Good Boy: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

"Look, sweetheart. A, I can make it really quick. I swear. And B, I'm not going to class," I replied back to her. It was philosophy of science. The concept seemed cool, but the class was a joke. The professor was crazy, literally, having to take a break from teaching for a while a few years back. He talked so fast and had a mix of three European accents. It was impossible to understand him. It was a cool class in that there was only a midterm and final. There was no textbook. Well there was, but he didn't ever use it. To be honest, I would skip weeks at a time towards the end of the semester. I realized that I only got more confused by him. Looking back, before I took the first test, I figured I'd just read the book. THANK GOD he put his notes online, because I would have gotten like a negative twenty on that exam. After he did that for the midterm, I wasn't worried about the final. I'd just use the notes.

"I bet you can. Haha. And you have to go to class," said the sexy killjoy sitting next to me. "You're not missing it because of me."

"I'd rather miss the class than miss my sweetie." =[

"Awww," she whimpered, making such a cute face. Larisa looked at me like I was holding a lil puppy. In reality, if I was holding a puppy, my facial expression woulda been one of terror.

"I have another idea," I suggested. She raised her eyebrows in question, all curious. "You can take off your jeans... get on all fours, baby," I whispered sexily. She looked at me with a wicked smile. "And get ready for some A... N... A..."

"MATT! I don't do that! Haha." Larisa shifted and sat on her left leg, her grey sneaker hanging off the edge of the bed, not wanting to get dirt on the comfy ass blanket.

"Well, I had to try. ...But Riss. I can't go with you coming here. IT'S A CELEBRATION BITCHES! DRINK UP! BE MERRY!"

"Okay love," Larisa said slowly, talking to me like I was a child. "No one quotes Chapelle anymore." She slowly shook her head side to side as she spoke, babying me.

"What?" I asked.

"No one quotes Chapelle anymore."

"HUUWHAT??"

"Matt, I'm not playing this game." Larisa was pretending to be pissed off, but I could see right through her. I knew there was no point in arguing further... on any of her comments. I was going to class because she would never let me hear the end of it if I skipped. And there would be no anal. Larisa was one of those kids who went to every class, regardless of being sick. She was like my mother... sort of. I remember, MUHHHTHER, always making me go to school even if I had the flu. She was so worried I'd miss something important... like my times tables. I guess she still thought it was 1924 and no one invented the calculator yet. ...$^%*ing idiot.

I did stay home once however. I remember, MUHHHTHER, outside with the neighborhood repairman, Bo Booo. MUHHTHER said she needed help with her backdoor. Bo Bo said he would lube it up so it'd be easier to get in and out. Then I heard MUHHHTHER yelling it was still too big and wouldn't fit and... Waaaaaiiiit a second. ... (in a kiddy voice) The bad man was hurtin mama's caboose! *big sigh* AAAAANYWHO...

"I'm not going to miss anything hun. It's like watching a foreign film without subtitles. ...And there's no nudity." Larisa looked at me like she might cave and give in to my request. Her motherly instincts kicked in, unfortunately.

"And what if you get an assignment for next class? Hmm?" she asked all matter of factly.

"That's why I make friends with the hot girls in the class. I can just IM them." Her mouth playfully dropped open as she shoved me with both hands, pushing me back onto the bed. Again, there were no assignments, but I had to say it for the comedy. If you didn't know, philosophy majors are ninety-seven percent dudes. Two of the remaining three percent are hippie stoner vegan chicks. Apparently Larisa wasn't aware.

"Ughhhh!" She tried to hold back her laughter as I pulled myself back up into a sitting position.

"I don't push you when you make friends with the hot girls in your classes."

"I go to an all girl school!" she laughed out loud, lol style, her mouth open wide through her smile.

"But you sleep with girls!" I shot back. It was this or the Chewbacca defense... ala South Park.

"Oh shhh," she laughed. "You need to get to class Matt."

"I know," I said as I stood up and put my black hoodie on. "Because apparently I'm twelve and my mother dropped by for a visit."

"Hmmmf," Larisa grunted and made a mean face, not liking my comment. I guess that means no sex. "...Matt. Put on a coat. It's too cold."

"I certainly would look stupid in a winter coat with shorts. Wouldn't I?" I know from experience.

"My love, you are something else. No one will argue differently." I stood in front of Larisa and reached for her hands, taking hold of them and pulling her to her feet. I looked down at her manicured fingers for a moment as I held her warm hands in mine.

"I am glad you're here sweetheart," I said softly.

"So am I," Larisa replied in suit as I slid my arms around her waist, pulling her close to me. Her soft dirty blonde hair cushioned my face against the side of her head as she encumbered me with her arms, draping them around my shoulders. Keeping our hug intact, we leaned back a bit and I pressed my lips tenderly against hers. Her tongue tip gently massaged my lips for a few seconds before slightly poking through them, rubbing against my own tongue. Feeling her French kiss, I decided to play her game. My hands slid down her back slowly, my palms rubbing against the thin white cotton material of her shirt as I eventually reached her hips. I could hear a mixture of small moans and groans escape from her smiling mouth as I wiggled my hands under the bottom of her shirt, resting them against the top of her jeans and bare skin.

"Mmmm love... don't think you're getting out of this class," she whispered into my mouth. God dammit!

"I had no intention of seducing you to get out of class. What kind of man do you take me for?" I joked as my fingertips grazed against the sides of her lower abdomen, tickling the soft warm skin just above her waistline. I slowly moved my head to the left side of hers, laying a trail of soft kisses along her neck, letting the tip of my tongue press against her.

"The man I love," Larisa said as she pushed me away from her, still holding onto my arms. "Now go to class! Before I change my mind! Haha." She looked like an angel, so happy and full of life as she stood in the middle of my room. The actress was a different person compared to ten minutes before. The way she smiled, the way she laughed, the way her nose scrunched up when she looked surprised... I missed the little things so much when Larisa and I were apart.

"Okay," I muttered as I let go of her delicate hands, fighting the urge to push them against my cock, letting her take the hint. I picked up my notebook and pen and made my way to exit the room. "You gonna be all right here?"

"Yeah hun," Larisa answered. "I'll find something to keep me busy." I looked at her for a second, taking in the vision of pure girl next door beauty in my dorm room. She looked so girl next door in her cute, plain, unrevealing outfit. Maybe I could leave class and go to the bathroom... jerk off... and then go back to class. It wouldn't be a new concept.

"Okay. Don't get any of your period blood on my sheets. I just did laundry two days ago," I added as I walked out and shut the door before she had a chance to yell at me. I imagine her face would look something like this. >:O

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All throughout class I couldn't help but think about two things. First, man was this class such a waste of fucking time. There wasn't even one hot girl to look at to keep me sane. I couldn't read the writing on the board or understand his lightening quick ramblings.

The other thing that wouldn't leave my thoughts was Larisa. Being I always lied to her about stuff bothering me, I felt I was somewhat of an expert on the subject. I knew something was up and she was hiding it from me. I had never seen her with mood swings like that before, and I had been with her through many a period. I tried to think of ways to get it out of her as I sat through the waste of a class. I especially thought of her as I went and punched it once during the middle of the hour and twenty minute period.

As I walked across the dark blue carpeted hallway towards my room, I could see that the door was open and my ears heard a number of girls inside. Two sophomores from down the hall were sitting around my room talking to Larisa, totally unaware of the fact that I was dating Alex Mack. The dorm I resided in during me second, third, and fourth years was an upperclassman dorm, meaning sophomore through senior. The younger girls were nice to look at. Being that Larisa and I didn't really see one another more than twice a month, and alternated, Dina and Cristina never saw Larisa before. And since I started dating her, I thought it would be weird to keep the printout picture of her next to my bed. Had it been hung up, she could have been brought up in conversation. I did have a picture of her on my desk, but it was out of sight from the rest of the room. I just wasn't one of those kids with the corkboard picture collages. It's not that I was ashamed of the celebrity. I was just private when it came to bitches I was fucking.

"Hey love," said Larisa as I walked through the door, tossing my notebook onto the end of my bed. I was relieved to be back. I power walked back from the building next door where the class was held. I was in such a rush to see Larisa again.

"...Love? Matty's got a serious girlfriend," giggled Dina in a way that would make her seem ditsy, although that wasn't the case. I never told any of them who I was dating, or how serious it was between us. They never asked so I never told. I hoped that Larisa wouldn't be mad, thinking that I wasn't proud of what we had, or that I was pretending to be single, trying to get a little side action.

"Hey hun," I said to Larisa as I walked towards her. I leaned down and held her chin, tilting her head up with my index and middle fingers, gently pressing my lips against hers. We smooched for three seconds as I made my way to my reclining desk chair. "Yes it's serious Dina," I added. As the four of us all made small talk, I couldn't help but wonder which girl we would have a threesome with.

It could be Dina, with her crazy low sitting sweats and thong that was perpetually sticking out of her pants. She always wore hospital scrubs or sweats that sagged SO LOW. Her thong always stuck out the back. So hot. Kinda makes you want to sing Sisqo's Thong Song whenever you see her. She didn't have a boyfriend at the moment, although there was a guy she was sort of hooking up with on a regular basis. She was about five foot four, long brown hair, huge tits, and thick bottom... in that good thick, got something to grab on to kind of way. She was definitely hot and had a sexy thing about her... Dina was overly flirty half the time and calm the other half. She would try to seduce you without warning. The other appealing quality was her incredible laid backness, without being lazy. She was just a "chill" person

It could also be Cristina, the Latina girl. She was a little shorter than Dina but was very hot as well. She had tan skin and hair the color of Larisa's. She had a butt like... wow. It was so tight and round. Sweet onion booty. Cristina did have a boyfriend, but he was in another college somewhere out of state... living the thug life. Total Chicano (Mexican) thug. ...Not that there's anything wrong with that. Remember, I'm not racist. I'm just trying to paint a picture here. "Matt, how could you have not told us that you were dating a celebrity??" she asked me, slightly hyper. Obviously she was an Alex Mack fan. I mean who wasn't?

"Because she's a normal person to me," I said as I looked at Larisa lovingly, seeing her smile back. "Not that you're normal... you're special to me..." I added in a panic, not sure how to word it properly.

"I know love," she said, interrupting me. "So, Dina and Cristina were just telling me about the signs you made for their doors... and the mayo." Uh oh. Larisa just sighed as she went over the idea in her head once more.

"That was in no way sexual," I quickly stated.

"Dina, Emily, Cristina, and Masami." Masami was a Jap. I guess Truman missed a few. "Come to 508 to get your turkey... or something else... stuffed. Happy Thanksgiving," said Larisa, pretty much properly quoting the signs we taped to their doors. Unfortunately, they got ripped down by drunk visitors.

"Oh come on. Maybe they like chicken," I replied, trying to quickly save my ass. The two girls just sat there on Peter's bed and laughed as I was getting a scolding.

"Matt. There was a picture of an uncooked turkey and the turkey baster was a cartoon penis." ... ... "Shooting its stuff." I say again... ... ...

"What stuff?" I asked, busting her balls. She didn't want to say cum. Her dirty talk was only for me, and the girls she slept with. Larisa didn't normally use explicit sexual language out in public because of the image she needed to maintain: America's sweetheart. She saved it all for the bedroom.

"Its... stuff. You know."

"No, I don't. Like pee?" Larisa was getting peeved now. No pun intended. Well, maybe a little pun.

"Ughh. Dina what's the scientific term?" she asked her new friend. Dina was a biology major. She wanted to become a doctor... at least four out of seven days of the week.

"Ejaculatory substance," she laughed. We all soon followed, not expecting that funny remark.

"Oh Riss, go easy on him. Remember Pete helped with this too," said Dina, trying to save my butt, smiling at me as her and her thong came to my rescue. I stared at her chest the whole time, not caring if her or Larisa noticed. Dina did notice, giving me a quick wink and wider smile.

"Actually, that one was all me," I blurted out, then reclined back, preparing to soak in all the applause and kind words that were sure to follow. Hey, I'm not gonna let someone else take credit for my comedic genius. In retrospect, that statement was stupid.

"And Matt... why do you have all this mayo!?" questioned Larisa as she pulled out a large bag from under my bed. It really was a large bag. In the two months of school thus far, I had stolen six and a half pounds of mayo and mustard packets from the dining hall takeout line. I would randomly throw them down the hall towards the girls' rooms, tape them to their doors, or simply walk into their rooms asking if I could borrow some because 'I ran out or was running low'. That pissed them off for obvious reasons. One particular time, Peter played Berlin's only hit song Take My Breath Away, ala Top Gun, on guitar as I got down on one knee and professed my love for Cristina, asking her to use my mayonnaise packet and mine alone. So many uses.

"I can explain that! ...I can't explain that. But, I'm sure I'll find a use for them down the line." The use for them... I never found one. The day I moved out, on my way out for good, I went to swing the bag and hurl it into the garbage cans in the lobby of the dorm. Well, the handle broke mid swing, sending about six pounds of condiments ALL OVER the floor. Peter just said, "Fuck it." ...Works for me! The girls just sat there laughing, looking all cute, as Larisa continued to think I was weirder and weirder. In truth, I just did it because I know it entertained them as well as Peter. Larisa looked at me, slightly embarrassed at my immaturity but not enough to cause concern. She lightened up after she saw the girls approved of my antics.

"Well Matt, it looks like we've got you in enough trouble for one day," said Dina as she slowly got up, her saggy navy blue sweat pants following soon after. "I've got a paper to do. Nice to meet you Larisa." Cristina followed and said her own goodbyes.

"Haha. Alex Mack! I used to want to BE YOU!! Haha," Cristina joked.

"Haha. Awww. It was nice meeting you girls too," said my girlfriend, looking as if she had really enjoyed their company. The two turned and walked out of my room, their bootays grabbing my attention as they exited.

"Wait!" I yelled. "Here's a souvenir." I took two mayo packets from my stash and threw them towards Cristina. "They're autographed." She just batted them down and rolled her big brown eyes, trying not to laugh.

"Matt. Haha. You're sooo WEIRD!" she yelled back at me as I stared at that sweet onion. Larisa just sat on the bed giggling as I playfully tormented the young gorgeous sophomore.

"See Riss. It's all in good fun." I moved over to the bed, sitting down on her right side on my comfy blanket. "How'd you meet them?" I inquired.

"In the bathroom actually. I guess they're not used to seeing celebrities using the communal toilet."

"I wouldn't think so, especially since each stall has a door."

"And how do you know that? Hmm? When have you been in there?" she asked, chuckling.

"When me and Peter dribbled Kool-Aid in a toilet and on the seat and in a sanitary bag," I said as I kicked off my shoes and lied down. She didn't even reply to my true story, but just sighed and rolled her eyes. For the oldest ones on the floor, Peter and I acted the most immature, but everyone loved it. They were entertained constantly. "Lay back." Larisa kicked off her grey sneakers as well, knowing that putting them on my comfy ass blanket would result in a slap to the back of the neck. Besides, I didn't want her to get it dirty and force me to wash it, being I hadn't done that since Avril Lavigne and us slept together under it. Nah, I'm just kidding. I washed it since then... after I took a nice long sniff.

Larisa rested back next to me on the bed, her head on the same pillow as mine, except she was only able to use a small corner of it. She should have asked if she wanted more. She was on her proper side of the bed, the left side, the side that let me work my game to the fullest extent. Even with practice, I STILL can't make a move to the right. Sigh. I noticed she smelled just amazing as I looked over at her, staring at the side of her face as she looked up at the ceiling, lost in the silent maze of her thoughts. "How's school?" I asked, trying to start up a conversation. I felt her blindly reach for my hand, taking hold of it, interlocking our fingers together. I noticed her nails were painted French manicure style, or as Bryan called it, "handjob style". They weren't the porn star ones, but very mild, not overly standing out.

"It's okay I guess. I don't know... some classes are okay. Some suck." She sounded totally unenthused. The usual breeze I felt as I slept was absent from the room, causing me to assume that Larisa had closed the window and shut the fan as soon as I left.

"Yeah. What about that poetry class? You like that one." She sighed and paused for a moment, wording a response in her head to my question. I could only squeeze her hand a little more, assuring her that I was indeed there to listen to whatever problems she had.

"It's a good class and all. I like writing, you know that." She cocked her head sideways and looked over at me, staring at me with those intoxicating mocha eyes. "They make us read our stuff out loud and the class critiques it."

"Well, you're good at public speaking," I commented. "That shouldn't be too bad for you." She was an actress after all. "On the other hand, I'd probably cry." She smiled and gave my hand a gently squeeze, reversing the roles and trying to make me feel better, then continued.