Heart of Gold

Ilinka thanked Galina and took his hand. She tried to support him, but he recoiled from her touch, so she just led him slowly to their car. At home, she drew a hot bath for him and let him hold onto her until he slowly got into the tub.

He slid under the water, and when he came up, she washed his face and then washed it again. As she began a third time, he stopped her. He looked at her and saw that her eyes were moist, but she didn't say anything. He was happy she didn't. What could she say?

***************

He spent most of Saturday and Sunday in bed. Ilinka went to pick up the children Monday and on the way home explained that their father wasn't feeling well. He went back to work hobbling in pain on Tuesday and hardly moved from behind his desk. It was the same Wednesday. By Thursday, the pain was more intermittent, and he could deal with it better.

He kept feeling it for a few more weeks, but eventually, he realized that most of what he was feeling was in his mind. Ilinka and he pretended for the kids that nothing was unusual, except that he had some aches and pains. He wondered if they saw through their cold politeness.

In bed, they slept with their backs to each other. Looking at her sometimes brought on strong feelings of rage. He decided to wait before talking to her about the divorce, because he was still too emotional about what she had done to him.

About four weeks after their video session, she walked into their bedroom soaking wet and asked him to get her a towel. She had forgotten to put them back after she washed them, and they were still in the drier. When he handed her the towel, she was looking down at him where his boxer shorts were sticking out.

As he quickly turned away and left the bedroom, he realized that in the last week, he had seen a lot more of her body than usual. He was always catching her half-dressed, especially with her beautiful breasts uncovered. It seemed like years since he had touched those breasts.

Was she trying to seduce him into forgetting. Never! Or maybe she was just testing to see if he had any more desire for her.

He realized that his genitals had an agenda of their own, but if he gave in, it would make it harder for him to leave. It was time to talk. He asked her to find out if his parents could take the kids again that weekend. When she said she would take care of it, he heard excitement in her voice. This is what she was waiting for, he thought. Would she be as excited on Saturday morning after he told her how he felt?

Saturday, they ate breakfast in silence, and then she poured them each a second cup of coffee and sat down across from him at the kitchen table. He started thinking about how good her coffee was and shook his head to focus on his anger. He wouldn't say anything because the first person who talked would lose.

It was as if she had read his mind.

"I know the first person who talks loses, so I lose. Tell me what you want to hear, and I'll talk as long as you want."

"You lied about making the video," he said, frightened by the bitter sound of his voice.

"I didn't tell you what you would be doing. That's not lying. Did I lie when I warned you again and again that the medicine would be bitter and you would hate it? I want an answer, Don? Did I lie about that?

"No, you didn't, Ilinka, but-- "

"No buts, Don. Did I lie when I told you I was worried about our marriage? I want an answer."

"No, but that's not what I'm talking about. You said we would make a video. You didn't make a video with me."

"How many times did I tell you that work is work and love is love. Did I tell you I would never work with you? Answer me, Don."

"Yes, you told me, but--

"Stop with the buts, Don. Did you get to spend the day at a porn studio and watch how they made videos? Did you get to watch me working? Were you so close to me that you were almost in the action? Did you see why I used to be a big star? Did you get first-hand experience of what it was like to be a porn actor? Answer me, Don?"

"That's not the point. How could you let them do that to me?"

"Look at me, Don? Are these fake tears? Am I lying when I tell you that work was work -- not fun -- for me? Am I lying when I tell you much worse was done to me than what you experienced? Am I lying when I tell you that what happened to you for less than half an hour was nothing compared to what happened to me for more than a year? Do you believe me, Don? Answer me."

"Ilinka, I'm so sorry --"

"Don't feel sorry for me, Don, and stop crying. I told you before that I was a professional, and I always will be, even if I never make another video. I told you the only way I ever would is if you or the children were starving, but you made me do it anyway. You experienced my world, but you're an amateur. I told you before, if you had been a professional, I would never have married you.

"Now that the loser has talked, I want the winner to talk. I only have a few questions for you, Don, and then I think we're finished here.

"One, are you interested in ever going back to Bozo's studio and making another video? Just say yes or no."

"No."

"Do you want to divorce me?"

He saw her holding her breath. He wanted to say something, but his mind was still stuck on when she told him she had worse things done to her than had been done to him, and they were done to her for a whole year. All he wanted to do was go over to her and hold her and tell her how sorry he was for her suffering.

"Don," she said loudly, breaking his train of thought.

"Yes?"

He saw tears streaming down her face.

"I asked you if you want a divorce. Is that your answer?"

"No, no, Ilinka, of course not," he said. "I was just thinking about what you went through, and I can't tell you how much --"

"Don," she interrupted quickly. "I told you I don't want to hear that anymore. Everything I have -- you, the children. If I had not worked for Bozo that year, I wouldn't be here. I have no regrets about what I did. Don't say anything, Don. I have one last question.

"Can you promise to drop the whole porn industry subject and never ask me about it again?"

Don looked at her and smiled.

"I'm going to be honest, Ilinka," he said. "I may ask you a few questions about what happened that day at the studio. And I'm sure that when I see articles about the industry, I will read them. But if anything I say begins to irritate you, I want you to tell me to shut up, and I will. That's my promise."

Ilinka's eyes blazed and her brows narrowed as she hissed at him.

"So the medicine wasn't strong enough. You need another dose."

She exploded with laughter.

"You silly fool! I'll take your miserable promise. And I promise you no more medicine, just sweet love, no matter how much you exasperate me.

"There's the phone. Are we finished? Should I get it? I wonder who's calling so early on a Saturday morning. I hope the kids are all right."

She answered the phone, and Don heard her saying, "No!" and then laughing. She had a long, animated conversation in her language. When Don started to get up, she motioned for him to stay. He sipped his coffee as he watched her. When the person on the other end was talking, she turned to him and smiled several times.

After she hung up, she sat down across from him again.

"I'm sure you want to hear all about this, Don, since you said you are still interested in the industry. That was Galina."

"Galina told me that if you were tired of me, she'd be glad to take me," he said.

"I know. She came to me right after you were done, and I told her the whole story. She looked at me like I was a monster. When she called later to make her offer, we got to be friends, especially once I told her that I agreed with her that I went too far.


"I'm good at justifying whatever I do, as you heard earlier. But I have to be honest. When I think back, it's hard for me to understand how I could do something like that to the man I love. The only explanation that makes sense is your obsession with my former career drove me temporarily insane.

"Anyway, Galina said you are an international superstar."

"What?"

"More than twenty thousand views so far. A lot of them watch over and over and analyze every second, judging by their comments. And a lot of the commenters are women.

"The women are fighting over you. They all know the plot about the woman punishing you for cheating was made up, but many swear you weren't acting. There's a whole group who think you aren't bisexual and didn't know about the monkey man.

"Everyone can see the repulsion and humiliation in your eyes, and that's why they're obsessed with the video. Most of them think you're a first timer and didn't realize what you were getting into. The monkey man amazed them, but you get all the love.

"They're talking about what you'll do on your next video, and Bozo told Galina when they realize you're a one-hit wonder, the views will go through the roof.

"That Bozo is a genius. He told me the monkey man used to be a champion gymnast, but his huge thing got in the way of him getting to the Olympic level.

"When Bozo saw the video the man made with his wife, he was amazed. Some of the things they did looked impossible, and at first he thought they used computer graphics. His wife isn't interested in working, but the monkey man said he could train some of Bozo's more athletic contract players. The big girl who worked with you wants to be first.

"I lied to Bozo and told him you were big on domination and humiliation. He remembered the monkey man and thought that even though the man was straight, it would make your degradation more exciting if a little man was doing it. He was right, because everyone in the room had never seen anything like it.

"When Bozo edited the video, he knew he had something special, so he put together a highlight clip and offered a degraded version to all the porn rip-off sites. They were eager to get it without worrying about getting sued, and they all posted it right away. At the end, there's a crawler that says the full high-definition video can be seen on one of Bozo's websites.

"The site went down five times yesterday because so many people went there, and he sold over $40,000 worth of memberships in the first 24 hours. He says the monkey man is going to be a big star, because he has a great imagination. He thought of those monkey sounds on the spur of the moment while he was working with you.

"Bozo told Galina to tell me that if he could get me to come back and work with the monkey man, we'd all make millions and could retire in six months. Galina said Bozo was kidding, but I'm not so sure.

"She thanked me for telling Bozo that he better make his move soon if he wanted to keep her. She used to be an actress, but she couldn't handle it, so she got into makeup and costumes. She adores Bozo, and I think he loves her, too, even though he's like I was and says he doesn't believe in love.

"She said that he came to her the day after I talked to him and told her he didn't want to lose her, and if she would give him a little more time in America, they could go home and have enough money for the rest of their lives and for him to try his hand at other kinds of directing.

"She doesn't know if he was serious, but she said that when he told her about the monkey man phenomenon, he said he was sure he would be ready to take her home in a few months.

"She also said to tell you thanks for telling her about that church. She walks over there whenever she has a break, and she's already made friends, including a nice girl her age who wants to introduce her to some nice men.

"I told her she shouldn't ask any of her dates if they are rich. She said she already knew that, and she was waiting for a while to see if Bozo was serious about what he said. He told her he would go to the church with her one day. I think that's it. Are you enjoying my industry gossip? I don't think there will be more of it unless you want to join that church."

"I know you're kidding, but my parents go to church," he said. "And they've taken the kids. It's not for you because you'd hate it when the preacher talks about the sin of materialism."

"Don't be so sure. Maybe I'd even like it. After all, you keep telling me your whore has a heart of gold."

She went over to him, sat on his lap and began kissing him all over his face.

A week and a half later, after dinner, he told the children to stay where they were while he got something. It was a surprise present for Mommy. They sat in excitement while she opened it, and they were confused when she burst into tears. After all it was such a beautiful necklace, with a big shiny pendant.

Occasionally one of her friends asks her if that huge thing she always wears is solid. She knows they are trying to tell her it's too ostentatious and they don't understand how she can wear it when she is so fashion conscious.

"Yes," she says with a smile, "it's a solid eighteen-karat heart of gold, and it weighs a ton. But when Don found out I liked Neil Young's song as much as he did, he got it for me, and I wear it to make him happy."

For background on the stories of edrider73, see "Author Interview: edrider73" by Literoticauthor. Tag: "author interview."