Helpless

I lay still through all this abuse and berated myself for how much delight I was getting from his callus violation of my privacy.

When he at last left I curled in on myself and sobbed.

Even as I wept, the wracking violent blubbering of a child, I found my hand rubbing my clit and bringing me to the edge of an orgasm once more.

When I could deny my pleasure no more I flopped over on my back and frigged myself over the edge of yet another orgasm, my anger and humiliation mingled with my lechery. As I began to climax yet again I lifted a hand to my face and scooped the cooling slop deposited there into my mouth and shuddered and quaked as I came once more while tasting the leavings of a man I despised for using me and showing me the depths of my impurity.

When I came down from my climax I felt awful. Guilt and shame made me sick. I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I looked at myself in the mirror, nude, my face a stained mess, my make-up smeared and my skin blotchy. My breast was bruised where Jacob had ground his fingers into my flesh, and my hair was tangled and sticky with cum.

I stared at myself, taking in my despicable state, and wondered who this woman in the mirror was.

For two days I resolved not to think about what I had done, and to stop wanting to put myself in these horrible situations. I think I would have gotten past this whole episode if it weren't for the fact that I loved the way my gums looked now. I loved my smile and wanted to get the top gums done as well.

I still had an appointment with Dr. Shultz to get them finished and the temptation was just too strong. My husband Carl had more sex in those few days than we had had in years. I fucked him every which way, trying to erase the memory of those other men using my body.

I pounced on Carl in the middle of the night the first time and told him to be as rough as he wanted. I was an animal and he bruised me enough that the bruises from Jacob wouldn't give me away.

Yet no matter how much sex Carl and I had it wasn't the right kind of sex. My shame kept me from revealing that I wanted him to make me helpless. I couldn't articulate it. My self-loathing was too great, and I had no anger at Carl. I loved him. It didn't kick start my strange cycle of lust with the anger that fueled it.

As the days grew closer to my appointment with Dr. Shultz I grew even more horny, but now I wanted passivity. I wanted to be taken and used. I struggled with my desires and the implication of them. I choked on the words that would tell Carl how to satisfy me. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him what I wanted.

I began to shrug off sex and by the day of my appointment I was squirming to be used by Shultz.

I paid no attention to the police cars parked near the entrance to his building, but when I got off the elevator to his floor I saw a crowd of people around his office and my stomach flip flopped with nerves.

I saw police officers and official looking people everywhere. Like an automaton I walked through the crowd of onlookers to the door and looked inside. The secretary was sitting white faced in the waiting room being interviewed by a woman in a sports coat and slacks. This woman had a badge on her breast pocket.

A uniformed police officer came through the crowd and asked me to step back.

"What happened here?" I asked.

"There have been some complaints about the dentist here." The cop looked closely at me, and something in my face gave away that I was more than idly curious. "Were you a patient here?"

"I just arrived for my appointment."

The cop looked me over. I had dressed in a silken blouse with only three buttons that left a fair amount of skin showing, a stretchy black skirt that would slide right off over my hips and no underwear. Luckily I had a nice jacket on that didn't make me look like an hooker.

"Would you please wait here, miss?"

The cop went into the waiting room and spoke to the woman detective. She looked up at me and stared a moment. I felt like a bug under a microscope. She spoke to the cop and returned to talking to the secretary. The cop came back to me.

"Would you mind speaking to the detective in charge miss?"

"What is this all about?" I knew, but I was stalling, trying to get my brain working.

"I'll let the detective tell you. Come in and have a seat." It wasn't a request.

I went in and sat and watched numerous people going back and forth carrying instruments and boxes back and forth.

Eventually the detective, Sergeant Lopez, told me what was going on.

It would appear that I was not the only woman who had been able to remember what had happened to her. Others had reported Shultz, and the police had been doing a thorough investigation. He had been molesting his female patients, had been arrested and they were confiscating evidence from his computer and files.

"Did he ever offer you an experimental drug for an anesthetic?"

"Yes. Yes he did."

"Did anything inappropriate occur while you were sedated, anything you remember?"

"No. I don't think so." I lied. I lied with every fibre of my being. I would pursue the law now, but I wasn't going to admit to knowing what he had done to me.

"Your name is on a list of women he wrote down. It seems to indicate that in fact you may have been molested. I'm so sorry to tell you this."

She seemed so sincere, so concerned that my tension broke and I guiltily began to cry. She reached for some tissues and offered them to me.

"I understand how much of a shock and violation this must be. We can't be certain yet, but there is a lot of evidence piling up against Dr. Shultz. We may be able to find out for sure what did or didn't happen to you."

I nodded remembering the click of his camera. People were going to see those photographs. The photos were going to be used as evidence. And god help me it made me tingle in my pussy to think about anyone looking at those shots of me nude and being used by Shultz. Even now crying in this room my pussy was getting wet thinking about it.

Detective Lopez spoke to me for a little while more. She told me about a lawyer that some of the other women were using to sue him, and she spoke of counseling and asked me information about what I could remember. I spoke and answered but I don't really remember what I said.

I went home and called Carl.

He rushed home and I wept even more in his arms. I wept from shame and self-loathing, he held me to comfort me in the face of this perceived abuse.

Later that night Detective Lopez stopped by to tell me they had found photographs of me. She showed me a contact sheet of the thumbnails. I grew desperately horny looking at these tiny images of myself with Shultz's cock in my mouth, in my pussy, his hands all over my body and his cum spilled over me. When I saw the shot of my pussy glistening and drizzled in his sperm I began to climax, shuddering and sweating.

Carl held me and I came harder as he crushed me to him. It was all so sordid and shameful and if made me tremble with lust.

The rest of Lopez's visit was a blur and when she left I went and had a long hot shower, trying to wash away my guilt.

In the end five women testified against Dr. Shultz, myself included. I was a bitch after all, and no-one treated me like this.

Except men had, and I loved it.

After the trial I finally worked up the nerve to introduce some new ideas into my bedroom.

I told Carl I wanted to be tied up. I said I had been thinking of it for a while and that I was really excited by it. If he associated it at all with Dr. Shultz he didn't say so.

It turned out that Carl was pretty good at being dominant. He took control easily and he used me aggressively, knowing I liked that.

Bit by bit we experimented more with power play and I found that struggling, and resisting was almost as fun as being passive. Both made me feel helpless, and once Carl got good at shaming me I felt more anger and could get off harder.

We weren't all the way there, but it was a great start.

And sometimes when I was alone and surfing for porn I would look for pictures of myself online, wondering, even hoping that Jacob would upload them, or that some sleazy cop would put up Dr. Shultz's pictures. I still haven't found them, but I have come up with some interesting ideas for future games with Carl.

Sometimes I can be such a dirty bitch.