Hard and Soft

Copyright Oggbashan February 2005

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons.

It started at Amanda's disastrous reunion on New Year's Eve. She had invited all our year at University to a local club. I accepted immediately. Amanda had been my dream partner when I was a student. She had barely noticed me. I knew that Diana was going as well. All three of us were buying apartments in the same block so we were aware of each other's comings and goings. As soon as Diana and I had accepted Amanda co-opted us into helping with the organisation.

We had been at university together. Amanda had been the pack mother, the one who made sure that her friends ate properly, that their buttons were sewn on, that they went back home with at least some clean clothes. She was always impeccably dressed in a skirt or dress. Amanda was never seen without her make-up, nor with dishevelled hair, yet she seemed to achieve the result with absolutely no effort. Most of us were slouching around in shapeless casual clothes. Me? I was the studious nerd who lent out his lecture notes, helped with essays and fixed ailing computers.

Diana had been rarely in the same group with Amanda and I. Diana was the active sportswoman, a talented individual athlete, never a team player. We were friends because sometimes she needed me for my computer skills. I was glad to be associated, even if rarely, with such a prominent personality. When I walked across the campus with Diana I knew that some would be jealous of me. She was not classically beautiful. Her bone structure and muscles were too pronounced. It was how she walked that attracted attention. She prowled as if she was a hunting tigress. Her straight glossy black hair swung as she strode about and lashed as she ran and jumped. I could watch Diana for hours. To me she was an unattainable icon. I was one of many students, male and female, who were fascinated by Diana.

The three of us worked hard under Amanda's direction. We arranged table plans, reassured those who were concerned about the reputation of the club that we had a separate area for our reunion, helped organise baby-sitters from friends and relations – the list seemed endless. All that effort for an event we would want to forget.

I enjoyed their company in Amanda's flat while we worked. We chased up leads to find old students. We sent out invitations and tried again if the addressee had moved. I used my computer skills to trace some of the more elusive ones. I found myself attracted to both women in different ways. Amanda had become less fussy, less precise about assessing people by their clothes. Diana wasn't the fanatical athlete she had been. Those traits were still present with the sharp edges abraded by ten years of living and working.

The event itself was a frost, a disaster. Some reverted to their student personalities. Others insisted on standing aloof, on their dignity as solid citizens. The trouble was that we weren't the same people we had been at University. Ten years on most of us were married with children and even those that weren't were respectable pillars of society. The event was stiff and stilted from the start. Those who had some distance to travel precipitated the early finish. Their departure was the signal for a general exodus. By then the three of us knew we had failed.

We had paired up with some of the other unmarried guests. Amanda's partner for the evening was sprawled across a bench snoring drunkenly. Diana's escort was in the men's room as he had been on and off all evening. The woman who had attached herself to me was reported to be crouched over a toilet seat voiding her stomach.

We had been drinking more than we should and perhaps all three of us were disappointed at the outcome of the reunion but we started talking about why we three were still single. Diana started the conversation.

"I don't know what that man does in the toilet for so long," she complained. "It can't be the quantity he's drunk. He's been on shorts and not that many of them. I suppose he's snorting a line. Just my luck. I seem to attract the losers. I wish..."

"What do you wish, Diana?" Amanda asked.

"I wish I could find a man who is actively interested in sports, free of unpleasant habits and reasonably attentive to me. I didn't think that was much to ask for. Ten years on I'd settle for the last two attributes."

Diana looked at me meaningfully. I didn't take the hint. Diana scares me. She is so intense about everything she does. I was sure I wasn't fit enough to be a potential date. I am reasonably fit. Diana has higher standards than a mere 'reasonable'. Amanda saved me from an embarrassing silence.

"All I wanted was someone presentable who could look after himself without needing me to do all the 'womanly' things. When we were students that meant that most of the men were ineligible. They all looked scruffy. Those few that looked neatly dressed tonight were some of the married ones. Their wives ensure their shirts are ironed and their appearance is maintained. Andy here is the only unmarried one who looks as if he cared about his image. He used to be as messy as everyone else. Perhaps there is a woman behind the change?"

Amanda's look told me that she wanted an answer.

"No women involved. It's because I have to represent my company," I said. "The backroom boys can be as untidy as they like. The boss has to look smart to impress potential clients and the bankers. Apart from that I haven't had time to look for a potential partner. The last few years I have been working all the hours I can to get the company established. This year I will be taking my first holiday since I graduated. The time I have spent with you two organising tonight has been a break. I've enjoyed it as a change."

We continued talking and raised our plans for the immediate future while waiting for the missing ones to return. Amanda would be visiting her folks who had moved to Spain. She would return in early February. Diana would be busy until mid-January when she planned to practise some rock-climbing for a holiday at Easter. Rather her than me. I had been rock-climbing once with Diana. She was amazingly competent making my efforts look clumsy and amateurish. I could climb if that was the only way to get to where I wanted. Diana climbed because that was what she wanted to do. She chose the hardest and most challenging route if there were alternatives.

I had to travel to see a potential client and then I might have some free time. My parents had bought themselves a new tent for Christmas. Their old tent was now mine. I think it was a hint that I needed to relax. I hoped to use the tent later in the year. Although I had erected it with help I was convinced it could be done single-handed. If it could I would use it for travelling Europe in early Summer. Diana was interested. Amanda wasn't. She isn't the camping type. She prefers her creature comforts. Diana and I were trying to explain that a modern campsite provided comforts and there was no need to rough it. Diana's preference for 'roughing it' came through. Amanda agreed to take our word that camping could be comfortable.

When Diana had volunteered to check that my evening's partner got a taxi I had summoned up the courage to ask Amanda to the Valentine Dinner Dance. She accepted. That turned that disastrous evening into a success. I was living in the daze of expectation that starts what you hope will be a meaningful relationship. I wasn't counting my chickens yet I hoped that this would be the start of something great.

We poured Amanda's escort into another taxi. I couldn't find Diana's toilet-loving partner. We assumed he had gone. We had to wait a long time for a taxi to take the three of us. During the short ride Diana and Amanda took turns to kiss me. That was a surprise, a very enjoyable surprise, that kept me awake wondering what I had done to deserve the kissing. Perhaps just staying awake and reasonably sober had been enough? I was afraid that they meant more and that both of them were competing for me. I knew I was not capable of starting a relationship with Diana. Even ten years ago she had been frightening. Now she seemed more available yet still the same hungry tigress.

We parted as friends. I was kissed simultaneously on both cheeks as we went to our separate flats. I crawled into bed. Diana and Amanda haunted my dreams. They are very attractive women. Why did I spend the whole night fleeing from them?

Amanda and I were in touch by email while she was away. They were innocuous enough with a hint that there might be an underlying message. Both of us knew that our mails couldn't be completely secure. Even the couple of phone calls between us had been bland. I thought that we were both expecting something more for Valentine's Day.

I passed Diana in the street a few times. We stopped to exchange a few words. I thought that she wanted more. I didn't give her the opportunity.

Then the weekend was cold but bright for mid-January. I took advantage of the unexpectedly good weather to try out the frame tent. I wanted to see if I could erect it unaided and what utensils I would need. More important would be to find out what I didn't need.

I saw Diana arrive with two friends. As her friends pulled equipment out of a four-wheel drive she came over to me. I had just finished setting up the tent.

"I see that you can do it alone," she said.

"Yes," I replied. "It would be quicker and easier with another pair of hands. There are usually people willing to help at most campsites. I can do it by myself if I have to. What are you doing here?"

"We're climbing on the rock face. We're keeping in trim for some climbing in Snowdonia. The weather is so good today that we thought we'd take advantage of it."

"Rather you than me," I replied.

Diana's friends waved at her. She wandered off to join them.

I unfolded the kitchen, connected the gas bottle and made some coffee. I shared it with the only other people mad enough to camp in January. After I had washed up I decided to see how Diana and her friends were doing. It was a short walk through a wood to the rock face. I thought I would watch them for a few minutes before walking the mile or two to the pub.

As I cleared the wood an ambulance was loading two people. Diana was standing by the ambulance, her face white and a tear running down her cheek. I had never seen her cry before. She needed me or someone. I couldn't refuse to help even though she never said a word. The unexpected tears in her eyes were an appeal I couldn't resist. I didn't think that I might jeopardise my prospects with Amanda. A friend needed me. That was enough. I walked straight up to her and opened my arms. She buried her face against my neck. I hugged her gently. Even so I felt her flinch.

Gratitude is no basis for a loving relationship. If I hadn't come across Diana when she needed help we would never have been together. We are too different. She is as hard as nails. She says that I am as soft as... whatever noun she thinks is appropriate at the time.

"What's happened, Diana?" I asked.

Her muffled voice replied: "We slipped. Karen and Charlotte are injured. I think both have broken limbs."

"What about you?"

"I've wrenched some muscles and I'm bruised. Nothing's broken. I wish something was. It was my idea to go climbing today. I was leading and I should have protected them."

"These things happen, Diana," I replied. "There is always a risk. I am sure you did your best..."

"...I'm NOT sure I did, Andy. If I had been properly belayed, Karen's slip wouldn't have mattered. Or if I'd noticed that the foothold was fragile... When she fell, she went too far and knocked Charlotte off her hold. Both crashed against the face."

I leapt at the hint.

"So they didn't fall all the way?"

"Of course not!" Diana retorted. "I was belayed. Karen fell about ten feet. Charlotte fell about the same distance. I lowered them down to the ground and then dialled for the ambulance."

"So why are you blaming yourself?" I asked. Diana looked at me. The tears still glistened on her face.

"I was in charge. I was responsible for them. Of course I blame myself."

The ambulance crew shut the ambulance doors. One of the paramedics came towards us.

"Are you sure you will be OK?" He asked Diana.

"Yes," she replied shortly. "Get them to hospital. I'll be alright."

"If she isn't," I added, "I'll look after her."

The paramedic looked at me. It was the sort of look that means 'rather you than me, mate'. I know how he felt. Trying to get Diana to do something she doesn't want to do is almost impossible.

The ambulance drove off. As it reached the road the sirens and blue lights started.

"Come on," I said, "Back to the campsite."

Only then did I know how hurt Diana was. I had to support her all the way. That quarter of a mile was a severe strain for her. I took her into my tent and sat her in the only chair.

"You should have gone to the hospital too," I announced.

To my surprise Diana didn't disagree.

"There was no room. Karen and Charlotte were hurt more than I was. I thought I could manage..."

"And you can't. I'll take you to the Accident and Emergency unit. They should check you over. Where are your things?"

"Oh shit!" Diana spat out. "Karen's got the keys to the four wheel drive. Our climbing things are still at the rock face and I can't get it."

"Don't worry," I said. "I'll get the climbing gear then we'll drive you to the hospital. We'll get the keys from Karen and then I retrieve the vehicle. Can you wait ten minutes while I get the gear?"

"Of course."

There was no 'of course' about it. Diana's face was grey with pain. I took her at her word. Their gear was expensive and just lying around for anyone to pick up. Carrying all of it was an effort even for me. I loaded it into the car and then eased Diana into the passenger seat.

While she settled herself I had a quick word with the other campers. They had seen the ambulance drive down the road and that Diana was in pain. I told them what had happened and asked if they could strike and pack the tent for me. They agreed and told me to get going to the hospital.

I had to drive slowly and carefully. Every bump hurt Diana.

At the hospital I pulled up outside the A&E Unit and helped Diana inside. While the receptionist was taking details I parked my car and returned. I entered to see Diana talking to an older couple.

"Andy. These are Karen's parents."

"How is she?" I asked.

Karen's father replied. "She has a broken leg. It is a simple fracture that should heal well. If it hadn't been for Diana..."

"I didn't do anything!' she protested.

"Oh yes, you did," retorted Karen's father. "You were belayed. That stopped both of them falling to the bottom. You held them and then lowered them safely to the ground. Considering that you were the least experienced of the three you should be proud of yourself, Diana."

'The least experienced?' I hadn't known that. The others must be experts.

"How is Charlotte?" I asked.

"Better than Karen. She has a twisted ankle and severe bruising. She dislocated her shoulder but that has been put back already. She should be able to go home when her parents arrive. They should be here in about an hour."

At that point a nurse with a wheelchair came to collect Diana. As she was being wheeled away she turned and said:

"Karen's car!"

"OK," I replied. "We'll sort that out."

We did. While Karen's mother stayed at the hospital to look out for Charlotte's parents and to keep in touch with what was happening to the three injured women I drive Karen's father back to the campsite. There I unloaded the gear into the four-wheel drive, put my neatly stacked tent into my car and thanked the campers for their help. I led the way back to the hospital.

In the car park Karen's father and I sorted Karen's and Charlotte's items from Diana's. I put those things that were Diana's into my car.

Back in the reception area Charlotte was clutching two crutches as she sat beside Karen's mother. Karen's father explained that her belongings were now in the four-wheel drive waiting for her parents. They arrived as he finished. Since Charlotte was discharged and her parents had commitments they wanted to leave as soon as possible. I trudged back to the car park to help transfer Charlotte's kit. Charlotte asked to speak to me alone. Her parents left her with me.

"Andy. Please tell Diana that she did what she was supposed to do and did it well. It wasn't her fault. The piece of rock that broke under Karen could have broken at any time. I don't think anyone could have foreseen that. She saved all three of us because she had done the right thing."

"Why was she leading?" I asked.

"Because she knew the rock face and we wanted to see how good she is. She is good. Diana is good enough for Karen and I to trust with our lives. We did. She saved them. When we three are better we want Diana to come climbing with us again. Please tell her that."

Charlotte knew what she was saying. She and Karen absolved Diana of all blame. I promised to tell Diana.

Karen would be able to leave with her parents as soon as her leg was in plaster. I still had no news of Diana when Karen left. She had been in the unit for three hours. Finally I decided to ask how she was. The receptionist desk had to check the chart.

"She's through those doors lying on a trolley. Are you her boyfriend?"

I nodded. I wasn't but I was the only one there for Diana.

"OK. You can go and see her. She's waiting for a doctor to give her clearance to leave. She'll need a wheelchair and bed rest for a few days. Can you make sure she gets home?"

"Yes," I replied. "Bed rest? Does that mean she should stay in bed all the time?"

"Yes. If you ask the doctor he'll arrange for the wheelchair and a disposable bedpan. She'll need one. Will that be a problem?"

"No."

What was I saying? I was committing myself to care for Diana. Would she object? The only way to find out was to ask her. I thanked the receptionist and went to find Diana.

She looked very drawn and tired. Her eyes opened as I stopped by her trolley.

"Andy?"

"Yes, Diana. How are you feeling?"

"Dreadful. Every bit of me seems to have been battered. I had some painkiller a couple of hours ago. It's wearing off..."

The doctor arrived before I could ask about the implications of 'bed rest'.

"Is he your boyfriend?" He asked Diana. She looked at me before nodding. That committed me.

"OK. Then he can take you home." The doctor turned to me.

"Here is a chit for a wheelchair. The receptionist will tell you where to get it. Please bring it back when she doesn't need it any more. OK?"

"Yes," I replied. Then I whispered to him "Bedpan?"

"Of course." The doctor took the chit back and scribbled on it. "Diana?"

"Yes?"

"You should go to bed as soon as you get there and STAY in bed for at least three days. Here is some salve or ointment. That should be applied gently and carefully to the bruised places every six hours. And these are the painkillers you need for that time."

He handed me a small plastic bottle.

"Two every four hours. Not more than that. Here's a prescription for later. After the three days you should take one of the other tablets every four hours. If you need to, you can take two but DON'T increase the first painkiller. Do you both understand?"

We nodded.

"Right, Diana. As soon as your boyfriend has collected your wheelchair you can go. Make an appointment to see your own doctor at the end of the week."