tagHumor & SatireHarmless Office Fun

Harmless Office Fun


I left the apartment a few hours earlier that day so I could hit the gym before work. After I did my usual workout routine, I took a nice long shower, dried off thoroughly and went off to work. My office building was right next to the gym so it was very convenient. Many of the people in the company use that gym for that reason and because of that the gym owner gives anyone who works at the company a membership discount.

When I got off the elevator to my floor I was walking up to my office when I was approached by my best friend, DJ. The smile on his face indicated one thing; he scored last night and wanted to brag about it.

"It was a bartender, I never had a hot bartender before," he said.

"I have, three times," I told him.

"That was before you got married and became lame," he said.

"Don't knock it, until you try it."


We got to my office and he was still trying to tell me about the hot bartender he scored with. I have to admit, even though I'm happy to be married, I do kind of miss the bachelor life, and sometimes I do enjoy hearing DJ's stories of his conquests.

I was sitting behind my desk looking over yesterday's paperwork while DJ was sitting across from me with his feet on the edge of the desk, taking his time to get the point of his story.

"So we were in the storage room of the bar, I had her shirt off, hands on her tits—"

There was a knock on the door and DJ suddenly went silent. I looked up and saw Fiona Miles, one of my best sales reps, standing at the door holding a few files in her hands.

"Don't stop on my account," she said smiling.

"I... uh..." DJ stammered.

"Go on, you had your hands on her tits, and..." she was waiting for him to finish.

"Yeah, DJ, finish your story," I said smiling at him.

"And I... finished giving her a breast exam and said, hey you're fine. Helped her get her shirt back on and went back home alone."

"Wow," she said. "That was pathetic, DJ. My three year old niece can come up with something better than that."

"Can I help you, Fiona?" I asked.

"I just need you to look over these files," she said.

I got out of my chair and we walked up to each other. She handed me the files she had and I gave them each a glance.

"I saw you at the gym this morning, Bill," she said. "You were really pushing yourself."

"Yeah, I thought it was time to add a few extra pounds on the weights."

"Don't strain yourself too hard," she said and put her hand on my biceps. "You'll burst out of your clothes."

"I'm careful," I said while still reading the files and marking the changes with my pen.

"Too bad you weren't on the treadmill, we could've had a good run together," she said.

"I usually do, but I forgot this time. Maybe next time we see each other," I said handing the files back to her.

"It's a date," she said and walked out the room.

"Dude," said DJ as he got up from his chair. "Are you completely oblivious?"

"Why do you say that?"

"She was totally flirting with you?"

"What?" I said. "No, not Fiona, she knows I'm married."

"She knows, but doesn't care."

"Are you saying she wants me?"

"I don't think so she's not stupid to go after a married man. But that doesn't mean she doesn't like to flirt."

"So what should I do about it?" I asked.

"You flirt back," he said.

"I can't do that."

"Sure you can. And don't say 'but I'm married'. It's only a little harmless office fun, that's all. Don't you kind of miss it, flirting with other women? Just give it a try.

"I don't know," I said.

"I'm not saying sleep with her; just flirt back a little the next time she does it. You'll probably enjoy yourself for once."


The next four hours I made a bunch of phone calls, set up some new appointments, fixed a few problems in the budget, and so on until it was lunch time. I went out for lunch and I thought DJ was going to join me, but he was too busy getting turned down by that girl he likes in accounting for the fifth time.

So there I was, sitting in the cafeteria, eating my turkey sandwich. There was only a few other people there, all doing there own thing so I didn't bother them and sat alone. But I was only alone for a few minutes when Fiona showed up.

"Mind if I join you?" She asked, but she was already sitting down by then.

"Sure," I said.

The conversation I had with DJ came back to me and it made me look at Fiona a different way. She had long blonde hair, beautiful green eyes and lips, a great body from what I could see. I tried not to look at her body too much because of the sexual harassment we all had to go to a couple of weeks ago that was a result of some of DJ's office antics. But I could tell she had a great ass and great breasts, almost the same size as my wife's, and it was that last thought that made me go back to my sandwich.

"You eating healthy, I see," she said.

I was eating a lite turkey sandwich on wheat with grape-flavored vitamin water.

"Got to stay fit," I replied.

"You don't need help there," she said as she looked at my chest and went back to her meal. "I gotta do more to get off some of this weight I recently gained."

"Oh, come on," I said. "You look great."

She looked at me and smiled.

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, I've seen you at the gym, you look amazing. You have an amazing... body."

When I said that lat part I suddenly got real nervous. What if I went too far and she took offense?

"Thanks," she said with a bigger smile. "I didn't think you ever noticed me."

"Hey, I may be married, but I'm not blind."

She giggled, it was very cute.

"I'm glad you said that," she said as she put her hand on my lap.

"Huh?" I said. I couldn't think straight with he hand on my lap, her fingers just on the inside of my thigh.

"Just to let you know," she said softly. "I don't care if you're married. Anytime you want me, anywhere, I'll be ready."

"Huh?" is all I could say again.

She finished the last bit of her meal and walked away. She dumped her tray contents in the trash can and before she left the cafeteria she looked back at me and gave me a wink.


I called DJ into my office and slammed the door behind him. He saw how upset I was and got nervous.

"What's up bro?" he said. "If it's about that Perkins account, I told you I fixed that situation and I got more money out of it."

"That's not why I called you in here," I said.

I told him about the conversation I had with Fiona. He was astonished.

"Dude," he said. "You got game."

"Don't joke, what am I supposed to do?"

"Two things," he began to say. "One, you tell her firmly but politely, that you are not interested and tell her what she said was not appropriate behavior. Or two, you take up her offer."

"What?" I yelled at him.

"I'm kidding. I know you could never do that. Just tell her you're not interested, that's all."


An hour later, I called Fiona into my office. When she came in I closed the door behind her and locked the door.

"Oh, so soon," she said with a wicked smile.

"What?" I asked.

"You locked the door, what else could that mean?" she said as she undid the top button of her blouse.

"Oh, no, that's not it," I said nervously and went to unlock the door.

"I just wanted to tell you—"

The door opened suddenly and to my surprise, my wife, Janet, came into the door.

"I just wanted to tell you, you did an excellent job on the Perkins account, and I wanted to tell you that I'm giving you the Knowles account for what you had done."

I gave her the files for the Knowles account and she thanked me for the opportunity to work on a big account like them. She left the room and it was just me and my wife, I forgot she was coming over to get me took look over the new rug samples for the house we were buying.

"She was pretty," said Janet, smiling.


"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," she said.

"Oh, Fiona, yeah she's alright."

Janet laughed. Apparently, she thought I was being cute and pretended not to notice how pretty Fiona was. We had this conversation before, we don't mind if we think other people are attractive as long as we only have eyes for each other. If she only knew what was going on, she wouldn't be laughing.

We went through the carpet samples pretty quick and found the ones we liked. Janet left to go check out some furniture she had her eyes on. Afterwards Fiona showed up in the doorway.

"I just wanted to let you know," she said. "Almost getting caught only made this more exciting."

She left and slammed my head down on the desk.


"What the hell?" DJ yelled as he barged into my office.

"What?" I asked.

"You not only gave Fiona credit for the Perkins account but you gave her the Knowles account as well. I know more about that account than anybody, I deserve that account. She offers to sleep with you and you stab me in the back like that."

"Would you shut up and let me explain?" I said.

I told him about what had happened earlier; he settled down and had a good laugh over it. Then he got upset that my personal life was affecting his career. I then offered him the Jenkins account, which was something bigger, and that made him get over it all.

"Now I don't know what to do," I told him.

"This is what you do," he began to say. "It was like I said before; you need to let her down. But with all the distractions in the office it would be difficult. So what you have to do is to get her alone. She said she was going to stay after work a few extra hours to look over that Knowles account. So when everybody is gone, get her alone in her office, and that's when you let her down."

"Wait until everybody is out of the office and get her alone? That's your plan?"

DJ thought a moment. "Now that you said it, it does sound like a plot in a porno film. But I think if you set your foot down right away, you should be ok."

I thought about it for little while and agreed that that's the best course of action.

"Just remember, let her down easily. You still have to work with her tomorrow."


I called Janet on her cell and told he I would be home late, telling her it was work related. Technically it was true, because this was definitely interfering with my work and it needed to be dealt with immediately.

Everybody left the office by 5:30, and just as DJ said, Fiona was in her office. I took a few minutes practicing what I was going to say. I never had to break up with someone who I was never involved with before. Also, like DJ said, I had to let her down easily because I still had to work with her.

When I was ready I called Fiona and asked her to meet me in my office. As soon as I hung up I realized what a bad idea that was, it would only give her more signals that I wasn't trying to give.

A few minutes later Fiona walked into my office and shut the door.

"Alone at last," she said.

"Listen we have to talk," I said.

"We could talk," she said. The she opened the top three buttons on her blouse, "or we could play."

"That's what I want to talk to you about. You have to understand, that before in the cafeteria... can you please stop that?"

She had all the buttons on her blouse undone, but the blouse wasn't opened just yet. I had to admit that seeing her like that, I really did want to see her naked at that point, but needed to stay strong.

"I am not interested in what you have to offer," I said firmly.

"Sure, you are," she said and gave a little giggle. "You flirt with me in the cafeteria, telling me that you noticed my body, and then you gave me the Knowles account, that was a big sign."

"Say what?"

"Everybody knows that DJ deserved that account, there's only one reason why you gave it to me."

Nothing that happened today was going the way I wanted.

"Its more complicated than that—"I began to say.

"Enough talking," she said.

She opened up her blouse and revealed her lacey white bra. The bra gave her breasts a great push up and an excellent cleavage. I stood there frozen, not knowing what to do next. She walked up to me, and I backed away. I kept talking to her, trying to explain the situation but I only stammered my explanation and she thought it was me just being nervous, which only made it seem hotter too her. I back up until I hit the wall and she was right up against me.

"You know you want this," she said. "Just let it happen."

I was going to say something, but she gave me a big kiss on the mouth and I just shut myself up. She got on her knees and quickly undid my belt and zipper. Before I could do anything, she pulled down my pants and boxers at the same time and fully erect dick just flung out right into her face. She grabbed it by the hand and began stroking me.

"Just as big as I hoped," she said.

I didn't know what I was doing, I could've stopped her but for some reason I wasn't. She opened her mouth wide and put my dick into her mouth. Her lips were firmly sealed around my shaft, her tongue massaging it as it went up and down. She moaned with each pump into her mouth. With one hand she was grabbing my testicles and massaging them gently between her fingers. Every now and then she would take my dick all the way to the back of her throat, gagged a little before pulling it out of her mouth and resumed her work.

At that point I didn't care about anything else. I didn't care about Janet, or my career, I just wanted to fuck Fiona right here in my office. After a few more minutes of her sucking me off, I got her back on her feet and bent her over the desk. I got from behind her and lifted her skirt. She was wearing a black thong which I grabbed and pulled downwards until it hit the floor. I grabbed her by the hips as I shoved my dick right inside her. It was warm and very tight too, not like Janet's pussy. This was a pussy that every woman should have. I was pushing myself in her fast and hard, she moaned with each thrust into her pussy. I gave her ass a few good slaps which she seemed to love so I did it some more.

I pulled out of her and turned her around to face her. She had a big smile on her face. She grabbed me and kissed me hard. I pushed her away and gave her a good slap on the face which she loved because she asked me to do it again and I did. I pulled down her bra to her waste by the straps. I grabbed her tits and began sucking on each one like they were mountains of candy. I took her nipples into my mouth and gently bit and pulled on them.

I shoved my dick back into her, our bodies were pressed hard against each other; I was holding the edges of the table while she had her nails digging into my back. She screamed into my ear as I pumped myself into her harder and faster.

I slowed down a little so I wouldn't blow my load too soon, I wanted to enjoy this as much as possible. We kissed some more, her tongue wormed its way into my mouth, she tasted great. I quickened my pace again and began fucking her as fast and hard as I did before. She screamed for more and more, I tried to oblige as best I could.

Eventually I couldn't hold it any longer and with one last thrust I shot every ounce of cum I had in me right into her. Her body shook as she went through hew own orgasm as well.

"That was fucking amazing," she said.

"I know," I told her.

"Too bad now I have to sue you for sexual harassment," she said.

I pushed myself away from her, horrified by what she said.

"WHAT?" I yelled.

"Just kidding," she said laughing.

I also laughed, it was kind of funny.

We got dressed we began to talk.

"Don't worry," she said as she was finishing buttoning up her blouse. "Nobody will ever know about this. I have just as much to lose, I have a fiance now."

I laughed a little thinking she was joking.

"No seriously, I'm getting married. Didn't you notice my ring?"

She held up her hand and saw an engagement ring shining into my face.

"Then why did you just have sex with me if you're getting married?" I asked.

"Why did you just have sex with me when you're married?" she replied.

"Touché," I said.

"So we can be with our loved ones and still fool around occasionally. Deal?


We gave each other one last kiss; she let me have one more feel of her tits just for fun and then she left my office.


The next morning I came into the office and ran into DJ. He saw the smile on my face and recognized that smile. It was the same smile he gives me whenever he had just nailed another woman.

"You're the man," he said.

We high-fived each other.

"Yes, I am," I said. "I am the man."


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