Good Grief Ch. 09

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Sienna told her that her "gut feeling" was her full of shit.

Nicole and Sienna had a little falling out and she hadn't talked to her in weeks. Sienna just didn't want to hear it; she couldn't believe her best friend was siding with him, even though there was a small part of her that hoped it was true.

No, of course he cheated, with her sister of all people. Her mother was hurt by all the drama her girls were in. Sienna didn't want to hear her mom either. She loved her but wished everyone would just drop it.

It was a Tuesday morning and the birds were chirping. The weather was warm and a perfect setting for a New York summer.

But to Sienna everything and everyone was annoying and irritating.

It had been a month and 3 days since her fight with Jason.

As she walked to work that morning she looked around and realized how ugly New York was.

Her senses were on overdrive. It smelled like rotten food and sweat. The people, who brushed her shoulders in the morning rush, felt like they were shoving her. The sounds of cars, honking horns and people yelling made her headache turn into a migraine.

She almost called out of work today but she didn't really think it was a good idea to stay at home alone. As she walked through the doors of Lloyd, Schmidt and Taylor, the frigid cold air conditioner hit her abruptly. Why did they have to crank the AC so cold?

She sat in her "cage" and looked around. Another long day she had to endure.

She turned on the computer and was met by Jason and her close up smiling faces. She couldn't bring herself to change the desktop image. Even after all this time, she felt like it was just yesterday.

They took that photo the day they went shopping. While walking through central park, Jason pulled her behind a cluster of trees. They made out for 30 minutes straight, clinging to each other as if the other were about to disappear. Then they laughed at how swollen their lips looked. Jason snapped a picture of them making faces at the camera. It was her favorite picture.

Sienna's eyes welled up. She needed to forget but somehow couldn't.

Just as she pulled her files out, Phil "freckle face" McNally approached her undetected. He was easily the most annoying guys at the office... maybe the world. He was an ass-kisser at heart, always had something to say about somebody... a downright tool.

"Siiii-ENA," He sang loudly.

"Aaahhhh!" Sienna yelled startled as her files and single sheets of paper went up in the air.

"Jesus, f-f-fr-Phil!" She stuttered almost calling him by his secret nickname.

"What the fuck! You scared the shit out of me." Sienna hissed exasperatedly. She never cursed at work so Phil looked surprised at her reaction.

"Well ssoooorry. Someone needs to lay off the caffeine. Tisk Tisk you really shouldn't curse in the work place. A potty mouth is just unbecoming on a lady."

Sienna looked at him with a neutral face. Did he really just say that?

Today was not the day.

Sienna bent down and started picking up the papers. She hoped he got the message and just leave. He bent down and hovered close to her and stared as she picked up the files. She stopped and pinched the bridge of her nose in hopes to stop the inevitable migraine wave that was forming.

"Did... you... need... something... Phil?" She said through clenched teeth.

"Well you know, I've been thinking. I've been single for a while now, so I'm here to offer you the opportunity to have lunch with me." He said in a cocky voice.

Sienna looked at him. This day can't possible get any better, she thought sarcastically.

She suddenly had the urge to punch him in the face. She continued to pick her papers up from the floor as Freckle face continued to talk to himself, like it was the best sound in the world. Sienna tried to shift away from him but every time she tried to move he moved with her.

Phil continued, "I thi- bwah bwah bwah, bwah bwah bwah bwah."

Sienna completely tuned him out.

"Bwah, bwah bwah bwah, bwah bwah bwah-"

She was just so tired. She hadn't been sleeping well. This was the last place she wanted to be. Her head was pounding, the lights were too bright, and the room felt like it closing in, the AC was so cold. She felt like she was about to combust while Freckle face who didn't understand personal space decided to eat a garlic bagel which she could clearly smell. He liberally blew his warm garlic breath in her face. He was crowding her space saying ridiculous things she wished she could just-...

Wait what?

"Since Jason Bane dumped you-"

Sienna hands trembled in anger.

And she just snapped.

Sienna grabbed a paper she had in her hand and shoved it in Phil's mouth.

"Here... you like that. You want to go out to eat... Eat it!"

She miraculously made the entire paper disappear into a frightened Phil's mouth. It looked like one of his large freckles was about to fall off.

And it felt so good.

Just as she was about to grab another piece of paper...

"Sienna... my office now!"

Sienna looked up at the sound and saw Mr. Stein sporting an unattractive face of disappointment. She slowly got up and realized what she had done. She mumbled an apology to Phil and trudged towards Mr. Stein's office.

"Sit down." He said abruptly.

Sienna sat and awkwardly shifted in her seat with her hands clasped at her lap.

"What you just now did was completely unacceptable. What has gotten into you?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Stein. I-I-I promise it won't happen again. I have no idea why I snapped like that."

"You have no idea? You have no idea!" He repeated.

Sienna shook her head.

"Sienna you have been on autopilot for a whole month now. This is just the icing on the cake. You are not happy and it shows. You are distracted and your work has been sloppy."

Mr. Stein sighed. "I know you've been through a lot. You are very good at your job but sometimes you have to know when to throw the stone in another direction. So from this moment on, you are on leave of absence."

"Oh no, Mr. Stein. Please I'll work on it, I-I-I-"

Mr. Stein shook his head.

"It's not up for negotiation. This is mandatory."

Sienna inhaled and exhaled. She slowly stood and walked towards the door.

"Sienna, don't look at this as punishment. Think of it as an opportunity... to dream a new dream."

Sienna looked at him in confusion. What did that mean?

After a stretch of tense silence, she found the strength to nod her head and shake Mr. Stein's hand.

She shuffled back to her cube and gathered her belongings. Her hands trembled in embarrassment. A quiet tear rolled down her smooth cheek. She honestly had no idea how this happened and she had no idea what she was going to do now.

She walked out of the doors of Lloyd, Schmidt and Taylor and the frigid breeze of the AC seemed to push her along.

When her feet stepped outside the warm sun hit her abruptly.

Sienna was breathing deeply.

Inhaling and exhaling.

She didn't hear the noises or smelled the odors or felt the people touching her as they walked by briskly. Everything and everyone were blurry. Her heart was beating a solemn drum in her chest. She could only hear her choppy breath.

Inhaling and exhaling.

Time seemed to slow down and she was only left with her thoughts.

And she remembered.

She willed her body to walk in a direction and didn't really know where it was headed. As she walked, her life's recent events seemed to flood into her. Like a train that initially chugs along slowly but when it gets momentum... it's unstoppable.

Sienna's thoughts were racing. Everything seemed so clear to her now.

She felt a deep stab in her heart when she realized what she'd done. She thought of everything that had happened. She thought of Jason and thought of Suzy.

How could she be so stupid?

Jason had never sugarcoated his past. He trusted her with his deepest fears and she never once confided in him with hers. Why would she not trust him? Why did she push him away at the first test of their love? Sienna remembered vividly his face of shock and disappointment when she dug into him. Did she not notice the raw pain in his eyes? How could she have missed the honest truth in them?

Sienna felt like she had been so blind, truly convinced that he would do that to her. Sienna felt so stupid, so prideful she never even questioned the footage.

Sienna could feel the sharp sting she felt that day. Jason called her out on her sister's spiteful ways. Deep down Sienna knew he was right. But there was just something so powerful inside of her that did not want to admit it.

Admit that her sister's behavior was completely wrong after all these years; would be an admission of what Suzy truly felt for her.

Hate.

Sienna would have to finally admit her sister really was just a complete and utter bitch. Suzy wasn't crazy or stupid; she was self-centered, manipulative and resourceful.

Sienna's thoughts traveled to when she was little. How Sienna's dolls always seemed to end up with shaved heads. Or how when her dad would come from work and sit Sienna on his lap Suzy would inconspicuously pinch Sienna so hard she would pee a little... enraging her father. Or how all the boys in school that would hint of liking Sienna would find out about the fact that she sucked her middle and ring fingers up until she was 12.

Or the summer of '95, when they were having fun in a public pool and Suzy gave her yummy chocolates to eat; only to find out they were actually laxatives which made Sienna poop in the pool full of children. She never told anyone that it was Suzy who gave her those chocolates; Sienna just said she simply had a stomach ache. Suzy later commended her on not tattle telling... said she was finally becoming cool.

Actually, Sienna was having a hard time remembering the last time Suzy was ever wholeheartedly nice to her.

Sean was always Sienna's salvation. He would crush any havoc Suzy would create. Sean always made Sienna feel special... like she could do anything. Maybe that's why when Sean died, Sienna's confidence evaporated.

And now when Sienna finally found the one man that turned her heart to mush but strengthened it at the same time... Suzy had managed to destroy that as well.

Sienna suddenly realized she had to stop relying on others to dictate how she felt about herself. She gave Suzy too much power to tear her down and she relied on her friends and family to build her up back again.

Sienna had to learn that strength and beauty were acquired not granted. These qualities aren't ones you can drape on and off when the mood is right. It is interwoven in the very fabric of every woman... of every true woman.

When Sienna thought of true strength and beauty she thought of Nicole. At the moment she wasn't even talking to her. Sienna sighed and thought of her best friend. She missed her terribly. Sienna couldn't believe she hadn't talked to her in 3 weeks.

Nicole, her only true friend, her sister was the one that told her the truth even when it hurt.

Sienna hadn't even realized it but she was moments away from her apartment. She arrived there as if on autopilot. She pulled out her phone and called Nicole. After two long rings...

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Listen Nic, I'm... I'm just so sorry. You were right; I should have listened to you. I was wrong-"

Sienna stopped talking because as she was trotting up the steps, she was met eye to eye with Nicole.

Nicole smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

"Yea you were wrong... what else is new."

Sienna laughed and hugged Nicole tightly as her eyes got watery. Nicole's hug was like a warm blanket, comforting from the stressful day so far. It washed away any lingering bitter feelings.

When they settled inside, Sienna put on some water to boil for them. With chamomile tea to calm her nerves, she told Nicole about what happened at work.

"So where's your head at with everything'?" Nicole said before she blew over her hot mug.

Sienna looked at Nicole and sighed.

"My sister is an evil bitch who has been ruining my life and squashing my self-esteem since I was little..."

"Holy shit! It's about fucking time." Nicole told Sienna everything Suzy had done and where she ended up. She told her about the engagement ring, prison and how Suzy's been out for a couple days now.

"What the hell is wrong with that girl?! She's never going to learn."

"Fucking idiot, some people are just idiots." Nicole reasoned. "I mean, everyone knows your mom checks her credit like a hawk. I bet Suzy was surprised when Jason tacked those charges on." Nicole chuckled.

Sienna gave her a sad smile and nodded her head.

Knowing where Sienna mind was headed, Nicole said, "Let me show you what I found."

Nicole led her to her laptop and opened a series of images.

"So when I saw the footage I had a feeling that there was no way that was Jason. But he looked just like him. So I looked at the still from the video and tried to find something anything that helped identify who he is. And look at this..."

Sienna peered over Nicole's shoulder to see a zoomed image of a small bluish mark on the man's hand. When she enhanced even further she saw it was a tattoo of a snake between his thumb and index finger."

"What... how did you?"

"Eh, I hacked into his building's security and it caught my eye when he tousled his hair while waiting for the elevator." Nicole said as she flipped to the other images. She replayed the zoomed in video of the man lifting his hand to his head to flip his hair. And sure enough the same small snake tattoo on the man's right hand.

"Oh God, Nic, the things I said to Jason. I was so wrong. I always knew... hoped in my heart it wasn't him."

Sienna looked at her best friend in the eye and said, "I love him Nic. I've known since I met him. But I guess I was scared and backed out from admitting it. And then this bitch with her psychotic behavior plotted this thing. It just made it easy for me to go that place. The place where I convinced myself I couldn't possibly be loved by someone that didn't lust over Suzy."

"Pookie, it's time you start believing how beautiful you are inside and out. Anyone with half a brain would choose you. Suzy is just a shell of a human being. It's time you stood up to her. She's a manipulative whore. Think about it, if it HAD been Jason in that video, Suzy would have knowingly hooked up with him after knowing he was your boyfriend."

Sienna nodded, she had thought the same thing.

Sienna hardened her gaze and said, "It's time I paid my dearest sister a visit."

_______________

Suzy sat in her apartment miserable with a cold. She couldn't shake it off and to top it off her ass itched... literally.

Maybe it's because her mother was a pain in the ass. She kept pestering her about apologizing to Sienna. She wasn't going to apologize to that fucking fat bitch. If only her plan had worked.

She failed.

That asshole Jason charged her with breaking and entering and criminal harassment. And that bitch of a mother turned her in for identity theft... she couldn't believe her mother did that.

Since Suzy was a first time offender, they lessened the charges to misdemeanors and they dropped the breaking and entering charge. She ended up with 15 days in prison, $20,000 fine and 1500 hours of community service at a women's center.

Sharon petitioned the judge for more community service instead of jail time. Suzy couldn't believe the nerve of these people. Suzy was ordered to start her strict community service next Monday.

Whatever, Jason wasn't all that to begin with. Suzy would just move on to someone else. There were plenty of eligible rich bachelors around. Maybe she would take a trip to California; she heard the weather is beautiful in Beverly Hills this time of year.

Suzy heard a sharp knock at the door.

"Well if it isn't little Miss Black piggy coming by to say hello," Suzy said as she opened the door.

Sienna scoffed but wasn't exactly moved by her insult. She let herself right in.

Sienna casually strode in her apartment. She was disturbingly quiet but her heart beat thunderously in her chest. She stared at Suzy with a neutral face.

"I just want to know... Did you always hate me Suzy?" Sienna asked in an imperceptibly low voice.

Suzy was taken aback by the question but snickered.

"As a matter a fact I have. Everything was fine until you were born. I thought it would be fun to have a little sister, like a little assistant. But you had to come out looking exactly like daddy... with his skin color. Ugh! And it was like I didn't even exist to him anymore. You were the fucking last one he kissed when he left us for good. I was his baby girl! ME! You always got everyone's attention with your sweet little innocent act. I put up with it because I had to. But now I'm tired of pretending, I hate you."

Although Sienna's voice sounded calm, her eyes almost glowed yellow amber.

"You know Suzy; I always looked up to you. I used to think you were a Barbie come to life. I would have given anything to look like you. I worshipped the ground you walked on and you always found ways to put me down... you made me BELIEVE I was ugly and fat."

Suzy was about to respond sarcastically but was stopped when Sienna hissed, "Shut the fuck up."

Sienna could feel the little hairs on her arm raise and her goose bumps were pronounced.

"But no more Suzy... this ends right now." Sienna whispered as she felt her right temple twitch.

Suzy cynically laughed not intimidated by her younger sister at all.

"You know you can never satisfy a man like Jason. I remember how he couldn't get enough of me; it's only a matter of time before he leaves you for me. He'll grow tired of dealing with a whiny child and come back to me for a taste. Powerful men like Jason are used to having the best..."

Silence.

Suzy leaned forward right in Sienna's face and whispered menacingly...

"You'll always just be a fat... worthless... piece of... black... SHIT. If Sean-"

Whack

Suzy couldn't finish the sentence because Sienna punched her directly in the mouth with her right fist, and then followed up with a left hook to her eye and an upper cut to her chin. Suzy stayed standing but looked like a cross-eyed drunk who was about fall.

"Don't you dare mention Sean's name. You... are... not... worthy." Sienna hissed.

"That was for me, making me feel like shit all these years. You will NEVER make me feel unworthy again. Jason loves me and even if he didn't... I love me. And I'm surrounded by people who love me and you are nothing more than a washed up whore. You've been asking for an ass-whipping for years, so congratulations you just cashed it in."

Sienna wound her hand back a little and sprung forward into a slap across Suzy's face.

"And that is for Jason, you fucking cunt."

Suzy, who was barely standing from the first blow, spun around from the slap and fell to the floor with a loud thud.

"I hope to God you learn your lesson and change but you will NEVER in your life disrespect me again."

Suzy grunted and seemed like she couldn't even lift herself from the floor. Sienna's erratic heart beat stilled as she looked at her pathetic sister and shook her head in disgust.

Sienna thought it was ironic that Suzy who was so obsessed with her looks was jealous that Sienna looked like their dad. All this time the reason Suzy tormented her was because she had daddy's issues. What a cliché... just like Suzy.

Before stepping through the door Sienna said, "You know the sad thing? The last thing dad whispered to me before he left us was... 'Take care of your sister; she really does love you even though she doesn't show it.' I guess parents aren't always right."

And with that Sienna left Suzy purple and blue withering on the floor. There were many more things Sienna could have said and done to Suzy, but it wasn't worth it.