Helen's A Bitch

"Dear God Helen is such a goddamn bitch!" Kate shouted at nobody in particular. She certainly wasn't yelling at me, at least I hoped she wasn't because I'd been doing my best to combine in equal parts those two oldest traditions of not sleeping on the couch. Agree with anything your significant other says when she's in a mood, common sense and rationality can and will (hopefully ) come with time but when she's storming back and forth like a caged tiger the best course of action is completely and utter agreement with anything she says. The second law is never talk trash about her friends, you don't do that even when she's in a good mood but under these circumstances I'd rather put my dick in a vice than talk shit about her friends.

Of course as fate would have it I was stuck in a position where the two laws were in direct conflict with each other and I wasn't sure what to do. I did agree with her that Helen was a bad person, though it was incredibly rare that I would use so kind a word to describe her. I would usually have called her a goddamn scum sucking bottom feeding whore. I would of course never say that where Kate could hear so I was stuck trying to adhere to the third law. If you don't have anything smart to do shut the fuck up and hope everything passes you by.

"Are you even listening to me?" Kate was definitely yelling at me. Fuck.

"Yes dear I'm listening. I'm just. . .I don't know what to say about the situation it's seriously fucked up." My mouth was, as usual, working a little faster than my brain in high pressure situations.

"I know right?"

We'd just found out that Kate was cheating on her husband of six years and my best friend of mine. He'd met Helen through me, well through Kate specifically but that detail hardly mattered. We'd always been close and it hurt to know his woman was creeping around behind his back. We'd had the talk years ago about what we'd do if we found out anything about each other's wives too, we agreed not to tell. If you didn't know it was because you didn't want to know but dear God we'd been seventeen at the time and neither one of us had been good about keeping our dicks in our pants at the time.

"What do you think we should do?" Turning it back on her wasn't one of the laws, but it was a damn good stall tactic.

"I don't know. I mean they seem so happy other than this and I don't want to be the one who ruins this for them. It wouldn't make me so mad except he would never do anything that fucked up to her."

I had to roll my eyes a little at that. I'm lucky she was standing in front of the vanity scrubbing off her make up in the middle of her tirade. Otherwise she was liable to take my head clean off my shoulders for rolling my eyes. "Of course he would. He's my boy and I love him but I'm sure he's done something fucked up." I didn't need to see her expression. I felt it. "I'm not trying to defend her, just saying that Eric isn't exactly some kind of paragon of good behavior."

"I know that." Kate said calming just a bit. "He's a fucking perv. Did I ever tell you about the time he lotioned me up?"

"Yes you told me." Considering how often she told the story it was obviously one of her favorite stories despite how disgusted she tried to pretend it made her. If the story I'd heard from her, and got out of him when I questioned him were true she'd been out in the yard listening to her iPad and sunbathing when she thought I had gone out to check on her. So she asked 'me' to lotion her back and Eric hadn't bothered to correct her. According to her. According to him he tried to tell her that he was Eric and she'd told him to hurry up. She apparently didn't notice the difference between us until he was about to grease her tits.

I figured the truth of the situation was Eric didn't try to hard to tell her that he wasn't me. I'd have to be blind not to notice the way he looks at her, it's the same way that everybody looks at her. She's fucking knock out. Five eleven blond, perky tits, apple bottom and an insatiable tease. IT wouldn't shock me at all the find out that she'd known it wasn't me and decided to see just how far he'd go before he stopped. It was only slightly more audacious than the idea that she'd leave the door open when she was changing in out of her bathing suit and she only bothered to close the door when it was just the two of us.

Don't get me wrong, I was pissed at the time, at both of them. I just didn't dwell on it.

"So why don't we all calm down?" I suggested.

It wasn't a suggestion she was interested in hearing at the moment. "Maybe that's what I should do. Just fuck Eric's brains out, that way everybody's even."

That certainly came a bit out of no where. "Yeah, that's certainly one way to get back at Helen." I mumbled. Kate stalked across the room towards me until her tits were pressed to my belly. I've been with her for years, I can usually tell when she's joking. She wasn't joking about this.

"Oh don't make that face, I know all about how you and Eric used to roll in high school and college." She put her hand on my chest and shoved me down onto the bed straddling my thighs. "Or that I've never heard the things you two talk about when you think I'm not around."

"That was a long time ago. We haven't done anything like that in years." Unless you counted those strippers we got him for his Bachelor Party but what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. And on a flash drive that stays in a pair of socks rolled up in the back of my sock drawer never to be seen by anybody. "And not with anybody either of us really cared about." Unless you counted Karen but that was a special case.

Kate gripped my shirt by the collar. "Oh, so you're telling me that I'm too precious to be shared with your best friend?"

Well that couldn't be a more obvious trap a Mon Calamari had been shouting, "It's a traaaaaaaaaaap!" At the top of his lungs. If I said she was too precious to share, which was the closest thing to a truth in this situation she'd accuse me of not loving Eric and I did. Like a brother, there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him. There were certainly things however that I knew would never come up though like him and my girlfriend though. On the other hand if I said that I was okay with sharing her she'd accuse me of thinking she's just a piece of meat. Given those two choices I was forced to find a third option yet again.

I laughed. "Don't be silly."

Kate bit down on her bottom lip and locked her eyes on mine. "Don't lie, I know you guys talk about us." She tore my shirt open sending buttons flying across the room a few bouncing off her bra clad chest and landing on my belly. My expression must have given me away. It was just guy talk but we had discussed each others wives on more than one occasion. A couple of drinks and we'd talking about what a lucky pair of bastards we are to have scored such perfect women. A few more drinks and we'd start comparing them and a few after that it would turn to him talking about what nice tits she had and how she loved to wear tops that barely contained her and how Helen pranced around in skirts that barely covered her (admittedly better than Kate's) ass all the time. It was just talk over drinks though.

"It's just guy talk."

"Is that all it is? I mean I guess if you think what Helen is doing to Eric is okay we can leave it at that." Kate raked her nails down my chest to my belly and started unfastening my belt.

I couldn't believe she was driving at this. Maybe if she hadn't been so distracting as she unfastened my belt I might have put some things together a little faster but how many men think clearly under these conditions? I have two heads and only enough blood to operate one of them at any given time. The fight was completely lost when she tugged my trousers out of the way freeing my cock from its confines.

"Oh would you look at that?" Kate teased wrapping her fingers around my shaft. "Little Sean doesn't seem to find the idea of me and Eric discouraging. Do you Little Sean?" She bent over and kissed the tip of my cock. "You're probably right though." Kate was stroking my cock now while she spoke. "We shouldn't do anything, just let Eric find out on his own. Even though you're his best friend and know he's with a dirty whore who doesn't care about his feelings."

Mixed goddamn signals. "Here I am, your beautiful sexy wife volunteering to make one your friend's dreams come true so that he'll feel better about his life and you're just going to let things go?" She new she had me by that point. Kate slithered off my lap so she was kneeling between my thighs brushing her lips against my nuts as she spoke. "I know it excites you. I can feel your big fat cock throbbing in my hand. At this rate you'll bust before I even get it inside me."

Kate stuck her tongue out and ran her tongue over the underside of my sack all the way up to the tip. "It turns you on doesn't it?" She kissed it again ending chills up my spine. "Maybe that's exactly what I'll do, go find Eric, tell him that I can't resist him any longer. His smooth chocolately brown skin, his firm muscles." She flickered her tongue against the underside of my cock. "You two used to be in gym together, are the rumors about black men true? Is he really hung like a moose?" She squeezed my cock hard.

That was a thought I didn't really want floating around my head when my wife was sucking my cock. Though I did have a lot of interracial porn and the idea of my blonde wife bobbing her head up and down on a black cock was definitely a stimulating idea. "Maybe." Not really.

"Mmmmm. Sounds delicious." Kate wrapped her lips around my cock and started bobbing up and down on my cock. The idea of her and Eric really had her going, she's never been a noisy cock sucker or even particularly enthusiastic. She did it, when she did it, because she knew I liked it. This was the firs time I'd ever been able to hear her slurping on my cock or watched her saliva streaming down my cock and coating my balls. Her lips were stretched obscenely over my cock and best of all she kept her eyes open and staring up at me. Even when she started bouncing my cock off her tonsils and teas started forming she never broke our gaze for even a second.

I was almost like my hands had a mind of their own moving down and tangling themselves in her long blonde hair. "Just like that baby, suck it!"

I thought a moment I had fucked up when Kate pried herself up off my cock and glared at me. "Do it." She hissed as she gasped down several breaths and then plunged my cock back into her throat gagging herself lightly. "Make me your whore." She went back down her eyes screwing shut as she pushed her limits. "Do it." She snarled.

I still had her by the hair and it's not every day or even every lifetime that a woman commands you to use her. Using her hair and like handle I forced my cock all the way down her throat. She coughed and sputtered and sputtered but the hunger in her eyes didn't dim at all. She kept egging me on. I stood up and she dug her fingers into my ass pulling me farther into her throat. Her nose was smooshed flat against my belly. By this point she was an absolute mess spittle oozed out of the corners of her mouth each time I thrust back into her, it was streaming down her throat and over her breasts and she was still glaring up at me.

I know it makes me a horrible person but it so fucking hot seeing my girlfriend with tears streaming out of her eyes, drool being forced out of her mouth by my cock and feeling her clawing at me. She wasn't trying to push me away, she was pulling me towards her.

Thank god my back was to the bed because when I came my legs went to jelly beneath me and I collapsed back onto the bed releasing her hair. "When did you become such a good fucking cock sucker?"

Kate grinned up at me licking her lips. "I've always been your whore. You just never ask. Now let me be his whore."

If you've ever tried to say no to a woman who just finished swallowing your cock you'd know that it's hard not to agree with anything she's saying. I would probably have agreed if she'd told me I was an aardvark.

"Of course."