tagHumor & SatireGrading Women

Grading Women

byparts guy©

It seems there is a bizarre standard for which females are judged. I would like to share some of my insights, and observations, because, after all, I am a man.

Let's start with the physical dimension first. We usually do anyway. Hair. I've seen crew cuts look sexy, as well as hair down to there. From the lightest of blondes, to the blackest of black, and every shade in between. Perfectly straight, or curls galore, they can all be found on 'sexy' women. I've stared into eyes of every shape, size, and color. Full lips, thin lips, pouty lips - their all sexy. Large breasts are nice, but what if the rest of her is large? Thin is nice, but what if she's flat as a board? Big butts, turned up noses, there's too many choices.

With an infinite combination of features, why do we have such a limited definition of what is hot? I have more observations on the grading of women, but remember, after all, I am a man.

We like long legs, but don't they sometimes get in the way? Big firm breasts are awesome, but soft saggy ones squeeze the same. And even small ones can still be enjoyed, if you know how. Lips of any size and shape can kiss just as wonderfully, and can speak the same sweet words. The other openings all serve their purpose in the exact same way. Do we like softness, or firmness?

If a man was blind, he wouldn't judge the color of skin, or eyes, or hair. He would smell, feel and taste. And of course listen. Which leads us to the other factors. The mental ones.

If she speaks eloquently, and softly, does that make her sexier than the woman who ain't never sed nuttin right before? What about a high school drop out, as opposed to a college graduate with a degree? Is there a rule about education that dictates sexiness?

Is she a neat freak, or is she a slob? And does it really matter?

What about clothes? Short skirts to show off legs, tight pants to show off a butt. And the breasts. How are they displayed? open, low cut, see through, tight, form fitting? Too many choices, and yet we still manage to rate each woman on a scale. Speaking of scales...

How does weight affect our choices? You ever notice that most guys gawk at the skinny bitches, but end up marrying the big ones? That says something for the 'healthy' women. And yet, we still stare at the thin ones. I love thin women, I also love thick women. It's the whole package thing. Kind of like cars. Sometimes you want a sports car, but end up with a mini van. You want a big truck, but want gas mileage too. I know I want it all, but then, I am a man.

Maybe it's attitude. Some women are the motherly type who will take care of you. Some are the child type, looking for someone to take care of them. Some want to work, some won't. some are neurotic. We should leave them alone. But all are sexy in their own way.

Why is it, that they can wear pants or dresses, and look sexy, but if a guy wore a dress, he'd end up in jail? If a woman showed a lot of skin - breasts, butt, etc., men go nuts. But if a man "exposed" himself, he goes to jail. If two women say they are lovers, men instantly get turned on, but if two guys say they are lovers....then that's disgusting. This isn't my opinion, just my observation. I don't think this whole sex thing is fair. It seems to be tilted in favor of women, who can get away with quite a bit. I may seem biased, but after all, I am a man.

A woman's sexiness starts with her smile, and continues with the way she carries herself. A lot of her sexiness can be gained or lost when she opens her mouth, depending on what comes out. Her posture, and stance also play a part in the big picture.

Little details can make a difference as well. Does she have ugly feet? Bony knees? Hairy eyebrows? Whiskers? Sometimes a pimple can really change ones attitude. Or a wart. Moles can be scary or sexy. We won't even go into religion, or personal hygiene.

Another observation is the more a man critiques a women, the more he should be critiqued himself. It's usually the better looking guys who keep their mouth shut. Maybe that's what makes them better looking. I guess it's all these choices that make the world go around. Girls will go out of their way to look sexy, but get upset when a man gawks. Hey, men can find a lot in a woman to like or dislike, depending on whether his wife or friends are around, and how much he's had to drink. Or how long it's been since...well, you know.

What do I find sexy? A girl who can suck the chrome off a bumper, but then, I am a man.

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