Happy Anniversary - Amy's Story

Why didn't he stop me if he knew what we were doing; I felt dirty and so ashamed. Even though I knew it off by heart now I read his letter again he'd left for me and realized he hadn't stopped me as he was too afraid of losing me; but I'd lost him in the end; it wasn't fair.

None of our friends even phoned and I hadn't been invited to any parties since James' death; I wondered if the wives were worried I would chase after their husbands now. Whenever I phoned them the phone would ring out or if they did pick up they always told me they were on their way out and promised to phone me back; no one ever did.

I even tried to organise a party but no one showed up except my parents; even my kids went over to the neighbours.

Finally I was desperate just for company and someone to talk to; someone to hold, so went on a singles web site to look. I met John; he seemed nice but he came on a bit strong.

We dated a few times over the next fortnight and then he became very possessive and would spend hours parked outside my house to convince himself I wasn't seeing other men.

Initially, I thought, "He must have heard why James killed himself."

I didn't worry about him but there was something wrong with the way he looked at Laura who'd just turned 14 years.

He had a different agenda to mine and wanted sex but I couldn't bring myself to get that involved with another man yet; I only wanted to be close to someone.

One day after much soul searching I phoned him and told him it was off and I didn't want to see him again. I let my kids know I'd told John never to come back and they seemed happier he was gone from our lives.

It was a week later and I arrived home late from work after some badly needed overtime, hoping the girls had started cooking dinner for us. As soon as I entered the house, I heard Laura screaming out and calling to her father to help her.

I raced to her room and found John on top of Laura, she was naked and he was about to rape her. She saw me and pleaded for my help as he hit her to stop her kicking and fighting back.

I tried to push him off her, and when that failed I punched his arm; he just laughed at me. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed James' favourite cast iron frying pan and went straight back to her room.

John realised I had returned and between breaths as he kept hitting Laura he panted, "You're next. This is your doing because you refused me. Now I'll have both of you. This little cock teasing bitch is first! Then the both of you'll be mine and begging me to fuck you. I've got my gear in the car and I'm moving in."

Then he focused back on Laura.

I stepped beside him and couldn't help but see his hard cock so close to my daughter. He was so close to succeeding and wasn't about to stop; he knew he was close to success. I lifted the heavy frying pan and swung it forcefully onto the back of his head.

The hit jolted him and Laura screamed; his head rolled back and his eyes opened wide.

I swung the pan again with all my might and hit him in the same place again; he fell forward this time and landed heavily on top of Laura. She was screaming as her face and chest was covered in his blood from the gaping wound on his head; I pushed him off her and helped her up.

There was blood running from her nose and mouth from his punches; her face was badly beaten and her own blood was mixing with his and running down her face and neck onto her chest. She was only a teenager; how could he do this to her?

I ran to the kitchen and called the emergency number requesting the police and ambulance and I told them my daughter had been attacked and her assailant was still in the house and my other children were missing.

Laura had followed me into the kitchen and was screaming at me, "It's all your fault! You're the whore who killed my father and then brought that bastard into our house! I hate you and wished it was you who was dead! You can rot in Hell. You're not our mother anymore; you're just a whore in her body."

I could not believe my daughter hated me so much. After she finished screaming at me, I frantically searched the house and found the other three children bound and gagged in a built-in wardrobe in another bedroom; I was still releasing them when I heard sirens coming from every direction. The police rushed into the house with their guns drawn and they untied the twins.

My daughter didn't even try to hide her nakedness as she led them to her would be rapist lying still in his own blood on her bed. In my panic I had forgotten all about him. They checked for a pulse and told us he was dead. Now I'd killed two men; one deserved it; one didn't.

I heard Laura berating me to the police as they tried to get her to put some clothes on; the ambulance was on still its way.

She ended up half crying and half screaming at them, "My mother caused all this to happen; she's a whore. She killed our father then brought that man into our house and he tried to rape me. He told me my little sister was next then my two brothers if I didn't co-operate; he kept beating me.

I hope she burns in hell for totally destroying our lives. I hate her so much and I wish she was dead. I'll never ever forgive her! EVER!"

The police organised for my neighbours to look after my other three children until my parents could get there to pick them up as we rushed Laura to hospital. Tests were made and samples were taken as well as questions asked and statements taken.

It was then I discovered Laura had been sexually active since she had seen me fucking Michael; she made no secret about it when she was interviewed and even told how my parents had caught her fucking some boys from school one afternoon in her bedroom and put her on the pill; they could stop her promiscuity and she was still sexually active.

My brief affair was having ramifications I could never have dreamed of. When they were finished with us they drove us to my parent's home as my house was still full of forensic police for a few more hours.

Next morning, my mother said she would drive me home as my presence was upsetting my children and my father. I was distraught realizing he still couldn't forgive me for cuckolding my husband and ultimately being responsible for his death; at least my mother was still taking to me; be it barely.

My children led by Laura were very vocal in their total refusal to come home with me and they demanded to stay with my parents forever. They all blamed me now for what had happened to their father as well as what happened to Laura and refused to stay with me or even talk with me again. There was no love in their eyes for me now; no hugs and no kisses good-bye; there was nothing for me and I had no one.

Even my parents and siblings disowned me. I was living a nightmare; a real living hell.

Weeks went past and my children refused to live with me now so I formalized my parents fostering the four of them and arranged for my family payments to be paid to them from now on. All of their toys and clothes had gradually been taken to my parents anyway.

I could do little else as they all refused to accept me as their mother any longer; they wouldn't even acknowledge I was alive and Laura's words telling me she wished I was dead kept ringing in my head. I had screwed up everyone's lives.

I thought about my dream last night again. It was so real; it was the same every night lately. I had woken in a sweat each time and yet I knew they had only been dreams.

James had come into our room while I was asleep and I woke with him sucking and rubbing my clit like he used to. After I came he moved up my body and sucked on my nipples as I felt his hard cock positioned at the entrance to my pussy. It felt like heaven when I felt the wetness from his pre-cum as his knob rubbed against my sex teasing me.

From experience, I knew what was coming as he moved higher and kissed me passionately as he pushed his tongue into my mouth. As we kissed I opened my legs wide so that my pussy lips gaped; his cock opened my pussy lips further as it pushed its way deep into me then we moved together like a well-oiled machine. I came as I tightened my pussy muscles to heighten our pleasure. He kept sliding in and out of my pussy so gently until I orgasmed again and again, then he sped up and deposited his cum in me when he orgasmed as well. He fucked me just the way I loved it as I continued to orgasm.

I woke with a start thinking James had really made love to me and the past 12 months had all been a nightmare. I turned to where he should've been lying; next to me but he wasn't there; there was just an empty space beside me.

I ran to the bathroom in case he was there; he wasn't. Then I raced through the house like a madman calling his name as I searched every room for him. It all was coming back to me now; the man I had loved for such a long time was no longer with me; he was dead and I was the cause.

Slowly I dragged myself back to my empty, lonely bed and as I lay down I held his pillow to my face to smell his scent. I wanted to join him; I needed to be with him.

Thinking about it, I couldn't believe I had been unfaithful to James; he was such a better lover when I let him; so passionate and so gentle and caring; why had I refused him for so long. Why did I find excitement with another man and hurt James so much? I missed him so much and kept looking for him every time I entered any room in the house. I still cried every day for James and I cried for my complete and total loneliness.

My home was only an empty shell now; it was just a house. My parents told me I should sell it and get a small apartment but it was my last link to James; I had memories of him in every room. I could still hear him calling the kids in from outside at meal times or celebrating in front of the television when his football team won.

Frequently I found myself talking to him or making two cups of coffee instead of one; I was sure in my heart he answered sometimes. At times I could even feel him near me; watching.

Oh god, I missed him so much.

Our anniversary was close as I completed my research on the internet. My parents were right and my house should be sold. I decided it was time to move on so went to my lawyer to discuss selling the house when I was gone and gave them my power of attorney in case it was needed. While I was there I updated my will.

Then I visited James' grave like I did most days now and sat next to him and cried for hours telling him my plans and that I loved him so much. I pleaded for him to forgive me like I did every day. Before I left the graveyard the sexton came down to see me to tell me they'd maintain the grave sites as I requested as I wouldn't be able to do it any longer.

I went home and wrote a letter to my parents thanking them for looking after my children and left details of my lawyer who held the deed to the house and my will. Then I wrote each of my children a letter telling them how much I loved them and deeply regreted hurting everyone like I did, I would miss each of them so much but I had to be elsewhere; my life was empty and there was no longer a future for me here. I then put the envelopes on the kitchen table where they'd be easily found; each letter was labelled with their names and a photo of us as a complete family was attached to it.

My eyes opened slowly, I was praying he was beside me; he wasn't. It was our anniversary. I got out of bed and searched the house just in case; even the mantle clock had stopped ticking. I returned to my room and made the bed for the first time in months then I searched my ageing wardrobe.

I wanted to look my best so chose two outfits James had loved and laid them both out on the bed along with two sets of the sexiest underwear James had bought me to take on our cruise; I remembered I had never worn them for him. One outfit was to wear now and the other was for later; I thought I'd look rather nice in it. After that I went for a long shower.

With the hot water streaming down onto my chest I closed my eyes and could feel James's hands my on breasts and he excited my nipples by circling them lightly with his fingers; then I spoilt it by opening my eyes and he was gone again. I turned the shower off, dried myself and then dressed in the outfit James liked best then returned to the kitchen.

A short open letter I wrote was left on the table explaining where I could be found in case they were looking for me as I didn't want anyone to worry about me and listing me as a missing person; that would be a waste of everyone's time.

In any case, I was sure no-one would wonder where I was for a week or more anyway; not even my parents and definitely not my children. In fact, no one worried about me anymore; no phone calls and no visits, not even from my neighbours or old friends.

Tears filled my eyes as I tried phoning my children to hear their voices again before I left them. I was glad their phone was engaged as hearing them might've made me change my mind. I walked through my house one last time soaking in the memories that came flooding back to me; each room was so special. I could hear all their laughter and remembered all the good times we'd had as a loving family during all those years.

Then I collected what I needed and hopped into James' car that I'd kept parked in the garage since it was returned to me by the police, and I left for his favourite park one last time.

I cried as I drove to the place I felt so familiar with now after having visited it so many times in the past twelve months. I would come here every chance I could just to sit quietly with my treasured memories and cry. I knew where I had to park his car; just where he had. I'd practised what I had to do.

Our favourite CD was playing and I listened to the songs we loved the most and used to sing along with together a very long time ago when times were better for us.

All the time I kept thinking of James and hoping he'd be waiting there for me so I could spend eternity with him. If he wasn't, it would be a long time in Hell for me. If that was the price I'd have to pay for my infidelity and what I'd done to him, then so be it.

As I drifted off to sleep to the vibration and gentle noise of the motor I heard James start singing along with the song he loved the best that happened to be playing. I opened my eyes and looked across and saw him sitting next to me, looking and smiling at me as he sang his favourite love song; our song.

He reached out his hand to me and I held out mine to him as I felt him for the first time in a year; I knew I wasn't dreaming this time. He moved closer to me then he put his hand to my cheek like he used to, then we hugged and kissed passionately for the first time in over seven years.

I whispered, "Happy Anniversary, James. I love you and I've missed you so much."

His face was touching mine as we both cried when we kissed. As I closed my eyes again I could feel our combined tears rolling down my cheeks; my arms were holding him so tightly and I knew I'd never let him go again.

Epilogue

Next morning at breakfast four children were bubbly and the youngest two were so excited. Their grandparents listened to them all talking at once as they tried to understand what the kids were saying. It took a few minutes then they finally understood as each child told the others how their mother and father had been to see them during the night. They all told the same story; their parents were happy and holding hands. They had come to tell each of them they were together again like they were always meant to be.

Their grandmother went white and reached for her husband to steady herself. He was struggling himself and was trying to sit down before he collapsed.

They hurried their grandchildren to get ready and dropped them at school early then raced to their daughter's house. They let themselves in with the spare key they kept then repeatedly called out to Amy until they saw the letters on the table.

Praying silently in their hearts for their daughter, they sat at the table and picked up the open letter. The letter confirmed their greatest fears and they knew where she was; they'd been there before as well.

Both started crying uncontrollably as they moved together holding each other tightly as they remembered how harshly they'd all treated her since James' death; particularly when they knew of her illness. They were finally crying for Amy. What made it so much worse for them was that their tears were too late for her now.

Fin.