Heaven On Earth Ch. 03

“Why did they hit you?” I asked.

“The usual, I suppose. I was pretty scrawny and they called me things like ‘nerd boy,’ and ‘fag’ and ‘queer’ before they started pounding away on me. My parents insisted that I transfer schools, so they moved me out of the public school near our house and sent me to a private school on the other side of town.”

“That’s terrible,” I said. I felt even worse because I was one of the guys in high school who did things like that. I never hit anyone, but in hindsight, the verbal abuse I dished out couldn’t have been any less painful.

Brian re-adjusted himself and crossed his legs. He made sure to look right into my eyes as he spoke. I shivered with the intensity of his stare. “Evan, if we’re going to be completely honest with each other, I should tell you that they had their reasons for hitting me.”

“What do you mean?”

“They called me those names because I’m gay.”

WHAT!? “Y-You are?” I stood up and looked at him.

He slowly nodded. “I don’t really know how you feel about gay people, but I think we’re starting to build a friendship here, and you should know the truth. I didn’t want you to think that—”

I cut him off when I bent down and hugged him. He seemed heisitant and unsure at first, but then he hooked his arms under mine and hugged me back. When I pulled away, he was smiling at me.

“I guess I should be honest with you, then, because I’m gay too.”

“Really?”

“Yea, it’s not really something that I’m comfortable with yet, but I think I’ve known for a long time, I’ve just denied it.”

“So is that why you and Jane broke up?” he asked.

I nodded. “More or less. I guess that’s another long story.”

He checked his watch and said, “Yea. It’s almost one, you should probably get some rest.”

“Well, I don’t have to go to work tomorrow, remember?”

“Oh, right. If you want to stay longer, I’d love to have you.”

My smile covered my entire face. “Sounds great to me. Maybe we should give the emotional heartache a rest though.”

Brian gave a distant laugh. A thousand different things were going through my head. I couldn’t believe it, my head was spinning. Brian was gay, too. I sat back down on the sofa, closer to him than before.

“So how long have you known that you were gay?”

“Since I started puberty, I guess. All the other guys had posters of Cindy Crawford and Christie Brinkley. I had David Hasselhoff and John Travolta on my walls. By the time people started dating in high school and having sex, I was trying out things with other guys. Fortunately my parents were okay with it, so I never had to hide or anything. I brought home my first “boyfriend,” Joe Abrams, the first guy I ever fooled around with, it was a disaster. My parents asked if we were dating, and we both gave different answers. He only wanted to mess around with me, but I thought we were truly starting something.” Brian laughed to himself and with a melancholy tone he added, “I never really get what I want anyway.”

“Tell me about it. I know exactly how you feel.” Why didn’t I keep my big mouth shut?

“Really?” He sat up and cupped his chin in his hands, eyes twinkling with excitement.

Shit. I walked right into that one. “You have no idea.”

“So who was the first guy you wanted?”

“No one really.”

He laughed at me. “Evan, you’re a terrible liar. Come on, I’m not going to tell anyone. It can’t be that bad.”

“No, it’s not bad, it’s just that…”

“What?”

“The first guy I liked is still the guy I have a crush on.”

“That’s great! There’s still hope for you. Who is it? One of the volunteers at the community center?”

“No, Brian, it’s—”

“Oh, was it one of the guys we passed by tonight? What’s his name? Steve? I think you could do better, but—”

“It’s you,” I blurted out.

He went quiet. I blushed deeply and lowered my head. I wanted to get up and leave, but it felt like my legs, and my heart, had turned to lead. Before I registered anything else that was happening, Brian spoke again.

“Are you serious?”

I barely nodded, but it was enough to give him the answer he needed. His hand moved under my chin and he brought my head so that it was level with his. I raised my eyes to look into those vast oceans of his. I was about to open my mouth to say something when he pressed his lips against mine. His tongue moved out, but at first I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to do. He kept probing and I finally parted my lips and let him inside. God, that was incredible. Brian pushed me over and lay on top of me as he continued exploring my mouth. My tongue moved out to taste him, causing him to groan in response. I could feel my erection pushing up against my jeans, and as he lowered his hips into mine, grinding our erections together, lights exploded inside my head. One of us was making soft moaning noises, and it took me a minute to realize that it was me. It was fantastic. It was all that I wanted.

But I had to pull away.

“What’s wrong?” Brian panted, making no attempt to hide the confusion on his face.

“I-I can’t do this, Brian,” I said gently pushing him off of me.

“What? I thought you said this was what you wanted?”

“It, it is, but I’m not ready for this. I’m sorry.” I started for the door.

“I don’t understand.” He looked so hurt that anyone would have sworn that I cut him.

“Neither do I right now. I-I’ll talk to you later ok?”

I left the apartment before I gave him a chance to respond. I didn’t move anywhere; I stayed on the other side of the door. What was going through my head? I wanted him, I really did. I couldn’t stay though, I had to run away. I heard him lock the door on the other side, and I walked towards the elevator.