Haldir and Valen

"Of course."

I stood, nervous and uncertain, as he scurried out. It was a long twenty minutes before I heard footsteps at the door.

In came Fiona... only I didn't see her as she was now for a second. I saw her as she was thirty years ago, fresh-faced and beautiful, blond, with doe eyes looking up at me, and longing and love and grief cramped my heart. My knees gave way and I staggered and I saw her doing the same. Abraham, who had been following close behind her, caught her before she fell. But there was no one to catch me. I managed to collapse onto the settee.

"Valen?" her trembling voice came to me, and suddenly my vision cleared and I saw her as she was now, older, in her late fifties, but still attractive. Her hair had darkened now to a dusty blonde and she was not so slim, but she was still my Fiona.

My eyes were wet and my voice gravelly as I said, "Yes, Fiona, it's me. It's Valen."

She rushed toward me and made as if to put her arms around me and kiss me....and then hesitated. And that pretty much cemented our new relationship.

************************

It was over an hour later that I exited the Gallagher estate. Fiona and I had parted amicably. There was a great deal of hurt and pain but what could we do? We let it roll past us.

I had met her husband, who knew all about me, and who comforted her. He showed me the small shrine Fiona had erected in my name. It was a bit odd, looking at something meant to commemorate your death.

Fiona had extracted a promise from me to bring Haldir to dinner, and I had agreed. Time would heal the wounds, but even though it cut like a knife now, that was no reason to be rude to a woman who had loved me almost more than life itself. Haldir had told me she had almost died of grief in the first few years, and only my friends kept her from it. None of them would leave her alone for long, not in those early days.

Returning to the inn, I found Haldir waiting for me. One sympathetic look into my face and I found myself telling him everything.

In the evening we attended upon the dinner. It was awkward, no matter how much I tried to relax, but even I sensed with time, even this would be better. Henry went a long way to easing the tension in the room, chatting like only the upper class can do, and keeping everyone engaged.

I didn't sleep much that night. I felt alone. Who was I to lean on? Fiona had her husband and I admit to some self-pity, lying alone in bed. I was happy that Fiona had someone... I'd hurt her too much to want more pain for her, but who was there for me?

In the morning we left, early. I didn't even go to the knight's hall. I honestly didn't even think of it, I just wanted to get away.

We traveled on to the halfling lands next. As we went, I reflected on how grateful I was to have Haldir with me.

The meeting with Cicero went much better, and Cicero was happy to see me. He even had news of Gregor! He had made arrangements to meet him in Southhampton. Even then Cicero would not come with us. He was courting a lady, and I wished him every happiness. We stayed with him for three days and then went to meet Gregor.

Gregor had been very young when he came to me, only eight or so. I know, you are probably wondering what kind of knight takes a squire that young. Well, I hadn't *meant* to. I'd been traveling through a town when Haldir caught a scrawny little boy trying to pick my pocket. I'd given him a furious lecture and turned him over to the nearest orphanage.

Well, the very instincts of courage and bravado that had enabled Gregor to live on the streets, combined with a healthy dose of hero worship for this knight that had appeared in his life, caused the young boy to sneak out of the orphanage and follow us. In the city he was able to avoid Haldir's watchful eyes but once we got out into the forest Haldir picked him up within an hour.

Well, I had a schedule to maintain. A village near the swamps was being accosted by lizardmen, and we were short on time. I brought the lad with me, resolving to keep him out of trouble, and decided to bring him back later.

"Later", however, became after the boy was injured badly by the lizardmen. He nearly died at one of their poison blades. I sat with him, guilty and conflicted. I was only thirty-two myself, thinking about children for the first time with Fiona, whom I hadn't even wed yet. What did I know about little boys? But every time he awoke he asked for Sir Riddick, and I hadn't the heart to be far from him.

In this way a bond was forged that never broke. I made him my squire, and he was present at my wedding to Fiona.

Oh, it wasn't perfect. He was a rapscallion and trouble and I constantly told him I despaired of him ever being a knight. What saved him and me, though, was whenever he was caught he was genuinely contrite, and he never did anything truly bad. But there were many days where I had to rely on Haldir's patience.

He traveled with us for three and a half years and never got hurt again to such an extent. He even went to Hell with us all three times and escaped each time. He literally just outran everybody.

Slowly I grew to love the lad, impudent as he was. I had always intended that Fiona and I would adopt him and raise him as our own. I didn't know what my disappearance had done to him, but I could imagine.

In Southhampton the two of us took an inn room again. We were to meet Gregor at one of the local taverns. I remembered how we did this... we'd go for lunch, wait for a couple of hours, drinking and eating. If no one came, then we'd repeat it the next day, for as long as we could stay.

I was lucky this time. As we were sitting there, chatting about something, the very first day, Haldir recognized someone coming in. I turned to look....

and for a second an eager-faced young lad flashed in front of me. A thousand questions, "Sir Riddick? Sir Riddick? Sir Riddick!" until I was weary of answering them. But I always answered just one more because of the way he looked up at me. That look that said *I* had all the answers. The first time he hugged me, after I bought him his very own dagger. It was just a brief impulsive hug, and he ran off right after to show Haldir, but it meant so much to me. Carrying my armor, which he insisted on doing, even though it was far too heavy for his small shoulders. Desperately trying to stay awake for five more minutes to listen to the adults...

...All of that resolved into the man in front of me. He had the same eyes, but nothing else was the same. The boy of eleven was now a handsome man of... forty-two. That's how old Gregor was now, I thought, counting the years in my head. His face was lined with cares and worries and his eyes and hair were darker than I remembered.

He was also tall, at least six feet and probably taller than me, broad and muscular. He wore the traditional armor of our knights, bronze-colored. He had grown into a fine man.

"Haldir," he said, "How do you do? I was surprised to get your letter..." and here he trailed off, having seen me rise in the background.

Silence for a moment. Then, "*Valen Riddick*?"

"Gregor. My lad. It's so good to see you." I wanted so much to hug him but every bit of his body language told me it would not be welcome. He stood well apart from me, and the look on his face was not overly friendly.

"I..." he seemed to remember himself, and extended his hand to shake. I took it in my own. It was large, and cool, and he only shook mine briefly.

"Won't you have a seat?"

"For a little while, yes." He took the seat across from me, looking at my face in wonderment, and I am sorry to say, some suspicion.

"What are you doing back? We thought you fell."

"I did, in a sense." And I told him the same story I had already told three times before, to Haldir, Cicero, and Fiona.

"I'm sorry. We went back for you."

"I know. Haldir told me as much."

"Well... what are you doing?"

"Visiting old friends. I went to see Haldir, then Fiona, then Cicero, and now you."

"Saved the most difficult for last, eh?" His voice was sarcastic and not very friendly. I had thought to remind him of our old fellowship, but instead he was offended.

"No, I thought I had saved the best for last, actually."

"Ah." Silence for a moment. I had almost forgotten about Haldir, sitting there.

"Well, what are you doing here, anyway?"

"Well, I plan to take up my duties again. I am still a knight, after all. And I was hoping to ask you to come with me. It's been a long time for me, and I could use... your... guidance." I trailed off, seeing the expression on his face.

"Me? Guide you?" He laughed bitterly. "That's a new one. I'm sorry, that's impossible."

"Oh? May I ask why?"

"I just couldn't. I have far too much to do."

"I see." I tried to hide my hurt. I don't know how well I succeeded. "Well, in that case, I'll be on my way, I guess."

"Yes, actually, I must be going. I promised the town hall I would have this back by today. " He gestured to a box in his hands; presumably something he had recovered from his latest mission as he stood up and I stood up, too, nearly knocking my drink over.

"Wait." I said, and he looked at me directly for the first time. I came around the table to his side. "You can go if you want to, that's your right. But I won't let you go again without telling you... how proud I am of the man you've become." I wanted to tell him I loved him, dearly, like my own son, but I couldn't find the words or the courage. Instead I just said, "From everything I hear you've become a fine knight, and I'm glad to see you are carrying on the Bronze Shield. Be well, Gregor."

He smiled slightly at me. "Thank you, Valen... Haldir." He nodded, and with that he was gone.

We sat down. I tried to hold it in, I did. I gripped my cup so hard it hurt, but it was all rushing together now. Fiona gone. My home gone. My Order gone.My friends dead. Haldir's beautiful wife dead. And now my own boy couldn't or wouldn't look me in the eye. Even as I sat there a single tear rolled down my cheek.

Haldir, bless him, had already noticed. He paid the tab and took my arm and pulled me up. "Come on, my friend." Together we went out. I felt like I was drunk.

Somehow or another we ended up in our room and on my bed. I wasn't actually crying, exactly, in fact I was completely somber – except the tears just wouldn't stop, even though I kept wiping them. Haldir sat next to me, close enough that I could feel his warmth.

"I'm sorry. They won't stop. I don't know why."

"Hush. Every man has his limit. I think you've reached yours."

"I hope it doesn't sound too foolish, Haldir, but I'm really glad you're here."

He smiled slightly. "Well, I would not like it if you were miserable I was here."

"Oh, Haldir. Is this our lot now? Pain and sorrow?"

He was quiet for a long moment, and then, unexpectedly, he put his arms around me. I should have been shocked, and I was for a moment, but I found it comforting. Haldir would never judge me for my sorrow, and I hesitantly leaned into his arms.

He held me close to his chest, and I reflected on the fact that through all my life, no one had been with me longer than Haldir. I was an orphan, like Gregor, with no parents to speak of.

"Do you know, Haldir, you've known me for almost fifty years now? That's... that's almost ten percent of your life."

"Good heavens." I sat up to catch his expression of mild surprise, but stopped. Suddenly I was aware of Haldir as more than just an elf, or a friend of mine. We still had our arms around each other, and his face was very close to mine.

He cupped my face gently in his hand. "You have been through a great deal, my old friend."

"As have you." It seemed like such a natural thing then, to take his hand in my own, and kiss the palm of it. I looked up at him, expecting him to look askance or even pull away.

Instead he let his thumb run across my lips. My mouth felt dry. Unsure, but very much wanting to, I leaned forward and briefly kissed his mouth. I expected... I don't know what I expected. I definitely didn't expect him to take it in stride.

"Where did that come from?" was all he said, and without making a big deal of it, kissed me back. His mouth was soft and warm and yielding and I closed my eyes and gave myself over to his kiss. It was pleasurable and felt like coming home.

And why not, I thought. Why not him? Who was to stop us? Who even cared anymore? I looked into his eyes...they were green, and beautiful, why had I never noticed, and even as I thought this I kissed him again and again.

"I don't want to be alone anymore, Haldir. I'm so tired of being alone."

"Shh. I am too, Valen. It's all right now."

He pulled me back gently and together we lay on the bed, man and elf, side by side. His one hand pillowed my head while the other stroked my cheek and face tenderly, while he looked into my eyes. He moved close up against me, and I let my arm slide under his neck to support him.

"Will you stay with me, Haldir?"

"As long as you want me to." And I let my lips meet his again. This time I parted them, and felt his tongue slip into my mouth, gently, lovingly. He touched my tongue with his own, playfully, lightly, and when he drew back, he tugged on my lower lip. I suddenly realized I was hard.

"I didn't know you... that you did this, Haldir."

He was amused. "Did what?"

"You know. With another man. I mean, another male."

He chuckled. "It's natural, isn't it? It's a completely natural thing, and there's no harm in it." Half sitting up, watching my eyes at all times, his hand slid down my cheek, over my neck, and across my chest. I inhaled as I felt his deft fingers at the bare skin at my neck, and then I felt him undo the top button, then the next, and I felt his hand slide into my shirt.

Definitely a softer, gentler hand than mine, but by no means a woman's hand. He touched me and I closed my eyes to enjoy the feeling. His hand stroked over my collarbone, up my neck, then dipped lower into my shirt, low enough that it just brushed my nipple and I jumped. I heard him chuckle softly and opened my eyes.

"What?" I smiled.

He said nothing, but glanced leisurely down at where I was showing how much I enjoyed fingers on my skin. I flushed, not out of shame but some embarrassment... and desire.

"I could say the same about you, Valen Riddick. I never knew you felt this way." He continued our conversation from earlier.

"I don't think I did, Haldir. Or if I did, it was deeply buried. I've never... done anything like this before."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead tenderly. "Would you like to learn? I'd like to show you the way."

"I'm yours, my old friend. Just... be patient with me."

"Of course." His mouth met mine again, and this time he let his own flame of passion show a little, kissing me fiercely, and even biting my lip sweetly.

He kissed both my eyelids, and then my nose, as I wrinkled it and smiled, my chin, and then I felt his hot mouth on my neck. I felt something tickling me and opened my eyes to see it was his long hair, trailing along my skin. I reached up and ran my fingers through the silky soft lengths.

"You know, I always was a bit envious of your hair."

"My hair?" he laughed, softly. He was kissing the little bit of skin exposed by my open shirt.

"Yes... mine certainly isn't like this."

"No, definitely not... human," he mocked, and then nipped me with sharp teeth. I yelped and caught him in my arms.

"What was that for?"

"Felt like it."

He was unbuttoning my shirt now, and I felt his hot mouth on each patch of exposed skin, and soon, his hair, trailing behind it. Soon he had my shirt opened to the waist.

"I'm badly scarred, Haldir."

I could see him smile sadly as he ran his fingers over my body. "What have they done to you, my friend?"

"Horrible things."

"It doesn't matter. It's just a part of you now." He kissed my belly, and I jumped in desire and confusion. I'd never felt like this in my life. I think he could tell, but when I felt his tongue against my skin I nearly sat up.

"Haldir..."

"Easy, my friend. There is plenty of time." He gently eased me back down, helping me gracefully off with my shirt on the way.

True to his word, he did not rush even a little. He took his time exploring my chest, making my heart jump and my belly flutter like a young lad's. My sorrows forgotten, I slowly gave myself over to his ministrations.

When his fingers first wrapped around my cock, through my pants, I felt myself twitch in response to him. I was as hard as a rock, and as he began to stroke me, I realized just how long it had been since anyone had touched me.

Deftly he undid the ties at my waist and slipped his hand into my breeches, past my smallclothes until his fingers finally brushed against the heart of me.

"Haldir..." I whispered but before I could go further his mouth met mine again. He kissed me, lovingly at first, then harder and more passionately. His fingers wrapped around me and he began to stroke me, firmly, and with enthusiasm.

Suddenly I became aware of how close I was already. I tried to tell him to stop, to hold back, anything, but before I even could, he pressed against me hard enough for me to feel his cock was hard too. At that thought I lost what little control I had. I spilled out, over his fingers, right into my pants, and I positively moaned into his mouth.

I swear I saw stars. Well, it had been thirty years if you think about it. I didn't know if I wanted to weep or laugh.

Slowly I came back to myself, to find him still stroking me, gently. I was already coming back to hardness again, eager as a boy. I looked up into his eyes, a little embarrassed.

"I suppose I've made a poor showing of myself."

He laughed, actually laughed. "You humans. Always worried about such things."

"Haldir...?"

"Yes, my friend?"

I reached down and found him, hard, gripped him. "I never did this before."

"I know. You already said that. You're repeating yourself."

"Show me how."

He looked at me for a long time, then kissed my brow. "All right." He lay back, pulling me with him.

Hesitantly, I helped him out of his shirt, a long, flowing garment. I'd seen him shirtless before, though never exactly like this. He was lithe and slim, in comparison to me, but still muscular and taut. I ran my fingers over his skin and he closed his eyes.

I wanted to touch him, I realized. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, and curb the loneliness I felt. I put both of my hands on him and ran them all over his skin, down his chest, through the light sprinkling of hair – much lighter and thinner than my own – and hesitantly approached his breeches.

I could see him, hard and bulged against his pants. I undid them, slowly, to reveal silky dark blond hair nested around his penis. I was surprised. I guess I had always assumed that elves had smaller members, but his looked perfectly normal and average.

Hesitantly, slowly, I wrapped my hand around it. I'd never held another man's dick in my hands before, but when Haldir moaned softly in response, I lost all of my hesitation. Without really thinking about what I was doing, I leaned forward and took him in my mouth. I heard him gasp softly, and I felt his hand on the back of my head. He was very gentle, guiding my head and my mouth, and I began to move my mouth up and down on him.

I felt no rush and no urgency from him, just a languid sort of bliss, spreading over the both of us. I could almost feel what was going through him, a wave of pleasure, rising and receding, ebbing and flowing, with each thrust into my mouth.

I don't know how long it took, but eventually he took my head in both of his hands, and I heard him whisper to me. "I'm going to come now, is that all right?"