Mature women are good, but there's something about inexperienced energetic young women, he thought as he drove deeply into his niece while she labored against his every thrust. They both grunted each time his cock hit bottom.
"Yes, yes, yes. That's so good. Yes!" Erin sounded like she was approaching her climax and he was just hoping he'd be able to get her off before he let go. With a final burst of energy, she started humping wildly and Hank could stand it no longer. Ready or not, he was going to cum. He shoved his cock in to the hilt and let Erin do the work. Her gyrating hips were driving him crazy and just as he reached the point he could hold out no longer, she locked her hips against him and with a groan she relaxed while Hank's cock throbbed and emptied his balls into the condom.
A little later, as Hank lay with Amy on his left shoulder and Erin on his right, silently reviewing what had just happened—he had just fucked his niece and a daughter that, he didn't know he had, before today. He was hoping the girls wouldn't have second thoughts or regret what they had done, when Amy broke the silence.
"That was great, Daddy! When can we do it again?"
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Paradise - Oh Yeah
Meets, and possibly exceeds the high caliber demonstrated in your other posted erotica. Not many write with this kind of imagery. Read this, and all preceeding chapters (if you haven't) to understand and appreciate such color ... as:
"She was very slick from their last bout and when he slipped his shaft up and down her slit a time or two before he penetrated, she was already trying to help him enter paradise. With one shove he felt his cock slid inside to be surrounded by a silky glove and once again the two lovers began the universal dance of love."more...
Re: Internal Anon
Thanks for taking your time to comment om Hank ch04. I WILL consider every point you made and go over the story trying to see where I can improve. I just wish all who commented were this helpful. Thanks again. Dreamermore...
It's not internal, I promise!!!!
The hymen is not an internal obstruction or barrier because it is not internal. I have to wonder if the ones writing about an imaginary internal hymen have ever had sex with a virgin. The hymen is located at the entrance and it is merely the extra skin which makes the entrance far smaller until it is torn upon entering. Medical diagrams and pictures verify this information for those not experienced with a woman's virginity.
If it was internal would it make sense that it could break or rupture by riding a bike, horseback riding, doing gymnastics, ballet, and other similar activities? It is possible to have it rupture during the activities because it is located outside and just keeps the entrance more closed off than it is once it is gone.
The story is okay, but it is rather confusing for readers when you jump from one character's thoughts in I form and then a few sentences later do the same thing with another character. It is better not to do it as the character and simply continue it as it began with an outside view of people. Putting in different narrative forms is rather difficult for the reader especially when juggling multiple characters in the story.
It might be a good idea to decide before writing your next one which narrative form you want to use. Do you want to write it in third person or first person or even another form entirely. Once you have your narrative form decided it will be easy to stay within that scope. I was given that advice by a teacher in a class for gifted writers. It made a huge difference in my ability to keep the proper narrative form. It made the stories easy to understand.
I have only read this story thus far, but will check your other stories.The only way to improve as a writer is to continue writing, so never allow the constructive criticism or negative feedback keep you from writing. Even the most talented writers did not start out as the best. They improved their writing by continuing to do it. I look forward to your next story about loss of virginity which will include the proper location of the hymen. I am rating this 5 stars because of your approach to the feedback being left. I often see writers getting snarky and angry over even the most benign critique, so it is a refreshing change. I apologize for the length of this comment!more...
Thank you
I have enjoyed all of your stories, this one brings back great memories of being young and tempting older men. Just cannot tell you how your detail hit the 20 penny nail on the head...
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