God is a Slut Ch. 08

"Well, that was a hell of a way to go." A familiar voice laughed in my ear.

I coughed a lung full of blood onto the brimstone plateau I was lying on, and looked up. A beautiful woman stood before me. Her features were elegant; her high cheekbones, blue eyes, white hair and tan complexion yielded a face of heavenly exquisiteness, and her curves and proportions outlining a figure more striking than I'd ever seen before.

"G-G-God?" I stuttered, looking around the cavernous cave that could in no way be heaven, but this woman was not the devil.

"Infidelity, assault, rampant drug use, cheating, lying, whoring, stealing, and last of all, drunk driving." the woman said, ticking off my sins, "You're not seeing God anytime soon, Brian."

"So, is this hell?" I asked.

"Yup," the woman smiled, displaying a set of brilliant white teeth, "but you'll just call it 'home' from now on."

"Did Rachel make it?" I asked, "My sister; she went missing seven years ago, and we never found her or the body. Is she in heaven? Tell me she's in heaven; she worked her whole life to get there."

"Rachel Johnson?" The woman laughed, "That evil bitch is ten times the sinner you are. She's down here where she belongs."

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" I screamed, "Rachel was a Jesus-freak through and through! She never touched a drink, never talked to boys, she never even watched rated-R movies!"

"Rachel Johnson is a whore who takes it from any swinging dick that walks her way." The woman laughed, "Just last night she was getting gangbanged by all the extras from her new movie; which is a porno, by the way, and not the vanilla kind you find on pornhub."

"You lie!" I growled, "You're the devil, and you lie!"

"Actually," the woman giggled, "she's the devil."

I turned around and almost screamed at what I saw. Seven years ago, a woman dressed in satanic cosplay had given me the best sex of my life, and here she was in all her red glory, wearing the exact same secretary outfit she had on before.

"It's a therapist outfit!" Satan growled, "I was always kind of pissed you didn't get that. Wasn't the clipboard a good enough clue?"

"YOU!" I shouted, scrambling away on my hands and knees before darting to my feet, "You! You're the devil?! The real, fucking, devil?! I fucked you!"

"I am, and you did," she smiled, "and I bet you're wondering who she is."

"Your whore," I snarled, "your bottom-bitch, your slave; I don't give a shit! Where the fuck is Rachel?!"

"Well, I don't think she'd want to talk to you after you called her such mean things." Satan laughed.

I whipped my head around and stared in shock at the woman to my left. The curve of her cheeks, the jut of her chin, the angle of her brow; I don't know how I hadn't seen it before. But the white hair, the blue eyes, the tan skin... and the body... there was no way this could be Rachel. Not with the way she dressed; in an elegant white gown that would make the queen of England blush, or the way she talked; with language that would fit right in at a shipyard. This couldn't be Rachel, it had to-

The woman touched a single finger to my temple, and memories that had been trapped in my subconscious flooded my mind. The devil had come to my apartment, and her name was Lucy. She had brought me to hell, where Rachel was waiting for me. I had to do something... I had to fuck my sister?! And I did it?!

"And you enjoyed it quite a bit," Rachel laughed, "but don't feel bad, Brian; Lucy corrupted you, and it was my fantasy to begin with."

"R-R-Rachel," I stammered for the second time, "how did you... what are... what the fuck is going on?!"

"You know that test Lucy sent you down here for?" Rachel said, magically conjuring a bench and patting the seat next to her, "That little memory you just got back?"

"Yeah?" I gawked, marveling at the miracle my sister had just nonchalantly performed.

"Well I technically passed them all," Rachel said, guiding me to sit next to her, "but, I decided (through a series of extremely bizarre circumstances), that I'd rather become a goddess and chill with the devil than become the messiah."

"She isn't just 'chilling' with me," Lucy smirked as she sat down beside me, and put a seductive hand on my thigh, "she's my wife."

"What?!" I screamed, whipping my head around and staring at Rachel. She just smiled and held up her left hand, displaying the ruby-encrusted obsidian ring on her finger.

"...which makes you my brother-in-law." Lucy finished, laughing at my shock, "So, you down for an incestual threesome?"

"WHAT?!"

"Brian," Rachel whispered in my ear, her voice seeped with desire, "Lucy and I want you to fuck us."

I couldn't help myself. I grew hard as a rock, and both the women at my sides glared at the bulge that was morphing beneath my fly. I blushed at their unflinching regard, and placed my hands tentatively in my lap. No, I was not ready to fuck my sister (again), even if she wanted it, and even if she was the hottest piece of ass I'd ever seen. I shamefully looked over her body, my eyes suddenly stopping. Was there... was there a bulge under her skirt. But no, it must've been a trick of the fabric.

"I think..." I gulped, "I think I'll pass on that. Thank you."

"You'll come around," Lucy said with a devilish wink, "but you did just disappoint your sister."

"I had five nights of B.D.S.M. riding on you saying 'yes,'" Rachel pouted next to me, "now I have to be the sub. Thanks a lot, big brother."

"And she sent a semi-truck right into your lane because she had so much faith in you," Lucy chuckled, "how sad it is."

"You fucking killed me?!" I hissed sharply at Rachel, my eyes widening in disbelief.

"You were taking too long!" Rachel laughed, no showing the least bit of guilt, "You didn't have a wife, you didn't have any kids (well, none that you knew about), and you spent most of your days high and all of your nights drunk! Trust me, Brian; I did you a favor."

"I had goals!" I yelled, "I had ambitions!"

"Spending fifteen dollars on roadside blowjobs isn't a goal," Rachel laughed, "and being a pornstar might've been a suitable ambition before you ruined this dick God gave you with herpes and whiskey."

"It's all better now though," Lucy smirked, her forked tongue flicked across my cheek, her hand sliding along the crease of my thigh "and it looks like it works just fine."

"My answer's still no." I said with a shaky voice, thinking this must all be a coke-induced nightmare.

"I don't think Brian's in a position to decide anything for himself," Rachel giggled at Lucy over my shoulder, "I think we'll have to lead him until the training wheels come off."

"Oooooo," Lucy cooed in my ear, "are we going to rape him?"

"I like to think of it as firm sisterly guidance," Rachel laughed as she lowered her head to my lap, "we'll see how he feels about it in a second."

"No!" I said firmly, placing my hand atop my sister's head, "No Rachel, we did this before, and we are not doing it again."

"Oh, Brian." Rachel smiled up at me, a forked tongue flicking from between her luscious lips, "You keep acting like you have a choice."

I opened my mouth to protest, but it was filled with Lucy's tongue. It wrapped around my own and stroked gently, and the electric touch of her lips blurred all thought from my mind. My hand still rested on Rachel's head, but it didn't try to push her away. She unzipped my fly, wrapped cool fingers about my throbbing shaft, and then... wet warmth seeped all around me, and any apprehension I had filtered away. I eased back on the bench, my staying hand just petting my unholy sister's head as she gave me the best blowjob I ever had.

EPILOGUE: TWINS

RACHEL

"Yeah," God said as she looked us over, "you're both knocked up, and you're both the father. So... congratulations?"

"I thought you'd be happier than this." I frowned, and proudly held the small swell of my belly.

"I am happy for both of you," God smiled warmly, "it's just..."

"...you didn't make them," Lucy laughed, "and the last few times I got knocked up..."

"...he took over the universe, and I had to reset." God finished, motioning a gun to her head with her thumb and forefinger and pulling an imaginary trigger, "So, Rachel, you see why I have my reservations. I usually just let genetics roll the dice when humans procreate, but when goddesses do, things get messy."

"You want us to abort them?!" I growled.

"No! No! No!" God yelled, holding up her hands defensively, "I want you to abandon them."

"Adoption, she means." Lucy said, putting a hand on my shoulder before I lunged at God, "She means send them earth-side and let them live out mortal lives."

"B-b-but," I stammered, feeling the tears welling in my eyes, "she's mine!"

"And she'll still be yours in ninety or so years when she dies," God smiled, "a blink of an eye. But Rachel; if you try to raise that baby down here, I know exactly what will happen. She'll get uppity, think she's the boss, try to take over hell, use your motherly affection against you to do it, and then she'll come gunning for me. It's the end-of-the-universe shit that happens every time Lucy feels like popping one out."

"It's true," Lucy sighed, "every, fucking, time. Little bastards just don't know when enough is enough."

"So, we just... send them to earth?" I asked, "Drop them in some other mother's womb, and let her raise my baby?!"

"I mean, if you read the bible, which I know you did, you would have certainly heard of Mary and Jo-"

"The bible is bullshit!" I screamed, "You said it yourself!"

"Look," God said, using a firm tone now, "you pick the location, the time, and the mother. You get to decide what kind of life she leads, but you will not be a part of it. You get to keep her forever after she dies, and she'll get the gift of living a human life, so what's the big deal? Think of it as dropping your kid off at daycare, and picking her up after work. Children need to be properly socialized in order to become well-adjusted adults, and deities need to be properly humanized in order to become well-adjusted gods."

I sighed and gazed at the small swell of my belly with melancholy affection. God was no doubt right, but it still felt wrong. I guessed being a goddess didn't rid me of human maternal instincts. Lucy put a hand on my shoulder, and I rested my head on hers.

"C'mon," she whispered, "let's go find a place for our babies to live."

I sent my wife and I from heaven in a blast of silver smoke, and we appeared in the Earth Observation Room. It looked like the command center for the Pentagon, as that was what it was based off, and was decorated with all the holographic maps and high-tech quantum computers a spy novelist would jizz over. It was all unnecessary, of course, but I had adopted Lucy's penchant for theatrics over the five-hundred years we'd been married. I palmed the projection of earth, and glanced at the serene society that dwelt there. Anna Peterson had done her work well, and earth was a bustling community of hippies that lived out their days fucking like rabbits and exploring the meaning of meaninglessness. Goddamn, it was boring. A.I. had long since taken over, but the artificial intelligence took one look at the docile creators it was born from, and decided they weren't much of a threat at all. Disgusting. I was hoping for nuclear ash and a Mad-Max style post-apocalyptic society of brutal Darwinists, but all I got was a neutered conglomeration of pacified philosophers. My daughter and her brother would not live here, no fucking way.

"My thoughts exactly." Lucy smiled next to me, "Let's go back to a more interesting time."

"Oooo," I purred as I stopped in the late sixteen-hundreds, in a little town called Salem, Massachusetts, "this could be something."

"You want our daughter to be tried and executed as a witch?" Lucy laughed incredulously, "What kind of a mother are you?!"

"No," I smiled, "I want whatever surrogate we put our children in to be falsely tried and executed."

"You vindictive cunt." Lucy laughed, and planted a kiss on my lips, "You know little Justine will never forgive you when she learns the truth in death."

"Oh, we'll leave little hints for her in life," I smirked, "and for little Alex as well."

"What's going through that twisted little head of yours?" Lucy asked, her golden eyes searching my blue ones.

"I don't give a shit what God says; our children are not living boring, mortal lives." I smiled, "I thought of a little story for our precious babies. I call it, 'The Incubus and The Succubus.'"

"Interesting..." Lucy mused, "it's been a while since I sent a demon to earth. Incubus, you say? Alex is going to be pulling pussy left and right."

"And Justine will never want for male attention," I chuckled, "but the only ones they'll really want..."

"...are the ones they can't have!" Lucy finished, grinning from ear to ear, "You're setting our children up for an incestual romance!"

"Mmmm, not a romance," I smiled, "more like an abusive relationship. Way hotter."

"Succubi and incubi our biologically immortal," Lucy mused, "they'll die violently."

"Maybe by each other's hands," I said, "we'll just roll the dice, and see how it plays out."

EPILOGUE: AN NEW END

GOD

The universe almost never ends with just a boring entropy heat death. No, Lucy and I almost always fuck it up beyond repair, and I almost always found myself in this exact same position: the barrel of a gun pressed to my temple with my finger on the trigger. Well, at least this one wasn't my fault, not directly. Rachel and her kids had gone fucking nuts, and whole galaxies were colliding in a P.C.P.-induced rage. I told them angel dust wasn't as innocent as it sounded but noooooo, they just had to snort a literal mountain of it.

"Look, I said I was sorry." Rachel laughed as Lucy sat with her arms crossed on my other side, "I don't know what else I can say."

"I forgive you," I sighed, "it's your first cycle as a goddess, and you lasted ten billion years before you went off the hinges. That's a lot longer than I expected."

"Can..." Rachel stopped, "Can I kill you? Killing God would be the ultimate power trip for me. If you just give me the gun-"

"Only I can kill me," I said, "otherwise I'd have Lucy do it every time. Believe me, it's not a fun experience."

"You ready for nonexistence?" Lucy smiled sadly at Rachel and grasped her hand, "We'll be out of it for a few billion years."

"What's it like?" Rachel asked.

"Nothing." Lucy said, "One minute you're at the end of this universe, the next, you're alive in the new one. Time doesn't exist for those who don't experience it."

"True death," I sighed blissfully, "sometimes I wish it could happen to me. You guys ready?"

A deafening boom shook the bunker we were hunkered in, and the single lightbulb that hung from the ceiling flickered on and off.

"That was Justine." Rachel said proudly, "she just launched a full silo of thermonuclear missiles right into heaven."

"They grow up so fast." Lucy sighed with sad fondness, "Alex recently finished his black hole project in the milky way, and sent Andromeda crashing right into it."

"I fucking told you guys to make them human." I growled, "I thought I made it pretty fucking clear."

"Uh-uh," Lucy smiled, "you just wanted them to be 'humanized,' you never said anything about them being actual humans. God, could you make sure they're in hell before you pull the trigger? I don't think you'll want to recreate those two from scratch."

"I should send them into another dimension by themselves until they learn to grow up." I muttered

"They'll oversee hell while we're gone;" Rachel smiled encouragingly, "they'll figure it out."

"They better." I grumbled, "Ok, so what did we learn this cycle? Rachel? You have any lessons to share with the group?"

"Don't do P.C.P. with your kids," Rachel recited reluctantly, "and don't cause early childhood trauma to deities by killing their surrogate mother."

"And you, Lucy?" I asked.

"True love shouldn't be a game of enabling your loved one," Lucy sighed, "and bad habits should not be encouraged."

"That's right." I said firmly, "Now, let's start over."

Lucy and Rachel held me close, and rested their heads on my breasts. They mouthed 'I love you' to each other, and linked hands between my legs. I smiled, my heart bursting with joy in witness to their love, and I pulled the trigger.

EPILOGUE: AN OLD BEGINNING

LUCIFER

...and I'm back. God stares at me for a second, her head shaved at the side and dyed black in her grunge-era style, her teenage face baring an expression of perpetual boredom. The universe is young, but she's already started creating life again. I look over my shoulder, and see the blue sapphire that is earth. She made dinosaurs again, that stupid bitch.

"I told you, no fucking dino-"

"I insisted." Rachel's voice says from behind me.

I turn around, and see the young face of my love smirking back at me. No, not my love, not yet. I'm still too young to think of her as any more than a friend, but she's my best friend. God is my sister, and Rachel is best my friend. And my stupid best friend wanted to make fucking dinosaurs.

"They're stupid," I frown, "they don't do anything but eat each other until I finally throw an asteroid at them and God gets her shit together."

"Dude," Rachel says, "they eat each other alive. That's metal as fuck."

"That's what I always tell her!" God insists, "Finally, someone who understands! It's all just matter eating matter in a futile attempt to make more matter! Nothing fucking matters! It's all hopeless!"

"She stays like this for a while," I whisper to Rachel as God has a breakdown, "but she grows out of it after a billion years."

"Should we... help her?" Rachel asks.

"No," I smile, "she has to get over it by herself; growing pains, you know?"

"Yeah." Rachel says, "Hey, do you wanna make a galaxy filled with nothing but poop? Just... poop everywhere."

"Oh, so this is what you're like before you grow up. It's nice to know that I'll eventually fall in love with a spiritual toddler."

"I'll have you know that I'm being quite mature right now, and am in fact, acting as a wise and philosophical deity. If everything is already shit, than there's nowhere to go but up, right? A galaxy of eternal optimists, with their fecal eyes set on cleaner horizons."

"You want to make... living shit."

"Sentient poop," Rachel giggles, "Queen Poop and King Poop, overlords of Cluster Centurion Excrement Nine."

"A shit monarchy? What a wise and mature deity you are."

"Endlessly battling the evil softening forces of Emperor Fiber and his horde of Lentils." She laughs.

I roll my eyes, and say. "And led by the benevolent holy figure, Pope John Constipation the Second."

"Who shows them the true path of stool-hardening righteousness!" Rachel exclaims gleefully, "C'mon; let's do it!"

Rachel holds out her hand, and I take it in mine. We walk the endless void of a new universe, two souls entwined together, forever.

*****

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Thanks for reading the story of Lucy, Rachel and God. It was a joy to write, and I hope it was a joy to read. Forgive me for any typos or grammatical errors. I thoroughly check my work, but I'm not perfect. I actually wrote this story two years ago, and so my writing style and skill have (hopefully) improved since then. I added a few passages to curtail the story for this site specifically, but other than that, this manuscript has remained essentially unchanged from its original. I hope you enjoyed reading God is a Slut! Thank you all!