Halos and Heroes Ch. 11

Thank you all who have been reading and following along. I always appreciate getting feedback. It helps with becoming a better writer and it's always an ego boost, so feel free to reach out. I will always respond!

The usual spiel: This isn't a stroke story, (more porn with plot.) Be warned, it's very long. 33+ chapters, and many sexless ones to come before it gets sexy, which is why it was originally published under novels/novellas, but readers asked for it to be put under gay male due to content, so here we go.

This book is dedicated to all of the brave service members and their families who sacrifice so much every day so that the rest of us can enjoy the liberties that they swear to protect and uphold.

Although references in this novel may be made to actual places or events, the names, characters, incidents, and locations within are complete works of fiction. They are not a resemblance to actual living or dead persons, businesses, or events. Any similarity is coincidental. In an effort to do the United States Army justice, and to show my respect to my country, I have applied all possible efforts to merge fact and fiction to entertain, while portraying the military, and the hardships and achievements of soldiers, with respect, dignity and accuracy to the best of my abilities. It's my hope that I've done you all justice, and that all of the creative licenses taken with this novel are understood to be the efforts of imagination, and not any judgment or disrespect against the U.S. military. Thank you all for your service.

***

"Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about. —Sam Ewing

Despite staying in the house of a holy man, the god of hangovers wasn't a kind god.

I groaned when I rolled over in bed and the entire contents of my skull somersaulted, throbbing in time to the percussion from the brass band holding court in my head. What I needed was an old Irish fix—another shot of whiskey and a glass of water. Somehow I doubted Ben would go for that particular observance of cultural traditions.

"Oh good, you're up."

In more than one way I thought, as Ben reappeared in the doorway. Instead of his customary monochromatic black, he was wearing a pair of dark gray shorts and a lighter gray tee shirt. The material was old enough to stretch tightly over lean muscle, exposing some of that smooth, naturally tanned skin through the tattered hemline. Since it was the morning and my control over certain body parts was limited, I tried not to notice how well his shorts highlighted long strong legs covered in a dusting of dark hair.

"Morning, Sam. How'd you sleep?"

My groan deepened the throbbing in my skull. "If you can ask God to wipe all evidence of last night from the earth, I'd appreciate it."

"All the evidence?"

Shit.

"Wait, I didn't mean it like that, Ben. Listen—"

I was out of bed to stop him from fleeing before I saw his self-satisfied smile. I'd been well and truly suckered.

"Jerk," I muttered.

"Nice to know you care." He chuckled, tossing a bunch of rolled-up clothing my way. "There's an extra shirt and jeans in there for later. You can run in what you've got on."

"About that..."

"Don't even start. You could use the exercise." Ben grinned at my indignation. "To burn off the remaining alcohol. I'll feed you when we get back."

I glanced at the clock on the wall. "I need to brush my teeth." And take a piss, but I wasn't going to share that aloud.

"Okay, I'll be right here."

I did a double take when Ben stretched down low. It was distracting enough that I almost walked into a wall. The strong lines of his toned body were proof positive he could keep up with me.

"Sam," Ben sang out, not even looking at me. "You're staring."

He started doing a sexy little bump and grind number, singing a poppy tune about putting a ring on it if I liked it that almost sent me careening into the same wall again. Ben's soft, pleased laughter from the living room only made my ears burn hotter.

Flirting had never been a strong suit of mine. In the military, outright solicitation would have guaranteed I got my ass handed to me—not in the good way. Caution became a way of life, but all of us were so damn good at being discreet that random hookups were few and far between and there was never much talking involved. Better not to know the name of a man you'd have to forget five minutes after you painted him with your spunk.

My relationship with Devlin hadn't been much of an improvement in terms of honing my social skills. We shot the shit, fucked like demons, and shot the shit again. Romance wasn't our thing. Max was a flirt, but since looking at linoleum could make him hard, there wasn't much work to be done there either. Ben was a whole new ballgame.

When I emerged with all morning functions accounted for, Ben was standing at the kitchen counter with two cardboard cups of coffee.

"I keep the disposable ones in the cabinet for the mornings I run—no excuse to stop for a cup on the way," he explained.

"You're worse than my old drill sergeant," I muttered as I took the cup.

"I'm just lazy. If I don't get going first thing, I'll never go, and that's unacceptable with the way I eat."

My lips twisted into a smile. "Connor and I were always able to pack it away, too. I had to work twice as hard to get back into shape after I spent any of my leave time at Sofia's place."

"You've known Sofia that long?"

I waited till I heard the bolt turn in the lock of Ben's apartment before I started walking again. "Yeah, we were kids together. Me, Connor, Sofia and Max."

"Who's Max?"

He would pick up on that. Simple as my relationship with Max pretended to be, the complications of our best friends with benefits arrangement became more obvious when I had to explain it to someone else.

"A childhood friend of Connor's and mine," was what I settled on. "We were all in the Army together. He's still in."

"Ah, alright. I remember Sofia mentioning Max in passing. He was supposed to come down for the funeral with you."

Finishing my coffee allowed me time to gather my thoughts. "Yeah, but he couldn't get the leave. As a doctor, his schedule's tight. He'd have been here if he could."

"Because he's your best friend."

"Yeah."

"Is that all he is to you?"

The question was casual. Ben's tone wasn't.

"What makes you ask?"

"Something Sofia said once. Made you two seem like more than friends."

I shrugged. "Max and I have had a thing going since we were kids."

"Is it serious?"

"At one point I'd hoped it would be, but Max is a player."

Ben's eyebrows lifted. "Doesn't really answer the question."

I chucked my cup into the nearest garbage can. "Max isn't the monogamous type. He's always been upfront about that, so we keep things simple and honest. We're not exclusive, but we're willing to take a bullet for each other, and that seems more important than sexual fidelity."

"But a part of you wants that extra level of commitment."

"I told you I don't do serious relationships."

"And I heard you, but I think you're lying to me as much as you are to yourself. If you wanted something more permanent with Max at one point, that tells me that you're open to exploring a real relationship but haven't had the opportunity to try. It must've been difficult until Congress officially repealed Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell."

I shrugged again. "I'm not a monk."

Ben tossed his own coffee cup. "You're not the man whore you try to portray either. Want to know what I think your problem is?"

"Enlighten me."

Ben ignored my sarcasm. "I think you're afraid to get close to someone, and I get it. You were in the Army for years, and I'm sure you lost people you cared about during that time. That would make anyone cautious about being in an intimate situation. It has to be a little overwhelming to have a whole new world of possibility in front of you now."

I shifted from foot to foot like a restless child. "You know I hate the shrinky talk."

"Too bad. I think it's merited in this situation, and since I rescued you last night, we play by my rules today."

"You don't give an inch do you?"

Ben grinned. "Not even a centimeter when I think something is worth it. I believe that regardless of what you say, you want more than just a booty call. You could've phoned a cab last night, but you called me instead."

It took every ounce of self-control I had not to squirm under Ben's assessing gaze.

"I didn't have anyone else to call. Sofia doesn't know about my PTSD, and none of my friends are in the States right now."

"Bull. You could've asked to be dropped at a motel and slept it off. Instead you reached out to me. You knew I'd be there, and that you'd finally have a chance to give over control to someone else who gives a hoot."

My lips twitched. I'd already picked up on the fact that Ben didn't use foul language, but that was a whole other level of unintentional, appealing cuteness. I just wished it hadn't been attached to such accurate insight.

"You're wrong about the control factor," I said, ignoring the fact I'd inadvertently admitted he was right about everything else. "I like having power over my situation."

Ben's slow smile made my heart thump hard in my chest because it seemed to imply he saw right through my bullshit. "I think that's the persona you feel you need to portray, but everyone has three lives, Sam...public, private and secret."

"And just which life do you think you fit into?"

His smile deepened. "All three."

There was no missing the suggestive note in his voice this time. My body reacted instantly, as if he'd stroked those strong hands over every inch of me that was already tingling with awareness.

I cleared my throat and bent over low to touch my toes, hoping he'd believe I was stretching in preparation for our run, and not making an active effort to avoid the confidence in his eyes.

"Sounds a little arrogant for a man who's supposed to be the picture of humility."

"I'm not a saint, Sam. I have the same desires anyone else does for home, family and someone to share my life with. My career choice is just more unusual than average." He paused. "Back to Max. Is he out of the picture, or are you still holding out?"

My eyes narrowed against the sun when I straightened, trying to figure out what would be the truth without a lie in there somewhere. "Max is in Afghanistan," I said, settling for the obvious. "I doubt I'll be flying halfway across the world anytime soon, so there you go."

"Does that mean you're open to the idea of having someone new in your life?"

"Depends on who's applying for the job...Max and I've always agreed that if we ever get serious about someone else, then we can take a break. I've just never found anyone who was worth that much trouble." Except for what I thought I'd had with Devlin, and that had turned from sugar to shit at the end.

"There's always a first time for everything. How badly are you going to push me now that I've got you on the defensive?"

I ignored the smile in his voice, my own surprisingly even. "We're starting with nine miles. Try and keep up."

Ben's stance shifted, allowing him to lean in close, his breath a warm waft of coffee and cinnamon mints over my face "You want to test my limits, bring it on. When I think something is worth the effort, I don't give up easily, Sam."

He stole a quick, hard kiss, then took off. Like last night, I had no choice but to follow.

* * *

Despite my best efforts to wear him down, Ben kept pace with me for all nine miles until we made it to the top of the park hill where people sat to watch the annual carnival fireworks display put on by the neighboring towns. Ben was breathing hard, but he refused to give up even though I could see the fine tremor in his body when he went through the cool-down stretches.

I was feeling lazy enough to just collapse on the grass in a heap and enjoy the show Ben put on, but a disapproving look got me to at least touch my toes a few times. The grass tickled the bare skin of my arms and legs when I flopped back, staring up at the pristine blue of the sky. Memories flooded me as I watched the clouds float by in lazy procession.

Connor and I'd come out to watch the fireworks once with Sofia and Adelyn while we were both on leave from Afghanistan. Adelyn had been just a little thing, still excited to sit on my shoulders and look over the heads of hundreds of people to watch the sky explode. It'd been magic for her. For me, too. That simplicity seemed a million miles away at this point.

"Think any harder and your brain cells are going to leak out through your ears."

I smiled. "I was just thinking about how I used to feel life was so complicated when we were kids. Now I'd give anything to have those kinds of problems."

"Hindsight is never kind," Ben agreed. "Things still rough at home?"

I started to shrug, then caught myself. I was going to have to learn to work on my vocal interactions. "Yeah, but I get it. Like I said before, I haven't been home in two years."

"That's a long time."

My body tensed, getting on the defensive for the inevitable why that would put me on edge and end this warm and fuzzy little moment we were having.

"Things will get better, Sam."

That was it?

I looked at Ben sideways. He was lying back on the grass, eyes closed and face turned up to the sky as if trying to add to his natural tan.

Silence flowed between us, but it didn't feel forced. More like he was waiting with all the time in the world. I spoke first. "You're not going to ask why Connor and I didn't speak for so long?"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. But that seems like a dick move considering how you put yourself out there for me last night."

"I'm not keeping a running tally, Sam. You obviously don't want to talk about it right now so we don't have to talk about it. If and when you ever want me to know anything, my door is always open. Of course, the group door is also open..."

I grinned, feeling the tension slowly leave my body. The man couldn't help trying to rein in all us wayward souls. "I'll think about it."

"You promised Emma you'd come to the group session," he reminded me.

"I did. Nice cheap shot by the way. But I'm afraid she was all too willing to let me break my promise to go with you that Tuesday night if I let her rent the entire Disney princess collection for a movie marathon."

"Are you a sadist?"

"Asks the man who woke me up at five A.M. to go jogging with a hangover."

"You realize you've backed yourself into a corner, right? After suckering you like that, it'll be Disney princesses all the time. She'll never let you watch anything else like a sports game again."

"It's okay. Not that big into sports."

"Really?" Ben's dimples popped out as he looked me over. "That surprises me considering how you nearly killed me with that run. Your name should be in the dictionary beside the word athletic."

I shrugged. "I'm a Ranger. You don't get to be anything but the best."

"I'll bet. So no sports games in our future?"

I eyed him. "We have a future?"

Amusement crinkled the corners of Ben's eyes. "If I have anything to say about it, we will. I told you, I'm persistent."

I rolled my eyes. "You don't say."

Ben's smile deepened into a full out laugh. "Okay, so nix the sports, though I admit I love hockey games. And soccer."

"Soccer I couldn't do, but I used to play street hockey with Connor as a kid."

Ben nodded. "You must've done a lot together, being twins and all."

I shrugged. "We were brothers, so it was the usual stuff— best friends till we pissed one another off and ended up pucking it out."

"Sounds like my house," Ben smiled. "My mother was one of eleven kids, so she continued the tradition with my four sisters, two brothers and me."

"Jesus! Eh...sorry. I mean...geeze...seven kids? No wonder you became a priest. Your mother was a saint."

Ben chuckled. "It's okay. And yes, my mother is a special woman. I usually spend a week or two with her over the summer, but she and my father flew down to Cuba last week. They wanted to spend a few months with my youngest sister, Catherine, who is expecting her first child."

"That's nice. Do your other siblings have kids?"

"Mm-hmm. Gabriel has two—a boy named Dominic and a girl named Amanda. Michael has Michael Jr., Sebastian, and Raquel. My oldest sister Sarah is divorced. No kids. Rebecca has Anthony, a boy, and Jamie, a girl. Lourdes is single with a two-year-old daughter, Cecilia, from her ex."

Ben smiled as if he could hear my head spinning.

"Do they live out here?"

"No, most of them are in or around Miami, by Little Havana. That's where Mami is, so my siblings stayed close."

"But not you."

"Not me," he agreed. "I needed a little more space and so did they."

"Because you're gay?" I made it a question though I knew the answer by the sudden sadness in his eyes. The emotion was wrong on his face.

"That was the biggest part of it." His hands moved to his knees, flexing for a moment as he watched a couple playing with their dog.

"I'm Latino, so being gay didn't quite work within the mold my parents expected my siblings and I to all fit. No eighteen kids from me."

"Sounds like your mother has enough kids around to call her Abuela."

Using the correct term for grandmother earned me a smile.

"One thing you probably already know about Latin women from Sofia is that they're big on family. Just because they have some, doesn't mean they don't always want more. My saving grace was that I joined the Church. Mami is convinced that'll get me into heaven, no matter who I choose to sleep with."

"Is that why you became a priest?"

"No." Ben's jaw clenched as the smile slipped. "That came later, after I stopped having to blow someone for the use of a bed."

I must've been broadcasting my emotions like CNN, because the smile he gave me was a shadow of his usual one.

"I was going down a dark road at the time. I felt lost after my family's expected but still less than enthusiastic response to my coming out. Didn't know where to turn, so the downhill walk seemed easiest."

"What happened?"

Long fingers began a slow tap against his knee. It was the first insecure move I'd seen him make since we met.

"Ben? You don't have to tell me."

It was a toss-up who was more surprised when my hand slid over his. He squeezed back.

"I became a male-for-male escort..."