Grief Pt. 01

The remote woodland trail stretched out and wound through groves of lush vines. Birds overhead dove down to pluck the grape-like berries from fruity tendrils. Under better circumstances John might have been grateful to be in God's country. As it was, he was on a sad sort of mission. He felt the weight of the urn in his backpack. Thoughts of Ted came rushing back and the emotional toll of the memories in combination with the stifling Virginia humidity enticed him for a moment to abort the mission. He did not understand why Ted insisted he make this trek to a part of the country he'd only passed through briefly. Confusing that Ted wanted some of his ashes scattered here considering he had never set foot in Virginia.

He had a sense of being watched as he continued through to where the path met a forked creek. The babbling of the water a salve to his sore soul. He sat down on a rock to contemplate whether he wanted to continue forth.

Wiping the sweat from his brow he rose from the rock and crossed the creek. Looking at the map he followed due west past some jutting rock formations and then back to the east for a few paces. There in the clearing in the gold light of the sun stood a woman.

A naked woman.

The sight of her stopped John in his tracks. He held his breath to avoid discovery. He'd never been the type to spy on any girls. Here he stood, looking at the most voluptuous back side he'd ever seen. The swells of her bottom jiggled only slightly as she plucked large, ripe cucumbers from long, healthy vines. She turned to the side and her breasts sat a little lower making him believe she must be in her 40's. Her long, amber hair almost sparkled in the sunlight and provided sharp contrast to her alabaster complexion. He felt both captivated and scared watching her freely move her exposed body through the rows of cucumbers. She stopped and threw her head back and closed her eyes. Her nostrils flared as she drank in the fresh, lilac-scented mountain air. When she opened her eyes, she turned to him and her mystical blue eyes seemed to stare straight through him.

John woke to her face hung above him like a harvest moon. Blurry. Out of focus at first, and then more in focus. She was mouthing words he couldn't understand. Disoriented and frightened, he stood quickly and ran back up the path. Unsure of what had happened he ran toward his cabin now visible at the end of the long woodland trail. Was that a hallucination? Had he passed out? Was he dangerously dehydrated? He didn't realize he dropped the urn until he reached the cabin.

*****

A mixture of grief and frustration washed over him. Then the guilt of liking the sight of the naked woman in the secret garden washed over him. If it was a dream, it was the best one he'd ever had. No cell service here. He put the phone down and threw himself onto the creaky old bed.

He recalled his last sexual encounter and time extended backward several years since he knew what it felt like to make love to a woman. Shortly before the accident he shared this predicament with Ted who insisted that he call a phone sex line or do something to satisfy his own needs. John already used phone sex lines and they did not fill the void. They got him off. That's not what John wanted. He never got to share this secret with Ted. John, in a facade of false piousness, laughed at the suggestion. When Ted pressed him to "Just fuckin' try it, Man." John told Ted, "To shut the fuck up."

And now part of Ted lay somewhere in the Virginia outback and John felt guilty for using such harsh language with his friend. Palpable regret at not sharing more with Ted mixed with an emptiness and longing fell over him and he cried silent tears on the bed. John never wanted to give the appearance of needing any help, but with this he would have given anything to have Ted's help now. His arousal at the sight of the woman pounded his groin and tugged at his heart, for her face held a tender kindness that John had not seen on a woman in years.

A knock on the cabin door soon disrupted him. He leaned a little and could see the flashes of amber and auburn. He wanted to avoid her, but thinking that she might have the urn he reluctantly answered the door wiping his tears on his forearm before doing so.

"Hello."

"Yeah, uh, hi. Sorry, I uh." He stammered.

"No, no, it's ok." She beamed at him with perfectly straight teeth. Her lopsided smiled nestled beneath a rather dainty nose sat upon her perfectly symmetrical face.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you were ok. You took rather a nasty fall back there."

"Name's Virginia."

"Oh, hey. Yeah well I'm sorry," He said.

"What on earth for? You didn't do anything wrong." Her voice was laced with the south in a very subtle way and her demeanor bore an air of education.

"Well, here we invite people in so as to avoid heat stroke." Virginia said.

"Oh, yeah, well come in." He said it as a course of politeness although her presence unsettled him and he did not want her to stay long.

"Virginia. I seem to have lost something out there." He shook his head quizzically.

Virginia cocked her head to the side clearly unaware. He didn't want to have to tell his story to this strange woman living in the mountains of bum fuck Virginia. He remembered he'd seen her nude body and looked down at the floor.

"May I sit?" She asked.

"Sure." He moved some of his dirty clothes from the one chair in the room.

Her yellow sundress tied at her sun-kissed, freckled shoulders. She shrugged a little, revealing a toned musculature and a strong posture. She crossed her legs revealing milky white smooth skin. Her breasts looked better in the dress and he wished he'd seen her this way first. Beautiful and austere she waited patiently for him to speak.

"Well, you see I'm here to scatter some ashes—my best friend." He said. Her brows knitted into an expression of concern and empathy.

"When I saw you in your garden ummm-- I didn't expect to meet anyone up here."

"Oh, I suppose my naked state did nothing to help you, but honestly I didn't know I was so frightening to look at." She giggled in her sarcasm and the sound of her giggle and sight of her smile made his internal struggle worse.

"Well. I dropped his ashes somewhere out there and I have no idea."

"It'll be getting dark soon," She looked over John's shoulder out the lonely window over the kitchen sink. Virginia stood and smoothed the dress. "I'll come back tomorrow and I will help you look for your friend." Her smile spread widely across her beautiful face.

She turned and walked to the door. Looking over her shoulder she smiled. "I'm sorry for spooking you, John. 'Night."

And she exited the cabin.

Had he told her his name? He didn't recall.

That night he masturbated thinking of her smile, her perfect body, and that intoxicating sarcastic giggle.

*****

The next morning Virginia showed up at his doorstep looking fresh and happy. In contrast, John looked worn and ragged. The shame of his handiwork from the night before crept in. He opened the door wearing yesterday's clothes.

"Fresh cucumbers, goat cheese, tomatoes and freshly baked wheat bread." She smiled into his grumpy eyes.

"Yeah, not hungry." John huffed.

"It's hot today, if we are..."

"We, as in you and me?" He smartly replied.

"That was the agreement last night? I would come help you..."

"Look, Virginia," he interrupted. The pools of her blue eyes reflected slight sadness even as he tried not to consider them, "Don't want your help. Look, I need some space," he ran his hand over his stress wrinkled forehead then crossed them over his chest."

She drew her lips up at the corner into a smile that seemed to hide a million thoughts. "Nothin' but space to be had out here, honey."

She confidently began to unpack the basket she carried over her left forearm. Her pink rayon tank top bagged under her arms revealing just a hint of her curvature. She looked at him and smiled that pestering smile again. "You do need to eat. There are no restaurants out here and I noticed last night that you have nothing here to sustain you. I can at least leave you this food, ok? I don't mind not helping you look for your friend, but a good southerner never leaves a city dweller to swelter and starve."

He relaxed a bit realizing his best grumpy couldn't drive her away. She bustled around the table and John's eyes washed over her thick rump that narrowed only just under the hip and descended into muscular legs. Her ankles flexed in her canvas hiking shoes. She wore no socks. For some reason he found this sexy.

"Ok, so. I have bread and loads of water bearing veggies. And," she smiled, "gooseberries."

She held out the small plastic bowl filled with red, raspberry-like fruits.

"They're gooseberries!" Virginia said, "Go ahead, try one."

He kept his eyes on Virginia and felt ashamed that he feared a poisoning. Pausing at his lips he said, "these are wild berries? like from the woods here?"

"Just eat them."

She gathered her basket and started toward the door.

John popped one of the small red hips into his mouth and the sweetness that consumed his taste buds compelled him to eat another. Then another. Then another. John ate all the gooseberries as the screen door slammed behind Virginia. When he looked up she was gone.

John spent the day gorging on the delicious food that Virginia left for him. When the sun set over the Blue Ridge mountains John decided that he didn't want to complete the mission and would leave in the morning.

Just after he thanked Virginia for feeding him.

John awoke to the morning birdsongs common to the Virginia Wilderness and a sense of calm washed over him as he replayed a memory about Ted.

John tied the bow-tie at the color of the crisp white shirt as Ted approached from behind and laid a big hand on his shoulder. "Dude, this is your last chance. Run!"

"Not funny, Ted." John slipped on the tuxedo jacket and looked at his reflection at his full mop of brown, curly hair. He straightened a few stray hairs then turned to face, Ted.

"You've always been a bit reckless, Ted. You'd do well to stop dating all those wild women and find someone like Jane. Straight. Smart. Cultured."

"Boring," Ted's smile pulled the corners of his mouth upward.

"Not funny, man."

"Maybe not, I want you to be happy. We grew up together, Man. I'm just looking out for you. Life's too short to never indulge the sweeter side of it."

The sweeter side of life, what a crock! Good life to John meant stability. Rock solid trust. A comfortable predictability. Safety. John reflected on those qualities. They were the bedrock of his life and propelled him to success in his career. Many years later he still replayed the conversation he had with Ted just before his wedding and part of him wishes he'd had listened. The other part of him felt guilty for feeling this way.

The vividness of the memory suddenly made John weep. He needed to find Ted's ashes and do with them what Ted wanted him to do. Instead of saying goodbye to Virginia, he steeled himself to ask for her help in finding the urn.

John pulled on his green cargo shorts and a tattered Guinness T-shirt. He laced up his hiking boots and looked out the window. A cool, white mist draped the caps of the mountains and the trees rustled in the summer breeze. He stepped out onto the porch and grabbed his backpack. He'd packed the rest of the food that Virginia gave him along with a canteen full of the stale cabin water.

He walked slowly along the pathway. He took in the aroma of the Virginia wilderness and all the earthy, floral scents reminded him of his childhood. Camping. Swimming. Nights playing guitar in the great outdoors. The path spilled out into Virginia's garden. He looked, but did not see her.

He pushed through the rows of cucumber admiring the pregnant fruits hanging on healthy vines. As he came to the end of the row he saw Virginia on her front porch watering a row of Aloe Vera plants. The watering can her only garment.

This time he didn't run, at least not at first.

He stood still and watched her methodical movements. Her dainty wrist flexed from the weight of the watering can. Her mouth drawn into a bow of concentration. An absence of sun kisses across her delicate face made her blue eyes sparkle. The hairs on John's neck stood at attention and his entire being warmed from the head down.

He lost his footing and the sound of the rustling cucumber vines caused Virginia to lift her head where her eyes locked with his. Exposed, he backed away pulling over multiple supports and toppling several plants. His heavy legs moving in reverse slowed down time. Digging his heels into the rich, red earth he spun around and ran.

*****

He sat on the back porch of the cabin playing his guitar trying to forget the words she said, the sounds she made, and the sight of her. Her laugh lit him up in areas long dormant. Years of neglect made the returning sensations almost unbearable. Still, he wanted to be a good husband. To remain faithful even if that meant not being true to what he felt he needed so desperately.

He strummed out a song he'd been working on and caught himself reflecting on the events of the afternoon. She lived in complete freedom. Freedom draped off her like the most beautiful garment. A garment he longed to wear. She seemed to put herself out there in front of him, bending him with her carefree spirit and intoxicating personality. He knew her intentions reeked of southern hospitality but the fantasy in his mind begged him to allow images of outward seduction. He longed to feel her body against his. He wanted freedom's oral embrace in the form of full lips wrapped around his stiff, untended erection.

A soft tapping on the screen door of the cabin broke his rhythm and because the only person it could be was her, he chose to ignore.

Yet, she kept knocking. The rain started and then the wind started blowing. The weather's unpredictability made him do the predictable right thing, and he opened the door.

"Let me in?" The hood of the rain slicker looked like a yellow helmet on her head.

He stood back and let her escape the elements.

"Are you ok?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just think I need to go home." He sighed.

Her moist blue gaze did not waver as she stood before him with her yellow rain slicker audibly dripping water onto the hardwood floor.

He took a moment to consider this situation. She appears again, disrupts his privacy, presents herself to him on this rainy darkening evening. There is only one thing she could be wanting now, and he was conflicted about whether to give it to her. His emotions ran from arousal to anger to need to something like love for this free spirit in his cabin.

"I thought I told you yesterday that I didn't want your help. Why do you keep showing up here?"

She didn't answer. In that moment, an apology wouldn't have been enough but he felt strangely drawn to her. Slowly he stepped forward and extended his hand like a claw, landing it to her throat. The softness of her skin prevented him from squeezing, but compelled him to push her head back and to the side as her perfumed scent teased his nose.

"I'm a good man! I'm an HONEST man, Virginia!"

The sensation of blood rushing into his groin mixed with his emotions took the driver's seat and he dropped his lips to her ear. He allowed himself to revel in the sensations with the throbbing beat of his arousal marching clearly toward this forbidden target. He hovered his nose over her skin and enjoyed how it formed gooseflesh instantaneously at his proximity.

"Why do you live out here in the woods all by yourself?" he said in her ear, "Surely there must be an ache, Virginia. An ache so deep and throbbing that you set out to seduce me the minute you saw me in your garden!"

"Please, don't be a crazy! I don't even know you!" Her voice quivered and this turned John on even more.

He brought his lips to rest lightly atop hers as he drank in her breath. Something within him stirred and he visualized throwing her down on his bed. He bumped himself into her as he eased her rainslicker over her shoulders to reveal her state of complete nudity.

"Looks about right." he placed his hands on her chest with his fingertips down on her moist flesh. He moved them down to her large breasts and began to fondle them as he worked his way with both hands to her nipples. He began to pinch them, work them and enjoyed how they became hard at the direction of his touch. She did not move. She did not discourage him.

"Who in the world shows up on a stranger's door step in a rain slicker with nothing underneath? Where I come from, sluts or whores do" and he began to twist her rock-hard nipples. She gasped at the rough gentleness of his touch. He dropped his face to the right breast and pinched her pink nipple between his teeth. The salty taste of her stimulated him even more.

"Are you a slut? A whore?" He demanded.

He grabbed her auburn hair and pressed his nose into crook of her neck.

He looked down and noticed her wispy pubic hair bristling to his touch. He answered their fuzzy invitation and began to probe her between her lower lips, so wet. With his toe over the line he decided to take a taste slid his hands down to brace her voluptuous hips.

"Stand so very still." He whispered.

He opened his mouth and inhaled her womanhood, slipping his tongue deep into her open flower with all his built-up lust and passion. She exploded into his mouth with her own cries of relief as she opened. John let out a guttural moan of satisfaction at her flavor. He looked up at her and saw her looking back at him her blue eyes glinting with approval and shock.

"So, I have my answer to the riddle-you're just a slut! You see whores take money for their 'services' but sluts, they just fuck strangers because they want to. They enjoy it. You're enjoying this, aren't you? Tongue of a strange man in your horny, lonely cunt!" He licked her ferociously making her cum.

And just as quickly, the oral assault on her pussy stopped immediately. He stood and laid the sex stained lips of his mouth onto hers. She began hungrily consuming herself from his lips.

The abandon in her kisses and the greediness of her tongue left him hard enough to drive his cock through the wall. His penis needed her attention, but noting her intensity he wanted it to last. He pulled her lightly by the hair.

He put her hand on the outline of his cock. "You created a problem for me."

"You did that to me." He hissed into her ear as she continued to pant in orgasm.

"I'm sorry." She panted.

"You are not at all sorry." John wrapped his fist in the locks of her long, auburn hair.

"Are you sorry?" Something changed in her tone as she gripped his aching cock. "I think we need to reassess things here. I think you just want to pawn the blame for your indiscretion off onto me. I think you want this very badly, much more than I." Slowly Virginia lowered herself to her knees. "Watch how I accept all the blame. Feel me alleviate your burden!" Her tongue slipped from between her lips and she curled it around the crown of his cock sending a lightning bolt of greed into his groin.

She took his rigid erection and rubbed her entire face with it. Briefly he teased her with his stiff member as he noticed her incessant urge to suck on him. She tried to catch him in her mouth and as tempting as it was he enjoyed the game of her trying to catch even the smallest taste. This sight, of a beautiful woman playing with him this way melted away whatever resolve remained.

She engulfed him deeply and methodically using her throat and tongue in unison in such a way that had he not stopped her he would have spoiled things by coming too quickly. Reaching down he guided her up to her feet. Her hard nipples grazed in his chest hair.