Gonna Sell The Bitch's Car Ch. 03

Sam butted in before I finish my thought about a cool Celtic name.

"Gotta go, got the mayor on the other line. See you Thursday. And thanks Wiley, thanks a lot."

I wasn't kidding about the Irish part. They weren't of Irish descent, their parents had emigrated when she was ten and he was seven, Moira still had a bit of a brogue when she was excited.

We thought it was cool when we saw the flyers saying the band Two Thirds Irish were going to open the festival.

Finally, it was time.

.................................................

There is always that quiver, than first rush of adrenalin when you take a stage. Jimmy and I were used to it, but it never gets old. Moira just barely remembered the feeling. She was glowing. I hoped it didn't morph into nerves.

To be the very first act of the festival, there was a pretty good crowd, maybe four or five hundred people. The stage was set at the bottom of a hill, on a side street. It created a natural amphitheater. You had to furnish your own seating, but most knew this and had brought folding chairs.

We did the sound checks quickly and were ready to go. Sam introduced us.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the twentieth annual Crockett Music Festival."

He gave a rundown of acts that would appear over the next three days. I was surprised to learn the headliner was Chance Blaze.

"Now, let me introduce our first band, playing together for the first time, Two Thirds Irish!"

We had talked it over, we were supposed to be a rock act, so we decided to let it rip. Jimmy started out with his drum solo, while Moria kept time by 'chicken scratching', stroking the strings while keeping them muted, and we launched into 'let It Rock'.

It was plain the crowd wasn't expecting this level of energy and skill. By the time we had finished they were paying attention.

We went straight into 'Paranoid', followed by 'Pride and Joy' and 'Wild Thing'.

The crowd started to grow as more people arrived, and the cheers were starting to come.

We slowed up a bit and Moira sang 'Perfect', by a one hit wonder from the eighties, Fairground Attraction.

We stopped and let everyone catch their breath and work the crowd.

"Everybody doing all right?" I asked.

A few nods and some cheers. It was early, after all.

Moira wasn't about to let them off that easy.

"Come on now. We're all on vacation here. Loosen up, embarrass your kids, get loud."

It was mostly a family crowd but she struck a nerve. The yells got louder.

"Still wanna rock?" she yelled.

The crowd was getting into it. More people were coming in, and they were there to see a show.

"We're gonna do a song now that requires some assistance. I've got a couple of helpers lined up to give me a hand. Ya'll ready?"

Jimmys' two oldest, eleven year old Annie and nine year old Megan came onstage. Moira gave them both tambourines. I had put down my bass and had my SG ready to go. Moira put down her Squire and had a headset microphone on.

"Okay, when we get to the chorus I expect everyone to help out. Here we go."

'Walk Like An Egyptian' was a fun piece of fluff from the Bangles, and most of the parents in the crowd were the right age to remember it. Moira worked it hard, doing the goofy hand movements to go with the song, accompanied by the girls. She was all over the place, the kids right behind. When she got to the 'way-o, way-o' she paused, waiting to hear from the crowd. More responded than I expected.

When it got to the part where they all whistled, I faked it on keyboard, extending it just a bit. The girls strutted back and forth with the hand movements again, and even a few of the audience joined in.

They cheered when she sidled up to a cop working crowd control and sang the part about the cops in the do-nut shop and stood on tip toe to kiss his cheek. I don't know if he was more embarrassed than happy, but he had a grin a mile wide.

Jimmy was pounding away with an 'I told you so' look on his face.

The crowd was roaring at the end.

"Thank you, thanks so much. Give my assistants a hand." Moira beamed as she and the girls took a bow.

It was the end of the set and we were due a fifteen minute break. I spent most of it retuning the instruments, outside venues, with varying heat and humidity, wreak havoc. Moira worked the crowd, beaming. For some reason the amount of attention she was getting from the men annoyed me. Jimmy grinned.

"I told you she could work a crowd. Look at her, she's loving it."

Usually crowds dwindle during breaks, there's just too much going on at festivals. I was pleased to see the crowd hadn't dispersed, actually, there seemed to be more than before. Moira whipped them right back up.

"You guys ready?"

Of course they were.

We started it off with 'Shake Your Moneymaker', the Foghat version. We could have used a bass, but my slide accompanied by Moira's amazing guitar work had the crowd roaring. I sang lead on that one.

Not slowing down any we did 'I Love Rock And Roll' by Joan Jett, with Moira belting it out.

My Dad was a country music fan, and when I was ten or so he had a tape he played constantly in the car. A group called Molly and The Heymakers, who never made the big time despite being really talented. Their biggest hit was 'High On The Mountain Of Love', a remake of a Johnny Rivers song from the early sixties. I always loved it, and played it for Moira once. She insisted on learning it. We came up with an odd arrangement, Moira carrying the tune with her guitar while I did some counterpoint with my old Gibson lap steel guitar.

I had a machinist build a stand for it and could play it standing up. The rest of the set went by in a blur, and before I knew it we were done. There were calls for one more, and no one seemed to be moving. I looked at Sam and he gave the okay.

"All right, one more and we have to go. Anything special you guys want to hear?"

The ones who were there from the beginning started yelling for 'Let it Rock', so we finished with the song we started with.

I should say a word about how we were dressed. Jimmy and I had decided Moira was going to be the centerpiece for the group.

Aside from being drop dead beautiful she did most of the guitar work, so it made sense. Jimmy was tied to his drums and I did a lot of keyboard work so she was the only one free to move about.

Jimmy and I were wearing jeans, open white dress shirts with white 'wifebeater' tee shirts. I worked out and Jimmy kept in shape from his job and playing drums so we didn't look too bad.

Moira had a black version of our tee shirts tucked into her tight jeans, with a black dress shirt over it. She also had black, high boots with a stiletto heel. She looked very, very, nice. Every male over the age of ten in the crowd thought so anyway.

I was too wound up to think about anything but the music. We wanted to leave them pumped, so we poured even more energy than before into it. I was to the far left and Moria was to the far right, allowing Jim the spotlight because it was his vocal. I was thinking about the Springsteen concerts where his saxophone player would slide across the stage and Bruce would raise him up for a kiss. It was a constant crowd pleaser.

I didn't think, I just did. I took off across the stage while Moira was doing a solo and dropped to my knees. The plan was to stop just short, but the stage was a lot slicker than I thought.

Her eyes widened and I leaned back, trying to slow down. It worked, to a point. Instinctively she had raised one foot to try and stop me and I just slid right into it.

I was lying almost parallel to the floor with her foot on my chest. The crowd roared with approval

Then she surprised all of us by stepping up on my chest. She finished the solo standing on me, and to my credit I never missed a note. When the song ended she just hopped off and left me lying there. Damn, at least Springsteen kissed Clarence, all I got was bruises on my chest. Stiletto heels suck.

...............................................

We packed up our equipment and went to check out the festival. There was a small carnival set up, and when the older kids wanted to ride we split up. Jim and Crystal took the three oldest and Moira and I took the baby, four year old Jan.

She wanted to ride too, so we took her to the kiddie rides. She insisted we both ride the ferris wheel, all sixteen feet of it, so the height wouldn't scare her. She and Moira rode a few more, I was just too big.

While I was watching them ride, a man came up and commented on how beautiful my wife and daughter were, and how lucky I was. It was simpler to just agree with him so I did. He introduced himself as a reporter for the local paper, out to get some color stories.

Moira and Jan came up and we exchanged pleasantries for a minute. He asked Jan if she was proud her parents were in a band. She thought he was talking about her Dad and beamed.

"They're the bestest" she said proudly.

One of the perks of the house we had was free newspapers. The next morning Megan came running into the house shouting that we were famous.

The paper had put out a special festival issue, and we were on the front page. They had snapped a shot of Moira standing on my chest while Jimmy was singing. The caption read "Crockett Music Festival, Let It Rock" and said to turn to the entertainment section to read about us. Of course we went right to it.

"Once again, Sam Wilkins has done an excellent job of recruiting top acts for the festival. The opening group, Two Thirds Irish, were astounding. I have never seen three people make so much noise! Led by the beautiful and talented Moira 'Clapton' Stewart, a guitar virtuoso, the other members are brother Jim O'Sullivan on percussion, and husband Wiley playing anything he can get onstage. They all sing and share lead vocals, with the harmony that only family ties and years of practice can achieve. Do not miss them! They play again at 2:00 today. As daughter Jan can ascribe 'they're the bestest'."

There were three more photos of us individually.

We were grinning like idiots until the husband and daughter bit sank in.

"Wiley, did you tell the reporter we were married?"

I couldn't tell if she was amused or pissed.

"No, not exactly. He just assumed and I didn't correct him. Of course, I didn't know he was writing about us. I'll get a retraction printed."

She was grinning.

"Don't bother. Everyone important knows better. Besides, I've always wanted to be married to a musician. And how else are we going to explain our close family ties and years of practice?"

Our crowd had almost doubled when we played that afternoon. Of course, it was Friday and a lot more people were there, but I like to think we were the cause of part of it. We had to do three encores.

Sam was grinning ear to ear.

"Thanks Wiley. Because of you guys, I'm officially a genius. I've got one more favor to ask. People want to hear more of you. I don't have a slot open for you tomorrow, but you think you could warm up for the headliner? Just one set, to get them in the mood. I've been authorized to double your fee if you can."

I didn't have to ask. Double our money? Duh.

Once again Moira and I had babysitting patrol, but this time we had all four. Crystal and Jimmy didn't get much alone time, and she made sure they took advantage. They were going to see an honest to goodness, non Disney, adult movie, by themselves. Alone.

Pizza for everybody. We didn't want to cook.

It was funny. Nobody remembered me, but everyone recognized Moira. Several actually came by the table to thank us for our show. One lady looked at the four red haired children and grinned.

"I bet I know what you guys do in your spare time."

Before I could correct her Moira took my arm and snuggled.

"Well, everyone has to have a hobby" she said with a grin.

I saw the looks of envy on some of the men's faces, and hugged her back.

.............................................

I was impressed. They moved the start time of the other acts up an hour to give us time to play.

We were on the big stage. The expected crowd would be in the thousands. We walked out on stage and looked around.

"So this is what it's like to be in the big time" said Jimmy, with just a touch of awe in his voice.

The stage was huge, and pretty high up. Wouldn't pay to get too close to the edge. I had actually played to large crowds with the beach band, but it was still intimidating.

We were doing the sound checks when I heard someone call my name.

"Wiley, is that you?"

I turned and there stood Freddie aka Chance Blaze.

"Yep. How's things? I understand your latest song is up to number six on the charts. Not bad. You're ready for the big time for sure."

He seemed uncomfortable but pleased with the praise.

"Yeah, it's doing well. I got four more dates on this tour before we take a break. The next one out will be as a headliner."

I was genuinely glad for him. Very few get as far as he's gotten.

He changed the subject.

"Are you the sound tech?"

Moira heard him as she came up.

"Worse, he's your warmup."

He did what all males do when they first meet her. He lost his train of thought.

"Huh?"

She looked at him like he was a child.

"He, rather we, are your warmup band. It's our job to get them whipped up for you."

He looked at me.

"I didn't know you were a professional. I thought you were a businessman who could play a pretty good guitar. Anything else I should know?"

Jimmy came up while he was talking.

"Well, you should know he's damn talented. With Moira and I behind him, we're gonna light this stage up. Hope you can follow us."

He said it with a smile to take the sting out.

Freddie looked at me with a half smile on his face.

"Well, good luck."

The crowd had swelled. At last, it was time.

Sam was MC again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our headliner, the Chance Blaze Band, will be up in a bit. Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy Two Thirds Irish, here by popular demand for one more set. Give it up for them."

The crowd was in a good mood and ready to party. We started off with 'Shake Your Moneymaker' adding a few runs to extend it a bit. I was moving around during my solo and got a good look at the surprise on Freddie's face. We followed with 'Higher On The Mountain Of Love' and 'White Cliffs Of Dover', an Eric Johnson instrumental that takes a bit of skill. Moira killed it. We did 'Love Me Do', and then did a Supremes number, 'You Can't Hurry Love' with Jim and I pretending to be the backup singers, singing in falsetto.

We slowed down and did 'Perfect'. By then it had gotten dark, and the lighting tech did a good job keeping the spotlight on Moira. Then it was time to end it.

We knew what we were going to play, but she worked the crowd one more time.

"Last song before Chance comes out and gives you a real show. Anything special you want to hear?"

Of course, those that had been listening to us all weekend started into yelling 'Let It Rock', and Jimmy had already started the intro, extending it with a drum solo. We tore the house down, and yes, I did slide across the stage and Moira did end up standing on my chest. I'll go to my grave remembering that applause. And the bruises.

People were actually calling for more when Freddie walked out on stage and grabbed a mike.

"I'm supposed to follow this? Damn guys, you could have left me something to work with here."

He looked at me.

"Tell you what, why don't we do one together before ya'll go."

He turned to the crowd. "That suit you guys?"

Of course they were screaming and yelling.

How could we refuse. We huddled for a second, deciding what to do. He brought his bass player on stage.

"He grabbed the mike.

"Here's one you wouldn't expect from me."

'Flirtin' With Disaster' was the biggest hit Molly Hatchett ever had, the epitome of Southern rock.

He screamed the lyrics while Moira and I did some blistering guitar work. The crowd was going crazy. When the last thundering notes were fading he yelled "Be right back" and left the stage.

His equipment was already set up, and he had his crew help us, so we were off the stage pretty fast. He stopped us backstage.

"Hang around you guys, enjoy the show. I might ask you to come back and play one more with me."

Like we were gonna say no.

He put on a good show, but as I listened I couldn't help but notice all his songs were formulaic and lacked something undefinable. They sold, but they didn't push his talent. He did very few ballads, bread and butter for a country singer.

True to his word, he brought me back on a couple numbers for some slide work, and Moira did some small leads. Jimmy actually played more than both of us, doing tympani and conga work.

Crystal stayed until the end, Sam had found a reliable sitter and the kids were back at the house, but just as soon as it was over they left. Moira and I stayed a bit longer, talking to Freddie.

He was impressed with us.

"Good show guys. How long you been playing together?"

"About three days." Moira said in a matter of fact voice.

"Really?"

"Yes really. Jim and Wiley have been playing together for about three years. I came on board just to help their buddy Sam out. We probably won't play anymore after this."

We could hear the sadness in her voice.

Freddie couldn't believe it.

"Are you crazy? I've played all my life, since I was twelve, and I can recognize chemistry. You had the crowd jumping, begging for more. Think about it, please."

I had been thinking about it.

"Don't give up on us. Jim and I have a commitment to Soundwave for another three months, after that we can do what we want. We've about run our course. New blood keeps us fresh. I was thinking Moira and maybe a keyboard player would make a hell of a combination."

"Of course, we haven't really discussed it."

I was looking at her the whole time. She had a pleased smile on her face.

.............................................

On the way back to the house I brought it up.

"What I said to Freddie, about a new group, are you interested?"

She was driving, and without taking her eyes off the road she said "Yes".

"Great! But you need to know, it plays havoc with a home life. Working every weekend, traveling, will your husband be all right with it?"

Again she didn't take her eyes off the road.

"He won't mind. He works all the time, he probably won't even notice I'm gone."

Her voice was flat, emotionless. Something was wrong in Stewartville.

"Well, let's talk to Jim in the morning."

..........................................

We had invited Freddie and his band to an old fashioned Sunday lunch. I ran out and got chicken, cabbage, and potatoes, and flour the next morning.

I made slaw, potato salad, fried chicken, and homemade biscuits. The girls made two chocolate cakes and three strawberry pies. Sweet iced tea, with lemonade and sodas for the kids. There was a salad for the health conscious. There was also a huge pot of green beans.

Freddie and three of his band showed up, the rest opted to sleep in.

They gorged. Apparently they missed home cooking. Any leftovers were claimed by Freddie, particularly the pies.

Freddie was a big hit with the kids. After we sat for awhile, passing acoustic guitars and singing old songs just for the pleasure of it, they talked him into walking down to the river.

The river was wide and shallow for the most part, going into a curve with a deep pool at the end. The kids immediately splashed into the shallows, yelling and splashing.

Moira had on a one piece covered by a pair of Daisy Dukes. The boys in the band were getting an eyeful and enjoying it. I didn't know how to feel about it.

The kids kept calling for Freddie to get in the water. He had on a pair of cutoffs and a hat, but refused. His bandmates slipped up behind him, grabbed him, and tossed him into the pool.