Go With The Flow Ch. 01

"It was Heart of Desire 3. I was the boom man for most of the film including your, well, your love scenes."

Tell him, yes, I remember you. That guy holding the mike above the bed, while what's his name was faking an orgasm on top of me. Of course I remember you.

"Yeah, well, it's a pleasure to be working with you again. I'm a big fan of yours. I loved Terminal Passion."

I do remember that movie. That was my last part. That was the one. I remember the actor. He was a big star. He was in a movie way below his star power, but wanted to shake things up, probably on his agent's advice, and the movie was a hit, at least for one of my movies, which usually go straight to video. This one was actually on the big screen for several weeks and made good money for a not-rated film since the director refused to cut out the offensive scenes.

"That was your best movie ever and not just because of the big love scene, which was about as real as it gets. I mean I've heard the rumors that you were actually, you know, doing it with him, but I've told people that you're just a good actress and it looks real. But besides that you were great."

I remember well. I remember that actor, a very handsome man, any woman would have jumped at the chance to be under his thrusting body, even if it was fake. I remember being underneath him, his eyes peering at me, our bodies completely naked, the camera rolling, both of us in the throes of a wild, simulated lust, and I could feel it. I could feel his cock, hard, erect, and it was rubbing against me, and it felt good, and I could tell it felt good to him. We weren't having to act. It was real. And he was moving his hips. We were moaning, our eyes locked on each other. And then it slipped inside of me. I don't know whose fault it was. If it was anybody's fault. But there it was. The head had penetrated and I was wet and it had gone in easily. He kept moving and it went in further and then he stopped. He looked into my eyes and he was searching for an answer. Should he keep going? Should he pull out? What should he do? And I didn't think anyone else around us knew. And he kept searching my eyes, but I gave him nothing. I watched him, wanting to see what he would do, wanting him to do what he wanted, and I could feel him inside, barely inside, and I waited. And he moved. He moved a bit and it slid in further and he kept watching me, looking for a refusal, looking for acceptance, but I gave him nothing. And he moved out a bit and then back in further and his eyes were watching me, and his face was that slack bliss of pleasure, his mouth open, while he watched me, waiting for me to do something, to move with him, to urge him on, or to push him off of me, but still I laid there, letting him do as he pleased, and he was confused. I could see the thoughts across his face, his mind churning, and I could only watch. And then he stopped, he laid on top of me, staring at me, feeling me around him, and his face, for an instant, changed into a sneer, a quick wisp of anger as he made his choice and hated me for it. He pulled it out. He sat up. The director called cut and we took a break before trying again. I laid on the bed as he walked off. He was laughing now, being pleasant, saying he needed to take a break, it was a lot of work, a lot different from what he was use to, he'd be in his trailer, and be back in a bit. I imagine he jerked off in his trailer, or probably found some assistant to gratify his desire.

"So, you can imagine I was surprised when I heard you'd be doing this movie. I mean I never thought you'd be doing this."

I fade back to this voice talking to me now.

"By the way I'm Scott, if you don't remember my name, from...um...Hearts of Desire."

"Scott! Quit bothering Ms. Wood and get that boom mike over here. We're ready to start."

"Okay, Mr. Bennett. I'll see you out there Ms. Wood." He turns to leave and stops. He turns back, his eyebrows furled, about to ask me a question. He shakes his head and turns back around.

"All right, everyone, let's get this on the first shot. We only got this one day so let's get it right. On my mark. Action!"

I stand to the side, watching the actor in the scene, trying to act. It looks as if the young woman is supposed to be a mistress he is breaking up with, but I can't tell. The words are muffled, the acting poor, and I don't care about the plot. I watch the director, waiting for my signal to enter.

I take a last look in the mirror hanging on the fake scenery wall beside me. I stop. I stare. That's me. I force a smile and it looks fake. I close my eyes. I force the smile. I open my eyes. Still fake. The smile fades and that looks real.

"Rachel! Enter now!"

I turn from the mirror and walk into the scene. The actor says something to me. I reply. We act. The lines mean nothing to me. They're like an encrypted code and I can make no sense of them. I have them memorized and they spill out, trying to place some emphasis or emotion where it seems appropriate, but unsure if I'm correct.

I keep seeing myself in that mirror and imagine I'm still there, still in that mirror, waiting for me to return from this scene. I'm waiting in that mirror, watching myself fumble through this scene, and I start to feel lighter, cooler, and I wonder if I missed a line, but I'm still speaking. The actor is still speaking. Cut has not been called. So, I keep listening. I keep waiting. My body is reacting, moving on its own, my arms rising for emphasis with a line, turning my head with what I think is disgust. Why would I be disgusted? I don't know, but it feels right. And I can see myself from that mirror and I can feel it all around me, flowing through me, and I let go.

We're on the bed and I don't know how or when, but I'm on top of him and we're kissing and his hands are on me and his hands are hot, scalding my skin, but it feels like nothing, no different than his wet mouth, his tongue. Then, I'm moving down his body because it seems like the thing to do and I'm just going with it and I have his pants opened, pulled down low, and his cock is huge and I move over it, bending down, holding it, feeling so smooth, alive, and I wrap my lips around it. It grows in my mouth and I can't put it all into my mouth. I slide my lips down it, licking it, sucking on it, but I can't take it all in. It hits the back of my throat and I can't. But I see myself, staring out of the mirror, and I push it further, and it slides in and I can do it. I pull my body over him to plunge it into my throat, to see if I can, knowing I can, and my hands are gripping the base of it. My lips touch my fingers and I slide my hands down, my lips still touching my fingers until my hand is flat against his groin, mashing his pubic hair into my palms, and it's into my throat. I move my mouth up, feeling the pressure in my throat relax, and I slide my hands up behind my mouth, slipping along the shaft, slippery with my saliva.

He moans and he grabs the back of my head and I remember that he's there and I see myself again from that mirror, crouched over this man's legs, his cock in my mouth, his hands gripping the back of my head, and then I see the crew, the mike hovering above me, a camera filming from the front, a cameraman beside me focused tightly in on my face, my mouth.

"Yeah, baby. I love you so much. I'll never do that again. I swear baby."

Are those lines in the script? Am I supposed to say anything back? How can I with a mouth full of cock? Now he's moving his dick in and out of my mouth, my head held tightly in his hands, and he's fucking my mouth, and he pushes it in deep, into my throat, and I moan. I moan like yes, yes, fuck my mouth, baby, it feels so good. But it doesn't feel like anything. It's just motions, with no effect, nothing. But my body reacts anyway like a wind-up toy - insert penis and watch me move.

"Sixty-nine now."

He releases my head and I slide my mouth up his cock, sucking the tip with a lick, and I look up at him and smile.

"Turn around here baby. I can give as well as I receive."

I pull the tight dress over my head and drop it on the ground. I'm completely naked and I notice my nipples are hard. I bend down and kiss him. I don't know why. I wanted to kiss him. And he kisses me back, his hands stroking my back, his tongue in my mouth, and my hand is sliding up and down his cock. I break the kiss, kiss his chest, his stomach, down, and turn my body around, lift a leg over his head, and wrap my lips around his cock as I settle my body down on him.

His hands grab my butt and he pushes my hips down and then his tongue is sliding up my pussy and my lips are sliding along his cock and I see the camera in front of me and a cameraman beside me and he's focusing on my pussy now as the tongue licks up and down, pushing my lips to the side, and then delves inside of me. I moan, the noise vibrating around the cock, because it seems right, it flows well. Then, I start bobbing my head quickly, sliding my lips up and down that cock, the entire length of it, pushing it into my throat, and his tongue stops. He groans and I feel his body tighten. I slide my hands down his thighs, feeling the muscles flexing. His feet are pointed to the ceiling and he's holding on. Then, he sucks my clit into his mouth and starts rubbing it with his tongue, flicking it. And I moan again, pushing my body back against him, urging him on, but still sucking on his cock, still moving quickly, my hands encircling his thighs, digging into the muscles, and his hands are gripping my butt, and his tongue is moving faster.

I lift my head and tell him how good it feels, oh baby, just like that, yeah, I want your cock inside me now and I pull his clothes off of him and then I'm straddling his waist and pushing it inside of me and I'm stretched wide and it almost hurts and I hold on to that, yes please just to feel something, but it finally slides in, and I push myself down onto it, to mash it in deep, to feel it pushing inside, and it's there and I know it's there, but it's nothing, and I moan loudly, please yes fuck me hard, and his hands are on my hips and he's pushing up and into me, but it's not enough and I grab my tits in my hands and I push myself up his length and slide back down, but it's nothing, and I move faster, wanting to feel, please let me feel it, and he's moaning, his head pushed back into the pillow, his body straining, and I'm squealing, oh God yes, it's so good having you inside of me baby, and his hands are digging into my sides, and it hurts, yes that feels good yes, and then he's sitting up, pulling it out of me, and I fall to my hands and knees, and he's inside of me again, and he's moving quickly, skin smacking against skin, the camera focused tight on my face, and I close my eyes, yes, and my mouth opens, yes, I love you, yes, and my hands grip the covers, yes, and his hands are holding my hips, yes, holding me against him, yes, and it's so deep, baby yes, and then it's gone, no, and he's pulling me to the side of the bed, and I fall to my back, and there it is, yes, and I look into his face, yes, and he's looking down, watching it, enthralled by it, yes, and I massage my tits in my hands, yes, it feels so good, fuck me, yes, and the camera is over me, beside me, yes, focused on my tits, my face, my pussy, fucking me, yes, and his hands are gripping my thighs, yes, pushing in so deep, yes, and he yells I'm coming, yes, and open my mouth, scream, yes, fuck me, yes, I'm coming, yes, and it's pulled out, and I drop to my knees, and it's squirting, spurting, shooting onto my tits, and I hold them out in my hands, letting it fall onto my tits, and I coo, and I moan, yes, baby, on my tits, the way you like it baby, and he's moaning, his hand jerking his dick, and still, still there's nothing.

4

Rubbing a towel over my naked body. Stretching my arm behind me in an attempt to wipe the semen from my back. I just need to take a shower. Eyes watching me, crew members remembering the scene I just shot, wanting to do the same, shoot their come on my back.

"Hey, Rachel."

Scott, the light and sound tech.

"That was great. I think each movie you've done gets better and better." His eyes wander from my face to my chest to my crotch to the floor to my face, and stops, staring at my face. I look back. What does he want? "Something wrong?"

Nothing except I feel gross, hot, sticky. I need a shower. I feel the weight of a dozen pair of eyes on me and I just want to get away.

"Here." He grabs the towel from me. "Turn around." He wipes the semen from my back. The towel feels good rubbing against my skin. "Ich. It's like getting a high protein mud bath, huh?" He laughs. I laugh. "Well, maybe not exactly." I smile. The smile fades. What does he want?

He throws the towel on the floor. I do feel a bit better. I need a shower though.

"You're welcome."

He's looking at his hands, holding them out in front of him, and looking around for something to wipe them on. He can use the dressing room.

"Okay."

I open the door to my dressing room. Well, not necessarily just mine, but nobody else is using it right now. I'm the only female in this film. He steps to the sink and runs water over his hands. I turn on the shower and get in, immediately relieved as the scalding hot water hits my stomach. I close my eyes and let the water hit my face, feeling like it's peeling the skin off, and it feels so good. I turn around letting it soak my hair, the water trailing down my back, over my butt, and down my legs. It feels so good. This should be way more sinful than sex.

"Um, thanks, Ms. Wood."

Rachel. You can call me Rachel. I run my fingers through my hair, trying to wash the come out.

"Um, thanks, Rachel. I appreciate it." I stand in the shower, the door open, my eyes closed, head back, letting him watch me, letting him think he's stealing a moment. "I should get back. Help break down the set."

I turn my head to look at him and feel the water hitting my back. My back feels so sticky, disgusting. I grab the bar of soap. It'd be so much easier if someone would wash my back for me.

"Um..." He looks to the door. Wanting to escape? Then, he turns back to me. "Okay."

He walks to the shower. I hand him the bar of soap and turn my back to him. I turn my head, look over my shoulder, and see him staring at my back, biting lightly on his lower lip. He lifts the bar of soap and touches it to my back. He starts sliding it along my skin, high up near my shoulders. I turn my head back around and close my eyes. The soap moves slowly across my back and I can feel my skin washing clean like an eraser across a chalkboard. The soap trails down my spine, over to my sides, slowly moving down to my lower back and to the top of my butt and I can feel it all being washed off, slithering down my legs and into the drain, washed away, clean.

"Um...There you go, Ms., uh, Rachel."

I turn around and take the bar of soap from him. He looks at me, his face innocent, so shy, questioning, searching. What is he looking for? Does he think I have it? I smile at him and his lips spread in a grin. I turn the front of my body into the spray.

"I should...um...get back, I guess."

He turns, looking around the room. He grabs a towel hanging by the sink and dries his hands. I lift my leg up and start washing my thigh, running my hands down slowly. He glances over at me and then glances away.

"Um, I'll see you later."

The door closes softly behind him.

5

"And the winner is..." An expectant pause. Then, a laugh. "Of course. She's won three awards tonight all ready and the winner of the Best Actress for this year's Adult Film Awards is...Rachel Wood." Applause.

6

Lying on top of him, my legs drawn up, and his cock is moving in and out of me at a slow pace, and then he stops, waiting. I press my breasts against his chest, staring into his face, while he looks past me, over me, at the shape hovering above me. And I see the shadow on the floor beside me. I turn my head to see the shadow, watch it as it shrinks, bending down.

I...hovering over me...can...body heat, sweat....go...butt cheeks spread wide...with...pressing against...the...inside of me...flow.

Rocking back and forth, my whole body tight, and the two cocks struggle against each other, each trying to push into me, and there's no space, and they push, they moan, and I push my body back, yes, I can feel it. A pair of hands digging into my arms. I don't know whose. Just a tangle of limbs and cocks and they're pushing deeper and I scream and it makes them push faster and they're going deeper and yes I can feel it, the pain biting into my bowels, hot inside of me, burning, and I grit my teeth trying to hold onto it. A mass of bodies pumping, grunting, sweating, straining, my whole body tense, moaning, and yes, I want this, yes, I do, I love them both, faster, harder, teeth clenched, and yes there it is, keep pushing, but...and yes, keep, but...dying, cooling down, and I smash my body back against them, forcing them into me, my body stretching, and no it's going away and they push faster, grunting louder, four hands clawing my skin, and it's gone, and I thrash my body between them in frustration, and they can't hold on. Two cocks are pulled from my body and now I'm empty.

7

Sitting in the dressing room, waiting, reading, rereading my favorite book, digging into the pages to find that misery between the lines. Knocking on the door.

"It's me, Scott."

Just come in. Like everybody around here hasn't seen me naked and penetrated and covered in come. What's left to hide.

"Hey." His head peeks in through the partially opened door. "Just to let you know. You're on in five minutes."

I lay the book down on the vanity and stand up to get dressed. I need help tying the knots on the corset. Scott walks into the room behind me and laces up the back for me. I turn my head to watch him in the mirror, his tongue protruding out of the corner of his mouth, his fingers moving clumsily. I smile.

"There you go. I think I got it."

I slip on the pair of underwear, watching him standing uncomfortably, looking around him, his hands tapping on his thighs. He looks down at the vanity and his eyes settle on the book.

"Hey. Is this...Yeah." He reaches down and picks up the book from the vanity. A smile pushes itself across me face. This is a joke I love to play on these people. "Of Human Bondage." I start to laugh to myself. I know what type of book he's going to think it is, what I thought it was when I first picked it up, but I was wrong. "I've read this. Well shit, several times."

I turn to look at him. He's read that?

"Yeah. Well, of course I didn't know what it was when I started reading it. I thought, you know, it'd be some porno bondage book, maybe some old French trash, but I got into it." He opens the book and starts flipping through the pages. "Where is it? There was a line I liked a lot. It went, um...Let's see. It went...Something about happiness." His fingers paging through the book, his eyes searching. "Oh yeah, it's in the back. It's in the end. A weird ending I thought, but...Yeah here it is." He turns towards me, holding the book in front of him and he reads from the book like he's reading to an audience. "'Always his course had been swayed by what he thought he should do and never by what he wanted with his whole soul to do...It might be that to surrender to happiness was to accept defeat, but it was a defeat better than many victories.'" He looks up at me, a big smile on his face that would be goofy if it wasn't so boyish. "I like that. It makes sense, you know?" He looks down at the book again, the smile seeping from his face. "I remember reading that and thinking that makes sense. It's pretty simple when you think about it." The corner of his mouth turns up, thinking, accepting.