Harry Dick's Xmas Revenge

Mickey started to say something, but was interrupted by Jenny's cell phone ringing. "Bitch of the West. What the fuck do you want?" she answered.

Jenny listened but couldn't believe what she was hearing. Finally, she turned to Mickey. "Did you know that fiction characters have a union?"

"What? That's crazy."

"Well, some guy on my phone says he's with the Character Union and someone has filed a complaint." Then into the phone, "So, who filed the complaint?"

The voice on the other end of the phone responded, "Our sister, Brenda LaBoom. She claims your character, Harry Dick, did not have the right sized equipment for a sex scene."

"What? I never wrote a sex scene for Harry. He must have been acting on his own or..." Jenny broke off. "Hey, I'll get back to you. Okay?" Jenny hung up the phone.

"Okay, Mickey. Who wrote the sex scene for Harry Dick? You or Scouries?"

"Well, it was my idea, but Scouries wrote it. Why?"

"And who gave Harry a three inch cock?"

"I don't know anything about that, Jenny."

"Hmm. Scouries then. We need to do something here, but I'm damned if I know what. Maybe..."

Jenny dialed the number of the 3rd Precinct in New York. "This is Jackson. I need to talk to Boney Malone." There was a short wait before Police Inspector Julius (Boney) Malone came on the line.

"Listen, Boney. If you ever wanna fuck Maria again, you'll do this for me. Now listen up..."

Mickey listened to Jenny and couldn't help but laugh when he heard what she had to say.

Buddy (The Turd) Ballzano was minding his own business. That means he was moving from shop to shop along 4th Avenue collection protection money for the mob. He had just entered Frank and Frieda's Flower Shop when he felt someone grab him by the elbow. Whirling around he came face to face with Louis Bonzerello. Buddy was part of the same gang as Louis. He had been for some time and had never reached much status within the gang.

"How's tricks, Turd Boy?"

"What you want, scumbag?"

"Just wanna have a little talk," Louis said cheerfully as he pointed his brand new .38 cal special at Buddy's balls. "You wanna keep those. Right?"

"So talk, Louis."

"You know that building on 9th Avenue? The one that used to be a buggy whip factory?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

"I want you to meet me an some of my friends there at nine tonight. You got that?"

"Fuck off. I got a date."

"Your girlfriend ain't going to be too happy after a blow your balls off, puke. Be there."

"Okay. Okay. I hear you, Louis."

"I'll be there with some friends. We're going to take care of some guy for good."

"So, what's in it for me?"

"I'll have a talk with the old man about you. I have him raise you up to a "made guy". How's that sound?"

"You got a deal. Now put that gun away."

At nine sharp, Louis met Buddy in front of the old buggy whip factory. With him was the biggest woman he'd ever seen. Louis smiled. "I want you to meet Hilda, Turd. She's an intimate part of the plan.

Cautiously, Louis, Buddy and Hilda moved to the corner and down the darkened alley toward Souries back alley office.

"Hey. Who are you guys?" Scouries asked looking up from the copy of Bigger Butts and Boobs he'd been studying intently.

"What do you think, Hilda?" Louis asked.

"Dis da big time writer. I tink I like him a lot," Hilda grinned.

"What the fuck?" Scouries screamed as Buddy pinned his arms from behind and Hilda began tearing off his pants. "Son of a bitch!"

Hilda took out a long length of rope and tied Scouries hands together. Then ran the rope under his desk and tied his feet. Scouries was now stretched out across the desk on his back. Hilda pulled off her mu mu went to work.

"See? Hilda have big tits. You like dem, Loverboy?" she asked sweetly as she smothered him under a fifteen pound boob. Then she reached for his cock.

"No!"

Police sirens could be heard coming down 9th Avenue. Louis looked at Buddy. Time to get out of here. Sounds like Malone and the boys from the 3rd Precinct are right on time. By now Hilda was squatting on Scouries cock, pumping up and down. Louis and Buddy made their way back down the alley and across the street to watch the fun.

Malone arrived just moments later with two squad cars and a photographer from The Times. "This is great. I gotta let Jenny know everything went just right." Louis smiled at the thought of retrieving his precious gun from Harry after this was over as Jenny had promised. Louis had to turn away because of the flashbulbs going off in the alley and the sound of laughter from the cops.

In his office, Harry Dick, Private Detective sat dejected, staring out the window overlooking 3rd Avenue. Maria Gonzoles came in.

"Oh, Harry. I just heard what happened to you. It's so sad. I want to make you feel better."

Harry slowly turned his swivel chair around to face Maria. He couldn't believe his eyes. Maria was butt naked, rubbing her pussy and beckoning to him.

Harry's Cock groaned. "Jenny forgot one thing, Harry. I still have the fucking drip."

"Son of a bitch!" bawled Harry. "Fuck you Jenny Jackson. Fuck you to hell!"