Gold Digger Ch. 02

Jeff was sitting at his desk with two large monitors on, his desktop and keyboard active and waiting for input, but he was just staring, sightless, at nothing – just as he had for the last five days. Suddenly he was startled out of his dazed-like stupor when Don walked in and said, "Hi, Jeff."

With difficulty, Jeff brought his mind back from wherever it had been and finally replied, "Oh, hi Don. I haven't seen you in over a week. What brings you up here today – do we have a legal problem?"

Don looked puzzled. I'm here for the meeting that was called for 10:00 AM. It's 10:00 AM and I'm here on billing hours."

"Damn, I think that you count billing hours if we say hello in the street. Anyway, I don't know anything about a meeting. There's nothing on the schedule so..."

Before he could go on, he was interrupted by Chris as his four partners came into the room pushing chairs from the conference room and closing the door behind them. "You didn't call a meeting, we did!"

"What is this, a coup? Am I being removed as president?"

"Gods, no! Who wants that job. No, this is not even a business meeting, so, Don, you won't get paid. All right, Jeff, you've been sitting in here for nearly a week, hardly talking to anyone, just staring into space. Obviously something is really wrong with you."

Jan spoke up, saying, "Look Jeff, we're your family and we all love you. We've never seen you like this and we're not going to leave you stewing alone in here without doing anything we can to help you. We know that you won't ask for help, but you're getting it anyway!"

Jeff was choked up for a moment, really touched that they had seen his behavior and were going to rally around him, whatever the problem. "Ok, ok. I can't tell you what it means to me that you arranged this, even dragging my brother into it. You're right, of course. I have a very serious problem and I do need your help – moral support for it has nothing to do with law. Sorry Don.

"You may or may not have deduced that I have a marital problem, but that is what it is. When I started dating Denise, most of you congratulated me because of her physical attractions. However, when I got serious about her, I heard direct and indirect references from all of you about her attraction to my money, not me. Unfortunately, it has turned out that you were completely right, but I didn't realize it until just recently. Happily, thanks to my dad and Don, she signed that prenup agreement and the gold digger fears vanished, but, unfortunately, they were accurate.

"We were married and it was perfect. She was as beautiful as ever, of course, but the best thing was that we seemed perfect for each other. We never disagreed; we liked most of the same things, and differences that were there weren't really important. She was supportive of everything I proposed and expressed her pride in me as a husband at every opportunity. She was even reasonably limited in her expenditure of money – no complaints there. It genuinely was a perfect marriage as far as I could tell.

"However, that very perfection seemed too ideal and for some months just the slightest bit of unease crept into my mind. I couldn't put my finger on anything, but it was there. However, a few months ago, just after our first anniversary, Denise was talking with an acquaintance who expressed some outlandish opinions and Denise agreed, very sincerely, with everything she said. Then, as they separated, they embraced, declaring their friendship and respect for one another. Women do that sort of thing and a social statement of affection like that doesn't mean a thing, but I knew, and I mean knew, that Denise really didn't really care for that woman and that she detested everything that she had just agreed with!

"So what? Well, first, I detest that kind of two-faced phoniness and, far more important, I've seen that intense look of sincerity when she has been agreeing with me! The thought just descended on me, like a landslide, that maybe we always agree the same way she agreed with that woman. She was so agreeable that it made me uneasy and I started testing her. She didn't pass and I began questioning the honesty of her approval about anything I did, even sex. Then, something far more damaging occurred.

"I was ready to doze off at the beach a week ago and I heard Denise and Justin whispering together. I pretended to sleep and they went down the beach and slipped into one of the thicket areas. Obviously, I had an idea what was going on. The following day I put a security camera in there – there's a nice sandy place to lie on – and recorded it on my laptop. They undressed like old lovers, lay down and screwed. They didn't talk much, but the second time I recorded them she casually commented about marrying for money, not love. Then they dressed and Denise came back and shook me to waken me. I contained my natural urges and played the role of trusting, deluded husband as she acted like a sweet and sincere wife. I've watched them two more times and I've been sitting here, trying to decide on my next move – or, better, how do I end this phony marriage.

The room was absolutely silent as Jeff dropped his bombshell. They, collectively, had assumed that the problem was marital, but they were not prepared for the blunt disclosure of Denise's adultery and the probability of divorce. The first to react was Jan who ran over to Jeff, tears running down her face, as she embraced him. "Oh, Jeff, I'm so sorry! It's horrible and I know that you are badly hurt! How could she be so unbelievably stupid?" One by one the others came up and expressed their sorrow and pledge to help in whatever way they could. Some of the comments about Denise were scatological in nature and hardly bear repeating.

However, when things calmed down a bit, Ron spoke for several of them when he commented, "Damn, that woman is good. I was suspicious of her at first, but she sold me! She was as perfect of a loving wife as I ever met. I went home and told my wife that I wanted her to meet Denise to see how a perfect wife treats her husband! I'm going to hate telling her how that worked out!"

Jan concurred. "I agree. After the wedding the idea of her being a gold digger was gone. I never was close to her, but I came to believe that you had made a good marriage regardless of anything else."

There was a general discussion with everyone expressing the same feelings. Finally, it was Norm who asked the most important question, "What now? Obviously you want a divorce and you certainly have the grounds. When and how do you want to do it?"

"Well, yeah, I want a divorce. I was able, with difficulty, get past the idea that Denise had a script that told her how to act like a loving wife. I can't get past this. Married for a little over a year and she already has a lover – and I don't know when that started or what their real relationship is! Ok, Don, you're the lawyer. What do I do next?"

"Well, I'm not a divorce lawyer, but the process is not complicated. Let's look at the options. First, with the adulterous pictures combined with her admission that she tricked, well, seduced, you into marriage for no reason other than money, there's a very good chance that we could get an annulment. That would mean that there never was a marriage. That, of course, would be very much to be desired. Unfortunately, an annulment requires a court procedure and everything would have to be brought out to explain setting aside the marriage and that would be embarrassing, even when you won.

"Second, you can go for regular divorce or what in Florida is a contested 'dissolution of marriage.' She would insist on that because it would be her only path to getting money from you. She would lose, both with the prenup and your evidence of adultery, although a judge might take pity on her, you being rich, and give her something. Still, all of this nasty stuff would be public and the media would love it. I doubt that it would be a drawn-out case, but it would be messy.

"Third, you could go for a no fault divorce, or an 'uncontested dissolution of marriage.' It is a mutually agreed divorce and divorce settlement. The marriage is described as 'irretrievably' broken and should be ended. All financial details and distribution of money and property are agreed to. Both sides are theoretically happy with the agreement and, afterwards, nothing significant is made public. She would have to accept this voluntarily so you would have to pay her off to get rid of her, despite the prenup. However, this can be a very short process, probably without anyone actually appearing in court"

"Damn, not only would she get away with her reputation intact, she would end up with money! The first two choices would lead to a media circus and the third rewards the bitch! That's bull shit!"

At that point, Chris chimed in. "As Ron so delicately expressed it, that's bull shit. Don is, of course, giving us the legal options but I think if we put our minds to it, we can come up with some ideas in which we give Denise some less desirable choices. It seems to me that the no fault divorce – whatever Florida wants to call it – causes Jeff less grief, so our only problem is to find a way to get Denise to accept it with us giving her as little as possible. If anything, I would like to come up with something that would, at least, gives her grief. You know, this might be a good time for Norm and me to come up with something!"

Jeff finally intervened, saying gratefully, "Look guys, I really appreciate the way you've given me all this support! I feel lighter right now than I have in nearly a week. I feel very foolish and, I guess, gullible, but right now I don't feel quite so stupid. I would love it if Chris and Norm came up with one of their tricks!"

Each of the fellows gave Jeff a tight hug as they left, followed by Jan who whispered in his ear, "Don't feel too stupid, Jeff. Men have been suckered by beautiful women since Adam and Eve. We've all done something stupid in our lives, you about a woman, me about a man, but, no matter how stupid it is, things may still work out. Remember, there are five of us with you!" That was followed by a kiss on the cheek which did more to help than the hugs.

The following morning, with their other work postponed or delegated to staff members, the partners plus Don met in Jeff's office. "Ok fellows – and Jan – I want to say again how much I appreciate your help in this and that you refrained from a chorus of 'I told you so.' Which you did! All right, Chris, go ahead with any thoughts that you and Norm came up with."

"Right. We think that there are two things here. First you want a divorce from Denise with as little publicity and difficulty as possible. Second, we want to find some way to make Denise's life as miserable as possible or, at least, prevent her from profiting from this. I say 'we,' but, of course, I mean you."

"No, this is a team thing. 'We' is correct. We are going to divorce Denise – you all a part of it as long as you want to be."

"Ok. Don, exactly what is required for a no fault divorce in Florida?"

"Not much. Florida always has been an easy divorce state and it's gotten easier over time. You can even do most of it over the internet now. Anyone can get the official form on line and fill it out, describe the agreement the two parties have worked out, put in the residency time, file it with the court and that's about it. If there are no children involved and the division of property is explicit and mutually acceptable, you probably won't even have to appear in court – and your lawyer may not have to either!"

"Wow, the ceremony calls for 'til death do you part,' but the state says 'when you say it's over, it's over.' Anyway, Don, we want you to get that form and write up the most fool proof, most explicit agreement possible in which Denise gets nothing. Right back to where she was when she agreed to that prenup. Our job will be to get her to sign it!"

"Well, I certainly can do that – in fact, I can do that and have a divorce specialist serve as the lawyer of record so the brother of one of the parties in not officially involved. How the hell you'll get Denise to agree is beyond me!"

"We haven't figured that out yet, but that's the goal. Now, for the second part, making Denise miserable. It's been years since Norm and I have had a real challenge like that and we want to embarrass her and play with her mind, maybe like we did with Bert and Ernie back in school. We've got some ideas already, starting with the beach. We'll work on it!"

Jeff grinned at him and Norm, the first genuine happy expression in several days. "Man, that would be perfect! Gods, I haven't thought about that in years. They never did know what, if anything, had happened, but I would want her to realize it when it's over. Damn, go for it!"

"Ok, but there's one big problem! You have to match her play-acting for a month or more while the divorce goes through and we set up the details on our plan. That may be hard."

"Don't worry! Now that I know the situation I won't be the geek husband trying to understand his wife and making her happy. I've been sort of acting ever since I caught on to her phony sincerity, so I can handle it. I'll even continue being the sleeping dupe while she's with Justin!

As the others left, Don remained and asked, "What is this Bert and Ernie thing that everyone laughed at?"

"Gods, I forgot that you had left for law school before that happened. You remember that Chris and Norm loved really complex practical jokes. Well, there were these two guys in the dorm that we called Bert and Ernie because they looked like the Sesame Street puppets. They were always sure of everything never doubted their memory of things. However, they always disagreed with each other and hearing them arguing was a nuisance and Norm and Chris decided to shut them up.

"Classes were off on a Friday so Bert and Ernie took off on Thursday – as was normal. Before they left, the fellows somehow got hold of their room keys and switched them so that they had each other's keys. The doors locked automatically so the keys weren't needed until they returned. However, the fellows had blocked the automatic locking so the doors were actually unlocked.

"As soon as Bert and Ernie left, Chris and Norm started. First, they took dozens of pictures of everything in the two rooms. So, for example, when they took clothes out of the closets and switched them to the other room, everything was hung in exactly the same order. The shoes on the floor were placed properly. The desks were switched and every scrap of paper was replaced exactly as it had been. The furniture was switched. They even dismantled the bed and set it up in the other room. After two days, the rooms were exactly as they had been, even some dirty laundry on the floor was placed in precisely the same spot and condition as it had been left. There was a damaged wall in one room and they repaired it and identical damage was done in the other. They even went so far as to hack into the Housing Office and switch their assigned room numbers so they officially belonged in their changed rooms.

"Sunday evening, there was a loud noise and swearing in the hall and there was Ernie trying to get into his old room and, of course, his key wouldn't work. The resident dorm advisor came up, looked at the key and asked, 'Are you drunk? Why are you trying to get into this room?' Ernie, of course, blew up since he knew he was right – this was his room! The advisor looked at him like he was crazy, walked down to the other room, inserted the key, opened the door and said, 'You must be drunk! Get in there and sober up and quit disturbing everybody.'

"I'll swear that Ernie stared through that open door for several minutes before venturing inside and closing the door behind himself. It obviously was his room – but it couldn't be! Not long afterwards, but with less furor since everyone was still out in the hall, Bernie arrived and faced the same mind-bending situation. He positively knew that his room was further down the hall. However, his memory clearly conflicted with reality. It was amazing. These two guys who always were absolutely certain of their memories and ideas lost much of that confidence. Toward the end of the school year you could still catch one or the other staring strangely at the door of the other room. Chris and Norn had planned to really blow their minds by reversing the switch, but never got around to it when we were finishing our software program."

"So you guys were working on that program you eventually sold to Microsoft and they took two full days off to work on a prank! Good god! Well, if they are going to work on Denise with plenty of time to plan, I think that she has a problem coming! Ok, I'll get with my assignment and let the conspirators do their thing.

Three days later, the team got together again as Don produced a completed application for an uncontested dissolution of marriage. It explicitly indicated that the parties agreed that the marriage was irretrievably broken down by irreconcilable differences. There was a statement that all financial and real property in the marriage had been divided to the complete satisfaction of the parties involved. There were other relatively minor concessions such as Denise agreeing to assume her maiden name in return for other undefined concessions.

After going over it, Don was very specific when he said, "With no children or other dependents involved, this is about as fool proof an application as you could get. Each party, by signing, clearly states their acceptance of all these agreements. I ran it by my friend and he thinks that there would no chance that appearing in court would be necessary for either party. We'll pay him a small fee, larger if he actually has to appear in court but he is certain that it will not be required. Frankly, the courts have no desire to actually get involved in these mutually satisfactory agreements. That's always been true – Florida was the Reno of the east for many years. Ok, now I've done the hard part. All you have to do is take this document to Denise and have her sign it. That should be simple!"

"Sure, and I'll do my part and sign it, so we're half way there. Ok Chris, for the other half, are you going to hypnotize Denise, threaten her with the Mafia, bribe her or what to get her signature?"

"We've figured an angle. It will require you to continue to be a loving trusting dupe of a husband to make the next step believable. Then we will need a very inefficient telephone secretary to help with misdirection. That's Jan's role. I trust that our learned lawyer colleague will have no scruples if a bit of trickery is involved."

"I will put in a few billing hours which will make you my client and be able to invoke the lawyer-client privilege. In any case, I won't be the legal representation in this divorce proceedings."

"Ok, Norm and I'll set up the scenario and we'll start Operation Denise!"

The following day, Denise answered the phone and heard a young woman ask, "I'm Judith Mullen of Metropolitan Couriers. Could I speak to Mr. Anderson please?"

"Unfortunately, he is not home right now? Could I take a message?"

"Is this Mrs. Anderson?"

"Yes."

"Oh, that's wonderful. We have sent a messenger with an important document for your husband that has to be signed for. It would prevent us from having to send the courier another time if you could accept it. Let me see...oh yes, it's something to do with a prenuptial agreement...no that can't be right, you are already married. Oh yes, I see, it's to cancel a prenuptial agreement. Does that make any sense?"

Miss Mullen couldn't see Denise's face, but the glee in her voice came through loud and clear. "That most certainly does make sense and I'll definitely sign for it." Denise was practically dancing around the room as she hung up.