God is a Slut Ch. 06

"Oh, fuck you!" God yelled back, "You're such a fucking narcissist, Jesus, you love the attention. 'Oh, he was so brave. He was so holy. He died for our sins! What a great man he was.' You eat that shit up like it's candy. I've got a billion people wasting their Sunday mornings going to church and singing boring-ass hymns about you. People on the west coast sacrifice NFL kickoff for you, so don't say I didn't show gratitude!"

"You know what?" Jesus said to the fuming God, "I don't need this shit right now. C'mon, Rachel, let's get out of here."

I stared dumbfoundedly at the flustered face of God and the grinning face of Lucy. This had to be a test. Lucy and Jesus planned this ahead of time to test my faith. It must be.

"You should go." Lucy smiled, patting my shoulder, "You kids have fun."

"OK..." I said, getting up from the chair and taking Jesus's arm. He walked us briskly out of the restaurant and onto the streets of hell.

"Can you believe the balls on that woman?" Jesus said angrily as he gave the valet his ticket, "Calling me a narcissist, when she makes people like you and I literally go through hell just to prove our devotion to her?"

"She's a good woman, she's our holy-"

"Don't make excuses for her," Jesus said as his Ferrari pulled up, "she uses people for entertainment, and then casts them aside when she's bored with them."

Jesus held my hand as I stepped into the passenger's seat of his Enzo.

"You think you're so special?" Jesus growled as he jumped into the driver's seat and turned the key, "Even if you do win all her little games, she'll only dote on you for a few years and then forget you exist."

Jesus turned the car over and smashed his foot on the accelerator. We zipped through the streets of hell, running through every stop sign and light.

"Look out!" I screamed as we barreled right at a line of crossing pedestrians. Jesus just gunned the engine and sent the poor souls flying over his hood.

"Why did you do that?!" I shrieked in horror.

"Have you forgotten where we are?" Jesus laughed, "You can't die twice, Rachel."

I ignored the irony of the resurrected messiah saying that, and looked back to see the people Jesus had run over at one-hundred miles per hour dust themselves off like nothing happened.

"So, what do you want to do?" Jesus asked, "I'm babysitting you for the day, and since Lucy's paying me in ass, you get to decide how we party."

"I... I don't party." I said.

"Sure you do!" Jesus laughed, looking at me and not the road, "You already had a lesbian orgy with the succubi, you fucked your brother, you became a hermaphrodite and sodomized God, you starred in a porno, and you enslaved an entire house of undergrads. You fucking party, Rachel!"

I stared at Jesus, dumfounded and mortified that he knew all of this.

"What, do think I live in a box?" Jesus laughed, "I don't judge; I had to go through a lot of the same tests as you. And I know another thing about you, Rachel: you're half corrupted with sin. So, this 'innocent-little-Christian-girl' act you're playing can stop now."

"Fine," I smirked, "I thought you'd go for chicks like that."

"Nope," Jesus laughed, "holy chicks bore the living shit out of me. Give me a sinner with a drug problem any day of the week. So now that we're on level ground, what do you want to do?"

"Well, to be honest, I was kind of hoping to lure you in with my innocence, act like you were showing me great new experiences, and then fuck your brains out in the hotel room." I chuckled, "But since we've got the pretense out of the way, why don't we just skip the foreplay and fuck right now?"

"Wow," Jesus said with raised eyebrows, "so this is the real Rachel, huh?"

"In the flesh," I smiled, and unhooked my seatbelt, "so, are we going to bang, or..."

"I'd love to, Rachel, I really would," Jesus said as he hit another pedestrian, "but I'm drunk and on way too much coke right now, so I'll be useless to you."

"I'm sure you could just send a little unholy prayer to Lucy," I smiled as I crawled over the center console and placed my chin on his right thigh, "and she'd get you all sorted out."

As if the devil were watching from below (which she most definitely was), the limp bump in Jesus' dress pants became a rock-hard bulge. My eyes widened at its size, and my mouth watered. I looked up at Jesus' bearded handsome face, and my lips curled in an evil smile. His raised his brows and returned my smile, his expression delightedly surprised. God, being a bad girl was fun. I licked my lips as I gently undid his belt and fly, feeling the stiff prize against the fabric of his slacks like a present waiting to be unwrapped.

"You know, Rachel," Jesus said, watching me, "you would be right at home down here. I don't know why you want to go to heaven so badly."

"Mmm, a sense of duty I suppose." I said, my searching fingers finding their prize, wrapping covetously around the hot girth of him. I shuddered with excitement. It didn't matter how many times I felt a cock in my hands, it never ceased to give me butterflies.

"A sense of duty." Jesus echoed incredulously.

I grinned up at him. "There's also the power."

"Power...?" Jesus probably had more to that question, but my lips wrapped around his tip and my tongue tasted the sweet foulness of his shaft. Did I have a misguided dream of outcompeting Lucy for this man's lust, and bringing him to my side, maybe even marrying him? Yes; yes, I did. I didn't care that he was an arrogant prick with a drug problem, he was the idol of my childhood, the symbol that kept me secure in my darkest hours. Not only that, but the idea of stealing Lucy's ace-in-the-hole from her, of holding that kind of power over the devil, excited me. Maybe I was simply feeding the darker side of myself, but the line between good and evil had blurred since my last test. All I knew in this moment, was I wanted this man's cock inside me.

"Power," I whispered back at him, a string of his precum bridging from my full smiling lips, "if I'm the messiah, the messenger of God, I can change the world."

"I tried that," Jesus said as he put a hand in my hair and guided my face down, "it didn't work out so well for me."

"Mmmmm," I hummed, my lips traveling down his delicious shaft and meeting his base. His tip burrowed into the back of my wet throat, and I constricted it around him; my beckoning eyes staring up at his pleasure-stricken face as I rotated my lips against his crotch, his balls squishing gently against my chin. He groaned and tilted his head back, and I chuckled evilly around him, enraptured by my lustful power over him. I withdrew slowly, my cheeks becoming gaunt with the pull of my lips, the squelching of suction sounding from their seal. I released him with a gasp, and rested his cock against my face, smiling with it beside my nose.

"We live in the twenty-first century now; there are no Romans to crucify me."

"Don't be naïve." Jesus said as pulled the strap of my dress over my shoulder, "You'll upset the applecart when you come down in a blaze of glory. People will want you discredited, humiliated, and killed."

"Servants of the devil?" I smiled as I pushed off the other strap of my dress, letting my bodice fall to expose my soft porcelain breasts, "When Lucy gets vindictive after losing?"

"No," Jesus said, "the Romans took me under Lucy's guidance, but it was my friend who betrayed me. People, Rachel; just normal people. Those closest to you will let you down in the end. Humanity isn't worth it."

"When did you become such a cynical bastard?" I said, smiling without humor.

"When I was being tortured," Jesus said, "and our wonderful mother let me rot on the cross."

"Oh," I pouted my lips sarcastically, "Is this a test of my faith, or a pity-party for Jesus?" I teased as I brought my breasts onto his lap, surrounding his cock with my pillowing bosom, "It's OK Babe, I'll make it all better."

I smiled up at his confused face and pressed my breasts together, soliciting a reactive moan from him. I giggled at his responsiveness, and brought my mouth back to him. My breasts squished downward as I took half his length between my lips, sucking him with the endearing passion only a true servant of Christ could muster. My tongue traveled along the underside of his shaft, tasting his flavor, wetly caressing his every bump and vein. My eyes stared up, unblinking in their regard, their expression full of possessive desire. I pressed my breasts together, squishing them around him my head bobbed up and down, each pass of my sucking lips leaving him sheened with my spit, each pass engorging his cock even more. I felt the wetness between my legs as his excitement became my excitement. I cupped his balls beneath my breast, feeling them pulsing and radiating like an oven onto my palm. So tender, so enticing. I massaged them with my thumb, grinning around my consumption, taking him into my throat. My pinky trailed down his taint, caressing him, feeling the hidden length of his cock bulging there.

"Holy fuck, Rachel," Jesus groaned, "you are..."

Jesus didn't finish that thought. My head dove forcefully between my breasts, flattening my supple bosom against his pelvis as my lips greedily took all they could. My exploring pinky finger penetrated his anus, sending his prostate pulsating into an orgasmic frenzy. My heart beat faster and faster, my free hand now toying between my legs, my fingers rubbing my clit frantically so that I could come with him. My lips locked and rotated, my mouth humming a moan of pure lechery as my eyes stared fixedly upon the man I was determined to seduce. I drove my pinky all the way to the knuckle, and massaged the prostate on the ceiling of his smooth sinful channel. I gurgled and gulped with each impassioned motion of my head, feeling him pierce the tender reaches of my throat, becoming all the more aroused by the depth of my defilement. The intensity of my masturbation brought me to the precipice, and I willed my savior to come with one last dive. His head flung back, his foot slammed on the accelerator, and he let out a roar, and erupted down my neck. I came with him, my throat constricting to exalt a screech as I drank the nectar of his loins. Not a drop was spilled. I kept my brown irises fixed on his, wanting him to see how much I loved sucking his cock. He looked down at me with the affection I desired, and I gave him a wicked wink above a lecherous cock-filled smile.

"Holy fucking shit!" Jesus managed to groan. He was still driving erratically, and it was a miracle we hadn't crashed yet. "Rachel, that was... that was..."

"...the best you ever had?" I asked, eagerly awaiting his assessment.

Jesus breathed heavily, then shot me a smirk. "The second-best."

"Let me guess," I sneered as I hiked up my dress, "Lucy?"

"Yeah," Jesus chuckled as he guided me onto his lap, "but don't get yourself down, kid; you can't compete with her."

"I guess not," I conceded, "but you have her on lease for... what, a week?"

"Two if I convince you to join her." Jesus said, one of his hands leaving the steering wheel to grip my ass.

"What if I told you I'd let you have me forever?" I whispered on his lips.

"I'm not monogamous," Jesus said, "spending an eternity with just one-"

"If you think your dick is good enough to be the only one I fuck, you're greatly overestimating yourself." I laughed, "No, we'd have an open relationship, but you'd get to have the second-best piece of ass in heaven or hell forever, instead renting the best for a week or two." In a feat of flexibility, I spun myself leg-over-leg, turning around so that my ass squished hard against his crotch, my head titling back to rest on his shoulder. I took on of his hands off the steering wheel and brought it to my breasts, beckoning him to squeeze. "And you might find that Lucy's trophy isn't as secure as she thought. I'm very ambitious, Jesus, and I'm coming for that bitch."

"That is interesting..." Jesus mused, releasing my breast to run his hand down my clothed belly, curling his fingers about the hem of my dress, "I mean, there's no one else in the universe that has shared the same experiences as you and I have. It's nice talking to someone who understands on some level what it means to be God's chosen child, even if you're naïve as hell."

"You're a jaded prick with mommy issues." I laughed at him, "Now pick a hole, and let me drive."

"You know something, Rachel?" Jesus grunted as he let go of the steering wheel and slid his cock against my frothing slit, "You're much more like Lucy than you are God."

"Is that so?" I half-moaned as I felt my pussy being split beautifully. I clutched the steering wheel, letting Jesus foot the accelerator as I weaved between traffic, trying to contain the pleasure that would soon drive me mad.

"I've been watching your progress with great interest," Jesus said through a groan, "and every test leaves you a little more nihilistic, a little more sadistic, and a little more confident."

"That's just the corruption," I said through strained breath, "that's just the darker half of my soul."

"Corruption isn't an infection;" Jesus said, "it's who you are. The potential for your soul to be corrupted was always within you. You just fulfilled enough of your own desires to let it manifest. It's natural, Rachel."

I struggled to keep the steering wheel level as a moan seeped from my parted lips. Jesus pushed himself all the way in, filling me out, stretching me. The dress God had so meticulously made for me was strewn across my abdomen, the bodice bunched below my jiggling breasts, the skirt hiked past my hips, exposing the lewd image of Jesus's cock slowly plunging into my tight moist pussy. Our sex was deliberate and sensual, our bodies locked together, tense with pleasure but languorous in motion. I pivoted one high-heeled shoe on the center console and the other on the armrest, my thighs quivering, but my undulations graceful. I made love to him like a whore, giving him all of me, letting his hands wander the lithe splay of my body as I pressed him deeper inside me. I leaned against his chest, my arms straightened to steer the wheel, my back arching slightly.

"OK," I panted, "so you think (hah) I'm becoming like Lucy. What's your (oh) point?"

"You love God, right?"

"Of course."

"Well, God loves you like her daughter." Jesus said, his voice heavy with lust, "Though most mothers don't let their hermaphroditic little girls fuck them in the ass."

"We are all her children." I gasped, "God sacrifices her body to test my faith because she loves me with infinite compassion, as she does with us all."

"This a weird time for a sermon, Rachel." Jesus growled lowly, biting my ear.

"Get to the point." I gasped.

"Lucy straight-up wants you, Rachel."

"So I've noticed."

"No, you don't get it."

"What are you talking about?" I asked through a moan, turning my head and giving him an incredulous smile. Two pedestrians were flung over the hood of the Ferrari, but I no longer cared.

"If you pass this test, which you probably will, because I'm more than happy to abandon Lucy for an eternity of fucking you, Lucy will be your next test."

"I know; she told me this morning."

"Well, Lucy offered me only her body forever," Jesus said, "and it was damn hard to refuse. She'll offer you more than that; she'll offer you her love."

"What?!"

"Lucy is in love with you, Rachel." Jesus chuckled as he stirred my insides, "How could you not tell?"

LUCIFER

"Whoa," God said as we watched the TV screen that broadcasted Rachel and Jesus' vehicular fornication, "I did not see that coming; this is better than Game of Thrones."

I felt my face flush. Had my skin not already have been red, I would've been blushing from head to toe.

"You kept that thought very well hidden," God said, turning cautiously to me, "deep enough that even I couldn't see it. How long, Lucy?"

"Since the hermaphrodite test." I conceded, there was no use in lying to this woman, "Seeing her like she was, as beautiful and confident as she was... I don't know..."

"It all makes so much sense!" God exclaimed, "You've been trying harder with Rachel than any of my other children. I always thought it was you just trying to avoid paying up the final bet, but ever since she past the hermaphrodite test, you've been giving her everything you've got! You're not trying to win to spite me, you're trying to get Rachel to join you because you love her! Holy shit, Lucy!"

"Don't..." I trailed off, "don't... let it change things."

"This changes everything!" God cried out in glee, "Lucy, we need to cancel the last test and get you two hitched! Oh-my-god, I'll plan the whole wedding. There'll be strippers, and death metal, and satanic cults, and-"

"We're not having a fucking wedding!" I yelled, losing my temper with God for the first time since she decided to create dinosaurs, "We'll do the final test, and she'll pass it, and she'll become the messiah, and she'll be just another self-righteous beacon of hope for humanity before you finally throw an asteroid into that fucking planet!"

"Lucy," God said, alarmed at the tears that were forming in my eyes, "Lucy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." I said, knowing damn-well God could read every thought entering my mind.

"You're afraid?" God asked as she put her arms around me, "You're afraid that Rachel will reject you?"

"That's all she's done." I said, a single tear rolling down my cheek, "Test after test, I try to give her what she wants, and all she does is say no, and goes crawling back to you."

"Lucy..." God murmured as she massaged my shoulders.

"She even ripped her soul in half for you," I said, watching the tears fall from my cheek and splash onto the floor, "I can't compete with you, God; you mean everything to her."

"She wants you more every day," God said, "she's attracted to you, Lucy. You just have to... open up to her."

"I can't."

"Well, now you have to." God chuckled with warmth and love, "Cat's out of the bag, Honey; your Jesus-plan backfired."

"You know I can't let myself be that vulnerable." I turned toward her, "I'm not like you."

"You don't have to be." God smiled, wiping a tear with her thumb, "You just have to be you."

"God... I'm scared."

"I'll be with you, Lucy," God said, kissing me, "I'll always be with you, sister, no matter what Rachel chooses. I love you."

"She'll choose you," I said, tears splashing onto my cheek, "she'll always choose you."

"Not if I tell her." God whispered in my ear, "Not if she knows the truth about me."

RACHEL

"That can't be true!" I screamed in pleasure and shock as Jesus relentlessly drove his cock between my spread legs in the front seat of his Ferrari.

"Rachel, Lucy straight-up hates me," Jesus grunted, gripping my grinding hips past the hiked-up portion of my pink dress, "and she agreed to let me do anything to her just to get you to join her. Getting tortured on the cross does weird things to your kinks; do you know what kind of depraved shit I'm going to do to Lucy? She certainly did, and she went through with it anyway. She's desperate, Rachel. I've never seen her like this before."

This had to be bullshit, a ploy to make me drop my defenses. Lucy was evil incarnate, the queen of sin, the devil herself. But... but I liked her. As I thought on it, I realized I liked her more so than God, for though I loved God with all my heart, she could never be my equal. Even in her most braggadocios state, Lucy put herself on my level, seeking to tempt me rather than guide me. She was a challenger; always devising tests, always trying to give me what my heart desired. I'd never before thought of her as more than just a means to end, an obstacle to hurtle. Could I...? No, no, this was all a lie! Lucy was a friend, but she was the ultimate deceiver, and I could see this mirage for what it was: just another test; like the continual testing of my faith God put me through day after day, oh, why did she do it?! Why could she not just for a second cast aside the whorish façade and show me the path of virtue? Why... but... but who really was the deceiver then? Lucy could conjure a lie more believable than reality, but she was never anything but herself. And God? Why did I insist on believing the tale I'd told myself? Why was I sure that God was showing me anything but the unfettered truth?!