Guilty Love

The tears had been waiting and once they started I couldn't stop them. I still didn't know how to face my sister, yet I felt safe in her arms. It was exactly the way I'd held her when she was sad or scared, and now our positions were reversed. Maybe it was those memories that made some part of me think she could somehow protect me from... her.

My sense of time was not functioning particularly well but we sat there long enough for me to make a sizeable damp spot on the front of Lindsay's shirt. Even when I stopped crying I just stayed where I was, afraid to break the moment.

"You feel better?" Lindsay asked eventually.

"A little," I admitted. "How come you aren't mad?"

Maybe I shouldn't have been so blunt but it was confusing the hell out of me.

"Do you want me to be?"

"I just mean... you know what I was doing right?"

I couldn't imagine that she didn't. She was my baby sister and all but she couldn't possibly be that naive.

"I think so," she said. "Andrea, if it had been me instead of you, would you be mad at me?"

"No," I replied without even thinking. "But that's-"

"Different? How exactly? I wish you would have talked to me but I'm not going to be mad at you."

"I couldn't talk to you," I said quietly. "Couldn't tell anyone."

"I know, I probably wouldn't have either. I just wish is all."

Lindsay was stroking my hair gently, soothingly, and I was slowly calming down. I was still confused about her reaction, but she wasn't angry or anything and that had to be a good sign. For the first time in a long while I felt real hope that our relationship might actually be okay, that it wouldn't be either based on secrets or non-existent.

She had a point too about our positions being reversed. Even if I didn't feel the way I did about her I knew that I wouldn't have been upset, not really. I loved her and it would take something much, much worse to change that. It was certainly possible that she felt the same.

"You're taking this all really well," I said, pointing out the obvious. "Better than I am."

"Not as well as you think," she said. "I mean, I'm okay. I just.... You were always there when I needed you, you know? Always. This is the first time you needed me, I could see it."

I reluctantly pulled myself away from the comfort of her embrace and finally looked at her for real. She was still doing her best to hide it but now that I could focus I noticed the confusion and the worry. She was being strong for me, pretending that she could handle it. Just like I had done when she had boy problems or thought she was going to fail a class; I hadn't really known what to do, only that she needed to believe it would be okay. Had she picked it up from me or was it instinctive?

"I'm sorry," I said, for different reasons this time.

I slipped back into her arms, hugging her back this time and letting our bodies press together tightly. Without letting go we lay down on the bed, sharing Lindsay's pillow and simply holding each other for a while.

"So how long have you..." she started, maybe just to break the silence.

"I don't know really. At some point I just felt something different. Probably while watching you sleep at some point, you look even more beautiful when you're sleeping."

Lindsay smiled but also looked a little embarrassed at the compliment. She looked so adorable.

"So what happens now?" she asked.

"I don't know. I never expected anything like this, never prepared for it. It's up to you I guess. If you want me to give you more space or anything, I understand."

"Does that mean you're not going to want to touch me anymore?"

I had purposefully skirted around that issue and I hadn't expected her to bring it up. My little sister was surprising me.

"I want to Lin," I said honestly. "But I know it has to be weird for you. I tried my best not to and I did pretty well for a while. Maybe it'll be easier now."

"Maybe," she agreed, sounding thoughtful. "What if... what if I let you sometimes? You know, when I'm awake."

"Really!?" I tried not to sound too excited at the idea but didn't really succeed. "I mean, I don't want to make you do anything you don't want."

"You wouldn't be forcing me, it's my choice. I think I want to at least try it. For you."

She looked deeply into my eyes as she said the last words and I could see the love behind them. She would do this for me just as I would help her when she needed it. A range of emotions flooded through me and I wanted so badly to kiss her. I held myself back and instead touched her cheek softly, feeling reassured when she didn't try to jerk away.

"Tell me to stop anytime if you don't feel comfortable," I told her.

She shook her head slightly as if to tell me that she wouldn't need to. Hopefully she was right.

I moved in slowly, giving her plenty of time to react if she chose. When our faces were only a couple inches apart she actually leaned toward me a little, much to my delight. Then our lips met, just barely brushing together at first.

Lindsay was nervous as I had known she would be, but once she got over the initial shock she seemed to settle in a little bit. She even started to respond a little to the movement of my lips. It wasn't her first time kissing someone or anything, and maybe it was partly just automatic response, but I wanted to believe that maybe she was enjoying it.

Finally I pulled away from her, not wanting to overwhelm her too soon. We studied each other's faces as we tried to get our breathing under control, seeking some clue to what the other was thinking. She didn't say anything immediately but at least she didn't look freaked out by the experience.

Without waiting long enough for her to speak I leaned in to kiss Lindsay again, this time a bit more aggressively. When I took her bottom lip gently between my teeth I could swear I heard a small noise of pleasure from deep in her throat.

"That actually felt kinda nice," she said as we took another break.

"Good, I don't want you to hate this."

"I wouldn't hate it, I just wasn't sure that I'd like it."

"Well...." I paused for a second, trying to figure out how best to make my offer. "If you want to try more stuff to see if you like it, I'd pretty much give you full access."

"What do you mean?"

I wasn't sure how to explain it any better; my ability to form complex sentences was not at peak performance. Instead I took her wrist and guided her hand to cup my breast over the thin material of my bra.

"You said you'd let me try things with you, I'm saying pretty much the same to you I guess," I said. "Only I'm a lot more sure that I'll like it."

Lindsay looked unsure but her hand didn't move when I let go of her arm. It could be that she had lesbian streak in her just as I did, but maybe I was hoping for too much.

Her fingers shifted a little after a moment, only barely noticeably, but I also sensed her relaxing as she adjusted to the idea of touching my breast. I wondered if she could feel my nipple through my bra, I guessed she could given how well I could feel her palm.

Not wanting to scare her off but also wanting to offer her more, I reached behind my back and unhooked my bra. It stayed mostly in place, mostly because Lindsay was effectively holding it there, but it would come off easily if she wanted it to. She really didn't seem to know what she wanted however, and looked at me helplessly.

"I don't know what to do," she said.

"Whatever you want baby, do what you feel like doing. Nothing bad's going to happen."

"I know, it's just so new."

Despite my reassurance she remained paralyzed in indecision, her hand on my chest the only point of contact between us. As little activity as there was I was drawn to every breath she took and every small movement of her fingers. I wanted more from her, I wanted to feel her exploring my body. I wanted her to make that choice. Until she did I couldn't rush her, not without risking everything.

Finally, agonizingly slowly, her fingertips closed around the very top of my bra. I held perfectly still as she pulled it away and let it fall onto the mattress, leaving me completely topless in front of her.

"They're beautiful," she breathed.

"You think so?"

I was happy she'd said that for a couple reasons. One was that if she liked seeing me naked it was a good sign of things to come. The other was, despite my apparent confidence, there was always an irrational fear when I let someone see my body that they'd be disappointed. No one had been yet, but that didn't mean the I could make that particular worry go away.

"Yeah, they're so round and nice. Bigger then mine too."

Lindsay ducked her head a little as she said that and placed one of her hands on each of my breasts. I almost let it go since she was finally touching me the way I wanted her to, getting comfortable with our new closeness. I knew she was only trying to distract me though and hoping I wouldn't notice her own insecurity.

"Lin, you don't have to worry about you body you know," I said. "Not with me. I'm your sister and the last person who should be looking at you that way, but I did anyway. A lot. I haven't seen you naked yet, not fully, but you really don't have to worry."

She didn't say anything for a minute and wouldn't meet my eyes, but she didn't stop playing with my breasts either. Maybe it helped that her mind was on something else and she wasn't thinking about what she was doing.

Whatever the case her inexpert caresses felt amazing and I didn't want her to stop. Her lack of experience might even have made it feel better in some ways, giving our intimacy a kind of innocence that wouldn't exist if she had been actively trying to make me feel good. I tried to commit every detail to memory since it would most likely be very difficult to replicate in the future.

"Do you want to?" she asked. "I mean, do you want to see me... naked?"

"Of course I do, I'd love to. When you're ready though."

She was spending a lot of time appearing to be lost in thought. It made sense given the sheer amount of things she had to process, but I wished she would give me more of an idea exactly what she was thinking about.

I gasped as she pinched my nipple and she looked up at me startled, afraid she'd hurt me. I only smiled and guided her hands back where she'd pulled away. Usually I wasn't really into having my nipples handled roughly, but for the sake of my sister's learning I didn't mind. She didn't even pinch them again, sticking mostly with rubbing them and looking a couple times like she might actually lick one. She never got quite that bold though.

After a while she sat up and stretched her arm out where she'd been laying on it. Her eyes stayed on my body as she did so, traveling from my neck down to my legs. I rolled onto my back and spread my legs a little to give her the best view I could and basked in the appreciative expression on her face. I didn't enjoy having her look at me as much as I did looking at her or anything, but it was still nice.

"Andrea?" she said.

"Yes?"

"I think I'm okay with... letting you see me and all...."

"What is it?" I prompted, trying to drag out whatever she was going to say before trailing off.

"Could I maybe see you first? I mean, you know."

All I had on was my panties and with her eyes constantly glancing over to that small area between my legs I felt pretty sure I did know what she meant.

"Of course you can, anything you want Lin."

Lindsay waited a moment as if expecting me to take my panties off for her. When I didn't move at all I think she clued in and shifted to kneel next to my hip. She reached down with both hands to my waist and very gingerly took hold of my panties on either side. Visibly holding her breath she slowly pulled them down my legs.

I raised my butt off the mattress a little at first, then lifted my legs in order to make the task as easy as possible for my sister. She almost stopped when my pussy was revealed but continued all the way down and over my feet. She seemed torn for a second or two about what to do with my panties and settled for simply dropping them at the foot of the bed.

Lindsay crawled between my legs, her eyes wide and her features set in a look of wonder. She touched my inner thigh gently and I opened my legs wider for her. Her fingertips trailed across my skin toward my pussy but didn't quite make it there.

"It's beautiful," she said. "It's so smooth. It looks like mine."

"We're sisters, no reason they wouldn't look the same."

"I know, I guess I just didn't know that you...."

"Kept mine shaved too?" I finished for her.

"Yeah," she said.

"I like how it looks, and how it feels. Makes me feel sexier when I'm masturbating."

A look of... something crossed her face as I mentioned masturbating. Could have been just about anything.

"You masturbate don't you?" I asked, just to be sure.

"Yes! I mean, yeah, I do," she said, seemingly embarrassed at how defensive she sounded. "But we never, you know, talked about it before. Made me think about how much stuff we're doing now, stuff we never did before."

"We can stop if you want. We could call it a night and see how you feel tomorrow."

"No, that's okay. It's only when I think about it I start getting overwhelmed. When I'm just going along, when I'm not thinking about it, what we're doing feels good."

"You're worried about what it all means. You don't know how it's going to change things," I said, not bothering to form it as a question. I knew what she meant about being overwhelmed, I'd been there.

"Something like that." She nodded and gave me a weak smile. "And I know I could make some of the problems go away just by pretending this never happened tomorrow, but I don't want to. This feels different from anything I've ever done Andrea. This feels right."

"Are you sure it's not just 'cause you've never been with a girl before?"

What the hell did I say that for? Why would I try to discourage her line of thinking when it was going so well? I knew the answer even before I could finish formulating the questions. It was because, regardless of what I'd done or what would happen, I was still her big sister. I wanted her to be happy even if that meant a sacrifice on my part. This whole situation was my fault to start with.

"Maybe a little, I don't know," Lindsay said. "But I don't think it's that simple. I can't explain it, not really, except that I want us to be able to be closer than we were, like we are now. I just don't know exactly what that's going to be," she finished apologetically.

"Whatever it is we can do it together, it's not something you have to deal with on your own."

"I know, that's part of why you're different. That and you're soft and warm and you're not focused completely on getting off as soon you start getting undressed."

"You're only half right on that last one," I said.

"Oh, no I mean you're giving me time to adjust and everything. I know you're probably worked up and everything right now, but you've still been thinking about me."

"Speaking of being worked up, no pressure or anything but if you don't touch me again soon I'm probably going to have to do it myself."

"You look like you need it," Lindsay agreed. She looked purposefully at my pussy even though I couldn't see it without sitting up. "You're very, uh, wet."

"I'm not surprised."

Lindsay hesitantly reached down and placed her hand just above my pussy. It became clear pretty quickly that she really didn't know what to do, mostly she just traced her fingers around my pussy lips. Occasionally she would get close enough to get some of my juices on her fingers and I could feel them being spread across my skin.

Eventually she did look up at me pleadingly, having realized what I already knew. It was one thing to get yourself off, but that didn't necessarily translate to knowing what to do with someone else.

"See if you can get a couple fingers in me," I whispered.

I wouldn't normally start with that except that I really needed as much stimulation as I could get. I really hoped I'd be able to guide her well enough because if she couldn't make me cum relatively soon I was just going to get hornier until I was an absolute wreck.

My sister was still nervous but she followed my request and got her first two fingers in my pussy with very little difficulty. I was wet enough that it didn't take much in the way of skill. She giggled in surprise at how easily they went in while I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling. I wasn't exactly filled up but it would do.

Without having to be told Lindsay started moving her hand back and forth, thrusting her fingers inside me. She was slow at first as she adjusted to the idea of what she was doing, but actually built up to a decent speed. It wasn't quite as fast as I needed though.

"Harder," I urged. "Don't worry about hurting me."

"Okay."

I moaned softly as she started finger-fucking me properly, driving her fingers in as far as they would go before pulling them back. Not that it was a complicated task, but my sister was actually doing quite well once she got past her hesitations. It made me wonder what it be like once she got completely comfortable with me.

"Do you want me to rub your clit too?" Lindsay asked. "I usually like to, but I don't know if you...."

"Oh god yes. Please baby."

That was one advantage to girls, they didn't have to be taught everything like guys sometimes did. Even when they were new to it.

With the new double assault on my pussy and clit I finally had that feeling I'd been waiting for. My orgasm was building and, provided Lindsay kept up her current pace, would hit me soon.

"Don't stop," I begged. "Please don't stop."

She looked amazed at the effect she was having on me, probably not used to having anyone wriggling around in ecstasy at the mere touch of her fingers.

I was having a hard time keeping still, except that I knew thrashing around might dislodge her and I didn't want that. My hips seemed to have a mind of their own and I gripped the sheets tightly to try and get my movements under control.

Then all thoughts of self-control vanished in an instant as I came. It was so intense, so massive, like nothing I'd ever felt before. All I felt was pleasure through my entire body, only barely aware of Lindsay's continued stimulation.

I did eventually come down from my high, my eyes finally able to focus on things once more. The first thing I saw was my sister leaning over me looking concerned.

"Was I too loud?" I asked, noticing as I did that my throat was drier than I expected.

I had the vague impression that I had screamed at some point although I didn't think that I actually had.

"Only a little, I don't think you were loud enough to wake anyone."

"Good. You think you could get me some water?"

"Okay. Um, are you alright though? You weren't responding for a couple seconds there and I didn't know what to think."

I smiled in an attempt to show that I was fine but I'm not sure it convinced her.

"There's nothing wrong baby. I was just feeling really, really good. You did amazing."

There was a visible surge of pride on her face at the compliment and she seemed reassured enough to leave the room. She was only gone a minute or two before returning with a glass of water for me.

"Thanks," I said, sitting up to take the glass from her.

"You're welcome."

I drank a third of the water in a couple large swallows, then sipped at it as my thirst diminished.

"So you're probably tired now," Lindsay said. "Probably ready to go to sleep."

She was fidgeting with her hands and I got the definite impression that she was hoping I'd say I wasn't.

"Kinda, I am a little drained. Lindsay...." I paused for a second and tried to figure out how to say what I wanted. After a moment I gave up and just went for it. "I know you're maybe not ready for this, but do you want me to take care of you now? Because I don't think I could ever be tired enough to say no to that."