Goblins

Thera nodded excitedly.

"Oh, that's funny."

"I know, right? So, anyway, I sort of fucked him to death."

"Fucked him to death? Fucked him to death?!" Sandra exclaimed.

"Shh!" Thera ordered. She looked around and found the couple at the next table staring at them. "I didn't. Not really," she assured them. "He made a complete recovery." The last statement dropped into silence and Thera smiled at the couple until they looked away. She looked back at Sandra and they both dissolved into gales of laughter that didn't end until they couldn't breathe and had to wipe the tears out of their eyes.

"So," Sandra prompted breathlessly, "you fucked him to death."

"He kept me there while all the other goblins left and then he started monolouging about how he was going to rape me and kill me and I'd beg for death and he wouldn't give it to me and blah blah blah. So I jumped him before he could tie me up and gave him a tremendous hummer that made him pass out. Then I took his knife and stabbed him until I couldn't anymore."

"You blew him to death."

"Technically I blew him unconscious. The stabbing killed him," Thera corrected.

"And then?"

"Well, it turns out that a bloody knife is really hard to hold onto. So I was trying to cut the leather cord and I kept dropping the knife and having to pick it up and getting more blood on my hands which made it even harder and then Dart came in with his crew. To rescue me."

"How did they handle it when they found you'd already rescued yourself?"

Thera paused with her hand halfway to the dumpling plate. She remembered the genuine concern that had radiated from Dart. She'd never quite felt that before and it had literally stopped her in her tracks. Even breathing had been difficult. The relief that had flooded through him had been just as nice. She'd found herself unable to do anything but grin at him.

"Ripper started laughing first. Then Slash-Throat. They were howling. They gave Dart such a hard time. He was a little annoyed about that. But really glad to see I was okay. He cut me loose and gave me the knife. Presented me with the knife, I guess. The other two gave me a goblin name."

"Ooh! Who are you now? Tough-Bitch? Daggermeat?"

"Stab-Gut."

"Oh."

"Yeah, goblin humor isn't all that funny," Thera admitted.

"So then what?"

"We got the hell out of there. Well, we set the forest on fire first. Dart was *really* pissed with Great Hook. And he thought the diversion would help us get away. The human settlements were sure to see the fire and investigate, and the elves. So Great Hook and his goblins were going to have to retreat into the forest without their traveling gear and food. It really kind of screwed the goblins. Then we ran for it and found a place to rest up. Which is what I'm doing now."

"What happens next?" Sandra asked, leaning forward in her eagerness to hear the answer.

"We're heading for the human lands."