up her sheets to hide her naked lower half when her roommate came drunkenly in.

"Holy shit this room reeks of sex!" she said but barely made it to her bed before collapsing on it.

Stacey was actually glad she passed out as she quickly opened their window to air out the room and took the opportunity to pull on her pajama bottoms. Her roommate wouldn't remember a thing in the morning and Stacey was embarrassed but relieved.

Stacey never did follow up with Yolanda. She found her attractive but also too butch for her tastes. She instead found that she liked girlie girls. Ones called femme's. While she never acted on it during her junior year she thought about it enough through her senior year. She suppressed it though, she knew instinctively she wasn't ready for it even if she masturbated to frenzy over thoughts of certain girls.

"Congratulations Ms. Warrens, welcome to the firm" the senior partners shook her hand time and again as they welcomed her into their midst. Her summer's spent as an intern had paid off and now Stacey had a terrific new position. The pay wasn't bad either and she could rent a decent apartment. She didn't need to have a roommate and for the first time in her adult life she was looking forward to being self-sufficient and on her own. She was a confident young career girl and going to take the world by storm.

She was lonely. She didn't date. Her whole life was wrapped around her work. It wasn't nearly as fulfilling or satisfying and she seriously needed to find someone to share things with. Renata appeared from time to time but it was less and less these days. Stacey guessed she didn't need Renata like she once had, but she missed her. She had plenty of off time and she spent it putzing around her apartment or walking in the parks of the city. She kept up her healthy routine established in the summer before her senior year thanks to Renata and as a result she had a fantastic woman's body that many admired, both men and women. She had frequently been asked out by the men in the firm but kept a strict 'business only' demeanor and refused them all. She realized she wasn't physically or sexually attracted to any of them anyway. Women were what did it for her but she had never done anything about that either. In this day and age of sexual freedom, Stacey was still a virgin.

It must have been all that pent up sexual frustration that started the dreams. Many was the time that Stacey woke up with her fingers between her legs and a pool of cum on the bed. It was only after a long time she began to remember her dreams and realized she was fantasizing about women. She needed to get laid she realized but she didn't want some random femme or dyke to take her. She didn't want to give her virginity to just anyone. She wanted it to mean something, it least in her mind.

Stacey started to go out on the weekends. No more would she sit lonely and bored in her apartment making sure her plants were watered. She slowly discovered the lesbian scene. She was welcomed with open arms, after all she was fresh meat, and attractive. She got hit on by all kinds, aggressive dykes that look like men, more feminine ones that were a bit more subtle, and femme's that ran the gamut of aggression to timidity. She made a lot of friends but she didn't spread her legs for any of them. She knew she was searching for the one, and she didn't know where she was hiding. She thought perhaps she might wind up alone at this rate.

The dreams though never quite went away. She wanted them so badly she began to have them in the daytime as well. Staring out her window at work she could barely remember some of the night dreams that got her so hot and bothered but with her daydreams she was in control of them. Many was the time she had to go to the restroom and change her panty liner from the sopping one that now lined her panties. This mystery woman that came to her in her dreams, the faceless one that occupied a lot of her daytime dreams kept her hot and horny and aroused.

"Renata, I haven't seen you in ages" she smiled in welcome at the apparition that had appeared in her apartment.

"I've been here" Renata told her with a return smile.

It was at that moment that Stacey realized the faceless woman of her daydreams had a face after all. It was Renata's. It struck her like lightning. The one woman, the best friend she had all these years was Renata and now she had been fantasizing about her. She was ashamed. There could never be anything between them and yet her heart was tearing at the thought.

"What's wrong?" Renata asked her with concern seeing the sad look on her friend's face.

Stacey looked down at her short manicured fingernails. It was one of the many things that Renata had taught her so long ago. "I'm sorry Renata, I don't think I am myself these days."

"What's wrong?" her friend repeated as she came to sit on the couch where Stacey was but keeping a distance between them. She wasn't unaware that there could be no physical contact between them. Stacey would have gone right through her.

"I don't know if I can tell you" Stacey felt uncomfortable.

"You know there is nothing you can't tell me, haven't you shared everything with me over the years?"

Stacey nodded knowing this was true. Renata was the one friend she had shared all her childish fantasies and many of her adult ones, she wasn't sure though that she could share what she suddenly realized she had been dreaming about.

"Come on Stacey, you have my curiosity aroused" Renata cajoled her.

It was the word 'aroused' that made Stacey want to squirm but Renata never judged, she was always 'there' for her, Stacey sensed her without even seeing her many times over the years. She was her closest friend. Even Melanie and other friends had never heard the stories or shared the intimacies she had with Renata. No one knew about Renata but Stacey.

She started hesitantly, still staring down at her nails "I've been having dreams for a long time now, night dreams, day dreams, all about women. I started going to gay bars hoping to find a woman that could fulfill those dreams but she just doesn't appear, she just isn't real" she said with real anguish.

Renata would have reached out to touch her and console her if she could have, as it was her hand began to move towards her shoulder and stopped in time.

Stacey thought she had to get it off her chest, she took a deep breath and looked up into Renata's eyes, or rather through them and said "it's you Renata, it's you I've been dreaming about, fantasizing about, wanting for longer than I realized. I know there can never be anything between us but I don't think I can help myself. You're my best friend, your closer to me than anyone else has ever been. How can I feel this way about a ghost, about someone who isn't there but in my own mind?"

Renata could see the anguish that was hurting her friend. As Stacey watched thought the expression on her face turned to shame. Stacey's honesty deserved some of Renata's own "I'm sorry Stacey, this is my fault" she began.

"Your fault? How is it your fault that I've fallen in love with a ghost?" Stacey looked at her puzzled and unsure.

"Because those dreams you have at night, I caused those" she said looking with a pleading expression at Stacey for her to understand.

"What do you mean you caused my night dreams?" Stacey was confused.

"I couldn't resist, do you remember the first time you dreamed about women, when you first started having wet dreams about them?" Renata asked.