Haunted

Dismal and gloomy. The day matched her mood and as she sat at the table by the window she was content to let the world pass her by. The sun was setting over the buildings; another day of her life was coming to an end. She welcomed its passing; she loved the night. Her shrink said she was an anomaly; most depressives craved the light and its healing affect on their brain. To her darkness was a warm, safe cocoon where she could withdraw to her small apartment and create new worlds. Her writing was her only solace in a world that had no meaning; a world that had passed her by over and over.

The waitress came over and refilled her coffee cup but she barely acknowledged her. How many cups had she had today? How long had she been here? She was drowning in a sea of coffee but the caffeine fueled her fires and her keyboard sang. The small bell on the door jingled and she smiled to herself; her inspiration had arrived. He sat at the counter and she watched as the waitress served him. His affect on women was tangible; the waitress was acting like a simpering idiot. His smile was polite but disinterested and she melted away to lick her wounds. It was always the same; the woman made an advance but quickly retreated. His aloof manner seemed to complement his dark, good looks and women were drawn to him. Time and again she watched as he shot them down.

He was her muse and in the last two months he had figured heavily in her writings. His whole bearing; the way he carried himself had intrigued her. She knew he was as dark as her inside and she used his anonymity to weave a tale of passionate but obsessive love. Can you fall in love with a total stranger? Can you fall in love with someone who only lives on the outskirts of your life? She wasn't sure; she only knew that each night he drank his coffee and left. As he walked past her table he would nod; a simple politeness maybe but her heart beat faster for that moment.

As she finished her coffee she noticed it had started raining and she cursed herself for not bringing an umbrella. Tossing a few bills on the table she buttoned her coat and gave a mental sigh before braving the storm. Thankfully her apartment was only a few blocks away but in this weather it seemed miles. The streets were empty now and she moved quickly through the night as the rain whipped her skirt around her legs. Flashes of lightning illuminated the sidewalk and she sped up. She had no idea if her mind was playing tricks on her but she couldn't shake the feeling she was being followed. She saw the door of her building and her hand combed through her purse as she searched wildly for her keys. She fumbled with the key and started to scream as she heard someone come up behind her. Her fingers searched aimlessly for the keyhole as a hand covered her mouth.

The voice was gruff and she recognized it immediately ... it was him. He took his hand away and stepped back and her body relaxed. Taking the key from her he opened the door and she stepped inside; turning to see if he followed. As they climbed the stairs she could feel his presence and she shivered; a mixture of him and her chilled body. Her fingers shook as she opened her door and for a brief moment she questioned her sanity. He was a stranger in every sense of the word and what she was doing was reckless and stupid. She shoved the thoughts away; for too long she had lived in her safe existence. Tonight was her night to live; if only briefly through another person.

Turning the light on she stepped inside and turned to watch as he locked the door. In the diner she had observed him from afar but now she searched his face. His hair was wet and he brushed the drops away as they trickled down his face. His face was interesting; that was the only way she could explain it. Nothing was in proportion but on him it worked; it made him unique. He wasn't another pretty face but a man; a real man who had a distinct power over her. Her heart was pounding; fear fighting a battle with excitement. She took off her jacket and stepped past him to hang it up. The heat from his body was tangible and she trembled as she felt his hands on her shoulders. She turned into his embrace and all her fear dissolved; this was what she had dreamed of. He had played a central role in so many of her stories and now he was here. To back away now was unthinkable; tomorrow was for regrets.

His hands pushed her hair back out of her face and then his mouth was on hers. Their first kiss was fire; hot, fierce and all consuming. She tasted blood as his tongue searched her mouth and she moaned as her nails dug into his shoulders. His hand twisted in her hair and he pulled her head back to bury his mouth in her throat. She felt the sharp nip of his teeth and she started but his lips soothed the pain. He lifted his head to stare into her eyes and she saw raw desire. Pushing her against the wall he kissed her once more; a long draining kiss that left her limp and breathless. Her hands moved to his chest in a feeble attempt to gain some control but instead they moved over his chest. He wore a thin jacket and she worked the zipper down and helped him shrug out of it.

Words were forgotten; their hands did the talking as they roamed each others bodies. The buttons on her blouse gave way easily. She never wore a bra as her breasts were small and she gasped as his teeth pulled on her nipple. His hand trailed up her leg and she heard her panties rip as he tore them from her body. She started to whimper as she heard the rasp of his zipper. He lifted her up and she felt him guide himself into her. They used no protection but at this point she didn't care. Her life was disposable as far as she cared; there was only this moment and him. Their coupling was fast and hard; her body would carry the bruises for days but she didn't complain. As he carried her to bed she felt like she was in a scene from one of her books but if this was a fantasy she never wanted to wake up.

She awoke with a start; he had left her while she slept as dark and mysterious as ever. She realized they didn't even know each others' names but that would be remedied soon enough. Her world suddenly had new meaning and through the morning her mind drifted back to last night's lovemaking. The soreness in her body attested to their frenzied coupling and she gloried in the fact that she could affect him this way. Her excitement was almost palpable as she walked in the small diner. At any moment he would walk through that door and this time she would be ready. Yes the sex had been wonderful; but she wanted more. For the first time in her life she felt a purpose to life. He was her knight in shining armor; her Sir Galahad. She watched the door in breathless anticipation; her hands trembled and her heart pounded. Her new life was just beginning.

***

She put down the coffee cup; her hands were trembling so much she had trouble holding it. Three months; that was how long it had been since that night. That was how long it had been since she had seen him. The first few days she had waited at the small diner; hoping against hope he would appear. As each day went by she found herself making excuses for him. Maybe he was sick or he was called out of town on business but as the days turned into weeks; then into months she had to face the facts. She had been a one night stand; a cheap night's entertainment for him. The knowledge hurt and for a short time she shoved it to the back of her mind. The problem was it was like a sore tooth; she couldn't resist poking and prodding at it.

Gradually tears and sorrow turned into anger and bitterness. He had used her; he had taken her heart and stomped on it. Did he realize what he had done to her? She tried to rationalize; she tried to think of it as a special night and move on. It didn't work; her heart was in pieces; he had betrayed her and somehow she had to let him know.

She looked up to see the waitress watching her. Was it her imagination or did she know what had happened? The smug smile on the waitress' face was more than she could bear and she threw a few bills on the table and left. On the street she scanned faces; it was her new obsession. Any tall dark haired man was singled out but what were the chances of finding anyone that way? She cursed herself for not getting his name but at the time it was part of his mystique. In fiction the handsome stranger swept the girl off her feet and they lived happily ever after. Well this wasn't a book or a movie; this was real life. She had built a wall to protect herself and in one fell swoop it had been demolished.

The encounter had changed more than just her life but her work. Her writing had always been romantic bodice rippers; the boy meets girl type genre. Over the course of the last few months her writing had grown darker; more introspective. The new words were obsession and revenge and gradually the written words invaded her mind. She began to realize she wanted revenge; she wanted to hurt him the way he hurt her. Her fingers flew on the keys as she put down her thoughts. The story went quickly and as she re-read it she knew it was the best thing she had ever written. How ironic! It took the depths of despair for her to find her true niche. She should have been ecstatic but all she felt was a deep sorrow; a need to end it all.

Her searching took on a new urgency; if he was here she would find him. It became her goal in life; a reason to get out of bed everyday. Gone was the small diner; now she walked the streets searching faces. In her coat pocket was the flick knife she had bought. She had snapped; her fragile psyche had been stretched to its limits. Her life became an endless routine; search all day and write all night. Eating and sleeping were secondary; she became a shell of her former self.

Weeks went by and she was at a breaking point. She hadn't taken her medicine in months; her depression deepened and she merely existed. There had been a moment on the streets one day when she thought she had seen him. She was oblivious to everyone as she pushed past people; her heart was in her throat as she touched his shoulder. The man looked nothing like him; he was a pale imitation and she turned away in disappointment. That night she sat at her window and stared at the moon. She knew her obsession was killing her but she was powerless to stop it. If she was smart she would end it all now; her medicine cabinet was loaded with drugs. Maybe she was a coward or just maybe she wanted to see him once more. She wanted an explanation; he owed her that much.

The summer was here now and the heat was oppressive but she prowled the streets in the heavy winter coat. People stared as she passed them; she made an incongruous image. The heat was the least of her worries as she wandered aimlessly. Today she decided to try the park but it was mostly mothers and little children. She smiled wistfully; she had always wanted children but that was a pipe dream now. Her eyes filled with tears and she had turned to leave when she saw the man out of the corner of her eye. It was him! It was really him this time and she stood quietly and studied his face. The same irregular features; the same dark eyes and her feelings overwhelmed her.

He was on his cell phone and moving slowly she sat by him on the bench just soaking in his image. Her hand was on the flick knife and she let go of it quickly. How could she have even entertained a notion of hurting him? Love fought with hate and love had won out. He must have felt her staring because he looked at her as he shut the phone and stowed it in his pocket. His nod was slight; almost imperceptible like one you gave a stranger. Then it hit her - he didn't recognize her! Had she changed that much? She had lost weight and she wasn't the girl he had taken that night but she hadn't changed that radically. His total indifference infuriated her and reason was left behind. She fumbled in her pocket for the knife and its comfortable weight in her hand reassured her.

As she looked up she realized he had left the bench and was striding quickly towards the corner. She stood up but the combination of the heat and lack of sleep and food made her weak. The world started to go black and she fought it with deep breaths until she felt stronger. By now he was at the curb and preparing to cross the street and she started to run. Her weakened state left her panting but she made it to the curb in time to see him on the other side of the street. With her last burst of energy she ran across the street even as the light changed. She never even heard the squeal of the brakes or saw the gathering of the crowd around her. He leaned over her; concern in his eyes even as the light died from hers.