Glimpses

Aaron just stared at him. That was the cutest fucking thing he'd ever seen, ever. How did Andrew's lips upturn like that every time he talked? And the scrunch in his eyebrows...Aaron wondered if Andrew would get that same scrunch if he was concentrating on something else, like Aaron's dick slowly entering his –

"Funny, I always thought you would be more talkative once you got me here, Aaron. I haven't started yet. I say we go over chapter seven first, what do you think?"

Aaron stared at him some more.

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February 27, 2012

Aaron couldn't take his eyes off of the note. He must have read it a hundred times by now. He fumbled for his phone. Brushed away the tear that splashed on his screen cover with his shirt.

He dialed Andrew's number.

"Hey, this is Andrew – and Aaron! – shh! I'm trying to be professional! Hey, this is Andrew, leave me a message!"

The voices he heard on the answering machine seemed so distant, so small.

He looked down at the note again.

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April 10, 2010

"It's boring!"

"It's not boring, Aaron. I kinda like the robot chick that says it. 'The number you have dialed is not available. To leave a callback number, press 1.'"

"She sucks. You need a real answering machine. It'll make you seem more adult...professional."

"Okay! You win, you win."

Aaron grinned as Andrew keyed in the numbers on his phone.

"Hey, this is Andrew – "

"And Aaron!"

Andrew glowered in his direction.

"Shh! I'm trying to be professional!"

He punctuated the words with a couple of pokes to Aaron's chest.

"Hey, this is Andrew, leave me a message!"

"There, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"It was hard enough without you yelling in the background."

"Say hard again."

"Hard."

"Hey...I know something else that's hard..."

Andrew rolled his eyes and rolled over, bringing Aaron with him.

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March 5, 2006

"So you told him where we're going?"

"Well, not on purpose. He asked me what I was doing tonight after we finished studying. I told him that you and I were thinking about going out for Tommy's birthday."

"So, you told him where we're going. You could have just said that, you know. It's not a crime that you like him."

"I know, it's just...I don't want to get my hopes up, you know? I don't even know if he's out of the closet. And I don't want a repeat of Scotty. So, I'm going into this with absolutely no expectations. None."

"Right. And, when have you ever done that, Andrew?"

"Well, I think there was this one time, in second grade..." He grinned.

Lauren threw a pillow at his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aaron couldn't remember the last time he came to a club alone. Luckily he got there a little early. Andrew had told him that some kid's birthday party was going to start at 9:00. Aaron showed up at 9:30. Still kind of pathetic, but at least he was able to avoid a line and a lot of unwanted approaches. When he walked in, "Milkshake" was playing. Seriously? "Milkshake?"

He made his way towards the bar and ordered a beer, turned around and scanned the room. That had to be him. He was wearing the same snug dark wash jeans he was earlier, but with a different button down shirt. Dark green. It brought out his brown hair. He was dancing animatedly to "Milkshake," his friend across from him was giggling.

But really, what a milkshake it was. Andrew may have dancing as a joke, but he had serious rhythm. Rhythm in a kind of unassuming way, like he had way too much energy, like his hips had stored all of this pent up frustration because someone hadn't just held him down and fucked the shit out of him yet. At least, that's what Aaron thought it looked like.

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"Okay, don't look now, but tall, blonde and hot as fuck is looking over here, and I really, really don't think it's my ass he's been staring at."

Andrew tried to wait a couple of seconds before turning around, to play it cool, you know. In a heyI'mjustlookingaroundthebarnobigdeal kind of way. He almost tripped turning around so quickly.

"Please, please tell me that's him!"

"Yeah, Lauren, that's him."

As soon as Andrew made eye contact with him, Cocky Hot Guy started walking over. Andrew thought Lauren might pee herself. Luckily, or unluckily, she ran off with a squeal right before Cocky Hot Guy got there.

"Your friend got out of here quickly."

"Yeah, I think she forgot her purse in the bathroom...or...something."

Seriously, Andrew, that's the best you could think of?

Aaron just smiled back at him, eyebrows raised.

"So, when you did you get here?"

God, Andrew was bad at small talk.

"A couple of minutes ago. Hey, wanna take some shots? Maybe forget everything we studied this afternoon?"

Andrew could have sworn Cocky Hot Guy winked at him.

Whatever. If he only had a couple more months left of college, he may as well start taking Lauren's advice and living a little. It'd been so long, anyway.

"Sure," he smiled back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aaron hadn't meant to get Andrew shitfaced. Really, he hadn't. Andrew was no lightweight. They had been fine after their sixth shot. Maybe Aaron had underestimated how many drinks Andrew had had before he had shown up.

Aaron had suggested the shots as an icebreaker, and it had worked. He had talked to Andrew for the whole night without getting bored and even managed to charm some of Andrew's friends. They shared the same biting humor, which made their banter easy and entertaining. And Andrew's dance moves – Aaron didn't think he'd ever forget those.

When "Waiting for Tonight" came on (Andrew had requested it), he grabbed Aaron's hand, dragged him to the dance floor, and put Aaron's arms around his waist. He started grinding into him at that point. Aaron thought he was going to have a heart attack. He'd been around the block a couple of times, well, more than a couple, but this, this eagerness he saw in Andrew – it was sinful. And painful. His boner was in a torture chamber in his jeans.

Right now, though, Andrew was doing his best impression of one of those inflatable men they put outside car dealerships. You know, the really long ones that flail up and down? It was a pretty good impression, Aaron thought.

"Hey, Andrew."

"Andrew."

He finally looked over.

"What do you say we get out of here? I can take you home. I think our night's coming to an end."

Aaron had meant to say 'our' on purpose – so that Andrew didn't feel patronized, Aaron sure as hell hated people talking down to him when he was drunk.

Andrew smiled back.

"Sure...lemme tell Lauren."

"No, no, I'll tell her. You just sit here."

Aaron gently put Andrew in one of the bar stools and brushed his hair back a little. Andrew closed his eyes and smiled. He looked like a puppy on morphine.

"Hey, Lauren?"

Lauren turned away from the circle of friends she was laughing with.

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm gonna take Andrew home, if that's alright."

She looked at him skeptically.

Aaron put his hands up in defense.

"Nothing sketchy, I promise. He's so drunk he probably wouldn't be very much fun anyway. I just wanna make sure he gets home safely, I swear."

He shot her his best grin.

Her expression softened.

"Okay, but seriously, if he wakes up anywhere but his own bed, fully clothed, I'll chop your balls off."

"Kinky!" Aaron winked at her.

Lauren laughed and shoved his shoulder a little.

Aaron walked over and tried to get Andrew, who had slumped further into the stool, into a standing position. No small feat. The kid was probably only a couple inches shorter from his 6'2''.

"I gotcha, I gotcha big guy."

Andrew whimpered a little and rested on Aaron's shoulder, letting Aaron help him out of the bar and into a cab outside.

He rested his head against Aaron.

Aaron could feel Andrew's hair tickling his cheeks.

He asked Andrew for his address. He only made a noncommittal grunt in response.

Shit...this would be a long night if he gonna try and rouse Andrew enough to get his address out of him. Taking a moment of silence for his balls, he told the cab driver his address.

He paid the cab driver and rustled Andrew from his sleeping position, which had now moved down to Aaron's chest.

"Come on, big guy, we're home now. You're gonna sleep on my couch, doesn't that sound nice?"

"Whatever you say, CHG," Andrew mumbled.

CHG? What the fuck did that mean? Maybe Andrew was just drunkenly rambling.

Helping Andrew up the stairs was a comedy of errors, but he finally got him into his apartment and seated on the couch. He got Andrew a glass of water and sat next to him. Aaron's curiosity got the best of him.

"So...what's CHG mean?"

Andrew leaned forward and traced Aaron's cheek with his fingers.

"Cocky Hot Guy," he slurred.

"It's my nickname for you...ever since I saw you. Can't call you Aaron."

Maybe the car ride had sobered Andrew up a little. At least he was managing to form complete sentences.

"Oh really? Why's that, Andrew? See, I called you by your name."

"A nickname like that...it keeps you out. Can't let you get too close to here."

Andrew made a flopping motion towards his chest. Aaron figured that must mean his heart. Who knew the kid would be a poetic drunk?

Aaron could deal with this though. So Andrew was a little romantic, it just meant Aaron might have to work a little harder to get the goods. He wondered what other information he could pry out of Andrew in this state...never could be too prepared, right? He thought maybe he'd start with Andrew's history. Maybe he could learn a lesson or two from the past, you know?

"So, why don't you tell me about those flings of yours?"

Andrew's expression hardened. His eyes weren't really glassy anymore. It was like he had just realized where, and how vulnerable, he was, like a cornered animal.

"I think...I think I should go."

Andrew got up from the couch and stumbled a little.

Aaron reached out a hand to steady him.

"No, no. Don't touch me. Please."

It was like Aaron was a serial killer or something. He hadn't meant to make Andrew so upset.

"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. Look, you're still pretty drunk, and a cab could take awhile to get here. Just sleep it off here on my couch, I'm gonna go to bed, okay?"

Andrew's eyes glazed over again as he thought it over.

"Fine," he muttered, sitting back down on the couch.

"I'll go get you a blanket and stuff, okay?"

"Okay."

Andrew leaned back against the couch, still watching Aaron warily.

By the time Aaron had gone to his room and gotten his comforter and one of his pillows off the bed, Andrew was asleep. He looked so young. In the harsh light of the apartment Aaron could see the smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose and his forehead. He put the comforter over him and gently lifted his head, putting the pillow underneath it. Andrew whimpered a little and turned on his side, pulling the comforter close to him.

Aaron didn't like seeing him like this. He'd spent practically the whole day watching Andrew bounce off the walls, rambling incessantly about anything he could think of. Before he went to bed – when Aaron had mentioned Andrew's past 'flings,' it was like something had gone out inside him.

Aaron ruffled Andrew's head a little and headed towards his bedroom.

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January 13, 2008

They were sleeping on the couch again. They had just moved in to their two-bedroom apartment together and the new furniture hadn't arrived yet. All they had were the cardboard boxes, a coffee table, and the couch they had decided to keep.

They didn't really mind it though. Andrew liked sleeping on top of Aaron, nestled into the side of the couch and Aaron's chest. He liked how one of his arms hung over the side of the couch; he liked how the other one was usually playing with Aaron's hair until he fell asleep. He was always jealous of Aaron's hair.

Aaron liked how he could see Andrew rising and falling on his chest every time he took a breath. He liked how Andrew's head fit right under his chin. He liked how easily he could lean forward and kiss the top of his hair. He liked how one of Andrew's legs was usually positioned between his. That always made the mornings good.

They both loved those mornings.

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March 6, 2006

Andrew's head hurt. Actually, his whole body hurt. He was on a couch somewhere. He always thrashed around in his sleep when he went to bed drunk. He sat up and groaned. Fuck, he wanted a Popsicle. Or some Advil. Both would have been ideal, really. He struggled to remember where he was and how he got there.

Bits and pieces began to return to him. He remembered the beginning of the night perfectly. Going to the club, seeing Cocky Hot Guy, taking shots with Cocky Hot Guy, dancing with Cocky Hot Guy. After that it started getting fuzzy. More shots, maybe? A cab ride? God, he really, really hoped he hadn't done anything embarrassing.

The universe felt like dashing those hopes, though. Hearing a noise, he brought his face up from its resting position in his palms and practically flailed backwards. Was Cocky Hot Guy on the fucking living sex god workout plan or something? This was just dumb. Sure, Andrew had expected Cocky Hot Guy to be built – more built than Andrew was, at least – he was practically ripping through every t-shirt he wore. Andrew had just assumed it was because he probably bought them two sizes too small or something.

But no, here Cocky Hot Guy was, smiling down at Andrew, drinking a cup of coffee, wearing nothing but some boxer briefs. And socks. And looking like he had just stepped out of Men's Health.

Andrew made a gurgling noise.

"How are you feeling? I hope you don't mind that you had to sleep on my couch, I tried to take you home but you couldn't really tell me your address."

Andrew just stared at him some more. Making sure that he was staring at Cocky Hot Guy's face. No way was he giving him the satisfaction of checking him out.

"Want some coffee? You look like you could use some."

"Thanks, but I don't drink coffee. Hyper-enough already, you know?"

"Yeah, from your dance moves last night I definitely know."

Andrew felt himself blushing. His whole body was probably blushing at this point.

"Well if you don't want coffee, do you want me to drive you home? I already broke a promise to your friend Lauren to get you home safely, I'm afraid for my safety if you don't get there soon."

Andrew just nodded. He started collecting his things.

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Aaron had never felt so hated. Feared may have been a better description. Andrew was practically on the pavement he was sitting so far away from him in the car. He wanted to fix it. He liked Andrew – he hadn't spent that much time with him, but so far he was living up to the lofty expectations Aaron had accumulated watching him over the semester. He was funny, smart, and still really, really cute. He just wanted to bring down this shield the kid always maintained, sometimes, like when Andrew got on a tangent, Aaron could see it breaking a little. But then it was back up. Like he was holding back.

He decided to make his move when he was dropping Andrew off.

"Hey, " Aaron started.

Andrew looked at him like Aaron was about to hit him.

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"Hey," Cocky Hot Guy started.

Andrew had had this conversation before. It always went the same – 'Hey, so, about last night, if you would do me a favor and not tell anyone,' and on and on and on. Andrew could probably have recited the lines by heart. He just hadn't expected Cocky Hot Guy to say it to him. They hadn't even hooked up, had they?

He decided to make it easy on him.

"Look, I won't tell anyone, alright? If anyone asks, I'll just say you were helping me out because I was so drunk, which isn't that far from the truth, right?"

Cocky Hot Guy looked really, really confused.

"No, no...what? No. That's not what I was going to say at all. I was going to say that I really did mean what I said in that note, about wanting more than just a hook up. I think you're really cool, Andrew."

Cocky Hot Guy looked at Andrew like he should probably say something back. Andrew just gaped at him. Cocky Hot Guy went on.

"We didn't hook up by the way, in case you were wondering. But look, I know what you still think of me, and I don't really know how to prove to you that I mean what I say besides taking you out for a date or something. So how about it? Dinner this week?"

Andrew finally woke up from his stupor. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just say words like a normal person?

"Yeah! I mean...yeah. That sounds good. Dinner sounds good, I mean."

Cocky Hot Guy grinned at him.

"Okay, great. How's tomorrow night sound?"

"That works for me."

"Cool. Well, I'll call you. Here, put your number in my phone."

"Okay, there you go. Oh, and by the way, thanks. For letting me crash on the couch and stuff. I hope I wasn't too embarrassing."

"No, no, not at all. No biggie."

Andrew smiled and got out of the car. He turned back to wave but Cocky Hot Guy had rolled down the passenger window.

"Oh, and Andrew? Make sure you put me in your phone as 'Aaron,' and not 'Cocky Hot Guy,' alright?"

Cocky Hot Guy winked and sped off. Great. Just great.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aaron thought the shield might be breaking. Andrew seemed comfortable and conversation flowed easily throughout dinner – the reticence Aaron had seen Sunday morning was gone. Aaron found out that they had a lot in common with each other. Both were Psychology minors, both were from California, and they both had job offers around school waiting for them after they graduated – Andrew in marketing, Aaron in accounting. Maybe something could actually evolve out of this. It made Aaron feel a little better that there wasn't such a strict time limit, at least.

He felt conflicted. He was starting to really like Andrew, but he had never really had a boyfriend before. He'd spent the last four years sleeping around, and before that, well, he hadn't been out in high school, and he doubted Kathryn really counted as a serious relationship, the bitch. Being attached didn't sound so bad...it was about time, right? It was the boundaries he was worried about. This was just all so new to him. How did relationships work? He knew the basics, in theory – it was just the doing it for real that made him nervous. Now was as good a time as any to find out, he guessed.

They were paying now. They split the bill – Andrew had insisted when Aaron tried to pay.

"I had a really good time tonight, Andrew."

They were walking to the parking lot. Aaron didn't really want to say bye yet. The streetlamp was casting shadows against Andrew's face.

"Me too."

Andrew moved towards the driver's seat of his car.

"This is me."

As Andrew looked down to fumble in his pocket for his keys, Aaron thought to himself, "Fuck it."

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Andrew was pretty sure he had heard Aaron mumble something like "Fuck it," before he was being pushed against the side of his car. He felt the warmth of Aaron's body, one hand gripping the back of his neck, the other sweeping across his cheek. Aaron was kissing him. He hadn't been kissed in so long it was like he forgot what to do.

It was LIKE he forgot what to do. Half a second later Andrew was opening his mouth and pushing his tongue back towards Aaron, thumbing the waistband of his jeans and grabbing Aaron's hips to bring his crotch flush with his own. He breathed deeply as their jeaned erections made brief contact. Aaron definitely wasn't slacking in that department.